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Dealing with the lost years and moving forward


nicolantana

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I'm grieving for the years that I lost on my antidepressants, before I started getting cbt and talk therapy several months ago. I've lost time (8 years or so) with my son and my husband that I'll never get back. I was in a fog, fairly emotionally absent, and not really "me" for so many years. I'm tapering off my antidepressant and combined with therapy, I'm learning to "feel live" again. It's beautiful. It's taken me a long time to get here, and there are no promises of a smooth recovery, but I'm very glad that I'm doing it.

 

Sometimes we forget how brave and amazing we are to be fighting for our mental wellness; we're stronger than we know, and worthy of becoming our best selves. 

Antidepressants: On ADs for approx. 8 years. 30 mg/day of Escitalopram w/ Wellbutrin (unsure of dosage), for several years. 5 years ago I tapered off Wellbutrin. 3 years ago I tapered to 20 mg/day of Escitalopram. I started to taper the Escitalopram again -- cut my dose to 10 mg/day on Oct. 21st, 2019 . Cut to 5 mg/day on Nov. 9th, 2019. Cut to 2.5 mg/day on Nov. 25th, 2019. Cut to 0 mg/day on Dec. 12th, 2019 -- AD Free! 🙂

 

Daily Supplements: One-A-Day Woman's Multivitamin, Caltrate Plus chewable, Cranberry pill w/ added vitamin C & E, Omega 3 and an Iron supplement. 

 

"This too shall pass."   

 

🎵 Fight Song by Rachel Platten🎵

 

All postings © copyrighted

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23 hours ago, EmergingFromTheVoid said:

 

Sometimes we forget how brave and amazing we are to be fighting for our mental wellness; we're stronger than we know, and worthy of becoming our best selves. 

Amen to that. We are unsung heroes, I believe. The battle with one's own mind is a really tough one.

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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On 9/9/2019 at 11:06 AM, Rhiannon said:

At various points throughout my tapering years, it's like I've reached a new level of "me"--remembering "oh yeah I remember feeling this way". But almost all of those memories are from before I started the Prozac in 1992. The years after that-- I of course remember specific incidents, where I lived, etc. and I remember what I thought about and a lot of what I did, but it's like I don't remember "me." It's strange. And unspeakably sad. And I am very, very angry about it.

 

This. One of the worst aspects of this torture is that once you realized what's happened, you can't just stop the drugs. It takes a long time, and during that time, you are painfully aware of what you've lost and what you continue to lose. At least this is what it's like for me. I feel like I've been robbed of my own life. Even as I'm trying to deal with the lost years and moving forward, I'm still losing years! But victimhood is its own thievery, so I have to try to find things I'm grateful for in the now. I have to try to build a life within my limitations during withdrawal. It is very difficult.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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@ShiningLight absolutely right. I'm practicing gratitude so hard right now. Life has had to be rearranged and it feels strange.

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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@EmergingFromTheVoid @sunnysideup69 @ShiningLight

 

Even thought it is nice to have adapt this to positive thinking - what I am most mad about is the loss of the past more than one year to getting off cymbalta.  While I would like to positive about going forward and relief in the ups and downs in depair and anxiety and physical symptoms soon - from the experience of other warriors I'm not sure that will happen.

 

 

19 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I'm still losing years! But victimhood is its own thievery, so I have to try to find things I'm grateful for in the now. I have to try to build a life within my limitations during withdrawal. It is very difficult.

 

 

what do you mean by 'still' losing years? Cumulative experiences -?

 

I feel  that I am losing time - cumulatively - mornings where I can't walk - things I love and have planned for months but can't enjoy -  strugglig to be without friends without a converesation triggerign tears. Looking for work (keep starting and stopping this @ShiningLight .  Imagine parents and people working through this ordel.

 

How does one build a life in WD? How does one muscle through with these limitations?

 

Thinking about goal setting (when I was in a window) as @ShiningLight once said to me is really hard in a wave.  I had not realized this before.

 

We are warriors and should be proud of ourselves.

 

And today I can't spell or type properly....

 

 

 

 

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I don't know how one builds a life in wd @Guilietta. I try to remain grateful that I can work. I have difficulty doing much else.

 

I try to have much more conservative social goals. I have an ongoing date to walk dogs with a friend twice a month. I want to get to my spiritual society every week and a support group but ongoing lack of success there.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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14 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

I try to remain grateful that I can work

 

Work is huge to be grateful for.   :)It is a distraction and as a family member tells me who knows my situation, 'sanity' and I add independence (i.e., $) and some social interaction.

 

Practicing gratitude is really hard - so many days for me it's a repeat of the basics - a roof over my head, heating and food. While a good friend tells me these are big - and they are - seeing the contraction is discouraging. @Gridley reminds me of same.

 

15 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

I have an ongoing date to walk dogs with a friend twice a month. I want to get to my spiritual society every week and a support group but ongoing lack of success there.

 

I hope you are able to keep these (or most of) your planned dates. How do you handle this when you can't make it? Do your friends understand how much WD affects your functionality?

 

I have (often) had to back out at the last minute (which I hate to do), decline invitations or not commit because I'm afraid (hate to use this word) I will not be able to make it.

 

That all being said - a friend who had metasisized canced - often declined or cancelled - I kenw why. She would call to talk or invite to coffee when she felt up to it. I understood. Getting others to understand our situation - that it is limiting - may be hard.

 

Idea: When you say you are experiencing side of effects of medications, etc. some days are hard so you may have to play social events by hear, maybe people understand and accept.

 

About your spiritual group - I'm sorry it's not been working out. I started going to church this summer which was prompted by WD and being isolated.   I never went to church in my life before - and now I look forward to services, the social community - nice people - and being reminded and grateful for what I have - for giving thanks. One doesn't have to buy the entire platform hook, line and sinker. ;)  There are a lot of things that I don't like about it. To be honest, we cans say that about anything.   I hope your spiritual group or similar situation works out.

 

How has your dystonia been? I would like it if my memory was a bit better. :)

 

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  • 2 months later...
On 4/29/2017 at 8:58 AM, tntd said:

The first time I had two small children and the medications turned me into a zombie. I don't remember much from that time, I call them my lost five years.

I’m really struggling with the lost years mine cover the whole of my children’s life 20 years I was on drugs before they were born and told to stay on them during pregnancy (I feel sick even typing this.) look back I was not really There for them. Gradually my partner did more and more in the house, cooking,  shopping, buying the children clothes, school booksetc. The lost time in the last year during WD seems nothing in comparison. How will I manage to accept this. I am not religious so can’t even rest back and believe,  it’s ok, because it’s Gods will. 

I’d love some advice and support on this matter. 

Thank you K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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4 hours ago, Katy398 said:

I am not religious so can’t even rest back and believe,  it’s ok, because it’s Gods will. 

 

Hi Katy,

I'm not religious either, but have very strong faith.

Sadly, I believe organized 'christianity' is, in large part,

the lukewarm church that Jesus warned he would spew out of His mouth. 

But, like the old adage says, "don't the throw the baby out with the bathwater".  

 

You're statement above reminds me of the Biblical question asking,

"How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed?"  

 

What if ...

this struggle to accept your past is your prompting to seek the One so many (myself included)

have called upon with such life changing success ... Who, in turn, gave us faith to believe on Him?  

 

Saying prayers for you that you come to accept and, if you want, to believe.  💜

1987 Prozac ?mg

1991 Sertraline ?mg

2002 Escitalopram 10 mg

2018 2.5 mg - stopped by Dr./Reinstated, up-dosed to 7.5 mg

04/19 Began BM slide @7.5 mg

 

CURRENT  0.32 mg 🌼

 

"If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

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  • 1 month later...
  • Mentor

@Katy398 and all of you in here.

I too totally understand, the sadness, frustration, anger, been myself dealing with so many motions in my tapering. I too feel like I have lost many years do to being like a zombie going through life on Paxil. Angry that no one believed  me when I went through horrific withdrawals. Angry that my doctors and physiatrist didn’t believe me. Felt alone fighting for my sanity.

Then I decided to make a shift. I decided I would do what ever it took to heal myself. No regards what ANYONE thought. I told everybody that I was on my way to quitting my meds, friends, family, everyone at work. 
I changed my mind set. I see myself everyday in the future, FREE of these anti depressants

I say to myself, I Will make it, nothing will get in my way. 
We are strong, we can not look back, with regret. We are here NOW, nothing else matters. 
It really shows how everyone in here is strong, and that’s our weapon to get through this.

Lets use that💪
 

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg 1.8 mg 1,6mg 1,4 mg 1,2 mg, 1,0mg 0,9mg 0.8mg 0.7 mg 0.6mg 0.5 mg ( holding) everything is going smoothly!


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor
On 2/5/2020 at 11:43 AM, Katy398 said:

I’m really struggling with the lost years mine cover the whole of my children’s life 20 years I was on drugs before they were born and told to stay on them during pregnancy (I feel sick even typing this.) look back I was not really There for them. Gradually my partner did more and more in the house, cooking,  shopping, buying the children clothes, school booksetc. The lost time in the last year during WD seems nothing in comparison. How will I manage to accept this. I am not religious so can’t even rest back and believe,  it’s ok, because it’s Gods will. 

I’d love some advice and support on this matter. 

Thank you K

Katy, I am religious (Episcopalian/Anglican) but I don't think you have to be to deal with the feeling of lost time.  When I was in WD and recovery, I, too, was focused on myself most of the time.  I was either dealing with a symptom or some emotional crisis.  I did try to be a good dad to my son, who was in his early teens at the time, and I think I managed to do that.   Looking back, I learned two things: 1) I wasn't as bad as I thought.  I was able to do some things I enjoyed, even in the worst of WD. and was able to be there for my wife and son far more often than I wasn't.  2) What really counts is today and tomorrow, and the day after that, etc.  I'm not trying to "make up" for lost time, but I am trying to be the best father, husband, and friend I can be with my heard-earned recovery.  I've seen so many positive changes in my relationships, I think the people around me are focused on that rather than the person I was in WD.   As I dealt with this feeling, I also tried to heed my therapist's advice:  I wasn't the center of the universe.  Just because I wasn't the best person I could have been, that didn't necessarily ruin anyone else's life.  Humans are agonizingly resilient, and quickly forget about things a person in withdrawal think are horrid.  The fact you're here and helping people is way you're paying it forward, and that's what counts.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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1 hour ago, mstimc said:

I'm not trying to "make up" for lost time, but I am trying to be the best father, husband, and friend I can be with my heard-earned recovery. 

Absolutely and Thank you mstimc. 

It’s interesting that I posted this on Feb 6. So much has happened in the world since then. So much has happened in a week. If nothing else the current climate brings us back to the here and now. Every time we wash our hands or smile at a passerby. 

I totally agree with mstimc, we can change the here and now and put our energy into being the best person we can be now for our family, friends and wider community.

matimc, you are such a gentle, wise owl, thank you for all you are doing on here. Your gentle patience is touching so many. 

Thank you K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Just now, Katy398 said:

Absolutely and Thank you mstimc. 

It’s interesting that I posted this on Feb 6. So much has happened in the world since then. So much has happened in a week. If nothing else the current climate brings us back to the here and now. Every time we wash our hands or smile at a passerby. 

I totally agree with mstimc, we can change the here and now and put our energy into being the best person we can be now for our family, friends and wider community.

matimc, you are such a gentle, wise owl, thank you for all you are doing on here. Your gentle patience is touching so many. 

Thank you K

 

Thank you Katy!  If there is anything good that came from my WD, its that it made me more empathetic to others' suffering.  Although I think I need some work on the patience part!

 

We all have a contribution to make, including you!  We're all in this together!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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I

6 minutes ago, mstimc said:

If there is anything good that came from my WD, its that it made me more empathetic to others' suffering. 

I am pleased to say this is the case for me too. For all who are in the thick of it, I know it’s virtually impossible to believe that good comes from WD, because our biased brain but it is true,  really true,  good things do happen from WD. 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • 3 months later...

i feel at my age those years are gone for ever. Part of my recovery was to find answers. Why was I threatened with section if I did not agree to hospital. My notes have been lost although I have friends who got theirs. Without that question being answered I can't move on. I have spent my life just coping relying on prescription drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. . All those props have gone and I feel very lost and alone.It was all many years a go but I have started getting flashbacks to what happened in hospital. i have two wonderful adult sons who know very little of my mental health problems and I do not want to talk to them about it. I now do not trust the "professionals" and worry that if I talk to them now they will suggest a new medication. I am on my own with it and my lost years are lost.

t

ADs for over 50 yrs most of that time on Parstelin an MAOI. Also ECT and anti psychotic drugs in the 1970s. In recent years have taken Citalopram for a short time then Venlafaxine + ER 75mg then 37.5. + Mirtazapine. Tapered down from that over many months. Suggested by another group to bridge to Fluoxetine as supposedly withdrawal affects less than with Venlafaxine.

26/06/23. Off Venlafaxine but still on 20mg Fluoxetine. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor
On 7/13/2020 at 1:42 PM, tiredtess said:

i feel at my age those years are gone for ever. Part of my recovery was to find answers. Why was I threatened with section if I did not agree to hospital. My notes have been lost although I have friends who got theirs. Without that question being answered I can't move on. I have spent my life just coping relying on prescription drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. . All those props have gone and I feel very lost and alone.It was all many years a go but I have started getting flashbacks to what happened in hospital. i have two wonderful adult sons who know very little of my mental health problems and I do not want to talk to them about it. I now do not trust the "professionals" and worry that if I talk to them now they will suggest a new medication. I am on my own with it and my lost years are lost.

t

Have you thought about going outside the system and looking for alternative and/or spiritual counselors? You're posting this in Finding Meaning, which tells me that you're looking for...well...meaning! I'm not sure we find that in the traditional system, but there are so many light-filled people out there who can help. Just because you don't fit into the system, which is about as creative as an empty cardboard box, doesn't mean that you are alone. There so many helpers out there. Happy to make some recommendations if you'd like.

 

Effexor XR 37.5mg and Wellbutrin XL 150mg from age 15-30 (2001-2016). Hell withdrawal. Drug free (and happy) since 2016.

 

I am the founder Happiness Is A Skill, a weekly newsletter dedicated to helping people heal from depression by learning the skill of happiness. Join hundreds of others and subscribe here: http://learnhappy.brookesiem.com/

 

I wrote this for the The Washington Post: I spent half my life on antidepressants. Today, I'm off the medication and I feel all right.

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Hello, I used to walk a lot and feel nature inside me which inspired me to write poetry. That has gone. I used to go to 8am church service which gave me spiritual support, that has gone. I feel pretty useless and not needed. I had a new mental health assessment today

t

ADs for over 50 yrs most of that time on Parstelin an MAOI. Also ECT and anti psychotic drugs in the 1970s. In recent years have taken Citalopram for a short time then Venlafaxine + ER 75mg then 37.5. + Mirtazapine. Tapered down from that over many months. Suggested by another group to bridge to Fluoxetine as supposedly withdrawal affects less than with Venlafaxine.

26/06/23. Off Venlafaxine but still on 20mg Fluoxetine. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 2/5/2020 at 11:43 AM, Katy398 said:

I’m really struggling with the lost years mine cover the whole of my children’s life 20 years I was on drugs before they were born and told to stay on them during pregnancy (I feel sick even typing this.) look back I was not really There for them. Gradually my partner did more and more in the house, cooking,  shopping, buying the children clothes, school booksetc. The lost time in the last year during WD seems nothing in comparison. How will I manage to accept this. I am not religious so can’t even rest back and believe,  it’s ok, because it’s Gods will. 

I’d love some advice and support on this matter. 

Thank you K

I don't have advice really, but I can definitely relate to what you are saying. The thing I am angriest about, about the psych drugs, is that they stole my children's childhoods from me and stole their mother from them during the years they needed her most. Their father was not great. They're doing okay now but I so regret all the things we could have done and all the ways I could have been there for them. We have a pretty good relationship now and I just enjoy them as much as I can now. 

 

 

I do a lot of work on self-forgiveness and self-love and mindfulness and being in the present and enjoying the stability of my life today as much as I can. I wish I had better answers but I really don't have an answer. Just know that you can heal and you can have a life that is satisfying.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Hi Rhiannon,

Thank you for your kind words. I’m just at work now but will reply this evening. Take care Xx

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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Thank you @Rhiannon

It seems to have been a very long journey for you. I’m pleased you feel you’ve got a good relationship with your children and that you can find some joy in your life now.  You do an amazing job supporting us all. Thank you. Warm Regards K

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • Mentor
On 3/11/2020 at 9:21 AM, Hanna72 said:

I changed my mind set. I see myself everyday in the future, FREE of these anti depressants

I say to myself, I Will make it, nothing will get in my way. 
We are strong, we can not look back, with regret. We are here NOW, nothing else matters. 
It really shows how everyone in here is strong, and that’s our weapon to get through this.

Yes.

I too had to change my mind and be strong to get through this. Accept that I lost people (and they are still gone) but being drug-free was the most important goal of all. Sometimes I look back and am sad that those people are gone but if that meant being on psych drugs today then it just wouldn't be worth it. We have to move forward.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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  • 2 months later...

I'm angry about it. I've lost 10 years of my life to WD and various meds because NOBODY told me I had WD, stress, fibromyalgia etc. Now my mind is completely fried and haven't worked in 6 months, and still the doctors want to put me on more psych drugs! There's something seriously wrong with the whole medical profession. Actually not sure if I'll fully recover from this

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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I think I have lost the majority of my life to all this c**p. After an extensive search for my old hospital records to try and find WHY! I was threatened into hospital I have been told they would have been destroyed. I was told that some records were in the local record office where you go to do family research etc. I had to pay and produce identity for a search to be done as these records are not available for some years to come. I did find out when I was admitted and discharged and that I was in there for just over 7 months. Knowing this information was in this repository gave me an old feeling of abuse. It probably wont matter years down the line if one of my descendants doing family history comes across this info but it matters to me and again as so many times in my life I was not asked.

t

Anti depressants with no review for 40yrs +.Trying to quit Venlafaxin. 2020 Off all psyche meds

ADs for over 50 yrs most of that time on Parstelin an MAOI. Also ECT and anti psychotic drugs in the 1970s. In recent years have taken Citalopram for a short time then Venlafaxine + ER 75mg then 37.5. + Mirtazapine. Tapered down from that over many months. Suggested by another group to bridge to Fluoxetine as supposedly withdrawal affects less than with Venlafaxine.

26/06/23. Off Venlafaxine but still on 20mg Fluoxetine. 

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  • Mentor

Does anyone else have the fear that something will happen and they will die before they can get off the meds (to clarify, not referencing self harm here)? That's one of my biggest fears in this process, especially with covid 19 lurking out there. I have an immune condition and I am in a high risk group.

 

If I died, it would be worse than the lost years--it would be the lost life, and never getting myself back. I want to know who I am under all of this. When I am off the gabapentin, that will be such a relief, but it won't answer that question. It's the zoloft that's been making me so numb and apathetic all of these years. I've been on it for about 22 years at this point. 😩😭

 

Functioning on the drugs is like going through life with your hands tied behind your back. I haven't advanced in my career; there's been no building upon success. My potential has been lost. I feel like I've been swimming upstream in the same place. Every so often, I get exhausted and weak and get swept downstream for awhile, and then have to make the herculean effort to get back to where I was. Rise, wash, and repeat. I've been lucky to be able to be employed most of the time, but I haven't stayed in each job for long. I wanted more for my life.

Now: 100 mg Zoloft am, 50 mg Trazodone.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 in 2018 mg to 150 mg 🐢🐢

Zoloft: 1/24/23 increased to 100 mg after suicide attempt 9/17/22 cut 6 mg, 8/14/22 cut 6.5 mg, 5/7/22 cut 12.5 mg 3/20/22 cut 12.5 mg 10/26/21 cut 6 mg 10/17/21 cut 5 mg, 9/17/21 Cut 3 mg,  9/13/21 cut 4 mg, 8/29/21 Cut 2 mg 8/8/21 Cut 3 mg  7/30/21 Zoloft: Converted 25 mg to liquid. Also take 100 mg pill & 25 mg pill=150 mg total
🌞 Feb 28, 2021 0 mg Gapapentin 2021 Gaba each dose 4x/day: Feb 27 7 mg (one dose only), Feb 10, 7 mg, Jan 14 10 mg 2020 Current taper schedule from Aug 30-present: drop 8 mg every 2-3 weeks. Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg. 2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey. On Zoloft since maybe 2004? After trying many.

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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  • 5 months later...
On 10/31/2020 at 5:28 AM, tiredtess said:

nowing this information was in this repository gave me an old feeling of abuse. It probably wont matter years down the line if one of my descendants doing family history comes across this info but it matters to me and again as so many times in my life I was not asked.

t

 

I can definitely relate to this. I had files and files outlining times I don't remember. It took me a long time to reach the right people and then I had to pay for a massive box of files. No one in my family could grasp why I wanted to dredge up the past, but it has been a huge gap. Years of medications i barely remember, partly because I was very young and heavily heavily medicated. I just wanted to say I understand where you're coming from 100%. Its a small way of reclaiming a time you had little control.

  • 08/2013 Celexa 10 mg; Seroquel 250 mg
  • 02/2014 Lithium 600 mg; Seroquel 150 mg
  • 03/2014 → immediate discontinue of prior medicine, begin gradual increase of Wellbutrin, Lexapro
  • 04/2014 Seroquel XR 300 mg; Lexapro 10 mg; Wellbutrin 450 mg
  • 02/2015 Cymbalta 60 mg; Seroquel XR 300 mg; Deplin 15-90.314 mg 
  • 05/2015 Cymbalta 60 mg; Seroquel XR 100 mg
  • 11/2015 Cymbalta 60 mg → 02/2018 Cymbalta 90 mg → 11/2018 Cymbalta 120 mg
  • 05/2019 Cymbalta Cold Turkey (as recommended by Dr.) → reinstated 60mg after severe WD symptoms and relapse
  • 12/2020 Began taper of 30 mg Cymbalta (removing 10% of beads in capsule each week)
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Thank you Caroline, what makes it worse was the rape by a male nurse but with destroyed notes its difficult to prove anything

t

Anti depressants with no review for 40yrs +.Trying to quit Venlafaxin. 2020 Off all psyche meds

 

 

Edited by tiredtess
Grammar/spelling

ADs for over 50 yrs most of that time on Parstelin an MAOI. Also ECT and anti psychotic drugs in the 1970s. In recent years have taken Citalopram for a short time then Venlafaxine + ER 75mg then 37.5. + Mirtazapine. Tapered down from that over many months. Suggested by another group to bridge to Fluoxetine as supposedly withdrawal affects less than with Venlafaxine.

26/06/23. Off Venlafaxine but still on 20mg Fluoxetine. 

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  • 10 months later...
On 9/9/2019 at 2:06 PM, Rhiannon said:

various points throughout my tapering years, it's like I've reached a new level of "me"--remembering "oh yeah I remember feeling this way". But almost all of those memories are from before I started the Prozac in 1992. The years after that-- I of course remember specific incidents, where I lived, etc. and I remember what I thought about and a lot of what I did, but it's like I don't remember "me." It's strange. And unspeakably sad. And I am very, very angry about it.

Yes, me too.  Especially since for me I was first drugged at age 12.  And if you’re not “you”, how are you supposed to make your own decisions?  Was it up to me to push to get off them as soon as I turned 18, or does the stunted brain development give me an excuse? Should I even be looking for an excuse?  

2007-Prozac then off replaced with Zoloft 

2008- Off Zoloft replaced with Fluvoxamine 

2008-2009 50mg Fluvoxamine 

2009-2020 150mg Fluvoxamine 

2013-14 addition of Lexapro and Zyprexa

2015 back to only Fluvoxamine 

2019-2021 additional 150mg Wellbutrin 

2020-present taper off Fluvoxamine and Wellbutrin 

2022 - mid-February - last dose 25 mg Wellbutrin

July 2021 25 (12.5 twice a day) mg Fluvoxamine hold

switch to compounded XR 12.5 mg Fluvoxamine capsules twice a day mid July 2022

Magnesium, Fish Oil, microdose CBD 

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On 11/25/2019 at 4:25 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

@ShiningLight absolutely right. I'm practicing gratitude so hard right now. Life has had to be rearranged and it feels strange.

Gratitude is imperative and I like your username 

2007-Prozac then off replaced with Zoloft 

2008- Off Zoloft replaced with Fluvoxamine 

2008-2009 50mg Fluvoxamine 

2009-2020 150mg Fluvoxamine 

2013-14 addition of Lexapro and Zyprexa

2015 back to only Fluvoxamine 

2019-2021 additional 150mg Wellbutrin 

2020-present taper off Fluvoxamine and Wellbutrin 

2022 - mid-February - last dose 25 mg Wellbutrin

July 2021 25 (12.5 twice a day) mg Fluvoxamine hold

switch to compounded XR 12.5 mg Fluvoxamine capsules twice a day mid July 2022

Magnesium, Fish Oil, microdose CBD 

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  • 3 months later...
On 10/31/2020 at 11:43 AM, ShiningLight said:

Does anyone else have the fear that something will happen and they will die before they can get off the meds (to clarify, not referencing self harm here)? That's one of my biggest fears in this process, especially with covid 19 lurking out there. I have an immune condition and I am in a high risk group.

 

If I died, it would be worse than the lost years--it would be the lost life, and never getting myself back. I want to know who I am under all of this. When I am off the gabapentin, that will be such a relief, but it won't answer that question. It's the zoloft that's been making me so numb and apathetic all of these years. I've been on it for about 22 years at this point. 😩😭

 

Functioning on the drugs is like going through life with your hands tied behind your back. I haven't advanced in my career; there's been no building upon success. My potential has been lost. I feel like I've been swimming upstream in the same place. Every so often, I get exhausted and weak and get swept downstream for awhile, and then have to make the herculean effort to get back to where I was. Rise, wash, and repeat. I've been lucky to be able to be employed most of the time, but I haven't stayed in each job for long. I wanted more for my life.

Hands tied is very powerful.  Same.  For me I was put on the drugs at age 11.  I feel deeply the loss of potential.

2007-Prozac then off replaced with Zoloft 

2008- Off Zoloft replaced with Fluvoxamine 

2008-2009 50mg Fluvoxamine 

2009-2020 150mg Fluvoxamine 

2013-14 addition of Lexapro and Zyprexa

2015 back to only Fluvoxamine 

2019-2021 additional 150mg Wellbutrin 

2020-present taper off Fluvoxamine and Wellbutrin 

2022 - mid-February - last dose 25 mg Wellbutrin

July 2021 25 (12.5 twice a day) mg Fluvoxamine hold

switch to compounded XR 12.5 mg Fluvoxamine capsules twice a day mid July 2022

Magnesium, Fish Oil, microdose CBD 

Link to comment
On 4/12/2021 at 1:34 PM, tiredtess said:

Thank you Caroline, what makes it worse was the rape by a male nurse but with destroyed notes its difficult to prove anything

t

Anti depressants with no review for 40yrs +.Trying to quit Venlafaxin. 2020 Off all psyche meds

 

 

I am so sorry for what you have been through.  You are an incredibly formidable person, and you will get yourself back.

2007-Prozac then off replaced with Zoloft 

2008- Off Zoloft replaced with Fluvoxamine 

2008-2009 50mg Fluvoxamine 

2009-2020 150mg Fluvoxamine 

2013-14 addition of Lexapro and Zyprexa

2015 back to only Fluvoxamine 

2019-2021 additional 150mg Wellbutrin 

2020-present taper off Fluvoxamine and Wellbutrin 

2022 - mid-February - last dose 25 mg Wellbutrin

July 2021 25 (12.5 twice a day) mg Fluvoxamine hold

switch to compounded XR 12.5 mg Fluvoxamine capsules twice a day mid July 2022

Magnesium, Fish Oil, microdose CBD 

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Hi everyone. I wanted to add to this thread to say that I am struggling mightily with what I have lost. The feeling is overwhelming. I have made tremendous progress in my recovery but I now have to face the reality of the life that antidepressants have left me. I was placed on the drugs in my early twenties and started having significant problems at around the age of 34. I am 44 now and the last ten years have been a nightmare. Professionally I did very well but when I quit the drugs I was unable to work for two years. I turned down two very significant professional opportunities that will not come around again. I am an attorney so it is not a career that is easy to rebuild, especially when you lose your specialty and have to restart in another area at my age. I had one relationship during the past decade that ended disastrously because I had akathisia and didn’t know what it was. Most of my relationships have been destroyed. I haven’t seen close friends for many years. I guess in sum I was so consumed with finding out how to stop the immediate pain that I never thought about the all important question of…what happens after? My life feels like a void. No wife, no children, no home (lost it, living with parents) and last but not least no career. And a boatload of trauma to go along with it. I’m feeling pretty hopeless. What’s left at this point? 
 

I’d love to hear from people who have found the strength to move forward and perhaps some success stories. Thanks everyone. 

2000 - 2020 - Effexor 250 mg

November 2020 began Nardil 60 mg

reduced Nardil from January 2021 to August 2021 to 0 mg. Drug free. 

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  • Mentor
6 hours ago, NardilTime said:

I’d love to hear from people who have found the strength to move forward and perhaps some success stories. Thanks everyone. 

Hi @NardilTime

 

I beat myself up for the time I was on Paxil, so you are not alone.  But I came to realize that it was just part of my life and learning process, which is something we all go through in some form.  There is a difference between regret and guilt.  Do I regret the times I wasn't 100% there for my family?  Yes.  Do I feel guilty about it?  Not anymore.  Anxiety and related problems are chronic conditions just like diabetes, and you shouldn't feel any more guilty about dealing with it than you would any other chronic issue.  I've tried to learn from my experience.  I'm more empathetic, more resilient, and more patient than I was before WD and recovery.  We take what we can from all our experiences and try to move on.  You can too!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Heavenly Father- In the stillness of this morning/day/night, we come before your throneof grace seeking your divine healing touch in every area of our lives. You are the great physician, the source of all healing and restoration. We trust in your boundless love and unwavering power to bring forth healing in every aspect of our being. Father God, we lift up our physical body before you. In the name of Jesus,  we declare healing over every cell, organ, every tissue,  and every system that makes up our being. We ask for your miraculous healing touch to flow through our body, bringing forth complete restoration and renewed vitality. Heal us from every illness, disease, chronic pain, and physical infirmity that hinders our well being. Strengthen our body Lord, and Grant us the gift of health to fulfill the purposes you have for us. Father we bring before you the wounds of our heart and souls. Lord, we ask for healing of the scars left behind by past hurts, traumas, and broken relationships. We bring before you the painful memories that still haunt us today. We ask for your gentle touch to heal our emotional wounds, bringing inner peace, emotional stability,  and freedom from the burdens that weigh us down. Replace our anxiety with your peace, our sorrow with your joy, and our brokenness with your wholeness. Heal the wounds that have shaped our identity and restore us to the fulness of who you created us to be. Lord, we recognize our need for spiritual healing. We come before you with an open heart seeking restoration. In our relationship with you, Heal us from spiritual strongholds, doubts, and uncertainties.  Fill us with your Holy Spirit. Ignite our passion for your word and deepen our intimacy with you. Set us free from anything that hinders our spiritual growth and communion with you. Heal our soul O Lord and grant us. Renewed sense of purpose, identity, and faith. Gracious Father. We lift up our relationships before you,may you Heal the broken bonds, reconcile the conflicts, and mend the wounds that have strained our connections with others. Lord, we ask that you grant us the wisdom, humility, and forgiveness needed to restore peace, harmony, and love in our relationships. May your healing touch transform our interactions,  allowing us to experience the beauty of true reconciliation and the power of unity. Lord, I humbly come before you with my struggles against all forms of addiction,  anxiety,  fear, depression, and all battles of the mind whether known or unknown.  May you Strengthen us against the mental challenges in our lives. We ask for your healing and deliverance from every form of mental attack of the enemy that seeks to enslave us. Break the chains that bind us! Release us from the grips of temptation and fill us with the strength to overcome. Lead us on the path of recovery where your grace and love abound, and where freedom and wholeness can be found. Heavenly Father,  we present our financial concerns and heavy burdens before you. You are the provider of all our needs and we trust in your abundant provision. Heal our financial situation,  grant us wisdom in managing the resources that you have blessed us with. Help us to be faithful stewards of what you have given us. Mighty God, in this moment of surrender and faith, we declare your sovereignty and authority over every area of our life. We believe in your power to heal, restore, and transform. Strengthen our faith O Lord, and help us to trust in your perfect timing and plan. Grant us the patience and perseverance to walk the path of healing, knowing that YOU ARE WITH US EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Lord, we pray for our loved ones. We entrust our loved ones into your loving and capable hands. You are the ultimate healer, and we believe in yout power to bring forth healing in every area of their lives. Strengthen our faith, grant us patience and fill us with hope as we walk on the path of healing. In the name of Jesus, our Savior, and our Healer, we claim the promises of Your Word. May your healing power flow abundantly within our entire being, our relationships,  and our finances. May your healing touch bring glory to your nameand testify your goodness and faithfulness. Lord Jesus,  we pray to you filled with hope and expectation knowing that you are able to do exceedingly,  abundantly,  above all that we may ask or think. Thank you Lord for hearing our prayer and for the healing that is to come.

In Jesus name we pray, Amen ✝️🙏🤍 🕊 

 

 

Chlo❤

•Celexa 40mg 1999-2021•LONG COVID Aug.2021•Celexa stopped working•Zoloft 100mg Sept21'-Oct21'•Buspar •Lexapro 10mg Oct21'-Nov21'

•Lexapro did not work(adverse effects)•Lexapro 5mg Nov21'-1/17/22 switched to Lexapro liquid form 5mg 1/18/22•4.75mg 1/19•4.5mg 1/25•4.25mg 2/1•4.0mg 2/8

•3.75mg 3/28•3.5mg 5/23

•3.25mg 5/30•3.0mg 6/19

•2.75mg 6/26•2.50mg 7/10•2.45mg 7/18•2.40mg 7/25•2.35mg 8/1•2.33mg 8/26•2.27mg 9/15•2.21mg 9/23•2.16mg 9/30•2.10mg 10/14•2.04mg 10/24•1.99mg 11/18•1.95mg 1/02/23•1.90mg 1/09•1.80mg 1/27•1.75mg 2/21•1.70mg3/6•1.65mg3/14•1.60mg 4/07•1.52mg 4/30•1.48mg 5/07•1.40mg 6/08•1.36mg 6/17•1.32mg 6/27•1.28mg 7/17•1.20mg 8/18•1.15mg 9/13•1.12mg 10/15•1.06mg 1/20/24•1.02mg 2/16•1mg 2/27•.98mg3/02•.96mg3/20•

.90mg7/1•D3•Vit.C•Magnesium Glycinate•Zinc•Omega3•Probiotic

•Mirtazapine 15mg

I don't know much, but 3 things I do. There is a God. His word is true. Stay close to Him and He will bring you through. Amen🙏

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On 7/1/2023 at 10:54 AM, NardilTime said:

Hi everyone. I wanted to add to this thread to say that I am struggling mightily with what I have lost. The feeling is overwhelming. I have made tremendous progress in my recovery but I now have to face the reality of the life that antidepressants have left me. I was placed on the drugs in my early twenties and started having significant problems at around the age of 34. I am 44 now and the last ten years have been a nightmare. Professionally I did very well but when I quit the drugs I was unable to work for two years. I turned down two very significant professional opportunities that will not come around again. I am an attorney so it is not a career that is easy to rebuild, especially when you lose your specialty and have to restart in another area at my age. I had one relationship during the past decade that ended disastrously because I had akathisia and didn’t know what it was. Most of my relationships have been destroyed. I haven’t seen close friends for many years. I guess in sum I was so consumed with finding out how to stop the immediate pain that I never thought about the all important question of…what happens after? My life feels like a void. No wife, no children, no home (lost it, living with parents) and last but not least no career. And a boatload of trauma to go along with it. I’m feeling pretty hopeless. What’s left at this point? 
 

I’d love to hear from people who have found the strength to move forward and perhaps some success stories. Thanks everyone. 

I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much. You should be proud at being drug free. I know how bad this whole experience is/was. I’m in the first quarter of it myself. 
You just went through something very traumatic and very difficult. Give yourself credit for that. If you can come off these drugs, you can accomplish anything. 
Im here if you need to talk. 
Nina 

PREVIOUS

2018 Ativan 1mg Oct-Jan (CT), 2019 Effexor 75mg, Klonopin .25mg, Trazadone 75mg, Bridge to Prozac (?dose), 2020 Taper off all, 2021 Zoloft (?dose), Jan-May (CT @ Hospital), Remeron (?dose) Trazadone 75mg, Propanolol (?dose), Klonopin .50mg, Buspar (?dose),

2021 Prozac (?dose), Trazadone 75mg, Klonopin 2 times a day, 2021 August fast taper Trazadone  Prozac fast taper in August. August Lexapro 10mg

2022 January  Lexapro to 25mg, February FT to 10mg Lexapro over 6 weeks, Klonopin .25mg 2 times a day, May Effexor 35mg, June bridge from Effexor to 30mg Cymbalta. Held on Lexapro until November.

supplements  2023  Jan Probiotics stopped taking after two weeks ADR April 1k Iu Vitamin D W/ K stopped after a few days ADR. March 50mg Mag glycinate stopped after a week ADR

January 2023added an additional .25 mg Klonopin (.25 mg three times a day)

CURRENT

1/23-Present Klonopin .75mg divided into .25mg 3 times a day. 6:30am, 12:00pm, 6:30pm 7/6/24 SAME

1/23Present Lexapro .101 mgpw - 8.08 mgai 8:00am

1/23-Present Estradiol .50mg 8:00am 7/6/24 same

1/23-Present 30mg Cymbalta 12:30pm 7/6/24 same

6/23 to present Holding no changes 7/4 reduced Lexapro to 7.92mg 7/31 7.84mg 8/7 7.76mg 7/14 7.60mg 10/1 7.44mg 10/28 7.36mg 2/1 7.12mg 2/14 7.04mg 3/5/24 6.88mg 3/12 6.80mg 4/29 6.48mg 7/6/24 5.84mg

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Thank you guys for writing these responses. The fear and the worry for my future is eating me up inside. I worked hard for a successful career so I would have financial security and that has been wiped away. I’ve never been so scared. 

2000 - 2020 - Effexor 250 mg

November 2020 began Nardil 60 mg

reduced Nardil from January 2021 to August 2021 to 0 mg. Drug free. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 7/3/2023 at 3:28 PM, NardilTime said:

Thank you guys for writing these responses. The fear and the worry for my future is eating me up inside. I worked hard for a successful career so I would have financial security and that has been wiped away. I’ve never been so scared. 

What you went through is very difficult. I am much oldet

rand I was on yhe later part if my career when I wrnt through. I am ytill going the last part of wd. It is traumatic to h

go through this. I wonder if you have a therapist. You may want yo find someone who can help uou make 

sense of your experience as well as work on the trauma and grief. It taked a lot of courage to go through this and you did it. We never know what comes next. Stay open to other possibilities

2006-2007 Lexapro (not sure of dose) in 2006

2007 Stopped abruptly. Developed serious wd symptom.Went back after two weeks and  tapered successfully over 3 months

November 2013  started 10 mg of Celexa for hormonal symptoms

early 2014 cutdown Celexa to 5 mg.Attempted to get off it November 2014 and had  

Anxiety increased  every time I used  an OTC or had stress.

April-May Cortisol spike problems 

July 2016 Started taking liquid Celexa 7.5 mg

June 2021 I finished my taper en

Severe anxiety and insomnia

June 2022 symptoms omproved

July 2023 gut issues and sleep issues contnue

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