kara100: Partial recovery story

[kara100]

Hi everyone,  my name is Kara and I am a 37 year old female from nyc. I took drug remeron for only four and half months in August 28, 2015. Prior to taking the drug remeron, I have had lived the most healthiest life. I never ever had any single problem up until I had my daughter.  My daughter was born with acid reflux problem and on top of that she was a colicky  baby who wouldn't sleep at night. Because of her sleeping problem,  I would have to be up all night.

 

My husband started a new business in other State in America and was not living with me up until my daughter was two years old. So I had no help from anybody that I know and my daughter sleeping problem persisted up until she was two years old. By the time she was two, I started to feel depressed because of the lack of sleep. It was only a mild depression though because I was fully  functional at that time ,taking care of my daughter, cooking, cleaning and buying grocery.

 

I went to the doctor and told him about my situation and he quickly prescribed me remeron,  and told me to continue to take it for at least the next 9 to 10 months. I have always resisted taking any drug all of my life and the idea of taking this drug for the next 9 to 10 months seems  very bad. So I told him that I don't believe in taking drug for too long and the doctor told me to take it at least four months. I asked him about any side effects, of course I didn't know about it's withdrawal effects up until I quit the drug. And he told me that this is the most safest drug I will be taking and he said since you dislike taking the drug so I will put you on a minimum dosage. He never discussed any tapering thing with me and I learrned that after I have withdrawal symptoms and googling the surviving antidepressants website.

 

I still can't believe that the psychiatrist who was specialized giving these medicine would not discussed the tapering thing and I was in one of the top ten hospitals in America . So I took 15 mg of remeron for 3 months and four days and 7.5 mg for the next 27 days. I started having withdrawal symptoms on the 3rd day of quitting and I waited for a month and took the same drug again for the next 10 to 12 days after suffering with withdrawal badly.

 

Then I found the S.A. forum and found out that my brain is largely injured by taking the psychiatric drug and all of my 50 different symptoms were from taking and then quitting the drug remeron.  I started reading the introduction and found out that If I take care of my body well by eating right, and avoiding the stress, I can actually heal my brain . Even though I have had at least 50 symptoms that I listed in my dairy but some of my worst symptoms were severe insomnia with heart palpitations.

 

It's been 20 months since I last took this drug and I have healed at least 70 percent. But I am still left with food sensitives , excercise sentivites , stress intolerance and insomnia and heart palpitations that wakes me  in the middle of the night and takes two hours to settle down and then I started falling asleep again for two hours. My sleep was severely broken for the first 16 months with at least 4 nights in a week with zero sleep.

 

Now in the last four months I believe that I can sleep better but my sleep is still broken but better than the last year. So I can give a lot of people hope that if you continue to take care of your self, you can heal. For me, at least 40 of my symptoms have gone in the past 20 months. Take care .

Edited August 27, 2017 by AliG
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[AliG]

Hi Kara. I'm sorry you have had the run around by your doctor. It is unfortunate that a lot of them are uneducated about psychiatric medications and the subsequent tapering off them. At least you tapered somewhat even though not at an ideal rate.

It can take quite a while to heal but you are in good company here. 

It would be great if you could add your signature as it helps us to know and understand your history. Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

70% healing is fairly awesome although broken sleep can be very hard to deal with. I had and also currently have some insomnia so I do know what you are going through. Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have withdrawal insomnia

A lot of your sensitivities while not completely irrevocable long term are at least partially manageable in the short / long term mainly through non - drug techniques. Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

This may help with sleep :

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have withdrawal insomnia

Sleep problems - that awful withdrawal insomnia

This is your thread to ask questions and address any concerns you may have as well as keeping in touch with this community. Please let us know how you are going and if you have any other questions.

Welcome to SA.

Ali

[kara100]

Thank you so much AliG for taking your time out and replying back on this. I know some of you are the real heroes going through this nightmare  and at the same time reaching out to others and helping them to deal with their problems. You definitely need a medal for that. I AM following your story since the January of 2016 even though I never signed your forum. And I was happy about your sleep and I hope your sleeping problems goes away this time forever. I wish I can read the story of your full recovery as soon as possible.  Your story is very similar to mine. The birth of colicky baby who wouldn't sleep at night and living alone after the birth of our very first child. I will update more about my healing as the more time will passes. Take care.

[AliG]

Thanks so much Kara. I sometimes forget there are others, like yourself, out there reading and perhaps identifying with some of our individual stories. 

Please update as you are able.

 

How did you go with the survey? I hope you were able to work it out with the links and fill it in .  

[kara100]

Yes, Alig, I finished taking the survey. 

[AliG]

Fantastic! What a great time you chose to join.You have truly made a difference and let's hope this information reaches those who can perhaps change things in a positive way.

 

What else can we help you with? Is there any other information you need or questions you need/ want answered right now?   

[kara100]

Yes, Alig. I have definitely seen a lot of improvement in many of my symptoms in the last 18 months but I would like to know if my sleep will ever normalize again. I was a sleep champion prior to taking the remeron for four and half months. I would easily sleep for 8 hours without waking up and never had a bad night sleep. I AM little worried about my daily sleeping pattern especially after coming off of the drug remeron. Thank you for asking. 

[AliG]

Kara. I have had such a time with this but I have found that it eventually does normalize. I had insomnia for quite a while but sleep came back. It has gone again for me but that's because of the Flu. 

I have no doubt it will return again and that this is only temporary.

 

It's only a matter of time before your sleep returns but some patience is needed.Please read the links as they are a wealth of information.

[kara100]

Thank you so much AliG for taking your time out on writing this. I will definitely look into the self care and symptoms regarding insomnia symptoms. I will also like to donate some money on a monthly basis from the ist of every month starting in Sept 1st, 2017. Please direct me how to do this.

[freespirit]

Hi Kara. Good to see you here. I appreciate you posting on my thread.

 

I'm happy to hear of your recovery so far. Like Ali, I think your sleep will return. I know you practice good self-care and that will ultimately help you. My sleep was poor at the beginning, but is mostly great now. I'm sleeping 7-7 1/2 hours. Even if I wake in the middle of the night, I'm able to go back to sleep quite easily. Acupuncture helps when things get disrupted, but I've also got lots of non-drug ways of coping. I hope you're able to rest better very soon.

[kara100]

Hi freespirit,                                                      Thank you for a beautiful wish. My sleeping problems has definitely improved after your suggestion to follow a lower histamine diet but I still wake up once for at least two hours with a pounding heart on a daily basis.  And then go to the short period where sleep is just impossible. So this problem with histamine food issue, stress intolerance and excercise intolerance are the last symptoms to go I guess. I hope you are doing fine , how are your two cute cats, are they still living with you? My three and half year old daughter is so interested to bring home either  a cat or a dog and I guess I will let her adopt a little cat in the next few days whereas my husband is interested in a getting a dog but I don't like dog because of his or her barking will ruin my little bit sleep even more . I Hope you take care of yourself the same way as you were doing it in the beginning of your withdrawal because with time you may able to see more recovery. 

[oskcajga]

Food sensitivities will go away over the years.  I was once very sensitive to all sorts of food, and amazingly I can now eat almost any food with impunity.

 

Many of these symptoms can take an extraordinarily long time to heal, so you just have to figure out some way to survive long enough to see them melt away.

 

Good luck.

[freespirit]

I'm sorry to hear about the ongoing sleep difficulties. Some things we just have to ride out. I'm sure you've made every effort you can towards soothing your nervous system. Each of us seems to have certain symptoms that linger.

 

I posted an update on my thread a few days ago. I'm doing quite well right now. A lot of the histamine issue has resolved. I still have some food sensitivities and mostly still eat carefully. I never miss a day of meditation and do qi gong most days as well. I exercise at least 6 times/week. And I do believe that all lifestyle choices affect recovery. 

 

Yes, I live with my 2 cats. At different times, 1 of them was waking me at night..but that hasn't happened in quite awhile. They are a great source of comfort and entertainment for me. I'm sure you'll figure out what is the best pet for your family. They can bring so much love and joy to our lives.

[kara100]

Hi all,                                                                 Even though I am happy to celebrate that many of my symptoms that were torturing me on a daily basis like daily flu, sores on my tongue and on nose and lips, depression,  anxiety,  ringing in the ears, running  thoughts, restless legs when sleeping, very severe insomnia,  I was only able to sleep twice a week up until I was 18 months of withdrawal and the sleep was very broken would wake me up for at least four times each night, bad dreams, seeing dream when laying in bed for sleep but was not sleeping,  metal like taste in my mouth, not getting hungry and then when I started getting hungry I was quickly losing energy after eating a full meal of 30 minutes before , dizziness,  fatigue, head pressure, diarrhea, muscle tightness in my calves, painful arms, painful knees, vision changes, crying spells , suicidal thoughts , eye blinking are now gone.

 

But I am still shock that the drug remeron that doctor prescribed me once for only four and half months in total have left me with the histamine food issues, very bad stress intolerance,  sleep issues with heart palpitations and excercise intolerance. I am really shocked that even after 20 months of quitting the drug,  I am still suffering with so many issues. I am very angry that the doctor who I went to see for my one mild depression symptom had ended me up getting 100 times more sick .

 

I am so thankful to God and body capacity of healing from this drug but I am still not the way I was before. I was 100 percent healthy and happy woman. Became a mild depressed within a month and ended up going to the doctor office.I am really a young woman who have a lot of years ahead, and a little girl to take care of, who I love more than myself. I really want to live long now because of her . I sacrificed so much to bring this daughter on earth. I have suffered four miscarriages in the past and three out three doctor have told me not to try again and told me that you are very happy and healthy young woman who should not worry about having a children especially going through not one but four miscarriages. They said that life can be just as fulfilling with meeting  many other goals .

 

And even my husband never mentioned or bothered me having a child especially after the fourth miscarriage. But I wanted to experience the love, the bond and close connection with a child who I already knew that I would love the most. I Was also very close to my mother especially at a very young age. I was my mother's bodyguard,  I was never able to see any tear in my mom eyes, I make sure that my middle sister didn't finish eating my mother's favorite food when I was only six year old. Even though my mom's favorite child was my middle sister. She was very cute and will obey her more than me. So I knew the connection that daughter and mother can have. For me, it was the strongest bond that nobody can break.

 

So after finding out that I became pregnant for the fifth time , I was over the top, I don't think any woman on this earth can ever be that much happiest after getting pregnant. Maybe Its because I wanted  to have this baby for so long, I was married for thirteen years already and had been trying to get pregnant ever since.  Ofcourse,  Very scared in the beginning because I didn't wanted to suffer another miscarriage . So I took a lot of stress for the first four months to survive this miscarriage. I was very careful this time in every possible way , even though doctors suggested that the miscarriages that happens in the first three to four months has nothing to do with me. They are just very common .

 

once I passed the first four months , I started to dreaming  about this baby that I have had not even yet met. Always planning in my mind that I will send her to one of the best schools, that I will always feed her the best food in the world, she will not eat junk food like other kids in the world, like I will never let her watch cartoons more than 30 minutes a day, that I will take her to the best parks in the nyc to play. I will buy her all the toys that I ever wanted her to have. I was consumed by these thoughts in every second of my pregnancy.  This baby is not only born from my womb but was actually born from my heart.

 

I was alone in my whole pregnancy too. My husband spendt the first two weeks with me and then came back when I was eight months pregnant.  Once the baby was born he has to left us again once we came home from staying the first two days in the hospital. Raising my baby by myself was a real struggle as she would just not sleep. I have never experienced even one night before without sleeping and here I was taking care of her by being up all night and taking care of her in the best possible way during the daytime.  I was never able to take a nap because there was always a worry about her next feeding, nap, and many othet things. Even though I was taking a lot of joy in taking care of her but I was also depressed because I have to do everything by not sleeping at all, not during the night and not during the day. I became a robot who just does not sleep.

 

Inside me,  I was shaken by this nightmare, I went to the doctors so many times for her sleeping problems and they always told me that she will get out of it as she will grow up more. One doctor suggested a surgery for her that he said can stop the acid reflux problem. I was terrified by hearing a surgery at this age so never went back to the doctor to complain about it. It was around when my daughter was 20 months old when I became mildly depressed because the lack of sleep and my daughter health problem .

 

I was still very functional doing all the chores at home by myself. Cooking, cleaning,  buying grocery,  taking care of my daughter when I complained to the doctor about my mild situational depression. I wish I knew how to handle it by myself. And then the doctor ended me getting 99 percent more sick than I was. I was very depressed,  had a high anxiety,  total inability to sleep and a everyday battle with flu, coughing,  and at least 35 more symptoms. I was crying daily for at least two to three hours and I was having a suicidal thoughts after I stopped the drug cold turkey.  I had no clue that how dangerous the drug was that doctor has put in.

 

I was not totally stupid and I did my research but nothing on the website showed about any bad effects on the health. It was only after when I quit and faced with so many problems started to realizing the connection between the drug and my health.  It was only after heavily research I found this website and found out the reason behind my deteriorated health and this drug. I have spent so much time in the first year with a  guilt of ingesting  this drug and believing  in a doctor like a God.

 

I am now paying a price with my health . I really spend so much time warning other women who take these drugs in order to live a happy life. These twelve women I have encountered in the last 20 months are actually the women who are still depressed,  has sky rocketing anxiety,  and very fast talkie and over weight women. At least half of them quit taking their medicine safely and half are still taking , believing  their doctors that they can not live without these drugs. I know they will learn somehow by themselves. 

 

Edited August 31, 2017 by AliG
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[AliG]

Kara, I'm sorry you have had such a hard time and I can totally empathize. It sounds though like you are now on your way to healing and have come through all this positively despite all the difficulties you have experienced.

 

You will most likely find that given time, more of these lingering symptoms will gradually either lessen or fall away completely. That has been my experience so far. 

To be able to help more accurately would you Please put your withdrawal history in your signature - all drugs/ dates/ dosages etc that you can remember. This appears below each of your posts.

 

On 28/08/2017 at 8:19 AM, kara100 said:

Thank you so much AliG for taking your time out on writing this. I will definitely look into the self care and symptoms regarding insomnia symptoms. I will also like to donate some money on a monthly basis from the ist of every month starting in Sept 1st, 2017. Please direct me how to do this.

Thank you.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/210-donations-gratefully-accepted/

 

You may have read these links already but if not they help to explain the withdrawal process:

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome?

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery/ 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

 

[Mort81]

This is a very hard nightmare for all of us on here , and with the skyrocketing amount of prescriptions being handed out, websites like this will double and triple in size . I know I wont ever be able to believe or get over how many horrible symptoms these drugs gave me . I heard the same words as you,  this is a safe drug its got a very little side effects etc... but I was an idiot and stayed on much longer.  At least you are 70% recovered,  in the next few yrs you should be 100% back . 

[kara100]

Thank You Mort81 for letting me know that I will be able to  have a full recovery one day . I think it doesn't matter if you were talking this drug for longer or shorter period of time because in the end we both ended up getting withdrawal symptoms . And my symptoms list was never ending just like some people here who take this drug for years and years. I was actually more angry with the doctor than anybody else here because I ended up having withdrawal from only taking four months and ten days of drug. But then the real question became how to heal from this foul poison that I was taking every night according to my God figure doctor. I think I have healed 70 percent and became functional again  because I started eating very healthy low histamine diet, brought my stress level to zero percent even though I was constantly fighting with never ending problems, praying God for give me a another chance to this life as healthy as I was living before the Withdrawal and going outside for walk for half an hour to an hour everyday and socializing with other people. I also took one class last semester and now taking two classes in the college to keep busy myself. I think having a faith in God it's very important as he is the only one who can do miracle to transform us into the healthy and happy life. I AM from India and I have a little pray room in my home in nyc and on a daily basis, I would pray, cry and was begging for my life , it took about a year but he did transform my life. I am very much healed now and only if I will not wake up in the middle of night for two hours with heart palpitations,  I can say that I recover about 95 percent.  So please believe in a power that is bigger than us and start eating healthy and try to minimize your stress and if you can take supplements then take fish oil, vit c and organic food based multivitamin and you will see a big difference by a other year.

[kara100]

Hi all, I have a worst quality of sleep since last four nights and I was awaken by heart palpitations and a very bad head pressure and hot flushes.  I hope I will be able to recover 100 percent from the nightmare that doctor put me in. I think it is the time that we should all speak out to warn others that these drugs can disable us in the long run. I don't think we should suffer silently and let these pharmaceutical companies makes billions and billions of dollars for making a large number of people on earth disable for the rest of their life.

[TryingToHoldOn]

Kara, 

 

Were you able to take care of yourself and child while going through the severest of WD?

 

 

[kara100]

Hi tryingtoholdon, trying to take care of a child was very difficult in the first 16 months in withdrawal because I have had at least 50 symptoms on  a daily basis . I was continuously crying,  wouldn't sleep for four nights in a row. I was really unable to do anything with my daughter at home without feeding her a very healthy diet, changing her and giving her a shower. I was not able to talk to her but somehow was able to take her out from home in a child friendly places where she would play for hours. And then after  first 16 months, I saw that my depression,  anxiety,  crying spells, distorted vision, metal like taste, burning in the eyes and nose, excessive blinking,  excessive talking, suicidal thoughts, aggressive outbursts were gone and I became at least 70 percent functional.

[rupa]

Dearest Kara

You are a real mother.

I am from Hyderabad,South India.

I am also suffering insomnia ,breath stopping,heart problems,severe heart stopping dreams.

Because

My doctor too didn't inform me about tapering system.

I guess

All the psychiatrists and other doctors who treat brain issues are taking oath that not to inform their patients or clients about tapering system.

Their mission is to throw patients in this hell of abyss.

Life long medication.

In this way we all will go to one or other doctor by which they will survive happily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/5/2017 at 1:25 PM, kara100 said:

Hi tryingtoholdon, trying to take care of a child was very difficult in the first 16 months in withdrawal because I have had at least 50 symptoms on  a daily basis . I was continuously crying,  wouldn't sleep for four nights in a row. I was really unable to do anything with my daughter at home without feeding her a very healthy diet, changing her and giving her a shower. I was not able to talk to her but somehow was able to take her out from home in a child friendly places where she would play for hours. And then after  first 16 months, I saw that my depression,  anxiety,  crying spells, distorted vision, metal like taste, burning in the eyes and nose, excessive blinking,  excessive talking, suicidal thoughts, aggressive outbursts were gone and I became at least 70 percent functional.

Kara, 

 

How long did the crying last in terms of months?  I'm now 6 months out and still cry a lot.  There have been times that I have cried uncontrollably for 6 hours straight, but now it's lessened a little.

 

You story really resonated with me.  It took us 4 years to have our first child and I had two miscarriages.  During my pregnancy, I was extremely healthy and by the book.  I didn't want to take any chances at all, so it's ironic that I find myself in this situation.     This was the worst mistake I have ever made and I hope my children don't suffer from my stupid mistake.

 

I am so glad that you are finding yourself out of the woods now.  I sincerely hope that you see continued improvement and that this chapter will come to a close soon.  Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[kara100]

Hi tryingtoholdon,                                         My crying symptom stopped at the end of one year. I never cried for the last nine months. I see that it's been only six months for you. You just try to calm your body and mind as much as you can, eat good diet, walk outside, try taking good quality of fish oil,  if you can but start from very low dosage. And you will see a lot of your will go away in the end of either a first year or so . 

[TryingToHoldOn]

Thank you so much for your response, Kara.  I will head your advice.

 

Another quick question.  Did you have cognitive difficulties as well?  I'm finding very simple tasks to be overwhelming and difficult.  For instance, running multiple errands, helping my son with kinder homework, paying bills, etc.  It feels as if my brain has been damage and my executive functioning has been severely impaired.  If you had this, did you also see improvement at the 1 year mark?  Thank you!

[kara100]

Yes, tryingtoholdon.. I was in similar situation like you in terms of cognitive difficulties. I didnt even have energy to talk. I was depressed, had anxiety, I was constantly crying, I was unable to make even simple sentence to speak. But my ability to speak the way I use to speak came only a few months ago.                              There is no doubt in my mind that our brain has severely damaged from taking the psychiatric drugs. But you know what, our mind and body is great. It has a ability to repair the damage and has healing power. You will need to remain calm, eat healthy low histamine diet, take supplements,  make sure to walk outside for an hour when your children are at school. I also saw lot of improvement eating low histamine diet. My sleep was really broken and I wasn't able to sleep for 4 to 5 days a week for at least first 16 months  after quitting the drug remeron. But after I followed the low histamine diet, my sleep changed for better. Now I can sleep most days and my sleep is less broken. I have no doubt in further healing. Also, you need to pray to your personal God on a daily basis to make your recovery quick. I hope this helps you and you will see some recovery in coming months.

[kara100]

Hi everybody,                                                     I have a very good news to share with you about my recovery. I was going through a histamine intolerence during the withdrawl. I was eating very limited low histamine diet but since the last three days I added food that has high histamine level and I was amazed to see that I was able to sleep just fine since the last three nights. I will keep eating a high histamine food for now to see if I have also recovered in this department. If yes, then I will say that I am recovered about 85 percent instead of 75. I will keep a dairy and I will soon let you know about it.

[Jav1]

Hi @kara100 i am going thru remeron withdrawal now and have tinnitus (ringing in the ears). Do u recall when this went away for you? Thanks!