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Hello, everyone!


It’s been more than 6 months since I’ve stopped all my medications as well as illicit drug use and caffeine, all thanks to the resources provided by this community. Looking back, I couldn’t have made a better decision, as I look and (almost) feel normal again. 


I still have a few issues which I’d love clearing up. 



Sleep is lousy


I’ve installed black-out blinds, have tried my best to have some kind of sleep hygiene and kept measuring it all with the Apple Watch. Going all the way back to September, my monthly sleep average was more than 6h for one of these months, under 6h for all the others (and dangerously close to 5h for some). I started running and doing other body weight exercises, lost massive weight, heart has improved, food intake is cleaner, I supplement with a daily multi vitamin, but I’m not seeing any improvement with sleep. 


The threads here talk about a few other substances I could add, like Melatonin and Magnesium Citrate. Should I add these (or others) to my nutrition or is it worth sticking with the fight until I naturally get back to normal?


General mental state / attitude / thoughts


It feels like every day is identical. I end a day, I start a day, it’s the same. Don’t get me wrong, I have a rainbow of feelings throughout but it never feels meaningful. It’s not the same “nothing” and general numb feeling as on Quetiapine but it’s not what I would consider normal. 


Panic attack / confusion


The worst mental experience and the only one of this type and intensity since stopping the pills was yesterday... During my usual breakfast, it only took a moment of me not knowing the people around for it to spiral to not knowing where I am. It felt like sensory overload. I forgot the previous minutes, how I actually got to my workplace’s canteen, forgot where I was, heart rate went to about 100bpm and I needed 30m outside to go back to normal, to anchor myself in reality. Also felt strong urges to cry. 



Anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences that they’ve overcome?


Thank you for reading so far and have an amazing day!

Current cocktail (06/2017):

- 400mg once daily (evening) Quetiapine

- 1000mg once daily (evening) Sodium Valproate

- 2.5mg twice daily (morning & evening) Qxybutynin

- 40mg twice daily (morning & evening) Propranolol

- 15mg once daily (morning) Aripiprazole


As needed basis: Clonazepam.


No history with trying to taper my medication.

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i have heard that sleep is the last to return from benzo taperer. not sure if this is true but mine has improved as i get lower in my taper.

5 hours is pretty good compared to 0. but i know what you mean it could be taxing after a while.

i still drink coffee though. They said that sleep usually improve a year off the meds.


panic attack, yes. i had it so bad that it felt like an out of body experience. 

walking outside with fresh air helps a lot. and i just watch them happen now, i know that they will pass, and that it is not the real me.

it is reassuring to read that panic attacks happen even to regular people who are not on meds. so i have not messed up my brain.

but i haven't had one in a while.


i have found that crying really helps to release emotions, and tension.


exercise is crucial for my recovery, it helps a lot with reducing anxiety.


6months off is nothing! celebrate that you are off all drugs!

june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro




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