Casey123: The beginning of a long road

[Casey123]

I just want to start off by saying, wow who ever knew these medications we’re supposed to trust end up doing more harm than good. I am a 23 year old single mother, I was on and off medication when I was in high school because my mom thought I was depressed but really I didn’t ever pay much attention to it and barely ever took my meds occordingly. I was the popular girl who was so confident on the outside and thought I could get myself through anything. Anyways fast forward to now, I had my son in March of 2017 everything was perfectly fine and then boom after a month my derealization/depersonalization hit me like a ton of bricks one day when I woke up. I don’t know if my hormones or post partum caused this because I literally woke up one day and could not stop crying but at the same time I had no emotions I was so blank. Anyways it was a long rough rough time I got admitted to the hospital and I think they thought I was “psychotic” because I told them nothing felt real but really it was just my derealization which I know now but didn’t at the time. They put me on zyprexa Effexor and bus par. I didn’t think I could live like this my world was turned upside down and I had a one month old to take care of meanwhile being in a very unhealthy and unsupportive relationship. Anyways my dr lifted after about a week being on the meds, I convinced myself at that point that it was just post partum depression and everything was fine. About 2 weeks later I started feeling my dr again and went back into my depression very severely I was also having horrible suicidal thoughts so I was hospitalized again and taken off Effexor and put on prozac. I ended up moving back home to my home state because I couldn’t physically and mentally carry on. I was put on kolonopin when I moved back home because my anxiety was so servere I wouldn’t leave the house. One day I decided I couldn’t do the side effects of the meds anymore so I decided to come off all of my meds and that was probably the worst decision ever I’m probably a little over a month off of prozac and zyprexa and I still take the kolonopin occasionally because it’s literally the only thing that makes me feel somewhat normal. I have terrible physical symptoms of anxiety, my body hurts I am so fatigued I cannot absolutely cannot concentrate on anything because my eyes hurt so bad from the light and every time I try to focus on something it goes all blurry. I feel like my mind is blank and is never gonna go back to normal functioning and I have my son I need to take care of, I honestly don’t know how I have made it this far I feel like I’m gonna have a mental break at any point. My obsessive thoughts won’t go away. Did I go off all meds too soon? Did I permanently damage my brain? Idk if my eyes will ever go back to normal. I need some advice from anybody. I want to be medicine free. 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Casey.

 

You have withdrawal syndrome. Do you have any Prozac left? If I were you, I'd reinstate 1mg as soon as possible. This topic explains how to make a liquid so you can take tiny dose Tips for tapering off Prozac (fluoxetine). You'd stabilize for a month or more, then taper off by tiny amounts. See

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

How much Klonopin are you taking, how frequently? To help us out, see these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature