tigersnake00: Quitting Risperidone - praying & hoping for a full recovery

[tigersnake00]

Hi. I don't know how to start topics so i'm just going to dive in head first.

 

I have been on Risperidone since I was 10 years old (so it's been 8 years). I started on 0.5mg and then went up to 4mg and then down to 2mg (I don't have exact dates sorry)

 

I am now 18 years old and getting off 2mg  of risperidone by going down half then half then half for six weeks at a time and then going off completely.

I am now on 1.5mg and have been on it for five weeks.

I'm going down  to 1mg on the 31st of august.

 

I currently have no withdrawals and am scared to have them.

I'm not a very strong person, idk how i'm going to handle withdrawals.

 

My side effects from Risperidone include.

Dry Throat

Dry Eyes

Inability to feel full

Inability to derive pleasure from ejaculation  

Shaky Hands

Depression (i've had depression for roughly five years, I think it's caused by the risperidone)

Emotional Numbness (when i'm not sad or in pain)
 

So to summerize

I've been on risperidone for 8 years.

I'm getting off of 2mg by going down half then half then half for six weeks each and then going completely off of it.

 

I'm surprised I haven't got withdrawals already, i've heard it suggested that you should down by 10% each time or else withdrawals are more likely and i'm also not on a good diet (i ether eat too much or not at all) and I stay up all day and all night sometimes, so i'm pretty much playing with fire.

 

I'd like to get some opinions as to weather you guys (whoever reads this, thank you) believe i'll be able to have a full recovery from what I currently have (and please pray that I don't get anything else from withdrawals).

 

My main motivation for quitting is the fact that I can't feel anything from ejaculation (I know stupid reason to quit), in fact i've never felt anything from ejaculaton, and I want to feel it (sorry if thats tmi), do you guys believe that I might recover from that? and is the fact that I was on these meds since I was 10 going to effect recovery from that due to the fact that sperm (is this TMI idk) isn't really made till your like 14, i'm worried the drug might of gotten in the way of the whole process and now i'll never feel anything (oh god I hope not).

 

Thanks for any replies, advice and opinions.

And please pray for me i'm worried I won't recover and scared of the withdrawals.

 

Edited August 24, 2018 by Altostrata
removed mod note

[Altostrata]

Welcome, tigersnake.

 

Well done starting your first topic!

 

Now that you've reduced risperidone, how are you feeling? Have the side effects reduced?

 

Here is our topic Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)

[tigersnake00]

31 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, tigersnake.

 

Well done starting your first topic!

 

Now that you've reduced risperidone, how are you feeling? Have the side effects reduced?

 

Here is our topic Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)

Hello, thanks for commenting. :), no the side effects haven't reduced at all yet & I feel pretty much the same as being on the full dose.

[Altostrata]

It's a good thing you haven't gotten withdrawal reducing from 2mg to 1.5mg -- a 25% decrease -- 5 weeks ago. It could be that 1.5mg is a full dose for you.

 

If I were you, I'd go easy on tapering from now on, your nervous system might start noticing it. See Why taper? Paper demonstrates importance of gradual change in plasma concentration In other words, 1.5mg accomplishes 100% occupancy -- 2mg was overflow -- and from now on, you might be on the slope.

 

Please read Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone) about how to taper more gradually, by 10%. This can keep you from sliding into withdrawal symptoms. Taper gradually to allow your nervous system to adjust.

 

It could be it will take some time for the effects of risperidone to wear off. However, as you taper, you should find the side effects diminish.

[tigersnake00]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It's a good thing you haven't gotten withdrawal reducing from 2mg to 1.5mg -- a 25% decrease -- 5 weeks ago. It could be that 1.5mg is a full dose for you.

 

If I were you, I'd go easy on tapering from now on, your nervous system might start noticing it. See Why taper? Paper demonstrates importance of gradual change in plasma concentration In other words, 1.5mg accomplishes 100% occupancy -- 2mg was overflow -- and from now on, you might be on the slope.

 

Please read Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone) about how to taper more gradually, by 10%. This can keep you from sliding into withdrawal symptoms. Taper gradually to allow your nervous system to adjust.

 

It could be it will take some time for the effects of risperidone to wear off. However, as you taper, you should find the side effects diminish.

 

Okay I’ll go down by 10% from now on. Is it okay if the pill isn’t cut exact? So if I go down from 1.5mg to 1.4mg and I cut a piece off the half a tablet with a knife to make 1.4mg if it isn’t exact is that okay? I don’t have a pill cutter, I can’t be bothered getting one and would it even cut it exactly anyway? and is two weeks for each 10% dose enough? So when I go down from 1.5mg to 1.4mg is two weeks of being on that dosage enough to not have withdrawals before moving onto 1.3mg? I really don’t want to be on this pill any longer, I just want it out of my life,

 

[ChessieCat]

It is important to try and get your dose as consistent as possible.  Please read Post #1 of this topic for suggestions about getting accurate doses:  Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone) 

[tigersnake00]

24 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

It is important to try and get your dose as consistent as possible.  Please read Post #1 of this topic for suggestions about getting accurate doses:  Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone) 

 

Okay I’ll get a pill splitter and use that. Is two weeks for each dosage enough to not get withdrawals?

[ChessieCat]

SA recommends that you listen to your body with regards to whether it is time to make the next reduction.  It is better to go slower than to go to fast and end up bringing on withdrawal symptoms which mean that your CNS isn't happy.

 

From Post #1 of the tips topic linked above.  Please read the information we provide:

 

On 2/3/2012 at 9:41 AM, Altostrata said:

To minimize the risk of withdrawal symptoms, we recommend a conservative taper of 10% from the previous dosage every few weeks. The amount of the decrease keeps getting smaller. Some people find they can go faster and some people find they have to go slower -- they can only tolerate decreases of a fraction of a milligram at a time. See Why taper by 10% of my dosage?
 
Very careful tapering is necessary when you have had psychotic symptoms. Such symptoms can appear as withdrawal symptoms; that will cause you to become diagnosed as relapsed and re-medicated. Read Psychiatrist: Some patients are better off without antipsychotics...

 

[tigersnake00]

7 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

SA recommends that you listen to your body with regards to whether it is time to make the next reduction.  It is better to go slower than to go to fast and end up bringing on withdrawal symptoms which mean that your CNS isn't happy.

 

From Post #1 of the tips topic linked above.  Please read the information we provide:

 

 

 

Im not very sensitive to medication so I think 2 weeks should be enough time on each dose. Thanks for your help.

[PoetJester]

Hi Tigersnake,

 

i gained back pleasureful ejaculations after quitting zyprexa after being on it for 14 years.  i had sensation again, but i didn't have any close relationships, so it didn't do much in a way.  plus, my sleep was awful after quitting the drug which compromised my health and made having relationships next to impossible anyways since i was mostly in my apartment re-cooperating from exhaustion caused by sleep deprivation.   the sensation does come back though.  at least it did for me anyways, but the sleep issues in wd are pretty terrible.   

 

Poetjester

[tigersnake00]

8 minutes ago, PoetJester said:

Hi Tigersnake,

 

i gained back pleasureful ejaculations after quitting zyprexa after being on it for 14 years.  i had sensation again, but i didn't have any close relationships, so it didn't do much in a way.  plus, my sleep was awful after quitting the drug which compromised my health and made having relationships next to impossible anyways since i was mostly in my apartment re-cooperating from exhaustion caused by sleep deprivation.   the sensation does come back though.  at least it did for me anyways, but the sleep issues in wd are pretty terrible.   

 

Poetjester

 

Nice to know that it’s possible to gain back pleasurful ejaculations, cuz I have been on risperidone since I was 10, I’ve never felt anything from ejaculation so I’m looking forward to the day I can, I’ve quit masterbaiting cuz there’s no point at the moment but anyway. Sorry to hear about the sleep issues, I have severe insomnia (not from withdrawals but has it’s own thing) i stay up till like 7am sometimes and sometimes I never sleep at all, I’m learning to sleep better however (which I’m doing to make the process of getting off risperidone easier)

[Altostrata]

Thanks, PoetJester.

 

tigersnake, tapering with a liquid will enable you to be more precise with your dosing. Your doctor might be able to prescribe risperidone liquid for you. It's very difficult to get precise dosing cutting a tablet unless you also weigh it.

 

I would not make any assumptions about how your system can tolerate dosage changes. You've been on the drug for a long time. If withdrawal symptoms catch up with you, you will feel terrible in a way you can't imagine now. Please taper carefully.

 

And read  Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)  It is required reading.

[tigersnake00]

16 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Thanks, PoetJester.

 

tigersnake, tapering with a liquid will enable you to be more precise with your dosing. Your doctor might be able to prescribe risperidone liquid for you. It's very difficult to get precise dosing cutting a tablet unless you also weigh it.

 

I would not make any assumptions about how your system can tolerate dosage changes. You've been on the drug for a long time. If withdrawal symptoms catch up with you, you will feel terrible in a way you can't imagine now. Please taper carefully.

 

And read  Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)  It is required reading.

 

I read tips for tapering off risperidone. I’ll use a pill splitter to cut my pills, I’m not sensitive to dosage changes, I’ve missed days of doses before and nothings happened.

[Altostrata]

Skipping doses is not good, it stresses your nervous system. A history of that can lead to hyper-sensitivity to dosage changes.

 

Strongly advise going cautiously until you find a rate that's comfortable to you, once withdrawal symptoms start, it can be hard to get the genie back into the bottle.

[tigersnake00]

14 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Skipping doses is not good, it stresses your nervous system. A history of that can lead to hyper-sensitivity to dosage changes.

 

Strongly advise going cautiously until you find a rate that's comfortable to you, once withdrawal symptoms start, it can be hard to get the genie back into the bottle.

 

I’ve only skipped doses a few times. I know you should go cautiously, I’m scared of having withdrawals, I can’t even handle the side effects let alone WD, I just don’t want to have to work at making sure everything’s precise and I’d rather not use liquid, frankly (I’m about to have a rant about how bad my life has been) I’ve had enough of living (I’m not suidical however) due to my depression (which is caused by my risperidone) and I have zero energy because of that and because of the tiredness caused by my pills, my whole life I’ve been alone and surrounded by bullies, I’ve gone through traumatic experiences and I haven’t been able to do anything with my life, I don’t work etc because of how tired and depressed I am due to these pills, I just want to get off these pills so I can start living, I’m sick of going through horrible life experiences and now I’m getting off these tablets with the potential of withdrawal and I can’t be **** trying to stop the **** from happening, I’m being crushed by my life and I just want it to be over, I feel like nothing good is ever going to happen, my whole life I’ve been fighting to keep going and I just don’t want to fight anymore, I don’t want to work at living anymore, I just want to rest, I need to rest, I don’t want to be doing these pills anymore, I can’t be **** making it precise and I don’t want to use liquids. I can’t handle it, I really can’t.

 

Edited August 25, 2018 by ChessieCat
changed obscenity to asterisks

[ChessieCat]

 

34 minutes ago, tigersnake00 said:

I just don’t want to have to work at making sure everything’s precise and I’d rather not use liquid

 

34 minutes ago, tigersnake00 said:

I’m scared of having withdrawals

 

Of course it is up to you what/how you decide to do things.

 

You have several options:

• taper as precisely and as slowly as needed to try and keep withdrawal to a minimum
• taper imprecisely and risk withdrawal symptoms
• go quickly and not listen to your body because you want to get off the drug
• stay on the drug

Unfortunately if you don't make it as precise as possible things could get worse as Alto has already mentioned.  Much worse - some members have become bedridden for years because of withdrawal issues.  Some have gone to the doctor because of the withdrawal issues and the doctor hasn't recognised withdrawal syndrome (not many doctors do) and the doctor prescribes a different drug.  Then you don't know what is causing what, withdrawal from the original drug, side effects/bad reaction to the new drug or all of the above.  Then they go back and the doctor changes or adds a different drug - and then they are on the drug merry go round.  Once you get on the drug merry go round it can be very difficult and take many years to get off.  And during this time you may also be suffering a lot.  Many/most doctors are quite happy to write a script to shut the patient up when they go in and tell them about how they are feeling.  And if your poor tapering methods bring on insomnia, then that is a whole different situation to have to deal with.

 

To put it simply, it is much better to do it right from the beginning.

 

Altostrata is this site's founder.  The site has been in operation since about 2011.  Alto has experienced withdrawal syndrome herself.  This site (and others) has provided her with many psychiatric drug user experiences and she has also done a lot of research.  We try to help people so that they don't have to experience what we or others have.

 

I understand how hard it is when you are in the depths.  The thing that I found which helped me to be patient and careful was reading and watching videos about these drugs.  I needed to get my dose lower because I was getting side effects from my drug.  As my dose got lower the side effects lessened.

 

I created a 2 page website about my own situation and included links to information I found on the internet.  It might help you to understand withdrawal and psychiatric drugs better:  https://adwithdrawal.weebly.com/

 

And:  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

Edited August 25, 2018 by ChessieCat
added last line

[tigersnake00]

2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

 

 

Of course it is up to you what/how you decide to do things.

 

You have several options:

• taper as precisely and as slowly as needed to try and keep withdrawal to a minimum
• taper imprecisely and risk withdrawal symptoms
• go quickly and not listen to your body because you want to get off the drug
• stay on the drug

Unfortunately if you don't make it as precise as possible things could get worse as Alto has already mentioned.  Much worse - some members have become bedridden for years because of withdrawal issues.  Some have gone to the doctor because of the withdrawal issues and the doctor hasn't recognised withdrawal syndrome (not many doctors do) and the doctor prescribes a different drug.  Then you don't know what is causing what, withdrawal from the original drug, side effects/bad reaction to the new drug or all of the above.  Then they go back and the doctor changes or adds a different drug - and then they are on the drug merry go round.  Once you get on the drug merry go round it can be very difficult and take many years to get off.  And during this time you may also be suffering a lot.  Many/most doctors are quite happy to write a script to shut the patient up when they go in and tell them about how they are feeling.  And if your poor tapering methods bring on insomnia, then that is a whole different situation to have to deal with.

 

To put it simply, it is much better to do it right from the beginning.

 

Altostrata is this site's founder.  The site has been in operation since about 2011.  Alto has experienced withdrawal syndrome herself.  This site (and others) has provided her with many psychiatric drug user experiences and she has also done a lot of research.  We try to help people so that they don't have to experience what we or others have.

 

I understand how hard it is when you are in the depths.  The thing that I found which helped me to be patient and careful was reading and watching videos about these drugs.  I needed to get my dose lower because I was getting side effects from my drug.  As my dose got lower the side effects lessened.

 

I created a 2 page website about my own situation and included links to information I found on the internet.  It might help you to understand withdrawal and psychiatric drugs better:  https://adwithdrawal.weebly.com/

 

And:  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

 

I meant no disrespect to anyone, I understand that the people here are way more experienced then me so I apologise if I sounded disrespectful, I just can’t believe this is my situation. I’ll get a scale and weigh the drugs and I’ll pay attention to my body and see when I feel is the right time to get off of each dosage. Thanks for everyone’s help, I just want to be able to live my life. I’ll check out your website. 

[Altostrata]

I'm sorry this process isn't easy. I wish it was.

[tigersnake00]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I'm sorry this process isn't easy. I wish it was.

 

Its not your fault but thank you and thank you for helping me. What’s a digital scale btw, I’m trying to find one but all I can find is bathroom scales.

[ChessieCat]

4 minutes ago, tigersnake00 said:

I meant no disrespect to anyone, I understand that the people here are way more experienced then me so I apologise if I sounded disrespectful

 

I didn't think you were being disrespectful.

 

5 minutes ago, tigersnake00 said:

I just can’t believe this is my situation.

 

This is "normal" here and many of us understand this.  You might find these topics helpful: 

 

Acceptance

Acceptance and Mindfulness 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

1 minute ago, tigersnake00 said:

all I can find is bathroom scales.

 

That made me LOL 😊

 

1 minute ago, tigersnake00 said:

What’s a digital scale

 

using-a-digital-scale-to-measure-doses

[ChessieCat]

Liquid topic:

 

using-an-oral-syringe-and-other-tapering-techniques

[tigersnake00]

19 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

I didn't think you were being disrespectful.

 

 

This is "normal" here and many of us understand this.  You might find these topics helpful: 

 

Acceptance

Acceptance and Mindfulness 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

 

That made me LOL 😊

 

 

using-a-digital-scale-to-measure-doses

 

I read the using digital scale to measure doses and it is way too complicated for my small mind to comprehend and then I read the liquid one and that was complicated aswell and sounded a little imprecise, I’m pretty good at cutting my tablets, I’m just going to stick with that.

[ChessieCat]

You could cut your tablets for now.  My suggestion would be to learn about more precise ways.  As your dose gets lower you will need to be more accurate.

 

You could also find other members' topic who are tapering the same drug to find out how they manage.  You can use the site search function or use google and search for these:  survivingantidepressants.org risperidone and survivingantidepressants.org risperdal

[tigersnake00]

2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

You could cut your tablets for now.  My suggestion would be to learn about more precise ways.  As your dose gets lower you will need to be more accurate.

 

You could also find other members' topic who are tapering the same drug to find out how they manage.  You can use the site search function or use google and search for these:  survivingantidepressants.org risperidone and survivingantidepressants.org risperdal

Okay. Thanks for your help.  

[ChessieCat]

You're welcome.  It can be very overwhelming when you first realise what is involved and what/why it is important.  Seems to initiate panic mode.  Just take one thing at a time.  When I first found SA I was devouring all the info I could.  I felt like I was "living withdrawal" every waking minute and possibly even when sleeping.  

[PoetJester]

Hi again Tigersnake

 

i was reading your later posts and even though i started the pills a little later on in life, it sounds like we share many of the same side effect symptoms.  i also was hardly ever able to work either from being too tired all the time on zoloft and zyprexa.  i talked to someone else on facebook who spent a large portion of their life on anti psychotics and it's pretty common.  i once had added up my work history during the 15 years i was on the drugs and it came out to be about 1 year of full-time work.   i was only able to work part time jobs now and then and usually would find it too hard to get motivated to go to jobs and end up quitting them. 

 

For 8 years straight i almost never left my apartment.  slept 15 hours a day, and watched television or sometimes read a book the rest of the time.   I had such a hard time getting motivated to do anything that about the only way i could leave my apartment was to set a goal to go out to porn store across town to rent a few porno movies once a week.  seriously, this was the only thing that could get me off the couch because of the pill-tiredness.  not much of a life, but with the pills, what can you do sometimes?   i later found out i was anemic which probably had something to do with my tiredness, but i am sure part of the tiredness was the pills (when i started them in 1998, i also started having to take afternoon naps everyday even though i was still relatively young, 27.  Later it became 15 hours a day every day- sleep 6am to 3pm then watch eat and watch tv and then a "nap" from 6pm to 11pm for 8 years. )

 

with the pleasureless ejaculations, i also had extremely decreased semen output.  my ejaculations would be delayed and then hardly anything would come out and sometimes they would even be painful.  i think part of this may be due to how hard anti psychotics like risperdone or zyprexa are on the liver which can lead to yeast infections which then can cause problems in the urethra with infections.  In my case, i developed an awful full body yeast infections while i was on zyprexa which was probably from the pills damaging my liver (i had elevated liver enzymes and triglycerides) which made it hard for my body to fight the yeast or candida.   By the time i was 35, i smelt like an 80 year old man-  musty and moldy.  and my groin smelt like old sweaty gym socks for years (my breath was also terrible- like rotting cauliflower or a sewer).  it was disgusting, but there wasn't much i could do about it since it was caused by what the pills were doing to my liver.   the old man smell and groin smell mostly went away when i stopped the drugs in 2014.

 

i hated my life the last 12 years or so on the drugs.  i was so tired and did so little that it was basically a pill-prison or pill-leash after a while.  i didn't even have a girlfriend for 12 years (17 now) and just sat in my apartment day after day too tired to do anything during what was supposed to be the prime of my life (my 30s) .  One evening, alone in my apartment, i began thinking how useless my life had been, how i felt like such a failure and began weeping-  my shoulders were shaking and my head was bowed and tears streamed down my face and i asked myself  "Why was I even born?"  at that moment i heard a voice   answer me saying "To seek Love's Pelf"  (pelf- an olde english word from pilfer, meaning "bounty or riches" ).  It was the voice of God.  

 

After quitting the drugs back in 2014, i did have a lot more energy and began walking 5+ miles a day, despite the torment of depressed sleep, and lost 40 lbs (about 20 kg) that i had put on over the years on zyprexa (i had always been very thin, but gained 70 lbs of belly and thigh weight on the pills.)   i became more active socially as well, volunteering at a nearby thrift store and also cleaning up area lakeshores and parks several times a week for a couple hours at a time ( i became a bit of a junk collector).  Later, i started up my own small business selling used golf balls.  i would go out on bike to area golf courses and spend a few hours walking through the hazards collecting all the lost shots and then take home my haul, usually 100-200 balls, and wash them up for sale on craigslist.  it was a lot of fun and being outside in nature as opposed to continually stuck inside on the pills always tired, was a blessing.  it gave me a sense of pride and made me feel more independent, more like my own man, to be a doing a physically demanding work, and earn a little money.   i found 10,000 balls in 2016 and again in 2017.    

 

i also began journaling and writing poetry after stopping the pills.  later i began trying my hand at stand up comedy at some comedy club open mics around town.  i write raunchy bedroom and bathroom humor and make up slang terms.   here's a short bawdy poem about being single for 17 years, entitled "On being celibate for 17 years" - 'my poor Mr. Peter needs a wet heater, not a hand greeter'   (hand greeter- masturbation- imagine the act of shaking hands.)

 

this is another short poem i wrote about my  pill-taking days, entitled "Story of My Life"  (i wrote a whole series of similar poems where i treat my life like short news stories.  It's entitled "Police Blotter")

 

Story of My Life

Man spends a lifetime staring out the window

Swallowing psychiatric pills against his will

Muses, "i wish i had found hunky-dory love

instead with a french fille." (fille- French for 'girl')

 

Yeah, i never was able to manage the scale and dosing stuff either.  by the time i heard about the tapering methods (i didn't get internet service until 2 years into wd),  i was so exhausted from sleep deprivation or poor sleep quality from wd that all the scales and pill cutters and stuff seemed like too much work, but who knows.   plus i don't know how to order stuff online very well and never have much money, (especially for an electronic scale).

 

anyways, 

 

i wish you success with getting off of the risperdone, however you go at it. 

 

Poetjester

 

 

[Altostrata]

Thanks, PoetJester. You're doing all you can to recover. Now let's return this topic to tigersnake.

[tigersnake00]

12 hours ago, PoetJester said:

Hi again Tigersnake

 

i was reading your later posts and even though i started the pills a little later on in life, it sounds like we share many of the same side effect symptoms.  i also was hardly ever able to work either from being too tired all the time on zoloft and zyprexa.  i talked to someone else on facebook who spent a large portion of their life on anti psychotics and it's pretty common.  i once had added up my work history during the 15 years i was on the drugs and it came out to be about 1 year of full-time work.   i was only able to work part time jobs now and then and usually would find it too hard to get motivated to go to jobs and end up quitting them. 

 

For 8 years straight i almost never left my apartment.  slept 15 hours a day, and watched television or sometimes read a book the rest of the time.   I had such a hard time getting motivated to do anything that about the only way i could leave my apartment was to set a goal to go out to porn store across town to rent a few porno movies once a week.  seriously, this was the only thing that could get me off the couch because of the pill-tiredness.  not much of a life, but with the pills, what can you do sometimes?   i later found out i was anemic which probably had something to do with my tiredness, but i am sure part of the tiredness was the pills (when i started them in 1998, i also started having to take afternoon naps everyday even though i was still relatively young, 27.  Later it became 15 hours a day every day- sleep 6am to 3pm then watch eat and watch tv and then a "nap" from 6pm to 11pm for 8 years. )

 

with the pleasureless ejaculations, i also had extremely decreased semen output.  my ejaculations would be delayed and then hardly anything would come out and sometimes they would even be painful.  i think part of this may be due to how hard anti psychotics like risperdone or zyprexa are on the liver which can lead to yeast infections which then can cause problems in the urethra with infections.  In my case, i developed an awful full body yeast infections while i was on zyprexa which was probably from the pills damaging my liver (i had elevated liver enzymes and triglycerides) which made it hard for my body to fight the yeast or candida.   By the time i was 35, i smelt like an 80 year old man-  musty and moldy.  and my groin smelt like old sweaty gym socks for years (my breath was also terrible- like rotting cauliflower or a sewer).  it was disgusting, but there wasn't much i could do about it since it was caused by what the pills were doing to my liver.   the old man smell and groin smell mostly went away when i stopped the drugs in 2014.

 

i hated my life the last 12 years or so on the drugs.  i was so tired and did so little that it was basically a pill-prison or pill-leash after a while.  i didn't even have a girlfriend for 12 years (17 now) and just sat in my apartment day after day too tired to do anything during what was supposed to be the prime of my life (my 30s) .  One evening, alone in my apartment, i began thinking how useless my life had been, how i felt like such a failure and began weeping-  my shoulders were shaking and my head was bowed and tears streamed down my face and i asked myself  "Why was I even born?"  at that moment i heard a voice   answer me saying "To seek Love's Pelf"  (pelf- an olde english word from pilfer, meaning "bounty or riches" ).  It was the voice of God.  

 

After quitting the drugs back in 2014, i did have a lot more energy and began walking 5+ miles a day, despite the torment of depressed sleep, and lost 40 lbs (about 20 kg) that i had put on over the years on zyprexa (i had always been very thin, but gained 70 lbs of belly and thigh weight on the pills.)   i became more active socially as well, volunteering at a nearby thrift store and also cleaning up area lakeshores and parks several times a week for a couple hours at a time ( i became a bit of a junk collector).  Later, i started up my own small business selling used golf balls.  i would go out on bike to area golf courses and spend a few hours walking through the hazards collecting all the lost shots and then take home my haul, usually 100-200 balls, and wash them up for sale on craigslist.  it was a lot of fun and being outside in nature as opposed to continually stuck inside on the pills always tired, was a blessing.  it gave me a sense of pride and made me feel more independent, more like my own man, to be a doing a physically demanding work, and earn a little money.   i found 10,000 balls in 2016 and again in 2017.    

 

i also began journaling and writing poetry after stopping the pills.  later i began trying my hand at stand up comedy at some comedy club open mics around town.  i write raunchy bedroom and bathroom humor and make up slang terms.   here's a short bawdy poem about being single for 17 years, entitled "On being celibate for 17 years" - 'my poor Mr. Peter needs a wet heater, not a hand greeter'   (hand greeter- masturbation- imagine the act of shaking hands.)

 

this is another short poem i wrote about my  pill-taking days, entitled "Story of My Life"  (i wrote a whole series of similar poems where i treat my life like short news stories.  It's entitled "Police Blotter")

 

Story of My Life

Man spends a lifetime staring out the window

Swallowing psychiatric pills against his will

Muses, "i wish i had found hunky-dory love

instead with a french fille." (fille- French for 'girl')

 

Yeah, i never was able to manage the scale and dosing stuff either.  by the time i heard about the tapering methods (i didn't get internet service until 2 years into wd),  i was so exhausted from sleep deprivation or poor sleep quality from wd that all the scales and pill cutters and stuff seemed like too much work, but who knows.   plus i don't know how to order stuff online very well and never have much money, (especially for an electronic scale).

 

anyways, 

 

i wish you success with getting off of the risperdone, however you go at it. 

 

Poetjester

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing your story with me. Sounds like you had a horrible time on the pills. I’m happy that you could do something with your life, what work do you do now? Are you still doing comedy? Your poems are interestingly eccentric, you seem very sexual going by your poems (are you still single & have you ever been in a relationship?), is your sleep better these days? Have most of your side effects gone or do you still have some left? Are you still having withdrawals? Interesting that god answered you, are you a Christian? I’m not Christian myself, I’m pagan actually, I follow the old gods & goddesses from ancient culture such has Greece, Rome and Egypt but I accept everyone no matter their faith, the world needs variety, if everyone was the same it’d be boring AF. 

[tigersnake00]

On 8/26/2018 at 10:49 AM, ChessieCat said:

You're welcome.  It can be very overwhelming when you first realise what is involved and what/why it is important.  Seems to initiate panic mode.  Just take one thing at a time.  When I first found SA I was devouring all the info I could.  I felt like I was "living withdrawal" every waking minute and possibly even when sleeping.  

 

Sounds like you were living hell. And yes it is overwhelming and I am in a kind of panic mode, I’m taking a little break from looking into withdrawals and how to prevent them, I need to calm down a little.

[Carmie]

Hi Tigersnake, 

 

Sometimes it’s good to have a little break. I haven’t tapered for many months but will be tapering again soon. Every now n then it’s good to get some kind of equilibrium.

 

I’m sorry you’re in panic mode. I will get easier to cope, not to say the withdrawals get easier but our coping mechanisms can. I’ve been tapering for so many years n have many, many more to go that this life is my norm now. 

 

I find lots of distractions when im in waves. I love doing creative things n even if I’m numb or withdrawals are severe I make myself do things to get through the day. I can’t enjoy them when waves are extreme but they get me through the day. 

 

When im in a window I make lots of happy memories that I can look back on. I’m a major photoholic too so if my memory doesn’t work too great I can look at photos. Not only that, making happy memories in windows helps me to see that I can n will make more happy memories in the future, as windows always come. 

 

We can win the fight, a moment at a time. It’s hard but we will get there, 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

[tigersnake00]

Hi @PoetJester

 

I was going to send you a private message but I couldn’t for some reason so I’m just writing it here in my old thread.

i have a question for you, how long did it take after you had gotten off of your medication for your pleasureful ejaculations to come back?

thanks for answering if you do & I hope your doing well. 😊

 

Edited November 7, 2018 by ChessieCat
Quote was irrelevant.

[ChessieCat]

Hi tigersnake,

 

Your post ended up being duplicated (it happens sometimes) so I moved one of them to PJ's topic with a request for him to respond in your topic.

[tigersnake00]

26 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi tigersnake,

 

Your post ended up being duplicated (it happens sometimes) so I moved one of them to PJ's topic with a request for him to respond in your topic.

 

Oh ok, thank you very much.

[PoetJester]

12 hours ago, tigersnake00 said:

 

Oh ok, thank you very much.

Hi tigersnake,

 

sorry, my inbox is full up of old messages that i never got around to deleting.  When i quit zoloft and zyprexa i regained more sensation immediately, at least after the first week of vomiting and going without almost any sleep.  i went 5 months without masturbating after stopping the drugs in feb 2014, but when i finally did masturbate 5 months later i noticed more pleasure in my ejaculations.   This was back in 2014.  I haven't been with anyone in 18 years so i haven't been able to see what actual sex feels like in a while, but it's still nice to have fuller erections and pleasure from ejaculating.   When i was on zoloft and zyprexa, i often had painful ejaculations, too, which i think may have been in part due to a massive yeast infection of my groin that i had for years from the zyprexa compromising my liver function.  this went away too, after stopping the drugs as my liver enzymes went back to normal.   Since i quit zoloft and zyprexa though, i have had serious sleep issues which cause excessive fatigue and hangover like feelings, so even though i have gained sensation back, i am often exhausted so that's difficult.

 

I had a terrible time with risperidone myself.  it was hell.  i had been institutionalized in 1995-96 and given high doses of the drug, three times a day ( i am guessing it was probably around 3mg daily), until i had no ability to achieve an erection whatsoever.  i basically was sexually neutered from the drug and no matter how hard i tried it was impossible to have any blood flow into my penis.  it cleared up within a few days of stopping the drug in spring of 1996.  i had had a week of ECT treatments at the same time that the drugs were stopped (i was also on paxil and prozac at the time) which may have had something to do with it.  

 

you could also read some of risperdalhater's posts.  he had some success with his feelings coming back after quitting risperidone. 

 

poetjester 

[tigersnake00]

7 hours ago, PoetJester said:

Hi tigersnake,

 

sorry, my inbox is full up of old messages that i never got around to deleting.  When i quit zoloft and zyprexa i regained more sensation immediately, at least after the first week of vomiting and going without almost any sleep.  i went 5 months without masturbating after stopping the drugs in feb 2014, but when i finally did masturbate 5 months later i noticed more pleasure in my ejaculations.   This was back in 2014.  I haven't been with anyone in 18 years so i haven't been able to see what actual sex feels like in a while, but it's still nice to have fuller erections and pleasure from ejaculating.   When i was on zoloft and zyprexa, i often had painful ejaculations, too, which i think may have been in part due to a massive yeast infection of my groin that i had for years from the zyprexa compromising my liver function.  this went away too, after stopping the drugs as my liver enzymes went back to normal.   Since i quit zoloft and zyprexa though, i have had serious sleep issues which cause excessive fatigue and hangover like feelings, so even though i have gained sensation back, i am often exhausted so that's difficult.

 

I had a terrible time with risperidone myself.  it was hell.  i had been institutionalized in 1995-96 and given high doses of the drug, three times a day ( i am guessing it was probably around 3mg daily), until i had no ability to achieve an erection whatsoever.  i basically was sexually neutered from the drug and no matter how hard i tried it was impossible to have any blood flow into my penis.  it cleared up within a few days of stopping the drug in spring of 1996.  i had had a week of ECT treatments at the same time that the drugs were stopped (i was also on paxil and prozac at the time) which may have had something to do with it.  

 

you could also read some of risperdalhater's posts.  he had some success with his feelings coming back after quitting risperidone. 

 

poetjester 

 

Thanks for replying

no need to be sorry

I’m sorry your having horrible sleep & hangover feelings

wow that sounds horrible

I can have erections but when I ejaculate I feel literally nothing so it makes me sad, sounds like the risperidone did worse for you.

I’m quitting masterbation for three months once I’m fully off of risperidone, the reason I was asking how long it took you was to see if three months was a reasonable time frame.

it seems like it is because you were on two tablets and when you got off it took five months and when you were on risperidone it came back in a few days so I believe 3 months that I’ve planned is a reasonable time frame.

thanks again for answering my question. 😊