Cindy338

[Cindy338]

Hi,

 

I dont know where to begin.  I began my taper a month.  I got anxious after learning so much about the poison I was putting in my body, and pretty much quit tapering after two weeks, and stopped everything except Clonopin.  I was taking Lexapro 20mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Zyprexa 5mg, trileptal 300mg, teice a day, and Buspar (cant remember the dosage, as my thinking is difficult). I was disgnosed with PTSD, Bipolar and Generalized anxiety disorder.  I never believed the bipolar, as I had none of the symptoms.  It made me upset to even hear the word.

 

A month ago, my husband and I went to the usual 3 month appointment to see the Physician Assistant, but this time, we were armed with the notion that we wanted me off these drugs.  I had no motivation and very little emotion.  I needed to find me again.  She became angry when we told her we wanted me to come off and that we didnt believe I had bipolar.  I went through years of therapy and learned some very valuable coping skills that I never had before.  I felt like I could now do my life my say, with some feeling.  She agreed to come down on the Lexapro and Trileptal.  But she said no way would she be in agreement to me coming off all the meds.  

 

I was determined to not ever see her again.  With my husband’s support, i began learning all I could about tspering and withdrawal symptoms, and psychiatry in general.  It has been quite the battle.  Thankfully, i dont work, so I didnt have to go anywhere.  I was worried about not being able to sleep.  Zzzquil (main ingredient is diphenhydramine.  Benadryl is diphenhydramine) has been a lifesaver.  After a month, here is where I am at in the process.  Essentially, I quit cold turkey.  The expected brain zaps were more like swishes, mostly at night.  All over body aches have been the absolute worst, especially the first two weeks.  Appetite has been poor, with nausea pursuing after every meal attempt.  I have had big time stomach upset, includng no only nausea, but cramping and constipation.  I get very weak and tired with minimal exertion.  

 

As of today, a month in, I am still getting nausea, but achiness is minimal.  The brain swishes are mostly at night when i get still and it is quiet.

I cant focus real well still.  I am having crying spells for the past couple of weeks, but I am greatful I am feeling emotion.  

 

We went to see a movie on Friday, but the action in the movie caused me stress which led to fatigue.  I kept falling asleep and i could barely walk. We had to leave.  I slept in the car the whole way home, other than when my legs would jerk me awake.   I have noticed that when i get too tired, i get restless leg, irritability, tearful, shaky, and occasionally panicked.   Rest has been vital.  My body dictates to me when I need to rest.  I just wish I knew when this would end.  I took multivitamins, fish oil and super b complex, but it was difficult to swallow them all so I quit. I stopped taking the Clonopin after the first couple of weeks.  I am leary of anything unhealthy or unnecessary going into my body. 

 

This has been so tough, but i refuse to be a victim to these drugs and my situation.  I sometimes feel so alone, and my husband is confused as to how to help me.  I have to believe there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.  I read a lot about other people’s stories, and watch videos when I can find them.   This has been very helpful.

 

I dont really know how to end this.  I hope it will help someone else through their difficult time.  

 

God bless.

Cindy

 

Edited February 24, 2019 by ChessieCat
added space

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Cindy.

 

Since you've gone off so many drugs at once, it's impossible to tell where your symptoms might be coming from. All in all, your withdrawal syndrome doesn't seem that bad. It's a good sign you've already seen some improvement.

 

It might be a good idea to eat only very bland foods, such as chicken and rice, cooked vegetables, and soup for a while. Do you drink caffeine?

 

How often are you taking Klonopin now, at what times of day, and what dosages?

 

What is your sleep pattern?

[Cindy338]

Yes I have definitely seen improvement, and would agree my symptoms are not as bad as they could have been, but were bad enough.  I am sleeping pretty good using zzzquil, the gummy ones with melatonin, chamomile and lavender. Benadryl just did not seem to work for me. I am getting 8 hours sleep for most nights.  

 

Over the past couple of days my appetite has improved, with minimal nausea.  I was able to get out of the house and drive to the mall yesterday for a hair appointment.  I felt weak but very happy I was able to accomplish it. I took an afternoon nap, which helped a lot.

 

i drink caffeine, about two cups in the mornings.  I know I shouldnt, for anxiety reasons, as well as stomach reasons. Its a tough habit for me to break.

I have not had any klonopin in at least a week.  I so badly want to throw them away, but a part of me hangs onto them.  I collected them for the longest, for fear of running out.  I only really took them when I felt panicked. They became a crutch.  

 

I have so many things to be thankful for. Since coming off the meds, I have had very positive changes. For the past few days, i have not had much achiness at all, except a little when fatigued.  I have had great blood pressures, and have not used my cpap.  I was disgnosed with severe sleep apnea, evidenced by critically high blood pressures. I am down to half a blood pressure pill.  Also, I had a problem of urinary incontinence that I believe was caused by one of the meds.  I no longer have that problem. That’s huge for me. My hair stylist told me yesterday that I had some new baby hair growing back in where it had thinned over the past couple of years.  I havent had any anxiety in a few days, and I am getting housework done, which also is huge.  

 

I think my biggest issue right now is fatigue, but it has improved quite a bit the past few days.  Key for me is to not push myself.  I have always been someone who pushes myself past my goal.  I can’t do that in this circumstance. I think I had it fairly easy, and for that I am tremendously grateful.  I feel I will be ready to get back to the gym by at least next week. 

 

Water is my new best friend.  When I feel weak or fatigued, water seems to help so much.

 

My husband and I have been having fun, especially in the mornings, playing and running around the house like kids.  It feels good.  (We are in our 60s). I feel very rested in the mornings.  Fatigue seems to come in the late afternoon or early evenings.  I get very irritible if i dont get to bed shortly after taking the zzzquil, as i feel the restless legs coming on and I cant stand that. 

 

All in all, I am much improved since my first post.  I felt it was really horrible the first couple of weeks, but things are looking up for me.  

[ChessieCat]

7 hours ago, Cindy338 said:

i drink caffeine, about two cups in the mornings.  I know I shouldnt, for anxiety reasons, as well as stomach reasons. Its a tough habit for me to break.

 

Yes it can be difficult, however you can make it easier by gradually switching over to decaffeinated.  If you are using instant coffee you can use part regular and part decaf and decrease the regular and increase the decaf over a period of time.  If you are using fresh coffee you could make your coffee weaker and add in a bit of instant decaf to increase the flavour or use a combination of regular and decaf coffee beans.  This will be more difficult if you are using coffee pods.