☼ Smitty: hello again ex PPer

[Smitty]

Hi,

 

I used to be very active at Paxil Progress. Wish I still had a record of all my posts from there to review now. I was on Zoloft and a few other things for close to a decade, mainly for OCD and anxiety, and eventually stopped taking SSRIs around May of 2009 because a few years before that the medication completely gave out on me. So it's been almost a decade without medication. It was a wild 10 years with lots of ups and downs. I know that I used to suffer a lot from withdrawal just based on the fact I was pretty active on PP. But it's hard to really remember my state of mind that long ago. I've managed ok without medication, but there's been a lot of struggle as well. 

 

The reason I am posting now is because my OCD and hypochondria over the last couple of years has gotten pretty bad, and I am really struggling again now. Mainly for a similar reason that put me on meds in the first place - a health issue that put my OCD into overdrive and made it essentially impossible to function because I couldn't think of anything else.

 

I had surgery for an inguinal hernia in February of last year and had mesh inserted to support the area (this is the gold standard in the US). But before the surgery I read up a lot on mesh and became very concerned about the possibility of complications, including chronic pain, infection and negative autoimmune response. I ultimately came to terms with using it for this repair for a variety of reasons and had the surgery. But ever since then I've been terrified of complications, especially since I've had some weird symptoms and continued mild pain that persists even a year later. I believe some of this is psychosomatic and related to my personality. But regardless, it's been difficult to simply ignore the issues and hope that long-term I will be ok.

 

On top of that, I have had many people suggest to me over the last several years (mainly my wife and mother) that I should consider a low dose SSRI or something similar again because though I believe I've been managing things ok, they seem to think I am still very anxious and irritable and unhappy too often. I can't exactly argue with that. They say that I shouldn't continue to suffer because I developed a hatred for these meds years ago.

 

I guess my question is, how many of you all have successfully gotten off these meds and spent a long time 'white-knuckling' life only to eventually get back on them? And if you did, what were the results? I vaguely recall people talking about permanent brain changes from these meds that might make going back on them at any point down the road very risky. I worry that if zoloft and lexapro gave out on me way back when, that nothing will work in the future, and might even set off some other mental illness. 

 

I understand this forum is almost exclusively for folks desperately trying to get off the meds, so apologies for posting about getting back on them. But I do know that the perspective I get here could be invaluable. I have an appointment on Wednesday to see my PCP about this. I am also considering just a benzo to have in my back pocket for situational anxiety, when things get really bad, so that maybe I can avoid trying a long-term med like an SSRI. Also, is there in fact a sub-section of this forum for people who have gone back on meds and are actually trying to mange dosage and stay on them? If not, do you know of any other resources for someone in my position?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

 

[Smitty]

And if I did get back on anything, my thought was a low dose for maybe 6-12 months to help me heal further and then probably tapering back off. Unlike before, when my doctor just said repeatedly, "You have OCD - you will probably need this for life - it's safe, so don't worry about taking it forever."

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Smitty.

 

What non-drug techniques have you explored to manage your health anxiety? Cognitive Behavior Therapy, etc.?

 

When did your withdrawal symptoms finally go away?

[Smitty]

15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Welcome, Smitty.

 

What non-drug techniques have you explored to manage your health anxiety? Cognitive Behavior Therapy, etc.?

 

When did your withdrawal symptoms finally go away?

Thank you for the response and questions, Alto! 

 

I have to admit that lately I haven't done much beyond exercise and self-talk. I got pretty down on therapy after many years because, though I had several therapists I liked, none were very pro-active and none really pushed any CBT, even after I asked about it. It was mostly them taking my co-pay and then being a good listener for 45 minutes each session. Therapist after therapist after therapist just listened and did little else. I could certainly use someone who is much more aggressive, and perhaps I need to start looking. I think that would definitely help the hypochondria more than anything, which is a big problem. But I don't know if it would help my overall mood as much. Maybe. But apparently I'm generally pretty irritable and angry a fair amount of the time. A new job would probably help that more than anything as I think a big source of my issues is dissatisfaction with work and feeling worthless. But easier said than done. I have never really had a job in all these years that I enjoyed or excelled at. 

 

Hard to say when withdrawal stopped, but as I haven't really given it much thought for years (beyond wondering if meds permanently lessened my ability to feel truly happy), I would say that it's been a long while. I imagine whatever the meds did to put me in WD has probably reset itself back to baseline, at least as much as it ever will.

 

I got a script today for Xanax and Zoloft. Will probably pick them up and stare at them for a few months and likely never take them. Mainly I wanted something on hand in case I had a really bad moment late at night. The only reason I would try the Zoloft again is if I thought perhaps it would perk me up a bit again and calm my obsessive personality a tad. But the big problem I have to keep in mind is that if it gave out on me in the past, it could give out on me again in the future. And if I take something for a short duration, what would really be the point in that if I am trying to fix something that may just be part of who I am, for better or worse. It would really only make sense to take it long-term in that case, but I would have to anticipate tachyphylaxis again at some unpredictable date in the future. But I will also say that the terrible few years I experienced in the past after poop out was compounded at the time by extreme stress and huge changes in my life. That's not really an issue at the moment. And I wonder if a lower dose might just be enough to give me a small boost in mood and functioning. I was probably on far too high a dose in the past (200mg of Zoloft for most of that time and even up to 300mg at one point), and maybe a low dose would be less likely to poop out. 

 

Anyway, I realized after I posted that I was really mainly asking if anyone had experience going back on medication after being off after a long while after poop out, but that I also am unlikely to find people in that situation on this forum. I was wondering if anyone tried and had a really bad experience re-introducing the meds after such a long time. Not sure if anyone with that sort of experience could be found here. But maybe you or one of the other mods may recall some examples, and also have some general thoughts based on what I've said so far.

 

Thanks again! 

 

[Altostrata]

Strongly recommend you find a CBT coach rather than take Zoloft and Xanax for health anxiety, or take up meditation or painting or something. You can change a habit of mind.

 

Most people here hate the drugs with a passion and would never go through that again. You might find people who are happy on their drugs on depressionforums.com or PatientsLikeMe.com

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Because you're recovered from withdrawal syndrome, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Smitty]

Thanks for the great advice! I did use to take fish oil and magnesium at various points in the past during recovery. I will definitely consider writing something up for the success stories section. And I will keep you posted on the rest. Thanks again!

[bubble]

Hello Smitty, have a look at our topic on health anxiety: 

I'm sorry you didn't come across helpful therapists but I firmly believe that learning how to manage our symptoms and states on our own is the way to go. Accidentally, I also had the inguinal hernia surgery 20 years ago and had a mesh inserted. But I didn't know there were any risks involved and haven't had any problems (maybe I should check it out now  

 

I hope you find a non'drug coping strategy that works for you...

 

[Smitty]

Thanks, bubble! 

 

Very interesting about your surgery. It's certainly very common (I think it's maybe the single most common surgery performed in the US annually). And frankly there's a good chance I wouldn't be having any issues at all if I hadn't looked into so much before the operation. One of the many drawbacks of being a hypochondriac is that, while it's very important to carefully do your research before any big procedure, it's almost impossible not to overfocus on all the bad stories and start catastrophizing. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Smitty and welcome to SA from me to.

 

We ask all members to create a drug history.  This allows members to see your drug history at a glance whenever you post.

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

[Smitty]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi Smitty and welcome to SA from me to.

 

We ask all members to create a drug history.  This allows members to see your drug history at a glance whenever you post.

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

All set, thanks!

[ChessieCat]

Thanks Smitty, that is very helpful.

[ChessieCat]

It would be good if you could add how you stopped your drug.  For example cold turkey, quick taper (include rough time period), slow taper and jumping off dose.

[Smitty]

11 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

It would be good if you could add how you stopped your drug.  For example cold turkey, quick taper (include rough time period), slow taper and jumping off dose.

 

Updated. All based off a profile paragraph I apparently filled out on this site when I first registered years ago. Oddly enough I guess it was right at this time that I sort of moved on, and it probably wasn't long after that I got to a point where any remaining WD was either gone or minimal enough that it wasn't impacting my daily life in an appreciable way. I can't recall the jumping off dose. No idea if I was on 200 or 300 or what at the time. 

[Gracee]

Hi Smitty,

Welcome to SA.  I am a former PPer too from about 2005 to 2010.  Congratulations for making it to your last pill.  Nothing warms my heart more that a success story.   

G.

[Smitty]

Thank you!