Squeakykin: Determined to stay off Haldol for good!!

[Squeakykin]

I have been on various psych drugs for over 35 years. For the last 20 years I have been trying to get off neuroleptics. I have failed soooooo many times with many hospitalizations and court orders. I am beginning to think that the drugs have changed my brain so that I am unable to successfully get off them. I am now on AOT again and they were force drugging me with 50mg Haldol injections until my body couldn't take being so toxic, resulting in severe rashes on my hands and arms for 6 months. So the AOT doctor stopped the injections cold turkey in September 2019. I started having suicidal thoughts and stupidly told my brother that I wanted to die in October. He had me hospitalized AGAIN!!! In the hospital they put me back on Haldol liquid then the pill at high doses of 15mg/day. Then I got severe akathisia, so at home, my AOT doctor lowered the dose to 10mg/day.

 

At this point I was cutting the pills and secretly only taking .25mg/day in November, and was very depressed. Then Dec.1, I impulsively swallowed half a bottle intending to die. Instead, I vomited up the pills and haven't touched the drug since. I feel quite good now, it's been a week since that fateful moment and I'm not depressed any longer. I don't have much to live for, but I feel calm and content and just want to continue to feel this way. I have also been listening to avant guard music as company. Somehow I feel that Haldol doesn't do anything for me anymore. I am just wondering if I will at some point have some kind of withdrawal psychosis in the future, so I am staying home 24/7 and seeing no one-- especially my brother, who I now realize is very dangerous to me.

Edited December 17, 2019 by Shep
added username to title

[Shep]

Hi, Squeakykin.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants.

 

When in September was the last Haldol injection? Please note the half-life of the injection can be as long as 3 weeks (FDA - Haldol). These means it can stay in your system for as long as 3,528 hours, which is 147 days, before you have 0% of the drug in your system. 

 

 

On 12/11/2019 at 1:21 AM, Squeakykin said:

I am just wondering if I will at some point have some kind of withdrawal psychosis in the future, so I am staying home 24/7 and seeing no one-- especially my brother, who I now realize is very dangerous to me.

 

Yes, you may have withdrawal symptoms, so you may wish to reinstate the pill version of the drug and do a slow taper.  Please see:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

The goal is to bring in enough of the drug to prevent withdrawal symptoms, while at the same time, keeping the dose low enough it doesn't create adverse reactions. 

 

Before we can recommend a dose should you decide to reinstate, it will be helpful to have more information regarding your history. 

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
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As you provide more information, we can better guide you in reinstating and provide other information, as well. 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Squeaky.

 

Your brother and the medical system are very much afraid you will some day impulsively kill yourself. If you're inclined to do this, you must seek face-to-face counseling so you can talk about your suicidal thoughts and learn to disperse them. I strongly recommend Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), it adddreses existential despair.

 

If you can't manage your suicidal inclinations and continue to talk about it or attempt it, those concerned about you will be alarmed and send you to the hospital. It's not that they don't want to understand, they're just so very afraid of your suicide.

 

Please keep your Haldol tablets. If you start to get overwhelming thoughts, you might want to take 0.25mg per day again. This may be enough to keep you out of "the system" but not cause adverse effects. Compared to what you used to take, it's a tiny dose.

 

It sounds like after so long on psychiatric drugs, you have some emotional anesthesia. This might be to your advantage now because you feel "calm and content." It also sounds like you have found an interest in music that gives you pleasure. Please keep reminding yourself of this -- that there are things you can enjoy, that can fill your life. You might have disappointments, we all do, but you can come back to music. You might find other interests, as well, and friends.

 

 

[Shep]

@Squeakykin This is a post in the "Alternatives for psychotic outbreaks" thread you may find helpful.

 

Alternatives for psychotic outbreaks

 

JanCarol lists information for contacting Will Hall. He's in the San Francisco Bay area, but also works via phone and video. He's very familiar with antipsychotic withdrawal. 

 

15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It also sounds like you have found an interest in music that gives you pleasure. Please keep reminding yourself of this -- that there are things you can enjoy, that can fill your life. You might have disappointments, we all do, but you can come back to music.

 

Squeaky, here are some links you may find interesting to go along with your interest in music:

 

Music Therapy / Music for Wellness and Healing

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Please let us know how you're doing. 

 

[Altostrata]

Will Hall's Web site https://willhall.net/

[Squeakykin]

The suicidal ideation was specifically due to being on 2.5 mg of haldol. That seems to be the magic dosage causing sadness and suicidiality. Now that I have been off the drug for 18 days, I feel very good. I have even started up cooking again which is a hobby I used to enjoy, plus eating healthfully is helping me gain my health back. BTW, I never considered suicide any other time in my life. In fact I always loved life and do again. It was just a phase on being on that magic dose while tapering. 

 

Because I have 5mg pills It is very hard to cut the pills to get .25 mg dosages. But once I notice any magical thinking or psychosis I will cut the pill as small as I can with my pill cutter, probably to 1.25 mg from 5.

 

I have found therapy very unhelpful for me.

 

I am detoxing VERY slowly. Sometimes I take baking soda baths. Mornings I have a large glass of water with 3mg vitamin c powder and a little greens powder. I am not rushing the detox though because that I how I got into trouble in past tapers.

 

Am experiencing akathesia at night, nausea and issues with swallowing, and my tongue doesn't feel right in my mouth (moves around a lot) also urogenital sores have developed along with cuts on my fingers from the detox.

 

Thanks for the info on Will Hall. He is someone who got off antipsycotics and is a good model for me.

[Shep]

22 hours ago, Squeakykin said:

Because I have 5mg pills It is very hard to cut the pills to get .25 mg dosages. But once I notice any magical thinking or psychosis I will cut the pill as small as I can with my pill cutter, probably to 1.25 mg from 5.

 

I'm glad to read you're open to reinstating if it becomes necessary. Much better than risking a psych ward. 

 

While you're doing so well, you may want to research scales and find one you like in case you need to reinstate. At that point, if you're having a lot of symptoms, it may be harder to do this type of research and having to do so will only add to the feelings of anxiety. 

 

This thread is helpful for learning how to use a scale:

 

Using a digital scale to measure doses

 

More tips on using a scale

 

A scale that many members use is:

 

The GEMINI-20 Scale

 

23 hours ago, Squeakykin said:

I have found therapy very unhelpful for me.

 

There's a lot you can do outside of the "mental health" system. Please see:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

The above thread contain links to music and art therapy, journaling, meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, etc. all with resources linked that are free and available online. No "expert" required. You become your own expert in self care. 

 

The best advice we can offer you is to find ways of self-soothing that you can practice during your withdrawal journey so that they become habit. 

 

23 hours ago, Squeakykin said:

Am experiencing akathesia at night, nausea and issues with swallowing, and my tongue doesn't feel right in my mouth (moves around a lot) also urogenital sores have developed along with cuts on my fingers from the detox.

 

Are these symptoms new since you stopped the drug or did you have them as side effects while still on the drug? 

 

Other than the  vitamin C and greens powders, are you using any other supplements or detox remedies?