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How did you perceive your waves?


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I try to make sense of what i am experiencing, i am 2 years of now but i feel my Symptoms are Horrible and unpredictable  i experience sudden changes from a state of tolerable or better to total Terror and the feeling of not being in control of my brain, altered Perception, head pressure and a feeling of Brain shutdown and not surviving the rest of the day.Can a wave occur in that short timeframe/sudden ?The strange thing is it feels like my psychological Symptoms seem to increase after 2 years while my physical did improve a lot to (almost)gone.

It would maybe help coping to hear how others struggle has been. (Sounds a bit evil,but isn't ment that way )

Started Venlafaxine around  2007-2008  for around 4,5-5 years 70mg

                                                   ca .2012  Taper as doctors advise 2 weeks skip a day and stop

                                                   7 -8 later months total breakdown after sruggling a lot Hospitalized

                                                   and started on Cipralex.

Taper as doctors advise: Mai 2018  from 20 to 10 mg escitalopram to zero in one Month.



Magnesium citrate 600 mg

Omega 3  2000 mg

vitamin D3 sometimes

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Wow, miomio, you have been given and withdrawn quickly from two of the cruelest meds here and at really high dosages. No wonder you are having such a hard time.


I had no windows for many months - 5+ and then slowly things started better. And during that time my symptoms would change by the hour - rage to sadness to "yuck" feelings to terror. I had no control over anything and felt extremely helpless. The thing that helped was to basically give up control - accept that this is WD and it will change and it will eventually get better but for now you are on a rollercoaster and hold on for dear life.  There is a book by Jonathan Haidt that talks about the elephant and the rider - how the elephant our more primitive brain basically can be guided but rarely controlled. I imagine my elephant in those moments as going crazy and I am just holding on until it calms down. 


Every time the waves are a bit better I feel like I am done only to have a wave return. My waves are mostly psychological (the physical symptoms have pretty much all gone for me) but now they come fairly gradually - usually with a few days of terror awakenings which lead to bad days and a cycle starts. 


Has anything stressful happened recently that may have exacerbated things? It could be even a positive thing that could be the stressor  - move/relationship etc. Have you had alcohol/coffee/other things that may have made things worse? 


Wishing you some respite soon. 

This will get better, the same way that the physical symptoms got better. Healing is happening  every minute. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 


I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 


In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 


Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg


Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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On 6/14/2020 at 4:04 AM, Onmyway said:

I imagine my elephant in those moments as going crazy and I am just holding on until it calms down. 


Hello @Onmyway - I love this analogy and plan to use it, especially since your waves sound a lot like mine at the moment. Thank you!

2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT without issues
Feb 2 - July 24, 2019 - restarted Lexapro 5 mg for insomnia

July 25 - Nov 19, 2019 - Lexapro 10 mg, resulted in increased anxiety and depression
Nov 20 - Dec 11, 2019 - 3-week FT from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 - Feb 4, 2020 - drug-free and feeling good until horrible WD hit
Feb 5 - Feb 16, 2020 - Paxil 10 mg, adverse reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - reinstated Lexapro 5 mg

Nov 22 - Dec 12, 2020 - transition from pill to homemade liquid

Dec 13, 2020 - 4.7 mg; Jan 3, 2021 - 4.5 mg; Jan 24 - 4.3 mg; Feb 14 - 4.2 mg; March 7 - 4.1 mg


daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; CBT & ACT therapy

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