longtimerunning

May 20, 2021

Hi. So I have a long history of depression and anxiety. Up until a few months ago I'd been on Cipralex for about 9 years. 10mg at first, then increased to 20mg and added Wellbutrin about 2.5 years ago. For the last year I've been doing pretty well (for me anyway) and had been coming across more and more online about how antidepressants can permanently change the way your brain works and a lot of other worrying ****. Nothing proven, just anecdotal, but caused enough anxiety that I wanted to try to come off. It also basically killed my sex drive completely.

So I started to taper on my own, reducing by about 2.5mg every 8 days or so. The process took 2-3 months. I've been totally off for 2-3 weeks now. Initially I was experiencing all the physical symptoms, along with very strong outbursts of rage/anger. That started to subside a bit, and then last Monday panic/anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. It's been almost constant ever since, this crushing, suffocating, torturous anxiety and panic and depression. I am second guessing every major decision I've made in my life and live in constant fear that something horrible will happen to my kids. I cry easily and it's really hard to stop and get myself together again. I am becoming fixated on issues in my life and just CANNOT STOP OBSESSING over them. We (me, my husband, and kids) made a big move across the country last year and for the last week I cannot stop thinking about all the heartbreaking things we're missing out on by not being close to family. I don't feel like our new city is safe to raise our kids in despite my husband telling me over and over again that it is. I just feel like this was a huge mistake and I can't live here, I can't live with this weight in my chest over the things we're sacrificing by leaving our home and my family. I'm trying so hard to hide this from my kids and act normally so they don't worry. I just worry and panic all day, trying to get through it and make it to the next one.

A lot of these tendencies are things I experienced before going on meds (and during at times), so I'm worried that these are just my symptoms coming back without the Cipralex in my body. I'm still on the Wellbutrin but it doesn't seem to be doing much. If this is withdrawal I would like to tough it out awhile longer and see if I can get to a place where I can be normal without the Cipralex.

I've seen psych/counselling regularly in the past, but the pandemic started not long after we moved and I haven't gotten set up with anyone in our new city. I have an appointment with my GP today to ask for a referral.

I just want to feel like myself again. I want to be with my kids, genuinely, not in my head trying to hold it together. I feel like I'm wasting this precious time of their childhood and the guilt and anxiety is crushing. But I don't want to be on meds that are going to **** up my brain permanently and cause problems for everyone down the road. I just don't know what the right thing to do it and I'm desperate.

Given this timeline, does anyone have thoughts on whether this is likely withdrawal (and will ease up) or return of original symptoms (and won't)?

Thank you.

May 21, 2021

Someone on Reddit suggested I restart Cipralex at a low dose (not sure what that would be) until I feel stable again, then start tapering much slower. I guess by the 10% method I see mentioned on this website. I'm worried it will be a mistake to "undo" the time and work I have put into coming off this med already.

I'm also seriously thinking that I just may be one of those supremely ***** up people who need medication forever, regardless the consequences. My life on meds was great. Other than that I had no sex drive and worried about what might happen to my brain in the long term.

Please, any input from anyone would be so helpful right now. I feel totally hopeless.

May 21, 2021

Hello, and welcome to SA. We are a peer owned and run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs. I'm very sorry to hear that you are experiencing these symptoms. They sound to me like withdrawal. Cipralex, or escitalopram, is a powerful antidepressant - it is at least twice as strong as other AD's. What day in May was your last dose?

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is:

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

Also, as we are recovering, we suggest keeping things slow, simple, and stable. This is extremely important.

Considerations About Stability Stop Jumping Around

Keep it Simple, Slow, and Stable

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad. This is called windows and waves.

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms:

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you.

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

I would suggest you try a small reinstatement of the Cipralex to try and lessen the withdrawal symptoms. This involves going back on a small dose of your drug, and is best done very carefully. This is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this. There is some risk involved. That is why we start as such a low dose. I would suggest trying a reinstatement dose of 1 mg. Give it a week, as it takes about this long to feel the effects of the reinstatement. We will take it from there.

Here is some information about reinstatement.

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms

If you can get or make a liquid, that would probably be the easiest way to do it. Here is information about various ways to dose the Cipralex. In the meantime, I suggest you don't change any of your other drugs, like the Wellbutrin. Keep taking it as you have been.

Tips for Dosing and Tapering Escitalopram

I've given you quite a bit of information here. Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take heart. We in this forum have been through this, and we understand first hand the pain and discomfort you are going through. Please know that the brain is amazing in it's healing abilities. It takes time, but healing can and will happen.

May 22, 2021

getofflex, THANK YOU for replying. I'm feeling very on my own as my GP says there is a 2 year wait list for a psychiatrist and his advice to me was useless and dismissive.

I stupidly did not keep a record as I tapered, but I'm thinking my last dose had to be around May 1.

I read through the material you shared (I actually had already read quite a bit of it) and I want to thank you.

The bit about the timeline on reinstating worries me. I didn't realize that if I go this route I need to do it fast.

One problem - I only have tablets, my pharmacy couldn't get the liquid. I tapered by using a knife to divide my tablets. Definitely not precise. I've called around and found and compounding pharmacy that can get it for me on Tuesday or Wednesday, after the long weekend in Canada.

I read the instructions on making your own liquid but don't have the supplies. All I have is an infants' motrin syringe with markings for 1.875ml, 1.25ml, and 0.625ml. I don't think I could get my hands on anything else until Tuesday, after the long weekend.

I guess my options would be to try to split the tabs into a small dose. I think I could get 2.5mg fairly accurately, or wait until Tuesday/Wednesday to do it with liquid. Or if there's some way you can think of to use the motrin syringe?

Again, I thank you thank you thank you.

May 22, 2021

Back again - I gave myself 1mg by dissolving 5 motrin syringefuls of water into half a 10mg tab, then taking one syringeful... I hope that was accurate enough.

Also wanted to add that I am already taking those supplements you mentioned. Thank you.

May 23, 2021

On 5/21/2021 at 7:20 PM, longtimerunning said:

his advice to me was useless and dismissive.

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this..... I know it is scary to feel alone, and not have the support of a medical doctor. Many of us are in that boat. It is unfortunate. That is why this forum exists.

On 5/21/2021 at 8:19 PM, longtimerunning said:

Back again - I gave myself 1mg by dissolving 5 motrin syringefuls of water into half a 10mg tab, then taking one syringeful... I hope that was accurate enough.

It sounds good. You can obtain 1 ml syringes from amazon that measure tiny amounts. It may not have dissolved, so it may be a suspension. That means it's many small particles distributed in the water. Just make sure it is well mixed before taking it, and that should be fine. Keep the liquid in the refrigerator. Did you read the link on "tips for dosing and tapering escitalopram" above? There are several ways to measure out a small dose.

May 23, 2021

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

You can obtain 1 ml syringes from amazon that measure tiny amounts. It may not have dissolved, so it may be a suspension. That means it's many small particles distributed in the water. Just make sure it is well mixed before taking it, and that should be fine. Keep the liquid in the refrigerator. Did you read the link on "tips for dosing and tapering escitalopram" above? There are several ways to measure out a small dose.

Yes I did read the link, thank you.

The syringes from Amazon wouldn't be delivered for a week or 2, so I figure I will make do with what I have now and get the prescription from the compound pharmacy next week.

I've taken the 1mg for 2 days now and I think that maybe I am starting to feel a little better. The anxiety is still overwhelming but the darkness perhaps isn't quite so all consuming. I'll keep this up for the next 5 days as you recommended before I increase again. Would you suggest going to 2mg then?

Thank you again.

May 23, 2021

Please take it slow and easy. Your system needs and craves stability, which means not increasing or decreasing any drugs for a while. It can take several months for the effects of a reinstatement to fall into place. A reinstatement usually lessens the withdrawal, it doesn't completely take away the symptoms.

On 5/20/2021 at 12:51 PM, longtimerunning said:

Nothing proven, just anecdotal, but caused enough anxiety that I wanted to try to come off

I thought your intent was to get off the drugs. If so, then you want to stabilize a while on this dose, then carefully wean off, not increase the dose again.

Edited May 23, 2021 by getofflex

May 24, 2021

3 hours ago, getofflex said:

I thought your intent was to get off the drugs. If so, then you want to stabilize a while on this dose, then carefully wean off, not increase the dose again.

Originally it was, yes. I would like to get off them eventually. But realistically I don't think I can go through what I just experienced again under my current life circumstances. And if that is how I feel without medication, I can't do it right now. I can elaborate if you want, but there are a lot of factors which are making this extremely difficult and traumatizing.

I need to get to the point where I feel like myself again. I have 2 small kids who need me. If I have to increase after a week to get there, then I need to do it.

May 24, 2021

18 hours ago, longtimerunning said:

And if that is how I feel without medication, I can't do it right now.

Most likely you felt so bad because you fast tapered off the drug and your system is in withdrawal from that. Please go back to my first post and read "how psych drugs remodel the brain", and "withdrawal syndrome" links. Also read the links about stability, and keeping it simple, slow, and stable.

19 hours ago, longtimerunning said:

I need to get to the point where I feel like myself again. I have 2 small kids who need me. If I have to increase after a week to get there, then I need to do it.

Here is the thing. More is not necessarily better with a reinstatement. Increasing again after a week may not get you to feel like yourself again, and it may in fact make things worse. It is important, whenever we reinstate, to give it at least a couple of months to allow the reinstatement to work, and for our system to settle down and stabilize. Please carefully read the link About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal Symptoms. Patience is important when recovering from psych drug withdrawal. The healing process is long and slow, unfortunately. Frequently changing the dose of a psych med, whether up and down, could very well destabilize and sensitize your system further, and cause even bigger problems. The good news is, it will get better given time, and patience, and caution.

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longtimerunning - Cipralex weaning and withdrawal/relapse

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