tardisdoctor's journey: dealing with symptoms following multi-med taper

[tardisdoctor]

Hello. 

I was diagnosed with depression and panic disorder in 2014 and put on meds. On my signature you can see the med history. It started with alprazolam and sertraline. I developed agoraphobia a month after starting meds. My treatment included therapy also. I had to switch doctors sometimes due to bad practices. The second pair of meds I took, venlafaxine and mirtazapine, sort of plateau'ed. I hit a ceiling that I would hit multiple times. They might help with panic attacks or suicidality, but leave me apathetic and not healthy. They don't move forward and I stayed in the same bad place. So doctors kept trying multiple meds, adding new meds to the mix, and on and on. For 7 years. I took 16 different medications during that time. A bad experience with lamotrigine made me not want to be on meds ever again. Unfortunately I had some issues (constant headache) that got me into the psychiatrist's office and ended up on meds again. After two or three years, I told the doctor I had made it pretty clear I did not want to be on meds forever, and I did not want to be on multiple meds.

 

On 2020, my mental health improved. Knowing my history, my doctor suggested I lowered the dosages until removing them and see how I react. I did that and I am now med free. The doctor would still want to keep trying different meds if I'd allowed it, but I made it clear I can't keep doing that. 

Ever since I've had some weird symptoms. It hasn't been easy. The doctor suggested I tried medicating with mushrooms or CBD, but I said I needed at least six months off meds to see how my brain reacts before I add anything else. I'm in therapy.

The hardest part is not knowing exactly if what you're experiencing is withdrawal and how to help it. Overall, in some ways I am better than before, and I don't think it would make much difference going back on meds. I might be the same, better, worse. Overall meds don't really work on me. I have treatment resistant depression, and have tried multiple therapies and alternatives also. 

Edited June 9, 2021 by arbor

[arbor]

Welcome tardisdoctor to SA.

 

I'm glad you found us.  We are a non-profit site run by volunteer Administrators and Moderators who have been through or still are going through withdrawal.  The fact that you have withdrawn from all these medications is quite a feat, in fact more than a feat--an amazing accomplishment.  And from what you've written, it sounds like it was a good move for you.  

Thank you for listing your history below as this will help us as we address your concerns.

To answer your question about what you're experiencing and whether it's related to withdrawal, could you supply us with more information about what things you are experiencing?  When do you feel them?  How would you describe them in detail?  To get you started, here are two sites that might be useful:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

After that we can begin to address how to help them.   

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

I invite you to visit the Forums section and under that find Symptoms and self-care.  There are many topics here you can browse.  Since nortriptiline and fluvoxamine were the last medications you tapered, I suggest you alert yourself to other members' experiences with their effects, and then with the other drugs as well to see if your experiences are similar.   You can do this with your computer browser using the heading:       fluvoxamine:survivingantidepressants.org.

 

Overall we find that withdrawal from most of these psycho-medications often have similar effects.  Here is a site on how medications can change our brains:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

If you want to alert me (or anyone else on the site) that you've responded, enter @ plus the member/moderator's name.  A rectangle with the member's or moderator's name will appear.  Click on that and write your post.  The member or moderator will be alerted.  For example, to alert me you would type @ then (no space between the two) and click on "Arbor."

 

This is your Introduction site where you can ask questions and connect with other members.

Again, welcome, and my best wishes for your health and well-being,

Arbor

[tardisdoctor]

trigger warning sexual assault 
 

 

Sorry for the late reply.

 

I had anxiety and some insomnia in the first weeks that differed from the ones I’ve usually had. But they went away after 3-4 weeks.

 

What happened after was that in April two traumatic memories of abuse resurfaced. They were situations that happened but I hadn’t perceived them as abuse at the time, or forgave them. But this time they came with a paranoia of leaving my house and being raped, or being constantly abused by every men. Or just not respecting myself and being vulnerable to abuse without realizing it is abuse.

 

My mental health declined after stopping the drugs and depression got worse. Eventually I wasn’t being able to take care for myself properly. Since I relied on takeouts and ubers to help me cope with the low energy, the new paranoia of being assaulted by anyone (any deliveryperson or driver) made daily tasks harder or impossible.

 

I focused on work and I didn’t have enough energy to work and take care of myself, so my health further deteriorated.

 

I had psicossomatization that caused me a physical pain that got worse, sending me to the doctor. I got further anxious due to the possibility of me having a serious condition. Turns out my exams came back fine and it’s probably only that: emotional. 
 

But my anxiety and despair about never getting better from depression worsened, since for 7 years I didn’t have quality of life and was in much suffering even while medicated and in therapy. So I got suicidal.

 

Went to the emergency room. Didn’t get committed. But got prescribed an anxiolytic. It helped lower the despair. 
 

I had to go stay with family for support, food, and observation. 
 

I started microdosing on mushroom as a treatment, prescribed by a doctor. But the first tries made me more depressed and suicidal. So now I’m evaluating every possible treatment I can get and patiently deciding where I go from here. 
 

I need some sort of help that is stronger than just exercise, food, vitamins, meditation and therapy. 
 

Going back on psychiatric drugs is a possibility but not an obligation. Right now I’m focusing on what will make me less desperate/suicidal so I can slowly get back my life. 
 

I know many folks have almost died going off antidepressants or gotten suicidal, so any help is welcome.

 

Thank you, and a nice day to all. 

[getofflex]

Hello.  You are truly a strong and courageous person.  I admire you for getting off of the various drugs, and being willing to address the trauma of the assault that you have faced.  Just to make you aware, the more people go on and off psychiatric drugs, the more the chance of their nervous system being kindled.  Here is a thread on kindling. 

 

Post WD Nervous System Hypersensitivity, hyper Reactivity and Kindling

 

2 hours ago, tardisdoctor said:

I need some sort of help that is stronger than just exercise, food, vitamins, meditation and therapy.

 

I just want to make you aware that there are therapies and therapists who specialize in the areas of trauma and abuse, and even sexual abuse.  Not all therapists are alike.  There are many treatment techniques, and also many different personality styles of therapists.  It just may be that you haven't found the right therapist yet.  I myself have seen several therapists for PTSD and abuse issues, and some were much better than others.  I would encourage you to not give up on therapy.  Nowadays there are several new therapies for helping with trauma recovery - that is a big field right now.  Try searching online for "trauma therapist" or "abuse therapist".  I would actually interview them on the phone, just to get a feel of what they would be like, and perhaps screen out some of them.  Good luck, and please keep us posted.  I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue of having been abused - I can relate, because I've been there.  

[tardisdoctor]

@getofflex

Thank you for the information on nervous system hypersensitivity.
I'm evaluating everything.
Thank you for your support.

[getofflex]

You're welcome.  Good luck on finding some resources to help you.