innocent21: My story

[innocent21]

I think this will be the only thread I will post my story in.

 

So when I was 20 in 2013 I was detained in a mental hospital after a psychotic episode. The prodromal phase that led up to it lasted one year. I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act on a Section 2 for 4 weeks and before I left I was forced into signing a Section 17 Community Treatment Order. If I didn't sign it, I wouldn't be allowed to leave. This is despite not being at risk of harming myself or others, not being a suicide risk and not self harming. I was diagnosed with to use their words, manic, but to you lot that would mean bipolar.

 

Medication Given

I was on 5mg of olanzapine in the mental hospital and it got doubled to 10mg no apparent reason other than that the psychiatrist in the ward wanted to discriminate against me by claiming I was still delusional after being on 5mg for weeks. This later got reduced to 8mg of olanzapine.

After being discharged from the mental hospital this got changed to 10mg of resperidone, 5mg, 2mg then it got put back up to 10mg.

Then I got put on the injection which was 40mg.

 

Side Effects

 

• Blunted personality (this was more severe on the injection)
• Blunted emotions (anhedonia) (this was more severe on the injection)
• Oversleeping (this was more severe on the injection)
• Pale skin
• Lack of creativity
• More spots on face
• Lack of concentration (or attention span) (this was more severe on the injection)
• Being sedated (this was more severe on the injection)
• Headaches (only on the injection)
• Being tired (spontaneously falling asleep in the day without prior warning) (this was more severe on the injection)
• Erectile dysfunction (this was more severe on the injection)
• Poor time management
• Slowed down thinking
• Talking slower
• Rashes on my body (only on the injection)
• Night sweats (only on the injection)
• Disturbed sleep (moving around in sleep, scratching myself in sleep, tearing my clothes in sleep, the bed sheet and quilt cover comes off during sleep_

 

The injection left me unable to work.

 

Refusing Treatment

 

I refused treatment in March 2020 and although there was some coercion with them always keeping on ringing my phone and sometimes visiting my house, they never actually forced me so I kept on refusing treatment, so one year after refusing treatment they discharged me in March 2021. So their CTO was a bluff the whole time.

I think the reason why they didn't really follow through with it when I refused treatment, is because they didn't want to receive pushback or be held accountable at an independent tribunal which I have a legal right to go to, just like how when people applying for disability benefits go to the independent tribunal after being rejected for disability benefits to have the tribunal decide if they'll be accepted or not in the final stage, the DWP, ATOS and Capita never attend the tribunal, even though they're supposed to turn up.
 

Discrimination

 

In hindsight I realised that I was a victim of discrimination, not just by one person or one clinic, but the entire trust that operates in my entire city. Looking back, there's no way that I could have realised it at the time with the life experience, knowledge and wisdom I had back then. To explain why and how I was discriminated against is a different issue altogether and that would be derailing the topic. Some people might say that there was no discrimination going on and he was operating with a conflict of interest to create a co-dependency of repeat customers in a revolving door just so they can maintain their current income. After the various improper behaviour I experienced from them, I find that to be false, and if anything, they would do that to me even more because they were discriminating.

[Shep]

Hi, @innocent21.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA).

 

1 hour ago, innocent21 said:

I was diagnosed with to use their words, manic, but to you lot that would mean bipolar.

 

We prefer not to use psychiatric labels here.  Dr. Thomas Szasz wrote that these labels are really "problems in living." Whatever your problems in living are, you fix those and you no longer have a reason to be distressed.  

 

A lot of what gets labeled "mania" can be a reaction to stress, insomnia, poor nutrition, trauma or delayed trauma from childhood abuse or neglect, a reaction to a psychiatric drug or a recreational drug, etc. To treat "mania" as a disease itself and not a symptom only prevents the real problems from being solved. It also creates a system that, as you write, allows discrimination and the loss of civil rights. 

 

You may find some of the non-drug coping techniques to be very helpful in handling your symptoms, and over time, even in helping with crisis states:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Are you currently taking any psychiatric drugs now or are you completely off? 

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
• This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

As you provide more information, we can better guide you going forward. 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Shep
fixed typo

[innocent21]

On 6/29/2021 at 1:04 PM, Shep said:

Hi, @innocent21We prefer not to use psychiatric labels here.  Dr. Thomas Szasz wrote that these labels are really "problems in living." Whatever your problems in living are, you fix those and you no longer have a reason to be distressed.  

 

A lot of what gets labeled "mania" can be a reaction to stress, insomnia, poor nutrition, trauma or delayed trauma from childhood abuse or neglect, a reaction to a psychiatric drug or a recreational drug, etc. To treat "mania" as a disease itself and not a symptom only prevents the real problems from being solved. It also creates a system that, as you write, allows discrimination and the loss of civil rights. 

 

You may find some of the non-drug coping techniques to be very helpful in handling your symptoms, and over time, even in helping with crisis states:

 

I understand what you're trying to say by the word labels, so yes people do use a label to stereotype someone to do away with any personal motivations as if a person acts compulsively and cannot control their own behaviour and lets their emotions get in the way. Like if the police are called to diffuse a domestic incident the police might apply their prejudice to a person diagnosed with a mood disorder to assume they are the aggressor. Or if a person swears, shouts or raises their voice towards an aggressor, it can be assumed by others that it's the mood disorder talking and not them merely reacting to a hostile situation where they are the victim. In that case, the problem is not the word itself per se (as its own separate entity), but instead how people choose to use the word.

 

Yes psychiatrists do over-diagnose people. They conflate situational depression caused by a traumatic event (eg. domestic abuse) with clinical depression where a person is depressed for no apparent reason (which is rare), to claim that both are the same. They will fail to acknowledge that a person can have a psychotic episode as a reaction to domestic abuse so therefore nothing is actually wrong with their brain that requires lifelong medication. I am aware that the chemical imbalance theory is a myth, especially when the patient only responded negatively to trauma.

 

Psychiatrists also blur the line between mentally well and mentally ill to commit "harm creep", by claiming that if someone has a high, happy, hyperactive, energetic or elated mood, that they are hypomanic (a medical term), therefore demonising a perfectly normal, harmless and healthy human emotion.

 

The web page you gave me to look at has lots of links on it, and most of them don't apply to me. I think when you're a writer like myself, that you would avoid counselling and self help books, and find more proactive ways of dealing with life issues rather than to just change your perspective and motivation on things.

 

On 6/29/2021 at 1:04 PM, Shep said:

Are you currently taking any psychiatric drugs now or are you completely off? 

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

 

Well in the past 12 months I was drug free so I've updated my signature to say I'm drug free.

 

In fact my first psychotic episode was a reaction to domestic abuse from my parents. I have to be careful what I say here to avoid leaving personally identifiable information as this forum doesn't allow people to edit or delete posts after 30 minutes, especially when you have stalkers and a cartel against you. Well what I can say is that when I reported it at age 7 to the authorities like a children's charity helpline called Childline, the police and school teachers, nobody took me seriously. I was born in the 1990s and in those days the authorities did not take domestic abuse seriously as they didn't see it as a big issue. Any domestic abuse that was reported would be downplayed, denied and ignored and the conversation and investigation ended after 30 seconds. The only things they saw as a big issue was physical violence, neglect, and sexual abuse. It was a different time back then.

[Shep]

Thanks for your post, @innocent21You are right on so many levels in your observations. 

 

Have you already come across the Mad in America site?  You may enjoy reading articles there. 

 

Mad in America

 

Some of the writings there express exactly what you are saying. The comment section is usually very insightful as well. Lots of people with lived experience post comments and share their stories. 

 

 

18 minutes ago, innocent21 said:

Well in the past 12 months I was drug free so I've updated my signature to say I'm drug free.

 

 

 

When did you stop the drugs? Was it longer than 12 months ago? Please post a month and year, even if the exact date is unknown. 

 

Have you seen any improvements during this time? 

[innocent21]

I already said in my first post. I refused treatment in March 2020.

 

My sleep is somewhat better but it's not back to how it should be, there's just less days when I move around too much in my sleep than before. Some days I sleep for 8 hours which is typical for me (before medication), but not most days. I'm sedated less but some days I'm still tired it depends on the day so for some days I still fall asleep in the day, just not as much. I'm not getting as much spots and blemishes any more. I don't get headaches or rashes any more. Some days my concentration and time management is good now. All the other side effects still remain. My skin isn't as pale any more.

 

I'm waiting for my emotions and personality to stop being blunted and for my erectile dysfunction to end. About the creativity thing, it's easy to suspect it's down to the medication, but I think it's more due to the cognitive deficits I gained after my first psychotic episode in 2013 that caused me to lose my long term memory and creativity which was a bad trip. However after my second psychotic episode in 2018 that was a good trip I gained them both back. I have anxiety so before I was sectioned my hands and feet were always cold, my mouth and hands were always dry and I would have trouble standing completely still without moving slightly. Nowadays my feet will go cold for around 15 minutes every 3 days so I suppose I have to be patient and wait for my brain to adjust and go back to normal, considering that in December 2020 I was unable to work for the entire month, when now (since March 2021) I am fit for work.

 

Now that I think of it, I do have a diary (or as americans call it a journal), not for mental health purposes, but for writing purposes, and looking back I can say that it helped me become more skilled at writing and write more cool things. I've had my diary since age 11. Most writers have a diary. it's a writers thing. 😃

[Shep]

4 minutes ago, innocent21 said:

I already said in my first post. I refused treatment in March 2020.

 

Thank you for this information. I've updated your signature to reflect the date and the drug names. Please note this site is run by a small group of volunteers, many also going through withdrawal, so having this information in your signature saves us time from re-reading earlier posts. 

 

Are you currently taking any supplements? If so, please list them. 

 

It sounds like you're slowly making improvements, which is great to read, innocent. 

[innocent21]

I read on Natural News that people with bipolar tend to have a vitamin B deficency so I've been taking vitamin b tablets. Any help they do give is minimal. I've also been having energy drinks like red bull and lucozade and drinking coffee, if that counts as a supplement.

[Shep]

22 hours ago, innocent21 said:

I read on Natural News that people with bipolar tend to have a vitamin B deficency so I've been taking vitamin b tablets. Any help they do give is minimal.

 

I wouldn't research health issues by researching a psychiatric label for ways of treating this mythical "disease". If you suspect a vitamin B deficiency, you can get tested by a doctor. Science should be key when dealing with medical issues, not arbitrary labels. 

 

The B vitamins can cause problems with people withdrawing from psychiatric drugs due to their stimulating effect. See:

 

Vitamin B12: essential for mood, nervous system

 

If you do take them, be sure to take them early in the day so they don't affect your sleep. 

 

Many of us find that it's better to obtain our nutrition through the foods we eat instead of relying on supplements, at least until our nervous systems aren't so fragile. Fish oil and magnesium are the only two supplements we recommend, as they tend to be calming to the nervous system. Please see my early post in your thread that contains links for more information. 

 

Unless you're a vegetarian, you may already be getting enough B12 and other B vitamins in your diet. Perhaps do some googling to research healthy diets rich in B vitamins and see if those foods are the kind you regularly eat. 

 

22 hours ago, innocent21 said:

I've also been having energy drinks like red bull and lucozade and drinking coffee, if that counts as a supplement.

 

Not a supplement. This would be considered a drug - caffeine. 

 

Caffeine in coffee or tea: Tolerance issues

 

If anxiety or sleep problems are a problem, you may want to cut back. It's highly individual, but many people find that caffeine ramps up symptoms. 

 

Best to stick to a healthy diet full of protein, fruits and veggies, plenty of clean water, and little sugar (sugar is also known to ramp up symptoms). 

 

Just some thoughts. What we put into our bodies, whether it's drugs or food, affects our minds and bodies. Set yourself up for success during withdrawal and for the rest of your life. You'll come out of this experience golden. 

[innocent21]

 

  

On 7/1/2021 at 12:47 PM, Shep said:

If you suspect a vitamin B deficiency, you can get tested by a doctor.

 

I'm not going to be given the honest results of any blood test due to not only mental health services discriminating against me, but also my own doctor or GP clinic discriminating against me. There was only one mental health clinic that gave me honest results of my blood test, and all the other ones in my city claimed there was absolutely nothing wrong and everything was perfect, which was them lying.

 

I know that antipsychotics weaken your immune system. Well when I had a viral infection for 2 weeks which is unusual for me as I'm an adult not a child my immune system should be naturally developed by now, when I went to my doctor about it to check if I had a chest infection, she refused to treat me by pretending to. She used a stethoscope on my back instead of my chest as if that was suitable when it wasn't.

 

On 7/1/2021 at 12:47 PM, Shep said:

Fish oil and magnesium are the only two supplements we recommend, as they tend to be calming to the nervous system.

 

I don't need anything calming as I'm already calm with a stable mood.

  

On 7/1/2021 at 12:47 PM, Shep said:

If anxiety or sleep problems are a problem, you may want to cut back. It's highly individual, but many people find that caffeine ramps up symptoms.

 

 

I don't get any effects from taking caffeine. Maybe that's because my general disposition is more elevated than most people.

  

On 7/1/2021 at 12:47 PM, Shep said:

Best to stick to a healthy diet full of protein, fruits and veggies, plenty of clean water, and little sugar (sugar is also known to ramp up symptoms). 

 

Just some thoughts. What we put into our bodies, whether it's drugs or food, affects our minds and bodies. Set yourself up for success during withdrawal and for the rest of your life. You'll come out of this experience golden. 

 

Yes I do try to eat heavily, even though I'm on a low income and food is expensive. The fact of the matter is that if you're living in poverty in the UK, then it's cheaper to eat fast food than it is to go to the supermarket. Food is expensive nowadays. When it was 2008 or even 2003 or before that, £40-50 could fill one large shopping trolley to the brim. Now all it can fill is 3 disposable carrier bags. There's also economic factors which has affected the british economy which hurt the working class.

[Shep]

On 7/4/2021 at 1:08 PM, innocent21 said:

Yes I do try to eat heavily, even though I'm on a low income and food is expensive. The fact of the matter is that if you're living in poverty in the UK, then it's cheaper to eat fast food than it is to go to the supermarket. Food is expensive nowadays. When it was 2008 or even 2003 or before that, £40-50 could fill one large shopping trolley to the brim. Now all it can fill is 3 disposable carrier bags. There's also economic factors which has affected the british economy which hurt the working class.

 

All very true and it's not just in the UK.

 

You may find some recipes you like in this free e-book:

 

Good and Cheap: Eat Well on $4/Day (PDF)

 

It was written as a project by a MA Food Studies student at New York University with the goal to provide healthy recipes that someone getting food stamps or the equivalent could afford. Also includes tips for shopping on a budget. Some of those recipes aren't just cheap, they're also really good.