sofasogood: 6.5 years of Citalopram: After 3 months of tapering coping with withdrawal

[arbor]

Dear @sofasogood--Yes, I can relate to the hell you are describing   I'm so very sorry that you're having to endure this.   Indeed, it is hell.

1 hour ago, sofasogood said:

it feels like I am going backwards

I definitely felt worse as I went along.  That has changed on reaching 4 years.  Now I'm steadily improving.  Hopefully, your recovery won't take as long, but it seems that most of us have to think long term, whether we're tapering, or have stopped taking the drugs.

1 hour ago, sofasogood said:

I feel like I am slowly deteriorating. I always prided myself with being good with languages, but right now I mix everything up. I even have to translate English words into German to remember a German word I just cannot grasp in that moment I am thinking about it.

Oddly enough, I too could remember words in French better than in my native English.  Isn't it a horrible feeling when you can't connect your thought to the word?  So disorienting--like losing gravity.  My sense is that you're not deteriorating so much as experiencing the brain disfunctioning.  It will pass.  The power of your mind and the delight of your creativity will return.  I believe this strongly.  It can be a double whammy: both the loss of function plus our identity if we identify with those abilities.  For me, cultivating a daily, (and I must say, slogging) practice of compassion has been helpful.  After months of it, I have felt like a worm pushing through dirt and darkness.  As I improve, the compassion has also grown bigger.  You deserve all the good will in the world, Sofa.  Most of the world will never understand how hard it is to recover from these drugs.  

 

2 hours ago, sofasogood said:

Today, my left eye won't focus the way it normally does.

Unfortunately, these drugs often affect our eyes, including the ability to focus, whether we stay on them, or are going through w/d.  I've heard among the Success Stories that the blurriness can improve.  I'm holding hope.  I recommend getting an eye exam.  My eye doctor has become aware of problems associated with AD's and checks for Macular Degeneration as well.  He avoids using dilation drops because the chemicals can be inflammatory.

 

2 hours ago, sofasogood said:

I am ridden by the feeling it will never get better

I'm glad you're sharing these feelings.  However the brain creates this feeling, it seems to be especially agitated during recovery.  I recommend not believing your brain when this feeling comes up.  Just floating and observing has been helpful for me (though I've wanted to scream).  Keep sharing, if you wish!

 

2 hours ago, sofasogood said:

On my way to work now and I am terrified of talking to colleagues or not being able to do work properly. I am constantly trying to get out of the spiral, but it is so hard, when you are reminded about your handicap every time you speak. This takes up soo much energy . 

Yes, this is so horribly challenging.  I admire you for going to work anyway.  You still want to do the best you can.  Your spirit is very bright.  Even when you can't do your best work, you are trying.  You will get better, Sofa.  You may have to be resigned for awhile, but you will recover.  

 

I send you anti-inflammatory wishes and a big hug,

Arbor

 

[SonSetFree]

Hi Sofa, hope you are feeling better.  I read your thread and wanted to see if you thought the carnivore diet helped and what diet you are on now.  
 

wishing you the best,

-son

[sofasogood]

Hi @SonSetFree.

I hope you are ok.
Yes I think the carnivore diet helped me. As it is a elimination diet, that takes out most of the foods, one could be having a reaction to, it clearly can help to find out, what might be causing some of the gut issues, that come with the withdrawal. Everyone is different and so are the problems that might turn up in the process. I myself suffer from histamine intolerance, casein intolerance, and lots of smaller ones, like almond and strawberry etc. They all appeared after I quit Citalopram. But there is no one size fits all. In the end you need to tweak it the way your body needs. Some eat Keto, others try Paleo, and some do an almost carnivore diet with some veg and fruit still included. I will never be an advocate for being a strict carnivore only. I am working myself towards the goal to eat a more diverse diet with a professional. Before you start, I would recommend checking, if there might be other factors of undetected problems involved. Leaky gut was one of mine. For me, the carnivore diet itself didn’t take care of that, because there was an underlying issue of formaldehyde poisoning and a big zinc deficiency, that need to be taken care of. But the diet helped me get the nutrients I needed to progress in my withdrawal and to get rid of the bloating, that sometimes was so bad, I couldn’t leave bed and thought my gut would burst any second. Those are almost completely gone. Are you thinking about going carnivore? Have you tried other diets before? I remember hearing someone doing amazing on a lectin free diet here in the forum as well.

 

I hope this helps. If you have more questions, just ask.

 

Cheers

 

Sofa

[SonSetFree]

On 3/14/2023 at 4:11 PM, sofasogood said:

I myself suffer from histamine intolerance, casein intolerance, and lots of smaller ones, like almond and strawberry etc.

Thanks Sofa!  My biggest issue is fatigue and some other physical symptoms.  Other than gut issues, did you you see other withdrawal symptoms improve with diet change?

[sofasogood]

On 4/6/2023 at 9:15 PM, SonSetFree said:

 Other than gut issues, did you you see other withdrawal symptoms improve with diet change?

Hey @SonSetFree.

Gut issues were the biggest change together with sleep. To be honest these 2 made my life a great deal more enjoyable. All the other claims off the carnivore hardliners need yet to come true. But I think in the end it has more to do with leaky gut in my case. And some people just don't heal just from eating carnivore. And then, a healing nervous system has its own pace of healing as well. Your body tells you quite well if something is wrong. 

 

Have a wonderful day and I hope you are better.

 

Sofa