IvyMarie: New panic and tics 4 months post-meds - is this still withdrawal?

[IvyMarie]

Hello,

 

I’m in the depths of the dark times and have gotten to the point where I’m truly not sure whether A) I’m still dealing with plain old withdrawals and need to wait it out, or  this is actually my new normal state and I should consider other meds, because I can’t live like this. I guess I’m here to look for feedback in sorting out A from B.

 

I’m now about 4 months out from my last dose of Lexapro. I tapered too fast, I believe – 3 weeks. I had the typical brain zaps (gone now), and the anxiety and depression just started to grow after the one month mark – much worse than it was before the drug. I had been on Lexapro for depression and anxiety, and it helped the depression some, but anxiety not at all – and the side effects were not great so I came off of it, preparing to try something else (whether drug or not). I tried adding other meds during that time, which also didn’t help. The depression has gotten a tiny bit better recently (no longer convinced my marriage is over, thankfully) – but the anxiety has remained, and is controlling my life – it feels like I’m just in survival mode all the time and there’s no room for any enjoyment of life. Now I’m in a brand new chapter – ten days ago all hell broke loose and I’m in full panic mode. I had coffee one day (I’ve been off caffeine for months), and that night suddenly woke to waves of panic. Not an “attack”, which would have an end, but just constant. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep. This has continued, with no end in sight. I’m now managing to get some sleep by using Hydroxyzine to knock myself out, but I still wake to the panic multiple times. I’ve also got some new crazy motor tics – head jerks, strong eye squeezes, etc. The daytime is a bit better – but I’m using kratom to get through it. (I’ve used kratom for anxiety regularly over the last 3 years in order to avoid benzos – but I don’t know if it’s really any safer. At this point it feels like it’s saving my life though.)

 

So – is this recent panic a withdrawal symptom? Can I expect it to end? Or is this just my “new normal”??

 

These forums have been very helpful, and I’ll continue to read more. But in the meantime, what do you think – should I assume this extra-dark time is withdrawal, and do what I can to support myself through it? Or does it make any sense to jump back in to drug therapy in an attempt to regain my life?

 

Thank you sincerely for any input you can offer.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @IvyMarie

 

On 10/20/2021 at 9:41 AM, IvyMarie said:

I had coffee one day (I’ve been off caffeine for months), and that night suddenly woke to waves of panic.

 

When was this? It's very possible that your system is so sensitized from withdrawal, it will react badly to caffeine. Also alcohol and antibiotics.

 

What does the anxiety feel like? At what times of day is it better or worse? How's your sleep?

[IvyMarie]

Hi @Altostrata, 

 

This was about 12 days ago, and I've been off Lexapro for four months. I had deliberately been avoiding caffeine due to the anxiety it brings, but made a bad call and had some that day. I don't drink alcohol at all (can't tolerate it). No need for antibiotics.

 

The worst part of the anxiety in the last 12 days is the physical aspect. It's a sheer panic and fear feeling - I liken it to feeling like I'm dangling off a cliff by a rope, watching it slowly fraying. Completely in my chest/solar plexus area.

 

If it weren't for the panic feelings, I think my sleep would be fairly okay. And as mentioned, I'm using the hydroxyzine antihistamine to knock myself out, which is the only reason I'm able to sleep at all right now.

 

Thank you so much for your reply.

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, IvyMarie said:

The worst part of the anxiety in the last 12 days is the physical aspect. It's a sheer panic and fear feeling - I liken it to feeling like I'm dangling off a cliff by a rope, watching it slowly fraying. Completely in my chest/solar plexus area.

 

Yes, this is a familiar withdrawal symptom.

 

Your nervous system may have been vulnerable from your taper, and caffeine tipped it into full-blown withdrawal.

 

You might get liquid citalopram, escitalopram's milder sibling, and reinstate 0.5mg to stop the withdrawal symptoms. This is a crutch for your system to stabilize, we've often seen it work. You'd taper off by tiny amounts later. Please let us know how you're doing.

[IvyMarie]

Thank you for letting me know this.......it definitely felt like caffeine was the trigger.

 

I probably won't have access to liquid citalopram, though I can ask my doctor. Not sure that she'll be on board. If not, is there a way to use my existing escitalopram pills somehow? At any rate, how long would someone need to be on the citalopram to stabilize, typically? Days, weeks, months? 

 

I sure never expected this whole situation - I had been on the same drug many years ago, quit cold turkey, and other than the brain zaps there were no issues. This time around it's been a real doozy - some of the darkest times of my life, even before this recent plot twist. 😟

 

Thanks again for the help. 🙏