Bestill: mirtazapine and being free

[Faure]

16 hours ago, Bestill said:

Question?  Do any of you ever feel the longer you hold, the worse you feel?  Like you just need to keep going? Or is this all in my head?  I definitely don’t want to rush the process at all.  Just some thoughts I have had.

I do think that by the end of my 2 week hold my body has settled and I start feeling the adverse effects of the drug - fatigue mainly. Recently, week 1 of the drop has been more difficult (it used to be easy). It’s like I get hit with WD and the as the 6 week BrassMonkey slide goes on things are easier because the drug is reducing all the time. 
 

Glad you’re feeling a bit better. Hope it continues 🤞

[Bestill]

@marie123 @Faure and @Chlo.

 

Thank you for your experiences.  Yesterday was such a high and low kind of day.  I would feel ok and then no body talk to me because it’s hitting me hard at the moment.

 

3 days ago, I did cut by .1 to see if anything would change and perhaps I would see some relief.  Not much of any relief but I don’t feel any worse.  I will hold at 6.2 for at least a week and see what happens.

I also believe there is some correlation between full moons and how are body reacts.  We have a full moon on the 8th with a blood luner eclipse which I feel is a double whammy.  I can’t explain it but this morning with the time change and whatever was going on, we had 3 animals fighting on our bed at 5 this morning.  So that was a nice morning alarm.

 

@Chlo I believe any change that goes on, whether time, hormonal, seasonal or just  weather changes mess with our bodies.  I think having those expectations helps us brace for any change good or bad.  I also think it’s awesome that everyone is still traveling.  I couldn’t even think of that right now.  So you are one strong woman!

 

@Faure This is why I am so motivated to get to lower doses.  In hopes to feel less side effects.  The other thing is, I was feeling pretty good, was moving my body more, could handle all the side effects and carry on with my day and this week it was the opposite and it gets scary.  On the up side, I’m so stubborn and get mad that I keep pushing through. The pattern of waves and windows fascinate me and irritate me all at the same time.
 

The thing that is so bittersweet is that I’m not alone in my symptoms but I wish no one had to deal with them.  But here we are, being awesome!

 

❤️

[Bestill]

Oh and I bought an acupuncture mat.  It’s supposed to help with anxiety and depression.  I don’t have depression but for those who do.  It also helps with sleep and pain.  Will report and let you know.  I got it on Amazon for like $30.  It comes tomorrow.

 

read up on it.  It sounds promising if not relaxing when using it.

 

❤️

[Bestill]

Time for an update.  I always seem to write when I’m in the middle of WD but it’s been 6 days since I decreased 5%. This put me just under half my original dose.  It took me a year to do so but it was constant progress and I will not compare my journey to someone else’s.  
 

This first year hasn’t been easy but for the most part I have seen constant healing at a snails pace.  But it’s still healing.  I worked part time, continued to be an awesome mom, take care of the house, cook a lot of meals, run my errands, get through stressful situations and so on.  I basically have been living an uncomfortable normal life.
 

I have had moments of tears and not wanting to do this to mostly being stubborn and motivated as can be.  I know I will get off this one day soon.

 

My main symptoms are air hunger, body pain, anxiety that comes and goes.  Other symptoms that come and go are throat issues like lump in throat or trouble swallowing, vertigo, headaches, lack of motivation, sadness and tears, anger, blurred vision, nerve pain in my lower back, lack of appetite and hungry appetite, edema and probably some more that I choose to forget.

 

I primarily focus on a low histamine diet.  There are some things that sneak in but it’s not awful.  I use a heating pad daily, peppermint oil, acupressure mat, red light therapy, meditation, light exercise when able and lots of rest.  I never call Mirtazapine anything negative because I don’t think it helps in the healing process.  I try to speak and think as positive as I can because I am  a firm believer that your body feels what your mind thinks.  I also believe that when we are hurting the most is when the greatest healing is taking place.

 

So I am in the midst of WD from my last decrease and I know it will pass.  It always passes.

 

This past Dec I also got sick with some sort of virus or nasty cold.  It was about 2 and half weeks long.  I let my body fight it off and took nothing for it.  I honestly don’t think I could have done it without going through all the WD and side effects.  My tolerance to pain is pretty high now.

 

I still have a ways to go and I’m ok with it.  It is what it is.  I’m just focused on getting to the 3’s next.  I hear good things about the 3’s and my hope those good things will happen to me.

 

I am thankful for the people who are going or have gone through this experience.  We are all stronger together.  We will get to the other side and will thrive once again.  I believe it with my whole being.

 

That’s it for now.  I am trying to focus on my healing and I’m not on here as much.  I am at a point in my taper where I am sensitive to triggers and have to set boundaries.

 

I enjoy reading updates on my fellow mirt people. To see where you started and where you are going makes me truly happy.  All I can say is how amazingly strong we are.  It’s only going to get better.

 

❤️

 

[Gigi68]

Bestill, you have done so well! You are halfway there and sounding strong. I love your comment about living a normal uncomfortable life. How true that is! I had the lump in the throat feeling for many months but it has been gone for a long time now. I still get blurry vision occasionally but it clears up in a day or two. I’m hopeful for you that you continue to see improvements and that your normal uncomfortable life becomes a little less uncomfortable! 💜

[Hibari]

@Bestill

You are doing it and will get into those 3s.  

 

It's funny how we can want what others have. I too am longing yo get into the 3s but will have to settle for the 5s first.

 

Hibari

[Faure]

Hi @Bestill, I’m having a bit of an uncomfortable time of the month with some anxiety and irritability (at least I hope it’s that and not that I’m messing up my switch to making my own liquid).  Anyway, so I was thinking of you and wondering how you’re getting on? 

[Bestill]

Hi @Faure

 

Im sorry you are having some anxiety. I am the queen of anxiety with my taper so you have all my sympathy.

 

I have actually been sick a lot.  I had Covid 4 weeks ago and strep this week.  I don’t do antibiotics or pain killers so I used natural remedies that helped and they all passed.

 

I am officially at 4.9z. I’m on day 8 of my decrease so I am feeling it more so.  Plus a front is coming in.  Another snow storm.  Every time the weather shifts, my body feels it.

 

Otherwise, I am getting through day after day. Some better than others but always trying to stay positive.  I also think having a few people I talk to daily who are tapering mirt as well, really helps.

 

Your anxiety will pass.  It always passes.  Peppermint oil and heating pads are my best friend for anxiety.  Also listening to binaural beats for anxiety I find on YouTube.  Lots of self talk!

 

Hugs to you!

 

❤️

[marie123]

Hello. Nice going, you are in the 4's now. Isn't it crazy how the storms affect us in withdrawal? This has happened throughout all of my tapering. I have noticed that storms still affect me, but not as much. Something to look forward to. Marie.

[Hibari]

@Faure  @Bestill

I too have struggled with anxiety this month. It hits in the morning and then hangs around. Don't know why but I think it has to do with me moving lower on my dose. 

 

It's nice to know that there are others people tapering Mirt and traveling the same path. 

 

Wishing everyone easier times ahead. 

 

Hibari 

 

 

[Faure]

16 hours ago, Bestill said:

I have actually been sick a lot.  I had Covid 4 weeks ago and strep this week.  I don’t do antibiotics

sorry to hear you’ve been ill a lot. Glad you got through it ok.  
 

Work cheered me up yesterday, it usually does! I woke with a jolt of anxiety early this morning but after a doze I feel better. I think if it’s time of the month anxiety I’ll be through it soon, if I’m not already! Have to keep an eye on that; I don’t know what to do about HRT, there is a lot of evidence in its favour these days but having experienced being reliant one one drug I’m very wary of becoming so on another. Especially as there are HRT shortages in the UK. The country is falling apart 🙄
 

Well done for getting into the 4s, I’m on 3.2 and next cycle I’ll get into the 2s. Things definitely get better and better the lower I go. Take care and thanks for replying ☺️

[Bestill]

@FaureAs far as HRT goes, I am reluctant.  I am a huge fan of using food as thy medicine and food source supplementation. I really believe that focusing on that today has allowed me to continue with work, push through the bad days and get through my menstrual cycle every month.  I too am one who has horrible PMS because of tapering.  It’s really when I feel WD the most.

 

Being a woman is the most rewarding yet challenging as our bodies continue to change as we get older.  Sometime I wish we had a switch to just turn it all off.  
 

Im so glad it get better as we continue.  I hear that a lot and see it within myself.  Very small and SLOW changes but in comparison from even 6 months ago, I see so much and prob lest complaining on my part  too.

 

❤️

[Bestill]

@marie123 We can be storm sisters. I don’t even need to look at the weather.  As soon I feel change with in me, I’m like something is coming.  Look at the weather and sure enough, I am right.  It’s fascinating and a pain all at once.  Same with full moons. Perhaps we are just more in tuned with mother nature?

 

❤️

[Bestill]

A little update.  Tonight I will decrease to 4.6.  It has been about 3 and half weeks since my last but I held extra for spring break and Easter.  
 

Ups and downs per usual.  Anxiety and air hunger taking front row seats.  Anxiety seems to be a bit stronger since being in the 6s into the 4s.  I am looking forward to when that goes.  I will handle the air hunger.  Anxiety is just nasty and not friendly at all.

 

I am still working and getting through each day that I am there.  I am working out more which makes me so happy.  Nothing crazy but moving my body makes me feel like I am accomplishing something.  Definitely a lot more than what I could do.  Baby steps into the right direction.

 

My allergies are already acting up.  I’m hoping they will go as fast as they came.  Lots of congestion, sniffles and just feeling warn out.  
 

I feel like I have a small group of support that keeps me going and gives me a lot of strength when I’m in the thick of everything.  
 

My eye is just getting to the 3s.  I will say everything keeps moving into the right direction of slowly seeing small improvements.  I still get strong waves that pop up out of no where but it’s not my first rodeo and it always passes.

 

I still feel like I’m going at a snails pace but it is what it is.  I keep moving down and that’s what matters.

 

❤️

[marie123]

Hello Bestill. It sounds like your doing well with your taper. The 3's will be here before you know it. You're working out more and getting stronger and healthier. This is what I'm trying to do, getting as healthy as I can. It's a good combination, getting lower and lower on dose while getting stronger and healthier. Marie.

[Hibari]

22 hours ago, Bestill said:

A little update.  Tonight I will decrease to 4.6.  It has been about 3 and half weeks since my last but I held extra for spring break and Easter.  
 

Ups and downs per usual.  Anxiety and air hunger taking front row seats.  Anxiety seems to be a bit stronger since being in the 6s into the 4s.  I am looking forward to when that goes.  I will handle the air hunger.  Anxiety is just nasty and not friendly at all.

 

I am still working and getting through each day that I am there.  I am working out more which makes me so happy.  Nothing crazy but moving my body makes me feel like I am accomplishing something.  Definitely a lot more than what I could do.  Baby steps into the right direction.

 

My allergies are already acting up.  I’m hoping they will go as fast as they came.  Lots of congestion, sniffles and just feeling warn out.  
 

I feel like I have a small group of support that keeps me going and gives me a lot of strength when I’m in the thick of everything.  
 

My eye is just getting to the 3s.  I will say everything keeps moving into the right direction of slowly seeing small improvements.  I still get strong waves that pop up out of no where but it’s not my first rodeo and it always passes.

 

I still feel like I’m going at a snails pace but it is what it is.  I keep moving down and that’s what matters.

 

❤️

You are doing so well on your taper @Bestill

 

You made it through covid and continue to chip away at your dose. 

 

I'm eyeing the 3s too and I know we will get there. Then it's on to the 2s.

 

Thanks for all your kind support during my taper. 

 

Hibari. 

[RKroos]

I see that we are in the same boat, I am also reducing mirtazapine with the blassmonkey method (A little different). I'm on 3.6mg

At what dose do you plan to jump to 0? I haven't found any information on this, but I guess 0.1 seems like a good starting point.

[Bestill]

@RKroos I will be using pill form all the way down and my scale weigh/ out .04.  That is when I plan on jumping off.  Of course plans sometimes fail, but for now that’s the goal.  🙃. I think peoples advice is to go as low as possible so you have minor to no WD.  I already plan on taking time off from work and life to heal after I am completely off.

 

Have you found that being in the 3’s is treating you better?  am down to 4.4.  I try to do two cuts a month now and I’m finding the 2nd cut of the month is def the hardest.  I’m on day 5 of this cut and it’s being nasty today.

 

I will pop on over to your page and see what your story is.  ❤️

[RKroos]

11 hours ago, Bestill said:

@RKroos I will be using pill form all the way down and my scale weigh/ out .04.  That is when I plan on jumping off.  Of course plans sometimes fail, but for now that’s the goal.  🙃. I think peoples advice is to go as low as possible so you have minor to no WD.  I already plan on taking time off from work and life to heal after I am completely off.

 

Have you found that being in the 3’s is treating you better?  am down to 4.4.  I try to do two cuts a month now and I’m finding the 2nd cut of the month is def the hardest.  I’m on day 5 of this cut and it’s being nasty today.

 

I will pop on over to your page and see what your story is.  ❤️

Yes, I definitely feel better being on the 3's.

My drops are not monthly, they are 3% every 10 days, which gives a total of 9% per month. Everything seems to indicate that smaller falls are much better than large falls. The brain easily notices falls of 10%, but falls of 2.5 or 3% apparently not noticed (In my case). I had problems every time I fell 10%, but now with small jumps I have no problems.

It will probably take me about 2-3 years to get to 0. I think I'll jump to 0.075mg

PD : I had a bad time from 6mg to 4.8mg but now I feel much better for a few months. I think the key is in the small jumps.

[Bestill]

It seems like allergy season is upon me.  In the past two weeks there has been a drastic uptick in my allergy symptoms and WD.  I am also in the middle of my cycle too which is never helpful.  It feels like I am having a massive cold and my anxiety over the last two days have increased at night and in the morning.  
 

The tree pollen has been very high the last few days and I have read that an increase in allergies will increase the production of cortisol? It sure feels like it.  I just have another hurdle to get over.

 

it always seems like when we begin to feel better something else is thrown at you to get you off course.  
 

The goal was to taper this past Sunday but I wasn’t ready.  I’m giving it another week.  It may be time to just start holding a little longer.  I’m at 4.4.  I wish I could roll down this hill of getting to 0 but it’s little tip toe steps and bracing myself with walking sticks as I continue.

 

The good thing I find is that when I get through each hurdle, I kind of forget about them until the next one hits.  
 

This too shall pass.

 

❤️

[marie123]

Keep going Bestill. You are doing great. I'm revved up a bit by the spring allergies too. Marie.

[Faure]

Hi Bestill, I’m sorry to hear things are a bit rough at the moment. You’re going in the right direction all the time and will get there ☺️
 

Totm is a killer, for me I feel exhausted right before my period starts then immediately start feeling better again once it does. Such a pain, I never had this before. 

[Mcat]

Hi Bestill, I've read you talking about anxiety, but do you get depressed during your taper? I expect I'll get some anxiety at some stage of my taper (early days at this point) because that's long been a problem for me, but depression much less so (suffered from it as a teen and at various points, but it's not been my big issue for a long time), though I've been markedly depressed the past couple of weeks - not quite as bad this week as last. I went on Mirt for insomnia, which I obviously regret like anything now I realise its worst CT WD is brutal insomnia. Anyway, just feeling out whether other Mirt tapers get this (it's possible it's due to other factors, but I can't rule the taper out). 

[Bestill]

@Mcat I do not get depression.  I just get the anxiety and it’s all chemical anxiety because my mind feels sharp and most of the time I stay as positive as possible.  I will get a little down right before my period but that’s about it.  It is very common for people to feel depressed when tapering.  You truly never know what will pop up.  It’s definitely frustrating at times.  I know O have my moments when I don’t want to do this anymore and then I get over it and keep going.  I also remind myself that when things are going great and I feel like I have taken steps backwards.  My body is finding something else to heal.  
 

Im so sorry you went on this for sleep and now you have to slowly taper.  Try not to regret it.  It’s hard to do but you are on the right track.

 

❤️

[Mcat]

Thanks for that. The depression didn't last long - 10 days to 2 weeks, but it was pretty fierce. I'm back to normal now and have moved to liquid, so can rest easy that I'm getting a more accurate dose as I continue to taper.

[Faure]

Hey @Bestill, I was thinking of you recently. How are things? I’m on 1.8mg and about to enter an unscheduled hold as I’m just feeling so worn out, randomly anxious and depressed. I’m hoping a long hold will sort things out; I’m thinking about 4 weeks but longer if necessary.  How has your return to work been after the summer break? It’s always tricky for me, especially with the change of seasons but I got back to work without any trouble (so far) this year!  

[Bestill]

@Faure Hi there!  I think what you are feeling is completely normal anytime there is a shift in our lives.  
 

I have now been back to school for the last 5 weeks.  In the beginning I was fine, it was exciting to be back and to be doing something.  In the first week of school I had a death in the family and my mother in law was in the hospital at the same time.  My husband and I were both trying to be there for our families so it was stressful but it didn’t hit me until the day after it was all done.  Kind of like the let down effect.  I got a cold and my body was just not having it.  We are also experiencing the transition of fall so Mother Nature isn’t sure about what temperature she wants to have.  That has definitely made things more difficult.  I think once we find more consistent weather, things will calm down.  This happened back in June and by July I was doing better.
 

With that said I have noticed more body pain, fatigue and allergy like symptoms.  My anxiety has decreased in the past month but I notice an increase when there is a change.  My experience  with this tapering is something always hurts and I have never felt good so I feel like I have learned to live with all the discomfort and I’m used to it.  
 

Last night I even experimented with food and it didn’t go over well.  Sushi is still a no no in my book and it made me sick and gave me higher anxiety.  I just kind of laughed it off.

 

One thing that has helped me that no matter what I’m feeling, it will pass.  I also get mad when I get an uptick in my symptoms and my stubbornness takes over and I will not allow my symptoms to rule the day.

 

I am almost through the 3s.  3.1 to be exact with a cut this week.  I have been cutting .1mg every 10 days or so.  I’m holding a little longer with this last one as my symptoms have been a little more intense but I am also doing so much more.  I can’t sit still anymore and I think it’s good to stay busy because it helps with my process of getting through this.

 

i am working out 5-6 days a week for about an hour.  Nothing intense, just walks and Pilates.

i work 5 days a week now and volunteer in my sons class everyday . So That’s about 7 hours a day.  Im actually filling out paper work to be a substitute teacher and focus on working a couple of days during the week and a couple do days off so I can find more balance. I also carpool a bunch of kids morning and afternoon as my two get out at separate times and separate locations.  It’s loud but fun.  Needless to say, by the end of the day I like to find my chair, cozy up with a cup of tea and let my body fall apart.  😉
 

I know you will get through this little road block.  You are listening to your body and I’m pretty sure you will be cutting a lot faster than you think.  Change in routine always takes some getting used to.  For the body and mind.  Try to laugh at it, or sometimes like me, get mad and don’t let it rule over you.  The most important thing, is to keep thinking about the “new you”.  How amazing you will be after you’re off the junk and thriving once again.  Something I always day dream when I’m having a tough day. ❤️

[Faure]

Wow, @Bestill, thanks for such a comprehensive update. It sounds like things are going really well for you! What good news. I could never do all you’re doing; I still get too tired, but I’m less tired than I was. Of course not having children I’ve never had to be that busy! I’m so glad for you, and that you’re managing to exercise more. 
 

I seem to be through the wave of the past week this morning, I woke up feeling a lot better today. Thinking I’ll do the last week of my drop on the BrassMonkey slide and then hold longer than 2 weeks if I need to. I remembered in the last day or so that some doses are harder to get past than others. This seems to be one of those, on top of all the changes to routine. 
 

It sounds like you are doing so well ☺️👍☺️ good luck with the job hunting☺️

[Bestill]

@Faure I guess that was pretty comprehensive.  😉. It perhaps turned into a little update for myself.  
 

I knew your wave would pass.  I feel like there are times for me when I feel lousy that it’s here to stay and gets me flustered and then it passes and I’m like oh!

 

I am definitely doing better but not anything where I used to be before this all happened.  I think the biggest thing that I’m dealing with now is the weight gain.  I can squeeze my arm or push into my leg and and see the water retention. Beautiful indentations, sometimes very uncomfortable as it feels like my skin is stretching.  Another thing to be patient about but a struggle indeed.

 

Sending positive vibes yours way for a better week.  ❤️

 

 

[Hibari]

@Bestill

It's always good to hear your updates. 

 

You are doing a good job of listening to your body and making drops based on that information. I do that too and it keeps me from getting caught up in fearful thinking. 

 

I also appreciate how supportive you are to others on this site. You took the time to reach out to me at the start of my taper and it helped me so much.  

 

I know you are going to step off this med with ease and all that water weight will drop away. 

 

Hibari 

[Mcat]

Hey @Bestill - extra kilos is a big one for me on this drug, too. I've lost a bit as I've come down and increased exercise, but not nearly as much as I'd like to lose (currently on 3.54mg). I wonder if there's a dose going down where that really starts to shift or if you have to be off it altogether before it does. Anyway, just wanted to wave and say I hear you.

[Bestill]

Thanks @Mcat.  It’s primarily all in my legs.  I am puffy all around with legs being the man focus.  It’s weird and uncomfortable but it is what it is.  I’m hoping once we get cooler weather it will go away lien it did last year.  I also felt a lot worse tho.  So I choose my battle.  Be fluffy and function or skinny and miserable.  I’d rather be fluffy.  😉

[Faure]

I noticed today, particularly, that a lot of weight has gone from around my stomach. It’s been reducing for a while but today I really noticed it!
 

I seem to be thru my wobble and will do my last drop of this cycle next week, after a week holding. Then a two week hold before going again. 

[Mcat]

That's heartening. I really hope I can get rid of the kilos (about 4, I think) as I come down from this drug. 

[Bestill]

I thought I would give a brief update.

 

I am down to 1.9 and have been there for a week now.  I am feeling the withdrawal but primarily in the evening.  Things are definitely improving.  Since January, I was a long term substitute gym teacher for my sons elementary school.  I would have 5-6 50 mins classes a day with 5 mins breaks.  I was very nervous at first but I did it and last Friday was my last day as they hired someone full time.  I have now transitioned into a building sub.  So I am there everyday and they put me where needed.  I find working definitely helps keep my mind occupied and fills my cup.

 

i did experience a chest virus for 3 weeks.  Fought it hard for 2 and it knocked me down in the 3rd week.  Only missed two days of school, no medication and let my body fight it off.  I am certain I have an extreme high tolerance of pain thanks to all of this tapering.

 

I still experience the daily air hunger, though for the most part it is better with some strong intensity at times.  I have learned to live with it.  I still have body pain, back especially, knees, necks.  Sometimes my shoulders will hurt really bad.  I feel like I’m really feeling the histamine issues since our weather has been up and down so much.  One day it’s 30 degrees and then the following day it’s 65. Seriously moody. It definitely messes with my throat.  Constriction and phlegm.  Always clearing my throat.  It goes away when the weather is consistent.  I still feel withdrawal more during my cycle, change in weather and full moons. I will also get 4 day migraines monthly.  I thought it was because of my cycle.  Nope.  They just appear at anytime.  I just use heating pads and peppermint oil to ease discomfort.

 

I can nap now, anxiety has decreased a lot but still pops up from time to time. I can do so much more and not feel it the next day.  I have really trained myself that rest is essential and make time for that on nights and weekends.  Sleep is fine most of the time.  Appetite is healthy and I think if you didn’t know me, you would think I felt normal. 

 

I have def put on some weight.  I am certain the majority of it is water retention.  I lost some when I was sick and as soon as I started eating again and went right back up.  This is my biggest annoyance.  I will look forward to it melting off when i complete my taper.

 

I am walking daily.  2 miles a day is the goal right now and I do a little arm Pilates.  I appreciate being able to do this now without feeling like garbage after.

 

I think that’s about it for now.  I just keep going and chipping away.  I definitely don’t feel normal and uncomfortable a lot of the time.  But if I stay busy, I can forget about it.  I continue to think about when I will be done and imagine a thriving body.  Can’t wait.

[Bestill]

Also, I am still dry cutting my pills.  It seems to be just fine and I plan to taper all the way down with this method.