Goose757: Strong Depression Recovery, but Lingering Sleepiness and Anhedonia

[Goose757]

Hello, I have lurked on this forum for a while but have yet to make a post. I am a 24 year old male who has dealt with the psychiatric industry since first grade (2003ish).

 

 I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2003 and prescribed Focalin; I took this medication until my second semester of college in 2016. I briefly took this medication again for about a week in 2019. In fifth grade (2008ish), I was diagnosed with anxiety and prescribed Lexapro; I took this medication until the summer of 2016.

 

I lived what I thought to be a healthy and normal childhood, but I later learned through therapy that my family dynamic caused me to develop OCD. This unhealthy family dynamic resulted in an explosion that happened in Spring 2016. The explosion was that I had met the girl of my dreams and we wanted to get married. We were definitely young and naïve (18 years old), but the decision to get married saved my life and was my first step toward health. My marriage resulted in a huge fight within my family, my parents disapproved and things got very ugly. The end result of this was a strained relationship with my family and my spiraling into suicidal depression. Up to this point, I had never been suicidal and never experienced such pain and suffering. I was used to having intense anxiety, but crippling panic attacks and a compulsion to kill myself were entirely foreign.

 

The Summer of 2016 was a sharp downward spiral. I was a newly wed young man trying to live independently while experiencing tremendous mental anguish. My psychiatrist’s only answer was to cycle me on and off of different medications. I was taken off of Lexapro and cycled between Bupropion, Trintellix, Rexulti and Duloxetine. I was also put on Lithium and Clonazepam for a period of time. I felt out of control and hopeless. That was until I met the best therapist I could ever ask for. This therapist saved my life and was the key to my recovery. He, along with the support of my wife, are the reason I am alive. He diagnosed with OCD, recommended I be put on Fluvoxamine, and gave me hope for a recovery.

 

It has been a long, slow, and painful journey, but I have made significant progress since 2016. I learned how to use therapy techniques to improve my mental health, and I discovered just how unhealthy I was as a teenager. My family situation has improved and my wife and I are on good terms with my parents.

 

I have wanted to get off psychiatric medications since 2019. Sometime during that year, I sharply dropped my fluvoxamine dosage from 300 mg to 200 mg. During 2020, I did another sharp drop from 200 mg to 150 mg. Since Summer 2021, I have tapered from 150 mg to 18.75 mg which is what I am currently taking. I understand that this is considered an aggressive taper. I have closely monitored myself and adjusted my taper if my withdrawal got too bad. I am fairly certain that my current symptoms and struggles are not the result of fluvoxamine withdrawal, since I have dealt with them long before I dropped dosages.

 

Currently, my biggest struggles are sleepiness and anhedonia.

 

I always struggled to sleep well, but my energy really started to deteriorate around 2017. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and excessive daytime sleepiness during 2019. I use a CPAP machine to sleep, this has helped me breathe better while sleeping, but I still feel like garbage when I wake up. I was put on Nuvigil to help with the sleepiness, but all this did was make me anxious. I only took it for a week or two. I have aggressively focused on sleep hygiene, exercise, supplements, and talking to doctors, but none of these have really helped me feel rested. I have searched high and low for the cause of my sleepiness, but I find no answers. This is what made me want to get off psychiatric medications. My hope is that getting off fluvoxamine will help me recover my energy, but I am fearful and uncertain. I should reiterate that my low-energy started before I ever tried to go off fluvoxamine. I have also considered the fact that I was on Focalin from first grade until my second college semester. I know this is a powerful stimulant and I worry that it may have damaged my brain. I am also concerned by the fact that I was cycled between different psychiatric medications, usually going off of them cold turkey at the direction of my psychiatrist.

 

My second major current symptom is anhedonia. I feel like I have lost the “zest” of life. I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling excited/happy about the day.

 

To sum everything up, I have made significant progress in my mental health recovery, but I feel like I have plateaued. I have conducted an aggressive taper off of fluvoxamine, but my symptoms are basically the same as they were before the taper. I definitely feel a bit more anxious and irritable when tapering, but there were times like that before the taper too. I honestly just feel lost and really frustrated. I have tried everything I can think of to improve my energy and anhedonia, but nothing has really helped. My hope is that getting off fluvoxamine will improve this, but I am scared it won’t. My therapist used to always say that feelings were the last thing to improve, and he encouraged me to look for objective markers of success. I just finished my fall semester (15 credit hours) with all A’s. There was a time when I thought I would never be healthy enough to go back to school. I see signs of improvement in my life, but I still feel like crap.

 

I should also mention that I was diagnosed with acid-reflux as a child and have taken Prilosec for around 10 years. Thanks to this forum, I have learned about the dangers of PPIs and I plan on tapering off Prilosec after the Holidays.

 

I appreciate you all letting me share my story. I look forward to hearing back from you.

[Kiasofia]

Welcome @Goose757

I am sorry you are going through this and are suffering, but relieved you have found us. Thank you for creating a drug signature. Are Prilosec and Fluvoxamine the only drugs you take now (other than the supplemensts and CBD listed)?

 

When did you reduce to your current Fluvoxamine dose? What was the previous dose?

 

About tapering:

Tips for tapering off Luvox (fluvoxamine)

Tips for tapering off stomach acid blockers or PPIs...

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

NEVER SKIP DOSES TO TAPER

 

Be aware that the lower doses are harder to taper than higher doses. This explains why: 

Why taper? Importance of gradual change in plasma concentration

 

Unfortunately medical professionals have a poor understanding of how these drugs affect people. I found this post helpful to understand how these drugs actually work, why a slow taper is important and why healing takes time:

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain  

 

Coming off these drugs can cause many different withdrawal symptoms, often leading to doctors thinking the original condition is returning or that another mental illness has emerged.

What is withdrawal syndrome?

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad.  This is called windows and waves.

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization  

 

Aside from a high quality fish oil and magnesium, be careful with supplements. Your central nervous system (CNS) has become sensitized from psychiatric drug use and can react unpredictably. Alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and other mind altering substances can make the condition worse.

Important topics about tests, supplements, treatments, diet

 

Here is our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover. 

Symptoms and self care topics  

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

 

 

This is your Introductory topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

Edited December 26, 2021 by Kiasofia

[Goose757]

Thanks so much for your response @Kiasofia.  Prilosec and Fluvoxamine are currently the only drugs I take, besides the supplements I listed. I am currently taking 18.75 mg of Fluvoxamine daily. I started this dose 2 weeks ago. The previous dose was 25 mg daily. I understand this is considered aggressive, but my primary symptoms existed before I ever dropped doses. My main problem is my low energy levels. I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. It feels like I have tried everything but nothing helped. The only thing I could think is that fluvoxamine was making me tired.

[Kiasofia]

23 hours ago, Goose757 said:

I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed.

This was my life on Lexapro, and getting off has been a huge improvement. I finally can wake up feeling refreshed. But, slowing down the taper at this stage is still highly recommended. You want to avoid adding withdrawal syndrome to your symptoms.

 

23 hours ago, Goose757 said:

I started this dose 2 weeks ago. The previous dose was 25 mg daily

Please update your signature:

Fluvoxamine date?/25mg date?/18.75mg

 

and keep updating as you taper. It is recommended to hold for 4 weeks before reducing further.

[Goose757]

1 hour ago, Kiasofia said:

But, slowing down the taper at this stage is still highly recommended. You want to avoid adding withdrawal syndrome to your symptoms.

I think I'll slow the taper down. There's no need to rush it.

 

1 hour ago, Kiasofia said:

This was my life on Lexapro, and getting off has been a huge improvement.

Would you mind elaborating on your experience with Lexapro, especially as it pertains to sleep and energy? When did you start to notice your sleep normalizing and your energy coming back?

[Kiasofia]

19 hours ago, Goose757 said:

Would you mind elaborating on your experience with Lexapro, especially as it pertains to sleep and energy? When did you start to notice your sleep normalizing and your energy coming back?

I never felt rested. Needed two alarm clocks to make sure I wouldn't miss an appointment at noon. Could always roll over and sleep more. 14 hours if I had the chance. Then felt sluggish and out of it throughout the day until evening. Then I felt alive and well and ready to take on the world. I never connected this to lexapro. I thought it was just "who I was" and was considering signing up for a sleep study to find out what could be done.

 

Soon after quitting lexapro, my sleep schedule changed and I could no longer sleep more than 8 hours. I had to get through a year of horrible anxiety and much more due to quitting cold turkey and dealing with withdrawal. But now I sleep 7-8 hours and feel rested. Ever since quitting lexapro, caffeine triggers anxiety, so I've cut it out. But it's no problem. I don't need it to feel alert anymore.

 

I've also found that wheat makes me groggy and sluggish. I haven't had the willpower to cut it out completely, but I no longer have it as a regular part of my diet. Whereas it used to be a part of every single meal. The book Brain Maker was an eye opener regarding this.

19 hours ago, Goose757 said:

I think I'll slow the taper down. There's no need to rush it.

Good! I think ultimately your sleepiness and anhedonia will improve by getting off fluvoxamine but slow and steady is key. Tapering off Prilosec might help also. The combination can cause drowsiness:

https://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=1750-1118,1128-0

[Goose757]

11 minutes ago, Kiasofia said:

I never felt rested. Needed two alarm clocks to make sure I wouldn't miss an appointment at noon. Could always roll over and sleep more. 14 hours if I had the chance.

I definitely relate to this. It's worried md because I'm afraid this is how my life will always be. My hope is that getting off fluvoxamine will help me regain my energy. 

[Kiasofia]

31 minutes ago, Goose757 said:

It's worried me because I'm afraid this is how my life will always be. My hope is that getting off fluvoxamine will help me regain my energy. 

I cannot know for sure, but since SSRIs are a type of sedative it makes sense that getting off will help. I've been shocked by the change. Waking up rested without an alarm clock at 8am isn't something I ever thought possible for me.

 

I highly recommend reading  Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker (interview) as well as A straight talking introduction to psychiatric drugs by Joanna Moncrieff to better understand these drugs and their effects. The Council for Evidence based Psychiatry also has a lot of good information.

[Goose757]

14 minutes ago, Kiasofia said:

I cannot know for sure, but since SSRIs are a type of sedative it makes sense that getting off will help. I've been shocked by the change. Waking up rested without an alarm clock at 8am isn't something I ever thought possible for me.

 

I highly recommend reading  Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker (interview) as well as A straight talking introduction to psychiatric drugs by Joanna Moncrieff to better understand these drugs and their effects. The Council for Evidence based Psychiatry also has a lot of good 

I will definitely check out those resources.  Thanks for sending them to me!