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Create your meaning - Create, Create, Create


Kronicles900

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I'm telling you life is hard. It wasn't meant to be easy. Taking the pills simply "numbs" the pain. But when you numb pain you numb your ability to create and experience all sides of life. If life is too easy you don't need meaning to keep going. And although that idea is tempting it's fruitless. I've been numb without meaning and I've been in intense pain with meaning. I'd choose the latter option any day. This is not to say you won't find ways to curb the pain without the medicine but you will have to dig your way through a great depth of pain. 

 

In this regards I would like to offer a few pieces of advice that equipped me with the fortitude to dig through the pain. Let me also preface by saying that when I use the word pain I mean all types of "pain," emotional, physical and mental. 

 

1) Create something. Create anything. Create, Create, Create. Lately God blessed me with a wonderful woman and an amazing step daughter that have shown me the beauty of creation. We now go around and create little pieces of art in nature whenever we can (I have attached a few pictures below as examples). From this creation we saw people enjoying the beach we were at more. People started walking by taking pictures. It filled my heart with immense joy to know that even for a moment I created a small beautiful memory for another human. 

2) Continuing from the last line - Life isn't about gathering and producing to infinite. It's about creating beautiful moments for people. Everyone is struggling whether they will allow you to believe it or not. If for just one second you can make someone smile and relieve some of that pain you've helped ease the burden that is placed upon all life. You are connected to everyone around you whether you want to believe it or not. If the people around you are struggling, you will feel it. Now if you're on the medicine you may have been able to tune out that feeling of empathy and in that regards I'm sorry that you have lost one of the greatest feelings in the world. I know sometimes empathy is painful, I hear you. But as cliche as it is on the other side of pain is great beauty. When you can even for a second lift another soul up and out of deep pain you literally lift yourself up as well. 

3) Create meaning. The onus of finding meaning in this world lies completely on your own shoulders. Don't sit around waiting for it to fall in your lap. Create it. Start with something small. Meaning doesn't have to be grandiose. Meaning can literally be attempting to make on other individual smile each day (even if that individual is yourself). 

4) For the love of everything, please just love yourself. Stop being so mean to yourself. You were ripped out of the void of unconscious and slammed into the unknown chaos called life. There is no such thing as perfection. The fact that you're even here is an insane miracle in and of itself. The universe did not put you here to beat yourself up. When you're tired, just let yourself be tired. When you're sad just let yourself be sad. Don't beat yourself up with thoughts of, "Well I should be this." Treat yourself as if you are your own friend. If a friend told you they were depressed you wouldn't tell them to hurry up and get better because they suck. You'd say well I love you and I hope you find your way out of it again, but in the meantime I'm going to sit here with you and love you either way. Allow yourself that same favor. 

 

Anyways, I hope this helps at least one person. You're a gift to the universe please be easy on yourself and spread that gift.

 

Much Love,

 

Jack.

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@Kronicles900

Thank you for this beautiful post! Gave me goosebumps. 

I'm so happy for you. Thank you for sharing your truth and spreading the joy <3

Love,

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

August 2021 - 2mg melatonin   August 1, 2022 - 1mg melatonin   March 31, 2023 - 0mg melatonin

2024 supplements update: electrolyte blend in water sipped throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil blend w/ morning meal (incl. vit. A+D+E); calcium; vitamin C+zinc

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

What a resonant heartwarming post. Whole-heartedly agree and this was a message I needed to hear today. Awakening from the numbness and the fog and being able to create and  fully feel again is one of the things I (and people here), have to look forward to as we come off the meds. 

1993- Ritalin (unsure of of Dosage 1996- Discontinued ritalin, started dexedrine (10 mgs) 1997- started Clonodine for sleep issues from dexedrine (tapered off of it around 2002)

2007- Trazadone for sleep (not sure how long I was on it, it was less than 2 years, could have been way less) 2011-  6 month taper off Dexedrine 
2015- Lamictal (250) 2015 - Seroquel, Latuda, prn gabapentin, PRN Propranolol, haldol and PRN Ativan (discontinued all (except Ativan, propranolol and gabapentin) 1-2 months after starting)

2017-Lamictal, September:  started taper down

 2018- Lamictal-  March- down to 150, decided to pause taper 2018- Gabapentin- Discontinued PRN Gabapentin in October2019- Ativan- discontinued PRN Ativan immediately

2022- Lamictal- April- started the taper again

2022- Lamictal- Currently at 40 mg (as of 4/6/23)

currently 25 (as of 4/3/2024) then I paused 

- Currently taking PRN propanolol  very infrequently might consider going off of it once my lamictal taper is done 

Current supplements- Magnesium glycinate, vitamin B,  probiotics, Vitamin D, Ginkgo biloba, fish oil, DIM, Skullcap tincture, valerian root

Intro post: Here

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