augsilliary: Managing after 15 years on antidepressants

[augsilliary]

I want to preface this by saying: I am not seeking advice on what to do specifically with medications, I am only seeking peer support in the struggle of readjusting to life after years on and off antidepressants (and other medications). I'm also autistic, ADHD and have Complex PTSD, so my ability to remember specific doses and dates is extremely limited. I have done my best in my signature to accurately represent my history and my tapering off, but I cannot give any greater detail than that, so please don't ask. It was a strain to recall what I did.

I have been on antidepressants since the age of 17, and I am now 32. I won't write out in detail what my exact history is because it's all in my signature. Suffice to say that I have had a long and predominantly unhappy relationship with medications. I never felt I was given accurate information about the risks of the medication I was given, whether it was Effexor, Pristiq, Zoloft or Seroquel. The only medication I ever got warned about was the two benzodiazepines I have been on, and that was mostly just "these can be addictive and if you ask for too much or run out too early we will think you're drug seeking". So really, there is no actual informed consent when it comes to medications, and at 17 years old when I was first really hitting bottom I was not wise enough to the system to ask more questions. It makes me furious in retrospect knowing now that these medications can have long term and serious side effects that may not go away even when you cease taking them.

I did not taper with medical support, and I tapered two medications at the same time, Zoloft (sertraline) and Seroquel (quetiapine), which was not a great idea. I also recognise in retrospect that I tapered off too quickly with Zoloft. It has now been approximately two months since I fully ceased taking Zoloft, and reduced my Seroquel from 200mg to 25mg. I would like to cease Seroquel entirely at some stage but I am prioritising the ability to sleep through the night at the moment while things are still a bit shaky. Being autistic means that I am already extremely sensitive to sensory inputs, changes in environment and routine, and I have also been staying away from my own home for weeks while our bathroom has been getting renovated, so my grounding has been very shaky for the last month and I am feeling particularly fragile and intolerant towards basically anything that is even a minor inconvenience or change. I don't know how much of what I'm feeling could be attributed to my ceasing Zoloft because things have been very unstable generally and there have been alot of stressors.

Mostly I am here because regaining my sea legs after the 15 years I have been (mostly) on antidepressants is insanely difficult and lonely. Because I feel I am unable to speak to many people about the very understandable rage and pain I experience in regards to the way these medications are prescribed and the exploitation of misery for profit. Because the conversations we are having about medications like antidpressants and mood stabilisers and antipsychotics lacks the nuance it deserves and perpetuates misinformation that is actively harmful to people's lives, and any time I try to bring nuance to these conversations I will inevitably have someone parrot that misinformation back to me and it makes me so incredibly sad. I don't want to be alone in this.

[Onmyway]

Dear @augsilliary

Welcome to SA. Since you have asked to not be given advice, I won't give you any. It is likely that your symptoms are from withdrawal but it's likely that external stressors are also contributing.

 

I understand how hard it is to see  these drugs being prescribed right and left given the harm that they cause. 

 

I wish you big windows soon and quick recovery. Pls take care of yourself.

 

omw