Taylor: depression after tapering

[Taylor]

Hi everyone, I hope somebody can offer some words of advice for me as I’ve been struggling after a recent taper off of Escitalopram (Lexapro). I was on this medication for nine years, on and off. The longest I stayed off with zero issues was one year. After being in an abusive relationship I sunk into a horrible depression with terrible anxiety and felt I needed to go back on Escitalopram. I was feeling a little better after being on it for a couple of months and decided to taper off on my own (horrible decision, I know) because I didn’t want to be on medication and didn’t want to spend an astronomical amount of money on an appointment with my psychiatrist for a discussion to stop the med.

 

Well I faced some tough life stressors and events which triggered an even worse depression, but I am wondering if this is because I tapered off too quickly? But I’m having thoughts I never had. Some suicidal thoughts (no desire) but the thoughts exacerbate my anxiety. I’ve also had a lot of existential dread and have been wondering “why” we are here and “why” things are the way they are, over analyzing EVERYTHING about life and people and emotions, our brains, etc. and it’s absolutely dreadful. I also question my own thoughts and feelings. Like, “Are my thoughts real? Are these feelings real? Why do we have them?” I feel super alone and crazy, like my brain is broken and I’m afraid I’ll never feel better again. I hate that I’m thinking these things. I just want to go back in time and return to the old me…loving life and people and appreciating the little things. Now I’m always thinking, “Is this just all an allusion? What is the point of everything? What are we even doing and why? What if this or what if that… etc. ” I catastrophize a lot and think irrationally and have cognitive distortions.

 

Do I need to go back on Lexapro to “reset” my nervous system? (I read this in another post) or do I just stick this out and let whatever this is pass and hope it just gets better? Have I permanently adopted a new way of negative thinking? Is this how my brain is now? I don’t want to continue seeing the world this way. Because it’s sad and scary. I just want to be happy again. It feels so foreign to me. Has anyone felt trapped like this? Can anyone relate to some of the thoughts I’ve had here? Is my depression causing these horrible thoughts or are these thoughts causing the depression? I just feel so lost and confused. Please help! Xo

[Frogie]

@Taylor

 

Welcome to SA. We are a volunteer ran site helping people taper off psychiatric medications or have tapered off and are now healing.

 

This is your introduction page where you will receive information, ask questions and meet other members. We ask that you only have one introduction page so we can keep all your information in one place.

 

Can you please create a signature.

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Here are some links you may find useful. We don't suggest more than a 10% a month taper and many taper slower than that.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off escitalopram (Lexapro)

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications:

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

How long has it been since you stopped the Lexapro? You could try to reinstate 0.50 mg and see if that helps. It takes 7-10 days for it reach full stability in your system and we could always increase the dose if necessary.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest a lot of supplements on here as they can be too stimulating to the nervous system, however, some people to find that 2 help calm the nervous system. If you would like to try these, try one in a small amount and wait a few days before introducing the other.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) - Symptoms and self-care - Surviving Antidepressants

 

After you are finished reading the links provided please reach out with any questions.

 

 

[Vonnegutjunky]

I feel exactly like you Taylor. I hope you find something that helps. I am hanging on by a thread. 

[Callieflower]

I get it. I’ve had the “is any of this real, is my life an illusion,” thoughts all the time during withdrawal. Catastrophizing is definitely something that I’m prone too and it makes this whole experience more difficult.

 

I read something on this site a couple weeks ago that has helped me when I’m having really tough days. Someone had mentioned that when they’re experiencing intense withdrawal symptoms they tell themselves that their brain is having intense healing. That’s been a helpful way for me to reframe my perspective on those especially hard days. When I’m feeling dread or uncomfortably existential I remind myself that these are symptoms of withdrawal AND healing and that it brings me another step closer to being myself again.

 

Hope today is better. I’m in it with you!