SunPrism's Recovery Story - There is Hope!

[SunPrism]

My story echos many others' here. 

 

I was started on 5mg Lexapro 12/2021 for depression. Just getting on the drug proved to be difficult. I was experiencing derealization/depersonalization, feeling "high", colors looked too bright, and I felt deeply emotionally blunted. When I brought these concerns up to my doctor, I was told that I was on such a small dose that it couldn't possibly be causing those symptoms and to continue taking the medication. I decided to try to stick it out because I knew it could take some time to get used to it, and so it wasn't until three months later when I hit my breaking point. I was making a chili and accidentally cut my finger on a can of tomato sauce. I vividly remember standing there watching the blood come out of my finger and not caring whatsoever that I was bleeding. That lack of concern somehow sparked this fear inside of me that something was terribly wrong and I needed to get off the drug.

 

After reading all the stories here, I talked with my doctor and she agreed to let me taper with the liquid Lexapro. I started going down 1  mg every week or so and felt relatively okay until I got down to 3mg. When I tried to taper any lower, I was met with severe brain zaps, inability to concentrate, nausea, and a constantly elevated heart rate. I started to go down by 0.25mg every week and eventually I was off completely. 

 

Those first couple weeks completely off were the worst of my life. I was suffering from extreme anxiety and irritability, bizarre existential thoughts, and DPDR to a degree where I felt like I had completely lost touch with reality. I was bed-bound for most of the day, unable to leave my house to even get the mail, and was just waiting for time to pass. I remember not being able to concentrate on a TV show so I ended up just closing my eyes and laying in the fetal position on my couch. I was terrified I'd be stuck this way forever and my thoughts got a bit dark for awhile. I had these severe withdrawal symptoms for about six weeks. The next few months after that were a rollercoaster where the symptoms would get a bit better one week and then the next week they worsened and I felt like I was back at square one. That unpredictability was awful and truly demoralizing. But - I noticed over time that despite having set backs, the overall trend was heading towards recovery. I kept a journal and wrote a list of "little victories" - so something even as small as making it to the grocery store made it on that list. Having that to look back on was a huge help.

 

And now here I am after an entire year has passed since I got off Lexapro. I'm here to add to the long list of recovery stories and maybe provide some hope to someone who is struggling. Withdrawal once consumed my every waking thought and now doesn't even cross my mind at all anymore because I am recovered and back to living my life. What I think helped me most was exercise (light walks every single day), therapy, this website, sunlight, good nutrition, magnesium glycinate, AND TIME. 

 

The biggest thing I learned from my withdrawal experience is that our bodies KNOW how to heal. We just need to give them the chance to do so. Remember that nothing is ever permanent and just because you think it, doesn't make it true. If I can get through withdrawal, so can you.

 

❤️ 

[getofflex]

Congratulations for getting off Lexapro! That is a major accomplishment. And, we are very grateful you came back to post your success story.  People in WD need to read these, to give them hope that they, too, can and will recover!  You are absolutely correct - the main thing is time, and natural self care. 

[Moonpie]

Wonderful! So happy for you!

[eileen1111]

On 2/16/2023 at 2:05 AM, SunPrism said:

Just getting on the drug proved to be difficult. I was experiencing derealization/depersonalization, feeling "high", colors looked too bright

I remember experiencing this when I started Lexapro !! As well as in withdrawal.

These drugs are so powerful, it's scary

 

 

On 2/16/2023 at 2:05 AM, SunPrism said:

our bodies KNOW how to heal. We just need to give them the chance to do so

love this ❤️

 

I'm glad you're doing better  

[Edub26]

Thank you for sharing! I was ripped off 60mg Prozac and had to be reinstated on 30mg. I can’t wait to be where you are at. I just feel like it’s going to be forever