Has there been anyone on for 30 years?

[Gigi66]

I have been on antidepressants for 30 years.  It is stunning and devastating at the same time.  I am on my last taper off sertraline and taking slow .   Who knows how long  this will take.  I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

[pinkfairy]

On 11/8/2023 at 1:14 AM, Gigi66 said:

I have been on antidepressants for 30 years.  It is stunning and devastating at the same time.  I am on my last taper off sertraline and taking slow .   Who knows how long  this will take.  I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

Hi lovely,

I am 25-27 years i cannot remember but its creeping up that way. I can't wait to be free x

[Gigi66]

Me either getting to lowering doses getting a bit harder .  I think I am at that point where the 10% a month is too much so I am going to have to slow down a bit more.  How much do you have to go and which drug?

[pinkfairy]

8 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

Me either getting to lowering doses getting a bit harder .  I think I am at that point where the 10% a month is too much so I am going to have to slow down a bit more.  How much do you have to go and which drug?

Yes, i find that as well the lower i go the more tough its becoming. I cannot do 10% as it was to much for my brain and nervous system after the CT i went through.So i started micro tapering the benzo and i am at 0.058. but i have stopped that one for now and started tapering the Mirtazapine and i am at 5.70 on that one and doing 3-4% a month drop and a couple of weeks hold. I am doing the Brass Monkey slide but i am holding right now.

 

Awesome work on getting so low total hero's journey for sure.

[Gigi66]

Thats wonderful and encouraging .  The Benzo withdrawl is an accomplishment as well.  Yes, I believe that I will have to do a smaller drop.  Keep going and hold on to all that is good.  

 

[Catina7]

On 11/7/2023 at 8:14 PM, Gigi66 said:

I have been on antidepressants for 30 years.  It is stunning and devastating at the same time.  I am on my last taper off sertraline and taking slow .   Who knows how long  this will take.  I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

 

Hi @Gigi66 and welcome to SA!  I've been on some form of psych drug for 30 years....ugh!  I'm currently on both Effexor and Trazodone.  I'm trying to get off Effexor first and then Trazodone.  I'm looking forward to one day being drug-free!  

 

Catina 😊

[pinkfairy]

11 hours ago, Gigi66 said:

Thats wonderful and encouraging .  The Benzo withdrawl is an accomplishment as well.  Yes, I believe that I will have to do a smaller drop.  Keep going and hold on to all that is good.  

 

Honestly you're doing amazing, hold onto all that is good and sometimes things may get dark but i always remember that i am the light in this journey home to ourselves.My greatest lessons have come from the darkness, i know it cannot hurt me and i welcome being wrapped in that blanket because inside that blanket is where the transformation is taking place. I cannot wait to see us ALL being  free.The good times no matter how small or big celebrate them because every day and moving forwards no matter how small or big is a HUGE WIN in this.Our time will come, we just have to stay the course. Faith is an inside job and fear is external.I feed the one i want to grow. x

[Gigi66]

Thank you both for answering .  I feel like I have been on these for so long and sometimes it seems like I am the only one.  Although I know this is not reality.  I cant believe that my providers just kept me going with this and no one ever questioned it.  It was always this model of the mental health system.  Now I realize how flawed they were and the system.  Catina7 I saw you too were put on for PMDD.  Back in 1993 the specialist I saw was convinced it would help me .  It worked for a while it really did .  However, I never knew how bad things were until a few years ago . Then I was polly drugged and everything came crashing down.  I hope we can check back periodically to support each other on this journey and once we are off wont it be something.  Thanks for the encouraging words you both have.  

[BigCat]

On 11/8/2023 at 1:14 AM, Gigi66 said:

I have been on antidepressants for 30 years.  It is stunning and devastating at the same time.  I am on my last taper off sertraline and taking slow .   Who knows how long  this will take.  I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

I have been on and off ADs for 31 years, permanently for 23 years.  

Sounds like you are forging a new way of being- encouraging for those of us who have recently started tapering.  Slow and steady seems to be working for me.  More power to you!

[Gigi66]

Thank you Big Cat.  I really needed to hear from others that have dealth with this for so long.  Feeling like my brain will never know or feel like it was intended to be .  It has been structurally changed by these things.  Who was I before this?  A young woman looking for answers, now a much older one still looking for answers feeling cheated.  I have a lot of anger that has come up . Not just about the medications but other things in life.  It has almost been unleashed as part of possibly the tapering and intensive feelings that are attributed to that process. I hope you continue on your path and stay true and steady to reach its end .  What does the saying L'exposition du merde est temporaries mean ? French?  I tried to translate in google by looking at it and with what little I know of Italian something about a position being temporary. Google said ...

**** exposure is temporary

[Chlo]

On 11/10/2023 at 4:20 PM, Gigi66 said:

Thank you both for answering .  I feel like I have been on these for so long and sometimes it seems like I am the only one.  Although I know this is not reality.  I cant believe that my providers just kept me going with this and no one ever questioned it.  It was always this model of the mental health system.  Now I realize how flawed they were and the system.  Catina7 I saw you too were put on for PMDD.  Back in 1993 the specialist I saw was convinced it would help me .  It worked for a while it really did .  However, I never knew how bad things were until a few years ago . Then I was polly drugged and everything came crashing down.  I hope we can check back periodically to support each other on this journey and once we are off wont it be something.  Thanks for the encouraging words you both have.  

I have been on them for 25 years. Am currently down to 1.11mg Lex. Having heavy waves atm. Nausea, no appetite, fear. And panic attacks. Have you experienced this as well, and what do you do to help ease? @pinkfairy @Gigi66

I feel like I'm headed down the road of depression 🫥 

[Gigi66]

@Chlo,  I am sorry you are struggling .  Yes, I have experienced all these things and it sounds like you need to slow down and maybe hold for a while.  I just recently attended a synposium from another group called Inner Compass and they had a doctor that explained the exponential growth of symptoms that start to unravel and severity the lower you get.  At this point you must be going even lower.  What method have you used?  Even at your low dosage 5 % drop a month might be too much.  I am having to slow down as well.  We might even be so much more sensitive having been on this crap for so long.

[Aveju]

Hi, I’ve been on ssri meds for 31 years.  I can relate with everything you’ve all said!

[pinkfairy]

On 11/16/2023 at 9:36 PM, Chlo said:

I have been on them for 25 years. Am currently down to 1.11mg Lex. Having heavy waves atm. Nausea, no appetite, fear. And panic attacks. Have you experienced this as well, and what do you do to help ease? @pinkfairy @Gigi66

I feel like I'm headed down the road of depression 🫥 

Awesome work getting so low down, keep plugging away and your freedom is waiting on the other side.I surrender and allow every symptom to  just BE and distract.Once you understand that your nervous system is doing its job it takes all the fear away.I got comfortable being uncomfortable.Also a huge one is when the WD peaks or loads of symptoms i hold and allow the wave to subside.I listen to my body and go as gentle as possible and allow the process to unfold because we cannot control those WD they do dictate the show, but we can control how we respond to those waves. Keep up the great work.

[pinkfairy]

18 hours ago, Aveju said:

Hi, I’ve been on ssri meds for 31 years.  I can relate with everything you’ve all said!

Long ole time isn't it. But look at us all we are ECSCAPING and heading for freedom.W e have been the canary's in the coal mine.I cannot wait to see us all fly.

[Chlo]

On 11/20/2023 at 10:42 AM, Gigi66 said:

@Chlo,  I am sorry you are struggling .  Yes, I have experienced all these things and it sounds like you need to slow down and maybe hold for a while.  I just recently attended a synposium from another group called Inner Compass and they had a doctor that explained the exponential growth of symptoms that start to unravel and severity the lower you get.  At this point you must be going even lower.  What method have you used?  Even at your low dosage 5 % drop a month might be too much.  I am having to slow down as well.  We might even be so much more sensitive having been on this crap for so long.

@Gigi66 athanasius you for your heartfelt response. I am also a member of The Inner Compass Exchange and have attended the seminar with Dr. Anders Sorensen. I was doing a micro taper of .001 every 4 days, but it seems it may be too much as well. I've been holding for about 3 weeks now. Going to resume after the holidays. Question: Are we still healing even though we are holding?

[Aveju]

How are all of you doing?

 

[Gigi66]

On 1/26/2024 at 12:04 AM, Aveju said:

How are all of you doing?

 

Sorry I didnt see this right away .  I posted something new .  Still struggling but nothing I cant handle.  However, I need to look into liquid tapering of the Sertraline.  The scale is not accurate and kept flipping values .  Bought a new one calibrated it etc and kept having trouble.  Not sure why after a few years starting to have these problems.  Thanks for checking on me.  How are you doing ?

[Mikatrap]

I have been on Venlafaxine for 29 years. I was put on Venlafaxine when I was 20. At that time, I had a nervous breakdown, probably due to a PTSD, that was diagnosed as 'fibromyalgia'None of my doctors suggested me to stop the drug for 29 years. Each time I tried to stop it on my own, I suffered from severe withdrawal symptoms that forced me to take it back. Each time I talked about it to my GP, he answered me that these symptoms were due to my fibromylagia, and that I should just keep taking the drug for the rest of my life, that I could not be well without it. He had no knowledge of AD withdrawal symptoms, and he was convinced that you could just stop an AD cold turkey with only minor and short-lasting effects.

Eventually, I withdrew from Venlafaxine last year over a 6 months period, from Feb to Aug. It was very hard, but it was only the starter. Indeed, taking venlafaxine for so long made me develop a restless legs (RLS) syndrome. In 2019, a neurologist decided to treat my RLS with another class of psycho-drugs called "dopamine agonist" (DA). It worked well for less then a year, and then my RLS became worst and worst... because of the drug supposed to treat it. This is due to a well-documented phenomenom called "augmentation".
So in Sep 2023, after having tapered off Venlafaxine, I decided to taper off the DA (pramipexole) too. Under the guidance of my neurologist, I reduced my dose of DA too fast. Weakened by my recent withdrawal of Venlafaxine, my nervous system crashed. I developed what is called DAWS = Dopamine Agonist Withdrawal Syndrom. I was suffering from tremors, extreme anxiety, weight loss, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I was hospitalized, and there the doctors did another big mistake: a cold turkey stop of my DA dose. My nervous system crashed deeper. I was suffering so much that I was willing to die. Fortunately, I was then hospitalized in another service where they understood the problem. They reintroduced the DA, and added some more drugs to stabilise me: two benzos, an opioid, and a gabapentenoid. Since then, I'm slowly tapering off my DA dose, at a rate of 10% per month

 

Because of these withdrawals, I've been through hell in 2023. Now, I'm much better.  I still suffer the classical 'waves and windows' pattern, on top of an increase of my withdrawal symptoms at each reduction of my DA dose, but my condition is globally improving. I can work again. I can do some workout again, I can enjoy some nice family time again. I'm slowly recovering my health and my life. My story is not yet a success story. But eventually, it will be, and I will be free of all these nasty psycho-drugs. 

 

[AblazingTulip]

On 11/8/2023 at 3:14 AM, Gigi66 said:

I have been on antidepressants for 30 years.  It is stunning and devastating at the same time.  I am on my last taper off sertraline and taking slow .   Who knows how long  this will take.  I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

Hi @Gigi66,

 

I too hit the 30 year mark last year. My tapering was a disaster as I had only found this site a week ago. I am happy to connect and will respond as I have capacity, although by now, you may be in a better place and I see many responses to your post. Either way, I only wish the best for your recovery. 🌷

[Gridley]

On 11/7/2023 at 8:14 PM, Gigi66 said:

 I want to connect with others on this long or similar time and hear their experiences and hopefully success stories.  

I'm at the 38-year mark and 8 years into a multi-drug taper.  I can report some successes: I was on 20mg Lexapro for some 15 years and  got to zero after a 4-year Brassmonkey taper-- not easy but do-able; I've been on a benzo (Ativan and now Valium) for 38 years and over the past three years have gotten down from 18.75mg Valium to 1mg--also not easy but also do-able; and I've gotten down from 75mg Imipramine to around 9mg.  I'm 75 now and calculate I'll reach zero on everything as I near 80 (assuming I live that long).   

 

I have a bunch of physical health issues that put my withdrawal stuff pretty much in the shade in terms of my focus.  Not the kind of distraction I would have preferred, but I try to keep a sense of humor as best I can about all this.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gigi66]

4 hours ago, AblazingTulip said:

Hi @Gigi66,

 

I too hit the 30 year mark last year. My tapering was a disaster as I had only found this site a week ago. I am happy to connect and will respond as I have capacity, although by now, you may be in a better place and I see many responses to your post. Either way, I only wish the best for your recovery. 🌷

I am so  sorry your tapering was a diaster.  I can only imagine the suffering but I happy you found this site.  I have been here a while but dont interact a lot because it sometimes causes me stress to do so so I understand your position.  How are you doing now?  I always think it is a rarity our 30 year journey.  Not many of us I come across.  I am not sure if that is accurate portrayal or a reality.  We come at the pinnacle of the antidepressant movement I feel.  

[Gigi66]

On 2/14/2024 at 7:26 AM, Mikatrap said:

I have been on Venlafaxine for 29 years. I was put on Venlafaxine when I was 20. At that time, I had a nervous breakdown, probably due to a PTSD, that was diagnosed as 'fibromyalgia'None of my doctors suggested me to stop the drug for 29 years. Each time I tried to stop it on my own, I suffered from severe withdrawal symptoms that forced me to take it back. Each time I talked about it to my GP, he answered me that these symptoms were due to my fibromylagia, and that I should just keep taking the drug for the rest of my life, that I could not be well without it. He had no knowledge of AD withdrawal symptoms, and he was convinced that you could just stop an AD cold turkey with only minor and short-lasting effects.

Eventually, I withdrew from Venlafaxine last year over a 6 months period, from Feb to Aug. It was very hard, but it was only the starter. Indeed, taking venlafaxine for so long made me develop a restless legs (RLS) syndrome. In 2019, a neurologist decided to treat my RLS with another class of psycho-drugs called "dopamine agonist" (DA). It worked well for less then a year, and then my RLS became worst and worst... because of the drug supposed to treat it. This is due to a well-documented phenomenom called "augmentation".
So in Sep 2023, after having tapered off Venlafaxine, I decided to taper off the DA (pramipexole) too. Under the guidance of my neurologist, I reduced my dose of DA too fast. Weakened by my recent withdrawal of Venlafaxine, my nervous system crashed. I developed what is called DAWS = Dopamine Agonist Withdrawal Syndrom. I was suffering from tremors, extreme anxiety, weight loss, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I was hospitalized, and there the doctors did another big mistake: a cold turkey stop of my DA dose. My nervous system crashed deeper. I was suffering so much that I was willing to die. Fortunately, I was then hospitalized in another service where they understood the problem. They reintroduced the DA, and added some more drugs to stabilise me: two benzos, an opioid, and a gabapentenoid. Since then, I'm slowly tapering off my DA dose, at a rate of 10% per month

 

Because of these withdrawals, I've been through hell in 2023. Now, I'm much better.  I still suffer the classical 'waves and windows' pattern, on top of an increase of my withdrawal symptoms at each reduction of my DA dose, but my condition is globally improving. I can work again. I can do some workout again, I can enjoy some nice family time again. I'm slowly recovering my health and my life. My story is not yet a success story. But eventually, it will be, and I will be free of all these nasty psycho-drugs. 

 

Mikatrap , your story is very similar to what happen to me .  I admire how you ended your post "My story is not yet a success story ...."  I have recently tried to reframe some thinking .  So hard when in the middle of tapering and the tapering just goes on for years.  I suffering serverly from Anhedonia and I believe the blunted emotions and lack of joy is totally related to the antidepressant usage.  I accept that this might never come back fully and hope for some healing.  Daily , i dont "feel right" but I try to find something to move forward with.  We have all been cheated by this.  All of us.  For a doctor to continue to treat you with a drug that had no reliable data to prove anything of what it would do or could do is negligence.  Then to be taken off cold turkey is pure malpractice , yet it happens all the time everyday and these doctors just continue to go about their business never truly acknowledging the remmenants of people they leave behind.  I hope you continue to well on your taper.  Slow and steady always wins the race.  I appreciate you telling me your story.  I very much can relate to what happen and I am sorry you have suffered.  That to me is a travesty.

[Gigi66]

1 hour ago, Gridley said:

I'm at the 38-year mark and 8 years into a multi-drug taper.  I can report some successes: I was on 20mg Lexapro for some 15 years and  got to zero after a 4-year Brassmonkey taper-- not easy but do-able; I've been on a benzo (Ativan and now Valium) for 38 years and over the past three years have gotten down from 18.75mg Valium to 1mg--also not easy but also do-able; and I've gotten down from 75mg Imipramine to around 9mg.  I'm 75 now and calculate I'll reach zero on everything as I near 80 (assuming I live that long).   

 

I have a bunch of physical health issues that put my withdrawal stuff pretty much in the shade in terms of my focus.  Not the kind of distraction I would have preferred, but I try to keep a sense of humor as best I can about all this.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, I saw your post and said to myself that is resilience.  You were defintely been at the forefront of the antidepressant era being at the 38 year mark.  What made you decide to taper? I recall I was put on the antidepressant because I had classic PMS and irregular menstrual cycles.  Like there was any proof that this would help.  Such a  bunch of hooey this all was.  I am so glad you have your sense of humor.  I find mine is hard to conjure sometimes because I go down a very negative pathway that seems unstoppable .  I read on this site that this can most defintely be exasperated by the withdrawl.  It sounds like you have found doctors to work with you.  I am glad for that .  I wish you the best in continuing your taper and I hope to see you here telling us about your success at the end.  Thank you so much for reaching out.  Really the only thing that seems to resonate with me is hearing from others that are at similar stages .  I dont feel alone.  I once felt like I was the only one on these things for so damm long , now I know others have also endured the same and continue to fight to be rid themselves of this.  

[Gridley]

4 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

What made you decide to taper?

I just hated being on those things.  I knew they were no good.  I started the taper of one drug back in 2016 before I had discovered SA and went too fast and had some bad reactions.  SA put me on the right track and made geting off possible.

 

8 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

I recall I was put on the antidepressant because I had classic PMS and irregular menstrual cycles.  Like there was any proof that this would help.  Such a  bunch of hooey this all was.

A bunch of hooey is exactly right.  I'm preaching to the choir, but they just throw these dangerous potions at you with no idea how badly they can mess you up.

 

9 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

I am so glad you have your sense of humor.  I find mine is hard to conjure sometimes because I go down a very negative pathway that seems unstoppable .

Believe me, I don't have the humor all the time.  It is hard to conjure for me too sometimes.  It has gotten easier as the years pass.  I saw a meme on Facebook that I liked, "You don't know how strong you can be until you have no choice except to be strong."

 

11 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

I read on this site that this can most defintely be exasperated by the withdrawl. 

Yes, everything, including non-related physical symptoms, can definitely be made worse by withdrawal.

 

13 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

It sounds like you have found doctors to work with you.

Really, I haven't.  I've done it all all my own with the indispensable aid of this site.

 

13 minutes ago, Gigi66 said:

I once felt like I was the only one on these things for so damm long , now I know others have also endured the same and continue to fight to be rid themselves of this.  

There are lots of us.  Hang in there, Gigi66.  You are among good friends here.

[AblazingTulip]

3 hours ago, Gigi66 said:

I am so  sorry your tapering was a diaster.  I can only imagine the suffering but I happy you found this site.  I have been here a while but dont interact a lot because it sometimes causes me stress to do so so I understand your position.  How are you doing now?  I always think it is a rarity our 30 year journey.  Not many of us I come across.  I am not sure if that is accurate portrayal or a reality.  We come at the pinnacle of the antidepressant movement I feel.  

You seem to speak from my heart, hehe. I had an amazing day, and grateful for it. The week before today was challenging, but without depression. I am on the crest now, so we know what lies ahead. Let it come. I think my survival instinct kicked in last year. I believe it is strong in all life to be fair. I am not special, merely ignited.

In a sense it is the bitter sweet of the severity of my experience that brought me to this side. I am in a way grateful. How strange is that? It may well just be the ADS. I have so much to learn still of all this. I feel my words are likely copies of many before me, but still, I have left depression behind in a large way. It has bitten to be sure, a little bit here and there, but >99%depression free for 4 months before the benzo incident? It seems unreal given my 30 year struggle. Yet, it's true.

To your point regarding the site and I dare say stress (and stressors) in general, I cut myself off from the world when "it happened". Like Neo in The Matrix, I stopped the bullets, the stressors. I am by no means "the one" (lol), but I had to take full control of "everything", so I did. Not everyone can do this, but I live alone. Another bitter sweet. I found that true happiness must first come within, but I found this truth in a very dark place. We say these things in life, but seeing old truths in new light, was how it was, is, for me. Like when you're meant to put the oxygen mask on your own face first in an airplane emergency, before trying to help those around you. Only then can you help another and remain strong yourself. I wish I could show how this is done, and to be sure I myself am not certain of the long lasting nature of my relatively new found inner strength.

But... It is your life.. It is your only one... As a friend has said, "Life, owes you nothing. You, owe life, everything."

"Self help, is the best help. (Tulip & Others?)"... But with friends and support so much more becomes possible."

and

"People wonder what their purpose in life is. Well, what is your dream, for therein lies your purpose." (Tulip)

and

"The purpose you have in life, is the one that you define." (Tulip)

 

I have come here to find answers, and get and give support, however I can. There is much for me to learn and there is much true help needed all around us.

Apologies for my long posts (I blame ADS 😉)

 

I wish you only success in your journey. Stay strong, and if you are not, then rise up, and become strong! It is there to be had. It is there, inside you! Of this I am utterly convinced!

 

My success is the mere fact that I am still breathing. The current ADS, is just, a side-dish, and as with all things, it too shall pass. This site and everyone here, and you Gigi66 has inspired me anew. 🌷❤️🌷

~Sent with love, wrapped in kindness.

 

[AblazingTulip]

5 hours ago, Gridley said:

I'm at the 38-year mark and 8 years into a multi-drug taper.  I can report some successes: I was on 20mg Lexapro for some 15 years and  got to zero after a 4-year Brassmonkey taper-- not easy but do-able; I've been on a benzo (Ativan and now Valium) for 38 years and over the past three years have gotten down from 18.75mg Valium to 1mg--also not easy but also do-able; and I've gotten down from 75mg Imipramine to around 9mg.  I'm 75 now and calculate I'll reach zero on everything as I near 80 (assuming I live that long).   

 

I have a bunch of physical health issues that put my withdrawal stuff pretty much in the shade in terms of my focus.  Not the kind of distraction I would have preferred, but I try to keep a sense of humor as best I can about all this.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I intend to wish you a happy 80th! Just saying. ❤️

[Gigi66]

On 2/15/2024 at 3:24 PM, AblazingTulip said:

You seem to speak from my heart, hehe. I had an amazing day, and grateful for it. The week before today was challenging, but without depression. I am on the crest now, so we know what lies ahead. Let it come. I think my survival instinct kicked in last year. I believe it is strong in all life to be fair. I am not special, merely ignited.

In a sense it is the bitter sweet of the severity of my experience that brought me to this side. I am in a way grateful. How strange is that? It may well just be the ADS. I have so much to learn still of all this. I feel my words are likely copies of many before me, but still, I have left depression behind in a large way. It has bitten to be sure, a little bit here and there, but >99%depression free for 4 months before the benzo incident? It seems unreal given my 30 year struggle. Yet, it's true.

To your point regarding the site and I dare say stress (and stressors) in general, I cut myself off from the world when "it happened". Like Neo in The Matrix, I stopped the bullets, the stressors. I am by no means "the one" (lol), but I had to take full control of "everything", so I did. Not everyone can do this, but I live alone. Another bitter sweet. I found that true happiness must first come within, but I found this truth in a very dark place. We say these things in life, but seeing old truths in new light, was how it was, is, for me. Like when you're meant to put the oxygen mask on your own face first in an airplane emergency, before trying to help those around you. Only then can you help another and remain strong yourself. I wish I could show how this is done, and to be sure I myself am not certain of the long lasting nature of my relatively new found inner strength.

But... It is your life.. It is your only one... As a friend has said, "Life, owes you nothing. You, owe life, everything."

"Self help, is the best help. (Tulip & Others?)"... But with friends and support so much more becomes possible."

and

"People wonder what their purpose in life is. Well, what is your dream, for therein lies your purpose." (Tulip)

and

"The purpose you have in life, is the one that you define." (Tulip)

 

I have come here to find answers, and get and give support, however I can. There is much for me to learn and there is much true help needed all around us.

Apologies for my long posts (I blame ADS 😉)

 

I wish you only success in your journey. Stay strong, and if you are not, then rise up, and become strong! It is there to be had. It is there, inside you! Of this I am utterly convinced!

 

My success is the mere fact that I am still breathing. The current ADS, is just, a side-dish, and as with all things, it too shall pass. This site and everyone here, and you Gigi66 has inspired me anew. 🌷❤️🌷

~Sent with love, wrapped in kindness.

 

It doesn't happen often to me, but your beautiful words of encouragement and the story of your journey made me tear up. Believe me, that's a rarity given my typically blunted emotions. Your expression and attitude are truly remarkable, and it seems like they've been transformative. When you speak of the absence of depression, it feels so foreign to me. It's like an overcoat I've never fully shed. I once experienced a time where something seemed to lift, and it was such a significant feeling, like something had switched on in my brain. However, it didn't last long.

 

I truly hope you continue on this path because I sense it's a positive emergence. It's given me hope. I don't say this lightly, knowing it hasn't been an easy journey for you. It's so true that I've changed, some for the better, some not so much. I now value myself a bit more, something I've never seen very clearly before. I often deeply mourn the person I was, but more for what was done to her.

 

"Ignited" is the term you used, and I will carry that in my head and see how it fits because I like it. It's another word of hope. Thank you for taking the time to share a little more with me. I've benefited from it. 

 

I have limited as much as I can with the stress on daily basis but it must be constantly monitored and I must consistently tell those around me what I can and cant do.  I often have to withdraw to my room .  Guilt sometimes lies within this but I have become better at recognizing there is no choice in the matter.  

 

As a side note, it has always been my dream to travel to your country. I know it's still a possibility someday, although it does seem farther away at this point. But again, hope.

 

Thank you again and sending loving kindness back to you.  

 

[Gumtree]

Yes, I too have been on antidepressants for a long time -daily doses since 1989, so 35yrs (in 2024). I’m currently tapering off Cymbalta and it is taking a long time, probably because my brain has adjusted to chemicals over all these years. I still hold out hope I’ll get off it and that’s the main goal, but gee it is a long road. Hope you’re doing okay. 

[AblazingTulip]

8 hours ago, Gigi66 said:

It doesn't happen often to me, but your beautiful words of encouragement and the story of your journey made me tear up. Believe me, that's a rarity given my typically blunted emotions. Your expression and attitude are truly remarkable, and it seems like they've been transformative. When you speak of the absence of depression, it feels so foreign to me. It's like an overcoat I've never fully shed. I once experienced a time where something seemed to lift, and it was such a significant feeling, like something had switched on in my brain. However, it didn't last long.

 

I truly hope you continue on this path because I sense it's a positive emergence. It's given me hope. I don't say this lightly, knowing it hasn't been an easy journey for you. It's so true that I've changed, some for the better, some not so much. I now value myself a bit more, something I've never seen very clearly before. I often deeply mourn the person I was, but more for what was done to her.

 

"Ignited" is the term you used, and I will carry that in my head and see how it fits because I like it. It's another word of hope. Thank you for taking the time to share a little more with me. I've benefited from it. 

 

I have limited as much as I can with the stress on daily basis but it must be constantly monitored and I must consistently tell those around me what I can and cant do.  I often have to withdraw to my room .  Guilt sometimes lies within this but I have become better at recognizing there is no choice in the matter.  

 

As a side note, it has always been my dream to travel to your country. I know it's still a possibility someday, although it does seem farther away at this point. But again, hope.

 

Thank you again and sending loving kindness back to you.  

 

I am truly grateful my words are of assistance. 🌷 They seem to be too many and fall like the pitter patter of rain on roofs and flow down gutters. I had this upliftment you refer to as having experienced also briefly in my life, many years ago. It too was as a result of WD I now realise of late. It was in 2009. I had to go off the meds for two months, and I wrote the silliest of poems. Mentally and spiritually I was in a very special place. I was me.

 

Then the effects of the world came back, and I resorted back to the pills, and the poet went away, smothered once more.

 

And now, I am there once more, but stronger. I had to isolate myself though. The world "jiggled" my spirit too much and to a large extent still does. My phone remains on do not disturb. I have not desire to watch TV/ YouTube, whatever, and feel no loss for it. Music can be way too powerful, yet I have found some really amazing strength in it. I have recognised that the tears, when they come,  are not a sign of depression. They are a sign of emotion. I think my emotions have been suppressed for so long, they are seemingly pent up. The pills dulled me, made me able to "cope", but not live in the world, just exist. But as a human without it, there a scope of emotion that emerges that seems unreal, once rediscovered. It is magnificent. We are truly amazing creatures. I think we are far less broken than we have come to believe. Far more resilient.

 

Before the benzo incident of late, the natural filters and "blankets" of my brain had started to grow back. Now with the milder, though significant relapse, they are somewhat stripped once more. How much more only time will tell. The healing is slow. But it's ok. It truly is. The site and those here, the success stories, have confirmed that the healing does happen, and I have already found that to be so in the latter months of 2023. That is not to say that I will be 100% again, but I think I will be. I am spiritually already at more than a 100%. and have been for months. Managing the WD symptoms is now what remains.

 

Yesterday I was in quite a state. I developed a fever, and severe "flu", etc., etc., etc. So be it. I will wade through this, but not suffer from it, and emerge physically whole once more. I remain convinced.

A friend asked me the other day if I would ever consider taking an AD again. My response was simply, "Not even at gunpoint."

 

I am cheering for you Gigi66, and I am cheering for all the others in this boat with us. This journey is not impossible. It is hard though. Stay the course! It is so worth it!

[Gigi66]

15 hours ago, AblazingTulip said:

I am truly grateful my words are of assistance. 🌷 They seem to be too many and fall like the pitter patter of rain on roofs and flow down gutters. I had this upliftment you refer to as having experienced also briefly in my life, many years ago. It too was as a result of WD I now realise of late. It was in 2009. I had to go off the meds for two months, and I wrote the silliest of poems. Mentally and spiritually I was in a very special place. I was me.

 

Then the effects of the world came back, and I resorted back to the pills, and the poet went away, smothered once more.

 

And now, I am there once more, but stronger. I had to isolate myself though. The world "jiggled" my spirit too much and to a large extent still does. My phone remains on do not disturb. I have not desire to watch TV/ YouTube, whatever, and feel no loss for it. Music can be way too powerful, yet I have found some really amazing strength in it. I have recognised that the tears, when they come,  are not a sign of depression. They are a sign of emotion. I think my emotions have been suppressed for so long, they are seemingly pent up. The pills dulled me, made me able to "cope", but not live in the world, just exist. But as a human without it, there a scope of emotion that emerges that seems unreal, once rediscovered. It is magnificent. We are truly amazing creatures. I think we are far less broken than we have come to believe. Far more resilient.

 

Before the benzo incident of late, the natural filters and "blankets" of my brain had started to grow back. Now with the milder, though significant relapse, they are somewhat stripped once more. How much more only time will tell. The healing is slow. But it's ok. It truly is. The site and those here, the success stories, have confirmed that the healing does happen, and I have already found that to be so in the latter months of 2023. That is not to say that I will be 100% again, but I think I will be. I am spiritually already at more than a 100%. and have been for months. Managing the WD symptoms is now what remains.

 

Yesterday I was in quite a state. I developed a fever, and severe "flu", etc., etc., etc. So be it. I will wade through this, but not suffer from it, and emerge physically whole once more. I remain convinced.

A friend asked me the other day if I would ever consider taking an AD again. My response was simply, "Not even at gunpoint."

 

I am cheering for you Gigi66, and I am cheering for all the others in this boat with us. This journey is not impossible. It is hard though. Stay the course! It is so worth it!

I understand wholeheartedly the aspect of feeling your emotions again after years of suppression. I too sometimes feel I am experiencing something that was from long ago thoughts and feelings revealed at odd and random times.  The negativity of course is hard to control for me. I am braver about feeling them though.  Please continue to stay the course as well and please get well soon from your flu. Take care and many well wishes. 😇🙏🏼🦾

[AblazingTulip]

7 hours ago, Gigi66 said:

I understand wholeheartedly the aspect of feeling your emotions again after years of suppression. I too sometimes feel I am experiencing something that was from long ago thoughts and feelings revealed at odd and random times.  The negativity of course is hard to control for me. I am braver about feeling them though.  Please continue to stay the course as well and please get well soon from your flu. Take care and many well wishes. 😇🙏🏼🦾

Thank you Gigig66 🌷❤️🌷

I am staying for sure! 🙂 On or off course. 😃.. Of course! 🫣😁

Thank you so much for the well wishes!

I believe the "flu" was the same as last year's "flu". i.e. merely another WD symptom. Last year I had "flu" for more than 2 months. This time is much milder, but bad to be sure. My fever spiked on Friday night (16 Feb). Yesterday and today I am still running a bit hot, but the rest of the "flu" symptoms have already much subsided since I woke yesterday (Sat, 17 Feb) morning. The hindsight of my 2023 experience and the insight from this site's information, helps so much to understand more of what is happening to us. Yet, there remains so much for us to learn, and technology has so far yet to advance. Until then, we function, and adjust, based on "feel" and collective experience to guide us, and the support we can find from others, as we continue our journey.

My hope for you this day is to earn the achievement of: "Make it count". Your message to me has progressed you half-way towards this achievement 🫣😉. The other half? Well, that half is what you need to do for you today. You deserve a good day, so please, have one!

~Sent with love, wrapped in kindness.

[Gigi66]

9 hours ago, AblazingTulip said:

Thank you Gigig66 🌷❤️🌷

I am staying for sure! 🙂 On or off course. 😃.. Of course! 🫣😁

Thank you so much for the well wishes!

I believe the "flu" was the same as last year's "flu". i.e. merely another WD symptom. Last year I had "flu" for more than 2 months. This time is much milder, but bad to be sure. My fever spiked on Friday night (16 Feb). Yesterday and today I am still running a bit hot, but the rest of the "flu" symptoms have already much subsided since I woke yesterday (Sat, 17 Feb) morning. The hindsight of my 2023 experience and the insight from this site's information, helps so much to understand more of what is happening to us. Yet, there remains so much for us to learn, and technology has so far yet to advance. Until then, we function, and adjust, based on "feel" and collective experience to guide us, and the support we can find from others, as we continue our journey.

My hope for you this day is to earn the achievement of: "Make it count". Your message to me has progressed you half-way towards this achievement 🫣😉. The other half? Well, that half is what you need to do for you today. You deserve a good day, so please, have one!

~Sent with love, wrapped in kindness.

 

I will definitely work towards this. Thank You. Gina 

[AblazingTulip]

3 hours ago, Gigi66 said:

 

I will definitely work towards this. Thank You. Gina 

Achievement unlocked 🤩