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Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration


Bearthing

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Posted

Was on Citalopram, 20mg, for about two weeks. Made me viciously ill. Told I could go off of it cold turkey; trusted my psych because he hadn't led me astray before. Stopped 9/17.

 

Well.

 

Right now I'm in so much pain and discomfort I don't feel like explaining more than that, but I will, soon.

 

(I try to keep a sense of humor.)

 

Also: is it alright to post about our life history, too? I know just enough to disclose so people can't 'find me out,' so to speak.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

Welcome to the forum, Bearthing ... (great name and love the avatar). You will find a lot of support here.

 

What symptoms did you experience on Citalopram? What are your symptoms now?

 

I see from your signature that you have tried other antidepressants - how long were you on them and how quickly did you come off?

 

This is your topic to track your progress and ask questions about your particular situation. Read a few other threads and you will find that others post about their life history, particularly when it is relevant to their current situation and withdrawal experience.

 

Love and light,

Karma

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg; 7/31/24 16.25
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg;

1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor


I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

Posted

Welcome to the forum, Bearthing ... (great name and love the avatar). You will find a lot of support here.

Hi, Karma. :)

 

What symptoms did you experience on Citalopram?

Many-a and many-a.

 

Migraines surging from the base of my neck. Hot flashes that felt like my skin was on fire. Panic attacks made worse. Mild tremors. Restlessness. Sleep disturbances and brain zaps. Nausea. No appetite – I lost 15 lbs in two weeks and at 5'8”, 105 lbs isn't really ideal. I look like a meth addict, to be honest (and no offense to meth addicts out there).

 

All this while trying to hold down university. I have doctor's notes, and I'm registered with my university's disability clinic, but that's not an auto-pass. I have to get to class at least sometimes, and it's horrific: wearing sunglasses indoors, dragging myself around campus, sleeping under benches in the student union when I can, etc.

 

What are your symptoms now?

Same, except the migraines are chronic, I'm dizzy, and I can barely move without my head going 'wheeeee.' Light and noises hurt my eyes most of the time, and I can only post here in these little twenty-minute intervals when it lets up.

 

I see from your signature that you have tried other antidepressants - how long were you on them and how quickly did you come off?

My memory is completely shot so I can't give exact dates, but I can give months and/or years. Dosages are down below in my sig.

 

I was on the Zoloft from age ten to age twelve. Tapering took about three months, if I recall correctly.

 

No meds until Wellbutrin at age fifteen. Just stopped it after a week because of adverse side effects; went on Effexor within a few days after. On it until age eighteen. Tapered in a month.

 

Cymbalta at eighteen (January 2012, I believe). On it for about a month, and got off cold turkey. Klonopin and tegretol straight after (Feb/Mar/Apr 2012); forget the dosages, both cold turkey. Buspirone over the summer for about two weeks, and got off cold turkey.

 

Clonazepam from age eighteen to now, self-medicated, as-needed. Not sure why I take it, because it doesn't work anymore, except to help me sleep over the brain-zaps.

 

As I said, stopped Citalo cold turkey on 9/17, started about two weeks earlier. I have never had withdrawal effects like this before, but now that I've actually done my research, I understand why. It's in the same class as Zoloft, for [your chosen entity's] sake. I should have been tapering for a minimum of weeks!

 

As a side note, I'm nineteen years old now.

 

This is your topic to track your progress and ask questions about your particular situation. Read a few other threads and you will find that others post about their life history, particularly when it is relevant to their current situation and withdrawal experience.

 

Love and light,

Karma

 

Thanks. I'll be sure to post a fuller understanding of what's going on later, when I feel slightly better. In short: molested as a kid; codependent, drug-addicted, abusive and narcissistic parents; big on denial and minimization; don't think this, or anything else 'wrong' with me, is real. And I unfortunately can't move out because I have no money, I'm in debt to the feds, I'm going to school, and I'm unemployable at present due to extreme panic attacks and obsessive-compulsive thoughts.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

Welcome, Bearthing. Of course you can post about your life history.

 

You've really been through it, haven't you?

 

Congratulations on being in college, and your excellent writing.

 

Well, it seems you've tolerated SSRIs before. It may be that 20mg citalopram was too much for you, or maybe your nervous system finally had had enough of the stimulation.

 

Our nervous systems can become sensitized to psych drugs, especially with an on again-off again history with lots of switching or cold turkey.

 

It does sound like you are suffering severe withdrawal symptoms. One thing you might consider is going back on a low dose of citalopram. This is standard procedure when someone tapers too fast.

 

Fortunately, citalopram comes in a liquid, so you can see what your system will tolerate to reduce withdrawal symptoms. You'll need to strike a balance -- avoiding citalopram adverse effects while reducing the withdrawal symptoms. You can see if 3mg will work, for example. If you get worse, stop immediately.

 

How's your doctor, does he or she seem to understand what's going on? Do you think you can work with this person?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

Fortunately, citalopram comes in a liquid, so you can see what your system will tolerate to reduce withdrawal symptoms. You'll need to strike a balance -- avoiding citalopram adverse effects while reducing the withdrawal symptoms. You can see if 3mg will work, for example. If you get worse, stop immediately.

I'll look into that. Thanks.

 

How's your doctor, does he or she seem to understand what's going on? Do you think you can work with this person?

 

Right now he's a bit of a mystery to me. He's good at listening when I rant, and getting to the emotional core of my problems -- that's no big deal. In that respect, he's great. He gives me good advice and leads me to healthy conclusions. But he's one of those 'your parents are just concerned and you should bring them in to talk' types, which I do not hold truck with, at all. (My parents are clearly narcissistic sociopaths, and they would easily, easily, get me to look like the crazy one. In any situation.) He also chucks meds at me, basically, to see if one sticks, and he has since last year. I didn't believe in the whole Big Pharma thing until now, and it's making me sad.

 

He wants to put me on gabapentin next week, telling me I could use it as-needed like clonazepam. Researched that one and NOPE'd soon after. I don't think he's purposely lying to me -- maybe, I don't know, with all the drugs out there psychs forget the exact details of their usage -- but I feel like he should know these things. I don't want to condemn him so easily; it's hard not to do so with my body trying to rip itself apart these last few weeks.

 

I keep trying to tell him that I think my obsessive thoughts* are the culprit behind most of my anxiety. I'm not sure he's listening. I'd like to try a medication that deals with OCD, or to help get a referral to some kind of super cheap CBT clinic. Starting to think my words are going directly over his head.

 

Thankfully -- thankfully! -- he is in the low percentage of doctors who believes SSRI withdrawal is an actual and legitimate problem. I would be going insane right about now if someone I trusted told me that all these symptoms were in my head.

 

* They're of killing, hurting, raping, etc. Sometimes coupled with unwanted, spontaneous arousal -- the only time I ever get it in my life, because I am, for all intents and purposes, asexual otherwise. I hope that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable, but it's true, they're there, and I can't control them.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

It's possible your OCD is a result of going on and off all those psych meds. If you could let your nervous system settle down without drugs, you might find a lot of your symptoms go away.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

It's possible your OCD is a result of going on and off all those psych meds. If you could let your nervous system settle down without drugs, you might find a lot of your symptoms go away.

 

I'm not sure -- maybe. Give me your opinion on this.

 

Had uncontrollable thoughts of stabbing myself at age 13 that eventually passed after the summer, so I've had this experience before. But between the tegretol and the buspirone I had about two to three months clean of anything but clonazepam. Would it take longer than that? Would I need to clear myself out of clonazepam, too? I guess these thoughts are so freaking uncomfortable that I want some kind-of relief, even if it takes the edge off a little...

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

If it's a withdrawal symptom, or a drug interaction symptom, or a dysregulation caused by going on and off many drugs, it's hard to tell when it would go away.

 

Are you taking clonazepam regularly? At what time of day? Do your symptoms show up in any pattern, at any particular time of day? It helps a lot to keep notes of your symptoms.

 

FDA info for clonazepam http://www.drugs.com/pro/clonazepam.html

 

Suicidal Thinking and Behavior:

 

Patients, their caregivers, and families should be counseled that AEDs, including Clonazepam, may increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior and should be advised of the need to be alert for the emergence or worsening of symptoms of depression, any unusual changes in mood or behavior, or the emergence of suicidal thoughts, behavior, or thoughts about self-harm. Behaviors of concern should be reported immediately to healthcare providers.

But -- don't go off clonazepam while you're having withdrawal symptoms from the citalopram. It may be hard to believe, but you could get much worse if you add benzo withdrawal to citalopram withdrawal.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

The obsessive thoughts have been pretty nasty today. Sometimes I think I should be locked away. Sigh!

 

If it's a withdrawal symptom, or a drug interaction symptom, or a dysregulation caused by going on and off many drugs, it's hard to tell when it would go away.

I do know I had no further obsessive thoughts after the age of 13 until I took klonopin. Something in the klonopin triggered it, and I've been locked in my own personal hell ever since.

 

Are you taking clonazepam regularly? At what time of day? Do your symptoms show up in any pattern, at any particular time of day? It helps a lot to keep notes of your symptoms.

I should start doing that. I apologize for being so haphazard, but my body has withstood everything up until now so this is completely new to me. Not that I thought SSRI discontinuation syndrome never happened -- I thought it happened to other people.

 

I don't take it regularly. I was told it was as-needed, whenever, if I'm having an anxious day. The misinformation is piling.

 

Oh! One medication I forgot in my list: Trazodone, 100mg, from age 13 or so to age 17. Was used as a sleep aid, taken regularly. Gave me restless leg, so I couldn't ever sleep without it. Cold turkey'd that, and the only side-effect was that I couldn't sleep for two weeks -- normal, because my brain hadn't gone under without it in four years.

 

So as you can see, this is the first time my body is reacting so badly. I think it's finally said enough is enough with all this $%@$%@, dude.

 

Suicidal Thinking and Behavior:

 

Patients, their caregivers, and families should be counseled that AEDs, including Clonazepam, may increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior and should be advised of the need to be alert for the emergence or worsening of symptoms of depression, any unusual changes in mood or behavior, or the emergence of suicidal thoughts, behavior, or thoughts about self-harm. Behaviors of concern should be reported immediately to healthcare providers.

I do think a little about suicide, but not as a sort-of active thing that I want to do, you know? It can be spontaneous. It's more "I'm in so much pain sometimes, will this be some kind of permanent fluke, is there actual damage, can someone please just fix me so I can write again and get my degree..." etc.

 

And so I try not to panic. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it's all about your reaction to the thought.

 

But -- don't go off clonazepam while you're having withdrawal symptoms from the citalopram. It may be hard to believe, but you could get much worse if you add benzo withdrawal to citalopram withdrawal.

 

I've been told that, and people have been shocked as hell when I tell them that I've quit some stuff without even the most minor upset. (A neuropsych once legitimately asked me how I didn't die when I just stopped the Trazodone.) My body chemistry is strange.

 

I've been scanning through the threads of other people here, particularly folks who've been (for YEARS, sometimes) tapering off the meds I just threw away or stopped in a few days with no side effects, and I feel so, so bad. I just want to hug them and make the pain go away for a while. I'm sure they'd do the same for me.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

I wasn't suggesting you take Klonopin regularly!

 

If you haven't been taking it regularly, it may be easier for you to reduce it. If you're taking it as needed, don't change that -- if anything, minimize the number of times you take it.

 

Many people use benzos sparingly to get through withdrawal syndrome. Not that they do the job, but they can make some of the symptoms half-way bearable.

 

If you take Klonopin regularly, you probably will incur greater physical dependency and have greater difficulty going off it.

 

Where are you with attempting partial reinstatement of citalopram? Do you have any tablets left?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

My bad -- I made a mistake with my med list. Klonopin is the non-generic form of clonazepam -- it sounded familiar, though, like one of the names of the mood stabilizers I had thrust upon me. It was the Lamotrigine and Tegretol that triggered something and started giving me these horrific obsessive thoughts. Beforehand, I'd had none.

 

I wasn't suggesting you take Klonopin regularly!

 

If you haven't been taking it regularly, it may be easier for you to reduce it. If you're taking it as needed, don't change that -- if anything, minimize the number of times you take it.

 

Many people use benzos sparingly to get through withdrawal syndrome. Not that they do the job, but they can make some of the symptoms half-way bearable.

 

If you take Klonopin regularly, you probably will incur greater physical dependency and have greater difficulty going off it.

 

Where are you with attempting partial reinstatement of citalopram? Do you have any tablets left?

 

I'm trying to cut down to 1mg of clonazepam, but it's a matter of lowering the dosage vs. allowing the debilitating panic attacks to further rule my life. Rock/hard place situation. The kind I have are not the kind a little breathing/"it's how you react to the situation" can help.

 

No tablets left of citalopram -- I threw them out. Probably unwisely, but I had no one to tell me otherwise and certainly my psych didn't seem to think it was a problem. For the liquid stuff, I'll have to actually get to my psych, but that may be a while, as I can't walk very far at the moment and I'm receiving no help from my parents whatsoever re: transportation or anything for that matter.

 

Gotta go lie down now (again). Migraine flaring.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

I am so sad that the medical profession started you on so many drugs at such a young age... If you aren't already, i might consider adding some fish oil - starting small to check you have no reaction and then increasing. I take 4g per day and i could probably take more - but you need to take Vit E with it. Fish oil is excellent for nervous system support and it is probably the most useful supplement in withdrawal.

 

Regarding obsessive thoughts - there is a really good book called You are not your Brain - and it deals with obsessive thoughts. I think the key is to recognise them, but not engage in them - perhaps doing something like suduko to engage your brain and change the thinking path - you are trying to weaken that path and strengthen another path. It is very hard I know, i had a lot of obsessive thoughts before going on Effexor..but just knowing that they are just going on in one part of my brain helped me a lot.

Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

Posted

Oh, thanks for the resources.

 

I'd have to ask my psych -- he's through my university and they have a NO REFILL policy because this is a California party school and kids sell the drugs, etc. It's a PITA for those of us who actually need them, but what can you do, really. At any rate, yeah, I'll ask him if he can give me more. Question is: before or after I chew him out? Hmmm...

 

I am so sad that the medical profession started you on so many drugs at such a young age...

So am I, in retrospect. You know why? At ten, I was a smart little kid. I read a lot. Books I probably shouldn't have read at ten. I liked, particularly, to read health-based books -- so I got panic attacks because I thought I was going to die from such-and-such bacterium of the week. All I probably needed was a hug and a talking-to, but my parents, oh no, we can't have this one freaking out all the time, so get her all drugged up and stupid.

 

They still refer to the 'Zoloft years' as the time I was, apparently, 'best-behaved.' By that, I guess they mean 'least problematic re: mental illness.' I don't misbehave. I can't misbehave. I have too many things going on in my head to misbehave!

 

Sigh.

 

If you aren't already, i might consider adding some fish oil - starting small to check you have no reaction and then increasing. I take 4g per day and i could probably take more - but you need to take Vit E with it. Fish oil is excellent for nervous system support and it is probably the most useful supplement in withdrawal.

I have it in the fridge. Not sure of the dosage. Took it before all this and I don't remember why I stopped -- I think I forgot about it because, as I've mentioned in previous posts, my memory is just about nothing now.

 

I want to take it again, but the only reason I'm a little wary is because I had a few bad reactions to vitamins while on the citalo. I used to take B12 complex for energy in the morning, and in conjunction with the citalo I'd get hot flashes so painful I would be screaming under normal circumstances. But I'd be on the bus, or in class, or trying to have a conversation with friends, so that's that...

 

Regarding obsessive thoughts - there is a really good book called You are not your Brain - and it deals with obsessive thoughts. I think the key is to recognise them, but not engage in them - perhaps doing something like suduko to engage your brain and change the thinking path - you are trying to weaken that path and strengthen another path. It is very hard I know, i had a lot of obsessive thoughts before going on Effexor..but just knowing that they are just going on in one part of my brain helped me a lot.

I'll look into that book, thanks.

 

It's just difficult because not only are these thoughts really disgusting -- I won't even get into details of their content with my psych, I'm so afraid of being put on lists or hospitalized -- they're coupled with a physical response. I've read that the physical response happens sometimes, and it doesn't mean anything, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

 

I try to listen to audiobooks or read or do homework (I'm one of those annoying kids who does it three weeks in advance) when this happens. I used to write a lot and that helped, too, but I'm now so completely obsessed with over-analyzing every detail of what I write (thanks OCD), I never get anything done. Which is not nice when you're getting a degree in English-with-a-concentration-in-creative-writing.

 

Good show all around. Again, I'm not depressed at the moment -- I'm sure some of you can tell the difference between true depression and just being frustrated, annoyed, and sad. There's a bit of hopelessness thrown in, but only if this continues on like this for a very long time. And I'm trying to change that.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

I feel confident that you will emerge whole - you show good insight and you are clear in your expression. Look into the book, i think it will help you - he has written a few of them - he places a lot of emphasis on meditation. He is a psychiatrist - seems like a good one - be awesome if you could see him, he does have a practice - i think he is in California..

Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

Posted

I feel confident that you will emerge whole - you show good insight and you are clear in your expression. Look into the book, i think it will help you - he has written a few of them - he places a lot of emphasis on meditation. He is a psychiatrist - seems like a good one - be awesome if you could see him, he does have a practice - i think he is in California..

 

Thanks for the support.

 

Can you believe I'm more worried about my schoolwork than myself at this point? I don't see myself going to classes all week, unless I make a miraculous recovery in the migraine department -- I can handle everything else.

 

I suppose I don't want to be set back a semester. Yeah, yeah, I should focus on my health first, but I'm concerned retaking classes might put me into a 'funk.'

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

Posted

Hi Bearthing, sorry to hear you're suffering. Have you ever tried meditation? It might help you become more detached from those obsessive thoughts. Here is a good place to start - http://marc.ucla.edu/

2003-2011: Paroxetine,Citalopram,Effexor; Aug/Sept 2011: Effexor to Mirtazapine; Oct 2011: C/T Mirtazapine back to Effexor; Nov/Dec 2011: Fast Tapered Effexor - w/d hell; Feb 2012: Reinstated Effexor 37.5mg; June 2012: Dropped to 35.6mg; Jan 2016: Propranolol 2.5mg per day for general anxiety; Feb 2016: Finasteride 0.25mg per week to slow hair loss; 18th May - 8th June 2019: Started Vyvanse 7.5mg and increased by 7.5mg weekly to 30mg (lowest “therapeutic” dose for adults).; 21st June 2019 - 12th July: Cross tapered from venlafaxine brand Rodomel to Efexor (1/4 > 1/2 > 3/4 weekly before ditching Rodomel); 13th July 2019: Cut Vyvanse dose to 15mg; 15th July 2019: Akathisia returned after years of being free; 16th July 2019: Went back up to Vyvanse 30mg

Supplements: Omega-3, Vitamin D, Zinc, Phosphatidylserine 

Posted

Hi Bearthing, sorry to hear you're suffering. Have you ever tried meditation? It might help you become more detached from those obsessive thoughts. Here is a good place to start - http://marc.ucla.edu/

 

No, I haven't. I've had it suggested to me, but I've never tried. Don't know why. I've always been a wound-up person, and it would help with the severe stress that's piling up on me right now.

 

Finding a quiet space would be an issue, though.

 

In other news, I haven't been feeling myself lately. Not dissociation -- I know how that one feels -- but I almost can sense old, crappy personality traits coming back. I wasn't a good person a few years ago, and I've convinced myself I'm turning back into that person.

 

I dunno.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

Posted

Forgive me if I sound a bit odd -- I'm on painkillers at the moment.

 

Here's a little update: ibuprofen, a lot of it (400mg+), seems to help. Unfortunately, they also put me to sleep, so I'm unconscious most of the day. Means no pain, though. And the migraines are the only major side-effect left in this whole mess -- my appetite's back, no more nausea, and I only have a minor sensitivity to noise/a few tiny hot sparks a day.

 

But my doctor says what I'm experiencing aren't migraines at all, so I don't know what to call them. He said I'd have to have visual disturbances and the pain would only be on one side of my head. Whatever this is, it's like this: it's centralized in my neck, the back of my head, and my ears especially. No visual disturbances. Not sure if what he says is true or not. Anyone know?

 

Anyway, good news is that my university is helping me out in terms of making up work, so I'm less stressed in that area. I don't care if my grades drop this semester -- I've never believed grades were an indication of intelligence, anyway -- but I wouldn't like to repeat classes.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

BT, you might be hypersensitive to light, this is a common withdrawal symptoms, it might be contributing to your headaches.

 

Try wearing dark glasses as much as possible, even inside, and stay in dim areas.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

Thanks, Altostrata. That seemed to help. I wear sunglasses almost everywhere now, just in case.

 

I wish I could participate more on this forum but I'm sincerely trying to keep my life stable at the moment. (If I screw up university repeatedly, I have to come up with $25k+ that I don't have.) I thought the withdrawals were gone -- for a few days the only thing that affected me was a sense of vertigo, which I could deal with, thanks to public transportation/benches everywhere/friends supporting me while I walk on bad days/etc.

 

Today, though, something odd happened. I was sitting in class and I had a painful feeling of restlessness in my legs. For a few minutes I chalked it up to the weird way I was sitting/the horribly uncomfortable chairs at university, but it spread to my whole body. There was a distinct burning sensation too. It took me a while after class to walk it off. Again I rationalized it and figured it was just me having a panic attack, so I didn't tell my doctor. For another hour or so, sitting and walking with friends, it didn't crop up again.

 

But again it happened on the bus ride home, this time untriggered by anxiety -- at least, that I am aware. It happened at the bus stop, too. It's happening right now as I sit here at the computer, although it's not nearly as bad as it was in class earlier. Lying down helps, but I can't lie down forever.

 

I have to wonder if it's all in my head, or related to anxiety, or a CNS issue, or a deficiency, or...? Sigh! I'll wait a few more days and if it doesn't go away I'll call my doctor. I'm taking omega-3s to see if that helps.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

That sounds like a surge in withdrawal symptoms.

 

We have people here who have experienced something similar. Go to the Symptoms forum and search for restless legs.

 

Good to hear you're doing a bit better. Try to cut down light exposure at night, too, including the computer.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

Ah, is that what they are? I had seen it feature in some other stories, and it sounded horrifying...argh. It is horrifying. It happens all over my body, like an itch I can't scratch, and physical activity barely touches it. I've had a history of restless leg syndrome, but never, ever anything like this.

 

Forget that I said it may not have anything to do with anxiety -- I think it is anxiety-related, because I was relatively mellow over the weekend and had none of these surges. Week comes, boom, panic attacks, surges in legs spreading to my core and the backs of my arms. I tend to get panic attacks on the way to and from my university campus, and I don't know why. Something subconscious, I guess. Or the old fear-of-fear panic attacks. The human mind is, uh, interesting, I suppose.

 

Sometimes I wish I could just sedate myself for a few months until this is all over. I want to live my life, but not like this.

 

EDIT: I'm also having really violent thoughts, coupled with urges -- I think this is far past the obsessive-compulsive thoughts. I've seen this is also pretty common with withdrawals as well...I don't know what to do. Maybe my doctor will know, if he's in this week. I feel like he told me last week that he's on vacation. I'm a little scared.

 

I can't (or rather, couldn't) get a hold of any more citalopram, by the way. But I think the time for tapering off of that has passed. Now I think I just have to keep going cold turkey and hope I don't hurt anyone or myself in the process.

 

I'm not even religious, but: Christ, why? Why, why, why, why? I'm nineteen years old. I shouldn't have to worry about this bull$%@!.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

Why can't you get some citalopram? Is anyone covering for your doctor while he's away?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

Why can't you get some citalopram? Is anyone covering for your doctor while he's away?

 

He seemed -- I could have read him wrong, but he seemed -- suspicious that after I got off of them, I wanted them back. They made me sick while I was on them, too. I tried to explain tapering, but I was told it would do more damage than good now.

 

Doc has a nurse practitioner who can chuck pills at me that I've already been prescribed, but can't do much else.

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

Suggest you ask the np for a liquid citalopram prescription, explain you're having withdrawal symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Posted

I think I'll have to -- it's getting bad again. My skin feels like it's on fire and my head is foggy. Ugh...

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

  • Administrator
Posted

From official FDA information at http://www.drugs.com/pro/citalopram-tablets.html

 

Discontinuation of Treatment with Citalopram

Symptoms associated with discontinuation of citalopram and other SSRIs and SNRIs have been reported (see PRECAUTIONS). Patients should be monitored for these symptoms when discontinuing treatment. A gradual reduction in the dose rather than abrupt cessation is recommended whenever possible. If intolerable symptoms occur following a decrease in the dose or upon discontinuation of treatment, then resuming the previously prescribed dose may be considered. Subsequently, the physician may continue decreasing the dose but at a more gradual rate.

....

PRECAUTIONS

 

General

 

Discontinuation of Treatment with Citalopram

 

During marketing of citalopram and other SSRIs and SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors), there have been spontaneous reports of adverse events occurring upon discontinuation of these drugs, particularly when abrupt, including the following: dysphoric mood, irritability, agitation, dizziness, sensory disturbances (e.g., paresthesias such as electric shock sensations), anxiety, confusion, headache, lethargy, emotional lability, insomnia, and hypomania. While these events are generally self-limiting, there have been reports of serious discontinuation symptoms.

 

Patients should be monitored for these symptoms when discontinuing treatment with citalopram. A gradual reduction in the dose rather than abrupt cessation is recommended whenever possible. If intolerable symptoms occur following a decrease in the dose or upon discontinuation of treatment, then resuming the previously prescribed dose may be considered. Subsequently, the physician may continue decreasing the dose but at a more gradual rate (see DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION).

It's so nice they explained it TWICE.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Hi Bearthing - I concur with Alto, reinstating and reducing slowly may help to curb those symptoms and help you to complete your schooling.

 

Be gentle with yourself - psychiatry caused you considerable harm - to me you sound amazing - you have endured so much and you are still at school!!!

Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

Posted

I'm starting to think my doctor is completely terrible. Ugh. Thanks, Altostrata.

 

@Peggy: I'm in school barely. I haven't been to some of my harder classes in two weeks because of symptoms. And on top of that stress, my parents want to move me 2000 miles away back east because they think "California isn't good for me." (Read as: "We want to move back east because we love our toxic family too much and we don't know how to budget and can't afford living here. Also, you have no power whatsoever to stop us.") All my real and true friends are here -- the 'friends' I made in high school weren't loyal, wouldn't have helped me across campus when I was sick, etc. I am happy here -- happy in general, not with all this psych stuff. I fixed a lot of my self-esteem issues and I learned to make healthy relationships.

 

I can only ask advice from you guys because I won't dump something this massive on my friends and I don't know if I can turn to anyone else in my life. My parents will claim that I'm mentally ill and that I need them -- and I do, for now -- but that also comes with relinquishing my rights. If they want to move me, they will. But I can't leave. The east (I used to live in New England) was horrible for me. I was depressed, suicidal; I hated myself. I couldn't make meaningful connections with anybody. And, well, I just didn't like it there. The winters!

 

Leaving California is basically a death sentence for my mental, emotional, and physical wellness. I've got to stay here. I don't know how. I have no money, no connections, and I can't even manage school -- a job is out of the question.

 

Do I sound like a spoiled brat? Yeah, of course. But with all I've gone through in life, now is the time I need to use that against others. What do I do?

Diagnoses: depressive disorder NOS; anxiety disorder NOS

Other symptoms: horrific obsessive-compulsive thoughts I can't control

Medications attempted: Zoloft, 200mg; Trazodone, 100mg; Wellbutrin, 150mg; Effexor XR, 150mg; Cymbalta, 30mg; Lamotrigine and Tegretol, unsure, memory of that time is fuzzy; Buspirone, 30mg

Current medications: Clonazepam, 2mg, to sleep

Withdrawing from: Citalopram, 20mg, cold turkey because I was misinformed, as of 9/17

[Bearthing and the Great Medication Celebration]

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