vvval: Planning to taper but have some concerns

[vvval]

Hi there! I found this site about a week ago after looking for information regarding tapering and thought I'd make an account now that registrations are open.

When I was in high school (2017) I was prescribed Zoloft, first 50mg and then 100mg I believe, as I hadn't noticed any change in my depression or anxiety, which resulted in my psychiatrist eventually prescribing me 200mg. I was on this dosage for years, until about a year after high school (somewhere in 2021 if I remember correctly) I decided I no longer wished to take the medication, as I realized I felt almost numb, and having a close friend express how he no longer took psych meds because they made him feel not himself was what finally pushed me to stop taking them. My memory isn't great but I believe I went from 200mg, to 100mg, then to 50, and eventually stopped. I do remember splitting the pills in half but I can't remember whether or not I went from 50 to 25; regardless, I still stopped "cold turkey" at some point despite thinking otherwise at the time. I thought that I had stopped properly, because a doctor had instructed me to "taper" that way, but I know now that it wasn't slow enough. I'm not sure if/what damage was caused to my brain and body.
 

I began taking Zoloft once more after a major episode of anxiety and depression in 2022. I got COVID for the first time under very unfortunate circumstances; I won't go into detail because it is very personal and family-related, but I had avoided the virus up until that point because I've always had health anxiety to a degree and I also have POTS and am otherwise very weak. This caused me to spiral; I developed even worse health anxiety which spiraled into severe death anxiety, which caused me to break down sobbing almost constantly, filled with dread and unable to operate normally. I went to a psychiatric urgent care, where they prescribed me Zoloft once again, and I've been on it ever since. I was on 100mg for a while and recently went down to 50mg before finding this forum, but luckily didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms from what I could tell.
 

Unfortunately, I still occasionally get those anxiety spirals about the same topic. Despite knowing it isn't rational, I still get physical anxiety symptoms and it feels very distressing.
 

I saw an amazing thread on here about "neuro-emotions," and I think that may be what I've experienced and have been experiencing lately. I'm hoping that eventually I can overcome these, but they hit me so heavily and with such a deep, distressing, heavy feeling of dread and anxiety that they make me want to increase my dosage/stay on my medication in the moment.
 

I want to taper, as I don't want to be reliant on this drug any longer, but I wonder if I have no choice; do I have to keep using it to numb my anxiety forever? When I get older and my brain is more developed will this go away? Is the drug hindering my brain's development? If I taper will I still experience this anxiety? Will it be manageable? These are the reasons I'm joining. I want to hear about others' experiences and maybe get some answers to these questions before deciding to proceed with tapering.

[Emonda]

Welcome @vvval

 

Sorry to hear you've had a tough time.

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

I thought that I had stopped properly, because a doctor had instructed me to "taper" that way, but I know now that it wasn't slow enough.

 

This is a common experience. 

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

I'm not sure if/what damage was caused to my brain and body.

 

Time and patience does wonders for recovery.

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

I want to taper, as I don't want to be reliant on this drug any longer

 

This is how many of us do it: Why taper by 10% of my dosage? Each monthly reduction gets smaller and smaller.

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

I wonder if I have no choice; do I have to keep using it to numb my anxiety forever?

 

By tapering slowly, I've found the numbing slowly subsides, and I slowly get used to completely normal emotions. Counselling regarding the stuff that goes through your mind can be helpful, too.

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

If I taper will I still experience this anxiety?

 

Many of us experience WD symptoms tapering. The faster you go, the more unpleasant it can be. Slow is the way to go. If it is unpleasant, hold the dose and stabalise. Then, when you are comfortable, taper more slowly.

 

These are the typical WD symptoms when you go too fast: Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

2 hours ago, vvval said:

I want to hear about others' experiences and maybe get some answers to these questions before deciding to proceed with tapering.

 

Visiting the success stories is a great thing to do. It'll give you a much needed boost.

 

A few helpful links:

 

Windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Non-drug coping strategies

 

Melatonin for sleep

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. Add one at a time and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Avoid alcohol. 

 

Don't change the manufacturer of your AD.

 

This is your own Introduction topic.  Each member has only ONE Introduction topic.  Your own Introduction topic is the best place to ask questions and the place to journal your progress.  This keeps your history in one place and means you do not have to repeat your story. 

 

Once again, welcome to S.A.

 

Emonda

 

 

[vvval]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, Emonda. I'll be sure to check out the resources you linked.

Quote

We don't suggest many supplements, but two that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil.

I was glad to find today that I had some of both among the supplements in my house: I started taking them today with my meals, and although it's just one step I'm already glad to be working towards feeling better. I'm going to look into ordering some capsules and a scale so I can begin tapering soon. Thank you again!