ita85: My Story with escitalopram, appriciated any comment

[ita85]

Goodmorning all,

Have been looking into this website for 5 years almost and i think it s time to write about me, since this community has been of great help.

I have the following questions for who is willing to answer, i would appriciate it a lot.

My Story: 

Always been very healthy and happy guy. In at 24 I move to a nordic european country, far north (on the artic circle )for studing. First year is the best year of my life in terms of mood and happiness, everything is great. 

Second year, winter is very dark and long (i am from a sunny place all year) and i feel the hit, social life is less due to very short days, and everything combined throw me into a depression.

I have been given Escitalopram 20mg, and this was the worst mistake of my life that till that point has been happy and successful. This has literarly changed the course of my life.

I get "better" if we can say so, and in 6 months doctor start the tapering. During these 6  months i experience brain zaps, vivid dreams, derealization but still everything is somehow tolerable and i go on to zero. 

3 Months after hell brake lose. First i get extremely dizzy for 2 weeks, then total insomnia, and finally strong derealization and mind and thought out of control. I point out to the doctor that these sympotms is nothing like anythin i have experienced during the depression, but it s something completely different. Doctor doesnt agree, says I am still depressed and i start again with 10mg this time. With 2 weeks i get quite better and i am able to go back to work again.

This scenario repeats 3 times during the years as you can see from my drug history. Still this thing never convince me, the symptoms i am experienceing are no the depression i had initially but something else regardless what the doctors say.

A friend with exactly same problems previously than mine, point me out to the right direction. I start searching and find this website. Everything become clear immediately. I was right all along, and I have been poisoned for 10 years. 

Feeling of anger and frustration emerge, just for medical incompetence i went through a great deal of pain and had to quit jobs, been unable to feel real feeling etc..but finally i see a way out, at least a hope.

I start tapering with the method described here, almost 5 years ago.

During these 5 years i experienced windows and waves, as described, with time windows became longer and longer and waves smaller. In the entire 2023 very few waves, starting to have feeling again, i assume finally is over and can move on with my life. At this point i am taking just 0.08mg, and i probably could have gone to zero, but just still going small to be sure.

Here comes the wrong decision. I think I am out of it, and I accept a long desired job in another country seduced by the very high salary. I am not married, so i leave my country, friends and move toward a very demanding job in a new life.

1 month into the new job, here comes again the old symptoms i did not experience with this full force since 5 years. This become quite bad again and i have to leave the job and go back home. I have not increased the dose , still hanging at 0.08mg, waiting for the symptoms to stabilize. This is my story till now.

 

My questions are:

- Even if the tapering has been quite ok for 5 years, is it possible that just a stressing event can throw the nervous system again out of balance? If so, can anyone estimate how many years the nervous system can take (if ever) to be able to handle any stress again? I am starting to realize that maybe I will be exposed for life to the danger of these symptoms to come back even after long the tapering is ended.

 

- If tapering is over, since let s say 1 or 2 years and things are ok, and suddenly these symptoms come back due to a particular  life stressing event, how to handle this? Start again with a smalll dose of the drug?!?!? Please tell me that it s not necessary. As i understand the we will be under this danger for long after tapering has ended

 

- I have been diluiting the escitalopram (Etanol) into water. Was this correct? Just wondering if maybe that was the wrong procedure and the effect i have can be also linked to that.

 

Thanks to all who will answer, hard moment, need some hope.

 

 

My drug history

Jan 2011-Jun 2011 20mg Escitalopram

Jun 2011- Dec 2011 First attemp Tapering to zero, after 3 months in April crash down and start again 10 mg

April 2012 - March 2015 - 10 mg

March 2015 - August 2015 Second attemp to taper to zero, crash down.  start again with 5 mg.

Aug 2015 - Dec 2017 - 5 mg

Jan 2018 - August 2018 third attempt tapering to zero, crash down. Start again with 5 mg

Discovered this community and the right way of tapering

August 2019 - April 2024 and started tapering 10% , now at 0.08 mg.

[Erimus]

Hello, and welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. We are a peer support forum to assist in tapering off psychiatric drugs safely, or recovering from psychiatric drug withdrawal.

 

Your first task is to create a drug signature, with the following:

 

• All current medication you take, the dose you take, when you started the drug, and when you made dose changes
• All current supplements you take
• An accurate history of recent drugs, taken in the last 12-24 months
• Dates for recent should be written as 7 Oct 2023, or Oct 7 2023, or early Oct 2023, or mid Oct 2023
• A history of drugs taken 24 months ago and beyond - if applicable
• Dates for historical drugs can simply be listed as start and stop years
• Please do not use 07/10/23 // 10/07/23 as this is intepreted differently around the world

 

• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. See my signature for example of clear and concise information.

 

• Click this link to edit your signature: Edit your signature here.

 

 

This topic is for anything relating to you, and any questions you have. Please do not start another topic.

 

We recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your CURRENT dose each month, to limit withdrawal symptoms. E.g. 10mg --> 9mg --> 8.1mg --> 7.29mg

 

All the answers you are looking for regarding tapering and antidepressant withdrawal are on this site. Please search around and continue to read as much as you can manage. Use the site search function to search for specific words or phrases, such as drugs or symptoms.

 

Here are a few of the most useful links:

 

Important topics in the Tapering forum and FAQ

 

Micro tapering

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

Using a scale to weigh and measure doses

 

We only recommend two supplements. Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium. Both should be introduced separately and increased slowly.

 

Regards

Erimus

[Erimus]

First of all, congratulations on enduring such a long and careful taper down to 0.08mg. Please remind yourself that this is an exceptional achievement, regardless of what you currently feel.

 

2 hours ago, ita85 said:

My questions are:

- Even if the tapering has been quite ok for 5 years, is it possible that just a stressing event can throw the nervous system again out of balance? If so, can anyone estimate how many years the nervous system can take (if ever) to be able to handle any stress again? I am starting to realize that maybe I will be exposed for life to the danger of these symptoms to come back even after long the tapering is ended.

Unfortunately, the system is more sensitive during this process. Once you have been off the drug for some time your nervous system will adapt and reach a new normal, at which point it is likely you can manage stress and many other things like you did before medication.

2 hours ago, ita85 said:

If tapering is over, since let s say 1 or 2 years and things are ok, and suddenly these symptoms come back due to a particular  life stressing event, how to handle this? Start again with a smalll dose of the drug?!?!? Please tell me that it s not necessary. As i understand the we will be under this danger for long after tapering has ended

I think that is unlikely. Cross that bridge when you come to it. For now, your focus is on tapering the final 0.08mg of the drug. We all feel like we'll never be able to cope with life like we did before psychiatric injunction, but the healing capabilities of the brain are remarkable.

 

2 hours ago, ita85 said:

I have been diluiting the escitalopram (Etanol) into water. Was this correct? Just wondering if maybe that was the wrong procedure and the effect i have can be also linked to that.

That sounds fine. Please read the topic on How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules , if you haven't already.

 

Regards

Erimus

[ita85]

9 hours ago, Erimus said:

First of all, congratulations on enduring such a long and careful taper down to 0.08mg. Please remind yourself that this is an exceptional achievement, regardless of what you currently feel.

 

Unfortunately, the system is more sensitive during this process. Once you have been off the drug for some time your nervous system will adapt and reach a new normal, at which point it is likely you can manage stress and many other things like you did before medication.

I think that is unlikely. Cross that bridge when you come to it. For now, your focus is on tapering the final 0.08mg of the drug. We all feel like we'll never be able to cope with life like we did before psychiatric injunction, but the healing capabilities of the brain are remarkable.

 

That sounds fine. Please read the topic on How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules , if you haven't already.

 

Regards

Erimus

 

Hello Erimus, 

Thank you for reply and encouragement!

I will try to keep this post updated and share with everyone how the process go on