SarahC: My experience

[SarahC]

disclaimer: i am not at all confident that i currently have the intellectual/cognitive ability to adequately articulate my experience. please bear that in mind as you read this.
 

in spring 2020 i was going through a divorce. this made me depressed. i went to my pcp to get an rx to "take the edge off". i believe we first tried wellbutrin but it made me hostile. i then went on prozac. dosage was increased over time due to not being effective and i had also started to experience anxiety and worsening depression. i ended up going inpatient where olanzapine and other meds were added. my diag has never included psychosis of any kind.
 

my diag was mdd/generalized anxiety/complicated grief. over time my anxiety became crippling. i went on std from work and began to isolate. every time i went to my shrink he would up dose or add new meds. one med made me have seizures. i stopped seizure causing med after 2 weeks cuz hubby said he if i kept taking them he wouldnt be able to work due to me having seizures. he went w/me to my next shrink appointment cause it seemed to us that they were just operating a pill mill. at that point (end of sept 2023) i abruptly stopped taking all of my psychiatric meds. 
 

 

i have had all the symptoms and issues identified here. i have also been couch ridden for 10 months. i feel like i cant move and  if i have forward motion and get physical momentem, i will likely kill myself so i stay immobile.  i seem to cycle through intense depersonalization (had no idea what this was until i found this site) or intense emotionality. i am either feeling one or the other and both are frightening and unbearable. ni have lost my career and worry constantly about the effects on my marriage.

 

in case someone needs to hear this: suicide will still be an option in an hour or tomorrow.....please just wait. get to that hour or day and repeat this.

 

this is as far as i can go right now. thank you for your time.

Edited April 29 by Carmie
Added paragraphs

[Carmie]

Welcome @SarahC, 

 

Don’t worry about your cognition on this site, we are all in the same boat. Our brains are all over the place, mine was like that already before withdrawals because of CFS though. When you chat with different ones on this site know that you’re in good company and everyone understands .

 

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through tough times. That’s awful that one of the medications caused seizures. It sounds like you’re going through bad withdrawals from the medication. Chopping and changing meds and doses can destabilise our brains. All the heightened emotions and depersonalisation can be caused by these medications, they’re called neuro-emotions. Everything can seem hopeless, though our brains have a remarkable ability to heal. It can take quite some time though, so in the meantime we need to find some distractions to help us get through the bad days. Going out in nature is soothing I find. I also do EFT, which I find highly beneficial for me. 
 

I know you’re struggling to focus at the moment, but could you please put dates into your drug signature when you’re able to. Thank you. 

Do you drink alcohol? It’s best not to have any while going through withdrawals. Also stimulants can affect us too, so cutting down on caffeine and sugar is also beneficial. 
 

Sending hugs🤗