greymatter Trying to come off Citalopram after 10+ years

[Francis]

Finding a Dr who would prescribe the liquid celexa for me was a game changer... tapering by small increments was SO much easier... I was able to decrease by .05 in the end!

(For me, I got so frustrated with tapering and cutting up the pills, making the liquid out of the pills was too much for me to face- I couldnt seem to make myself do it even though I knew that making large decreases wasn't going to work well.  I know it was not logical, but it was a big road block for me.)

[Silmarwen]

Hi Greymatter

 

I'm going to follow your thread as I'm also tapering citalopram....I too feel so impatient and just want to be of this drug now, but I also know that doing it to fast will only make me crash and do not want my tapering to fail, so I'm taking it slow.

I cut down from 40 mg to 30 mg and then (before I found this forum) after a week down again to 20 mg.....not good so I updosed to 30 mg (as advised by Rhi) and will hold here for a few months before tapering again.....

 

How are you feeling now after updosing to 5 mg?

[Rhiannon]

Grey, you may want to factor in the fact that the rational, decision-making part of your brain is probably not functioning correctly right now due to withdrawal. (This is typical and totally happens to me in withdrawal.)

 

The safest and most rational choice that I would make in your position would be to go back up to the 10 mg and then get the liquid to taper down at 10% increments, OR make my own liquid and go back up to at least 9 mg, and then taper down slowly from there.  

 

I agree, you have reached a dosage level where breaking up tablets is no longer practical (although you could probably continue to dry cut if you got a milligram scale.)

 

Your reinstatement to 5 mg has probably saved you some pretty severe problems down the road, but it's still a 50% cut from 10 mg, which for someone with a history like yours is something that I have never seen work for people. You said yourself you crashed with that drop and it was too big a drop.  Please consider these thoughts, we want to save you from a great deal of suffering.

[greymatter]

If anyone is reading this thread this is a warning not to do what I did and rush things at the end. I did well with the tapering for 8 or 9 months, there were occasional blips but nothing that a bit of updosing couldn't remedy. Being me though at the end I just wanted to be off the tablets and rashly stopped instead of gradually tapering the final doses. Big mistake. Over 2 months since I stopped totally and the anxiety is extreme. Last week it was so bad I bought some anti histamine tablets as I'd read that they can reduce anxiety symptoms. It did slightly take the edge off. I took one tablet a day for 4 days then thought 'what the hell am I doing?' . I don't want to become addicted to antihistamines after all those months coming off Citalopram, that would defeat the object.Frankly I feel like crap, I really do. The anxiety is all physical; thumping heart all the time, tremulous, shaky sensation in upper body, tearfulness. I'm not going back on the Citalopram, I don't care how bad it gets. I started taking Magnesium Citrate about a fortnight ago, no noticeable improvement there. Maybe I need to increase the amount I'm taking.I'm not expecting solutions from anyone, just wanted to warn people not to rush the final stages of tapering. 

[mammaP]

I am so sorry it's gone this way for you after tapering. I know how you feel because I did the same thing

and stopped too soon. I was down to just 5 beads from a capsule and stupidly thought it was ok.

A month later I was crippled with withdrawal. I reinstated and felt better within a day or 2 but it was 7

months before stabilising enough to restart tapering. 

 

I know you don't want to reinstate but it could be an option for you, even at a tiny dose just to take

the edge off withdrawal, it's best to reinstate ASAP but could still help. 

 Withdrawal tends to come in waves that subside

and windows that are periods of feeling  from ok to great. You can read about that here.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

Fish oil helps many people with the brain zaps and dizziness, It has helped me too. 

 

Whatever you do I hope you feel better very soon.

[greymatter]

Thank you for responding mammaPI haven't reinstated, it's almost as if I have this perverse feeling of needing to suffer this withdrawal. It doesn't make any sense, I'm not a masochist. I'm aware that I'm not thinking rationally.

[mammaP]

Most people feel the same way, none of us want to take this poison, it is completely opposite of

craving a drug, it's a real aversion to it! I feel sick every time I pick up a capsule and break it open

to get my beads out but know the withdrawal would be horrendous. 

[Nikki]

Hi GM.....

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences.  If you dropped off at 5mgs.and decided to do a 5mg. reinstatement think of how minor a dose that is.  It may help you with the anxiety,  What I am saying is that it is a tiny amount to taper down from after a reinstatement and in the long run it should help lessen your anxiety in a shorter amount of time.

 

Best regards

[mammaP]

A reinstatement now would need to be even less than 5mg , maybe even 1mg

because over 2 months have passed and you would need to start very low.

It could still help but no guarantees.  Like Nikki said it could make things easier for you. 

[Altostrata]

I agree with mammaP.

[greymatter]

It's been about 10 weeks since the last dose. The palpitations are constant, whether I'm sitting still, swimming, lying in bed, chatting to someone. All the time. If I don't start taking citalopram again (and I REALLY don't want to) will the palpitations eventually stop? Are we talking more months of them, years? Forever?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi greymatter,

 

The palpitations may be part of the withdrawal you are probably going through. I know they got really bad for me this summer, about 8 months off meds. I just lived with them. They got really bad when withdrawal kinked in a big way for me in November. I found that if I took mag citrate powder in water they have pretty much gone away and I hardly feel them anymore. I have to be careful not to take too much as it tends to make me kind of 'numb' feeling. I started out small and worked up to about 500mg per day. The product I use is called 'Calm'.

 

Here's a link to the topic here on it: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

It may or may not work for you but you could give it a try. I keep some mixed up by my bed at night and drink a little when I get up to go to the bathroom.

[Altostrata]

greymatter, we've been urging you to updose since mid-September. Even a very small amount might alleviate the palpitations.

 

Otherwise, you'll have to figure out ways to cope with withdrawal symptoms. There aren't any easy answers to this. It's up to you what you do.

[greymatter]

Thanks for the link cymbaltawithdrawal5600, I did give the magnesium citrate a half hearted try a few weeks ago but I am now going to try it properly.

 

Altostrata, yes I'm sure I should have listened and updosed way back when I was first told to. Now that it's about 10 weeks since I stopped completely I imagined I've missed my window of opportunity.

 

The only withdrawal symptom that I'm finding very difficult is the palpitations / pounding heart. I've stopped labelling it as anxiety because mentally I don't feel anxious, it is just this thumping heart beat that is pissing me off. I associate the physical symptom with anxiety but I'm not actually anxious any more. 

[Altostrata]

It's not necessarily the case you cannot updose, carefully, at this point. If you do it, I would start with perhaps 1mg.

 

Those heart symptoms are concerning. Are you taking magnesium and fish oil? Do you eat lots of green vegetables?

[greymatter]

I've just started taking Magnesium Citrate. Recently I've not been eating many green vegetables or taking fish oils. Those are changes I can make quite easily.

[greymatter]

So I ignored all the good advice and didn't reinstate. It's now 3 months and 22 days since I completely stopped taking citalopram and things are getting worse. Can this really still be  discontinuation syndrome? I feel like it's full blown anxiety and depression again. Anxiety is constant. Palpitations every day, and recently bouts of uncontrollable crying. I feel like utter sh*t. Of course it's my own fault, everyone was telling me I should reinstate back in September but I kept thinking the bad symptoms would eventually pass. I didn't expect them to escalate. 

 

Is it too late to reinstate? If it's not too late then how many milligrams? 

I feel like a failure even thinking about taking them again. 

[Altostrata]

That sounds exactly like withdrawal syndrome. Please re-read this topic to decide how much to reinstate.

[greymatter]

Thanks for responding Altostrata.

 

I feel utterly defeated by these symptoms and I cannot live like this anymore. I've just taken 10mg Citalopram. I don't know if it's the right amount. Might be too much having been on nothing for nearly 4 months. Anyway I've taken it. Anything to get rid of feeling like this. 

[bubble]

Hello greymatter,

 

it is very brave of you to admit your mistake.

 

The greatness of a human is not in not falling but in getting up after the fall (or something like that

 

I greately admire you for that. Reinstating is not failure but a smart thing to do that will eventually bring you to where we all want to be.

 

I'm relatively new here but from reading other people's stories, if the dose you took is too high (which it might be...), you will soon feel some signs and then can decide to decrease it till you find the dose that suits you (I'm far from being an expert but looking at your history 5 mg might have been enough)...

 

In any case, welcome back!

 

bubble

[greymatter]

Thanks Bubble

[greymatter]

Quite embarrassed to post this update. I've made a complete and utter mess of withdrawal, yet again. I reinstated 10mg of Citalopram on Sunday and then followed 4 of the worst days of my life. Panic feelings in the extreme, thumping heart, crying, not wanting to live. Yesterday I saw a GP. She said she thought my state was a combination of withdrawing from Citalopram, my hormones being all over the place due to menopause, and my current life circumstances which I'm powerless to change.  She asked me what I wanted her to do for me. She has referred me for CBT but said the waiting list is very long and she prescribed me the lowest possible dose of Sertraline, 50mg. 
I'm probably doing the wrong thing again in taking it. I don't know. But I just cannot go on like this. All those years I was on the Citalopram I felt stable. Perhaps I just have to face that I'm going to be stuck on antidepressants for the rest of my life. I see no way out of it at the moment. I cannot adequately put into words how awful I feel.

[Nikki]

I have heard that question before and it is awful "what do you want me to do for you?"  Not nice.  If we had the answers we wouldn't need doctors.

 

Citalopram can be very stimulating.  Maybe the 10 was too much.  Can you give yourself another few days to see if you settle down a bit and then try to step down from 10 to 9 and see if that helps. 

 

So sorry this happened....Hugs

[bubble]

Dear GM,

 

look at what I wrote below. 

 

you will feel some signs that the dose is too high: then followed 4 of the worst days of my life. Panic feelings in the extreme, thumping heart, crying, not wanting to live.

 

I would say these were the signs...

 

I have come to see people on this site like Alto and others much more knowledgeable about pmeds than any pdoc, GP, etc.

 

Personally for me, when I have difficulties or want to change something about my medication, I consult the people here.

 

The general wisdom here is that stopping one medication and taking the other is extremely bad decision. Taking another medication doesn't mean that your CNS will not be cold turkeyed off the previous one. Adding new drugs into the mixture, creates equal havoc. CNS heals through stability we allow it.

 

My advice would also be like Nikki's: no new drugs, lower the dose to 9 mg, wait for 4 days to see the effects, if you still have symptoms, decrease more till you find the dose that you are comfortable with and where you can hold and allow your CNS to heal before you can start an informed taper.

 

You can do it! This will pass.

 

We are always here and every post gets a quick reply so make use of our willingness to help others who are in a similar distress we are/ were. 

 

 

Hello greymatter,

 

it is very brave of you to admit your mistake.

 

The greatness of a human is not in not falling but in getting up after the fall (or something like that

 

I greately admire you for that. Reinstating is not failure but a smart thing to do that will eventually bring you to where we all want to be.

 

I'm relatively new here but from reading other people's stories, if the dose you took is too high (which it might be...), you will soon feel some signs and then can decide to decrease it till you find the dose that suits you (I'm far from being an expert but looking at your history 5 mg might have been enough)...

 

In any case, welcome back!

 

bubble

[Altostrata]

It sounds like 10mg citalopram was much too activating for you. 2.5mg might have been sufficient.

 

How do you feel on 50mg sertraline?

[greymatter]

Altostrata,
I'm crying intermittently and I still feel anxious but the palpitations are beginning to lessen. While I feel awful I think I feel less awful than I did 2 or 3 days ago.

[Altostrata]

I guess that's better. It will take about 4 days for the sertraline to fully register. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Petunia]

I have heard that question before and it is awful "what do you want me to do for you?"  Not nice.  If we had the answers we wouldn't need doctors.

 

 

Me too and yes it is awful, in hindsight, I wish I had paid more attention to this comment and realized that what I was being told was that this person didn't have a clue how to help me, but wasn't willing to admit it. 

 

It took me a long time to realize that there are some things which can't be fixed by other people, no matter how many letters they have after their name.  I just wish that more 'professionals' had the integrity and humility to know their limitations and admit them, so don't feel bad Greymatter, you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

 

I'm glad you are feeling a little better.

 

If you really want to get off these drugs, you can do it and we will be here to help.  It wont be easy, but as far as I know, the information and support you find here is the best help you are going to find.

[greymatter]

While I still feel like crap, I do think I see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's a minor improvement but it's there. 
I want to thank this board for the good advice I received (even though I stupidly chose to ignore it). 

[Altostrata]

Please let us know how you are doing.

[used2be]

I feel your pain.