Caspahthefriendly My story and recovery

[Caspahthefriendly]

This is my life -

 

At 10 years old my dad was killed in world trade centers

 

I started smoking weed when i was 16 years old . I got addicted to painkillers and heroin from age 18 to 22 .

 

Went to rehab for the the first when i was 20 stayed clean for 4 months then went to rehab again when i was 22.

 

They prescribed me zoloft 50mg this time in rehab . I was on it for 27 days . I had a severe reaction while i was on it and i thought it was the opiate withdrawal so i didnt get off right away. I wanted to kill myself so i needed to get off the medicine as soon as possible. The doctor reduced my dose and i was off in 5 days.

 

While i was on it i had severe hallucinations constantly manic brain zaps living in a different reality wanting to kill myself constanly diziness .

 

The scariest symptom i had was laying in my bathroom at night for months having no idea where i was but knowing i was in my bathroom. Feeling more pain then ever .

 

Once i was off it the same symptoms persist but have lessened and change. I still feel pain in my head constantly stiffness in neck and muscles tightness in jaw tiredness . I have had few windows but none that last more than a few hours at a time .

 

I have been off all drugs and zoloft for a few days shy of. 10 months . I have faith things will change but the pain hurts and is confusing at times .

 

It is weird to think that zoloft did this to me when i was only on it for 27 days i dont bother telling many people because they wouldnt understand . I went through horrible heroin withdrawals and nothing compares to The pain caused by zoloft .

 

I have attempted to quit cigarettes again comin up on 2 months .

 

I made it this far by wanting to have a life and constantly remind myself that i will fully be healed one day . And thaf the risk of taking that medicine again isnt worth it . No one and nothing will take my soul .

 

Massages help . Steam rooms help , peaceful areas with people you kno help .

 

There is no cure it is completley out of our control one day the symptoms will stop spread the hope . My mom and sister are on it i pray for them everyday they never have to feel the way i do ..

 

 

The most important thing i can say is that no matter how much pain i feel i know when its over i know zoloft has changed and saved my life . It has caused me enough pain for me to really evaluate my lfe whats important and what direction i want to go.

 

Everything happens for a reason and im on the boat with you guys glad to be apart of the group

[Caspahthefriendly]

One annoying sympom i have is eye movement it feels like i havent been able to move my eyes for 10 months has anyone recovered from that and how good does it feel wen u can do that again ?

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Caspah.

 

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time.

 

It sounds like you're one of those people who have an immediate severe adverse reaction to SSRIs. Even though these people might have taken only a few doses, they have symptoms very similar to prolonged withdrawal syndrome for a long time.

 

Healing does occur, very gradually. It's good you've found some things that make you feel better. We're left with taking care of ourselves. See our Symptoms and Self-care forum http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms. Perhaps taking magnesium and fish oil might help you a bit.