strawberry17: Hi from strawberry17

[strawberry17]

I just want to share, that with much reluctance, and persuasion from my husband, I updosed a little bit to 1.30ml, which he has been saying for months, is the dose where I was at my best before my spiral down last Autumn. I've been feeling so bloody horrible, insomnia, anxiety, dread, depression, relentless misery that no amount of positive thought or action seemed to be touching for about 5/6 months that I thought, well might as well try, nothing to lose, can't feel much worse, I've been watching my life go down the tubes the past 6 months, wanting to resign from my quite responsible but enjoyable voluntary role, thinking about getting signed off sick from work.Keeping up with going to work has been an uphill battle.

Remarkably this updose seems to have cleared so much already, I hope I'm not speaking too soon but I'm sleeping better, the dread/anxiety seems to have diminished already, totally baffled really. I guess this means if its clearing so fast, I have been stuck in "withdrawal" for about the past 6 months. Not sure where this leaves me with regard to coming off the rest.

[flower]

Strawberry I sure hope this works for you. You'll have to have another plan. Find peace today. 5mgs is better than 6..Looking at the bright side is easier said.

[strawberry17]

Thanks Flower.

[tezza]

Hi Strawberry,

 

I'm glad the small updose is bringing you much needed relief. We have to do whatever it takes to have some quality of life.

 

Maybe if you hold at that dose for however long, you may eventually be able to taper later. Only you can determine what you need and you won't be judged for that here.

 

BIG HUGS

 

Tezza

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Strawberry,

 

I personally think you did a great thing. Beyond everything else, we need to take care of the supportive people in our lives...they are going through a lot too (although I constantly remind my dh how much easier his role in this is than mine). At that dose, you are not taking Prozac therapeutically, you are just managing withdrawal. Getting ready to write my own post on up dosing...Meimeiquest

[Altostrata]

Fingers crossed for you, strawb.

[strawberry17]

Thanks for all the positive comments, hoping it doesn't back fire on me in some way.

[basildev]

You're fighting the good fight Strawberry.

 

{{{hugs}}}

[strawberry17]

Well I think I may have spoken too soon, I had two days of feeling fantastic and "normal", then last night the anxiety came back ten fold to bite me in the ass, I did manage to sleep, not the best night, but woken up feeling extremely anxious. So stick out 1.30ml or back to 1.0ml?

[peggy]

hard to know strawb. changes probably take a good 6 weeks to really take effect.. i would probably stay put..

[flower]

Strawberry, the same thing happened to me everytime I updosed. Finally took a few weeks but it eased,just like everyone here said it would. It's hard to figure what's the right thing to do. Then the regrets hit you..Hang in there ladybug..I hate that anxiety,Like you Peggy,it's the one thing I can't handle WDing.

[strawberry17]

...and then it just went again, waves and windows, I suppose it's good to be getting some windows rather than one continuous low level wave with no let up.

[basildev]

Hi Strawb,

 

I would stay put if I were you.

 

Since I updosed over 3 weeks ago my sleeping has gotten progressively worse.

 

I dropped by 1mg for 5 days and made everything even worse!

 

I say hold it.

[strawberry17]

I'm holding Basildev, good days and then last night anxiety kicked in again and I'm going to have to phone in sick, no sleep, feel rubbish.

[peggy]

Thinking of you Strawb xxxx

[tezza]

Hi Strawberry,

 

I'm thinking of you, too, and just wanted to drop by to let you know. I hope the dust settles soon!

 

Tezza

[caro123]

Hi Strawberry,

 

I have been missing in the land of homeschooling and just saw your posts. So sorry you are feeling so bad. Thinking of you (hugs)!!!

 

My comments to Peggy also apply to you. You have given so much to us by sharing your struggles. Hence I have stayed put on 37.5mg for 6 long months. I feel wobbly so I aint going down any time soon; because my life atm is tooooooo stressful. Life is full of stress some more than others. Although its really scary to read how hard it is when you get to a low dose.

 

Thanks for sharing. Take care and am sending you hugs. Caroline

[strawberry17]

Thank you so much Caro123

[strawberry17]

Well nothing to do with withdrawal, except that this really isn't helping me. Our oldest son (who has always been a bit of a challenge, he's 19 now and holding down a good job, but last night got himself arrested for drunk and disorderly at 1.30am, got into a fight. We ended up going to police station at 3am, as he's adult there was nothing we could do, they let him go this morning with a warning and a fine (no criminal record thank goodness. But how to get it through to him that he needs to "walk away" from trouble, and maybe he can't handle drink, and he'll end up with a criminal record and no job if he doesn't get a grip.

[peggy]

that REALLY doesn't help - to get called out at that time when you are feeling crap. What a shame - i am sure he will eventually come around, some kids take longer to grow up...i know one of ours did. xxxx

[strawberry17]

On the 4th April I up dosed again to 2ml (8mg) Prozac, but really I'm not sure it's made a lot of difference, I'm still struggling with feelings of dread/anxiety around work and other situations, which leads to dreadful insomnia which leads to depression and you know how it goes. I'm soooooo fed up. I'm that depressed I'm considering jacking the withdrawal in and going back to a full dose of something.

[flower]

I have 2 boys..I know what you mean. I'm thankful I never took these meds while I raised my children. They do grow up. This will be a learning experience.

[caro123]

Hi Strawberry,

 

Am sorry to hear about your son's arrest; being a parent is very hard; he's an adult yet you are still there worrying.

 

I hope you feel better soon.!! Caro

[strawberry17]

Son seems to have got his act together now, fortunately he has a very steady and calming girlfriend.

 

It's me who can't get my act together.

[tezza]

On the 4th April I up dosed again to 2ml (8mg) Prozac, but really I'm not sure it's made a lot of difference, I'm still struggling with feelings of dread/anxiety around work and other situations, which leads to dreadful insomnia which leads to depression and you know how it goes. I'm soooooo fed up. I'm that depressed I'm considering jacking the withdrawal in and going back to a full dose of something.

 

 

I'm so sorry, Strawberry. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, I understand.

 

Hugs

[basildev]

Hi Strawb,

 

So sorry you've had to deal with this.

 

It's the last thing you need.

 

Do you think you might need to updose a little more?

[Jemima]

On the 4th April I up dosed again to 2ml (8mg) Prozac, but really I'm not sure it's made a lot of difference, I'm still struggling with feelings of dread/anxiety around work and other situations, which leads to dreadful insomnia which leads to depression and you know how it goes. I'm soooooo fed up. I'm that depressed I'm considering jacking the withdrawal in and going back to a full dose of something.

 

Hang on, Strawberry. You've been at this dose for less than three weeks, and as Peggy says, it often takes six weeks to notice a difference. I think that a lot of us got on the antidepressant merry-go-round because we refuse to tolerate being uncomfortable for any length of time and so we jump at whatever pill is available for instant relief. I'm definitely including myself in that description.

 

I've had many days when I've toyed with the idea of going on "just" 1 mg. of Lexapro to see me through, but I'm afraid of that emotional numbness and all the physical problems that antidepressants bring. Better to have a few bad weeks than a bad life, IMO.

 

Do updose a bit more if you must, but please don't give up on getting off Prozac forever and ever. {{{HUGS}}}

[peggy]

 

Hang on, Strawberry. You've been at this dose for less than three weeks, and as Peggy says, it often takes six weeks to notice a difference. I think that a lot of us got on the antidepressant merry-go-round because we refuse to tolerate being uncomfortable for any length of time and so we jump at whatever pill is available for instant relief. I'm definitely including myself in that description.

 

I've had many days when I've toyed with the idea of going on "just" 1 mg. of Lexapro to see me through, but I'm afraid of that emotional numbness and all the physical problems that antidepressants bring. Better to have a few bad weeks than a bad life, IMO.

 

 

I got on the antidepressant merry-go-round, not because i was refusing to tolerate being uncomfortable for a length of time - in fact, I had tolerated being almost non functional for 6 months on 3 different occasions, 4 years apart before on the final time i WAS nonfunctional. I was unable to work, eat, sleep or participate in family life, let alone run a household. My 5ft 7" frame got down to 50kg (110 lb) Each episode did get worse - the last time the only thing i thought i could do was climb up to the top of a local mountain and fall off - that way no one would need to know i had done the unthinkable. I had been working in the mental health field and a Dr that i worked with refused to prescribe SSRI's because he thought they were the devil's drug - he used TCA's or moclobemide exclusively. But, he referred me to a psychiatrist that he had trained with and said she was the excellent, so i agreed to get treatment. The Dr told me I was severely depressed (duh) and she would recommend Effexor - I said No, I can't take an SSRI - she said she doesn't treat everyone with antidepressants, but in her opinion i needed medication. So, I was literally TERRIFIED of swallowing the pills. I was convinced they wouldn't work and i would get sicker and sicker. But, 4 weeks later the windows opened and the sun shone in. So, I didn't jump at whatever pill and I didn't get instant relief. Many of us here were prescribed antidepressants wisely, after 'watchful waiting' - as David Healy suggests didn't work. There is a case for the use of antidepressants - David Healy and Joseph Glenmullen, and Giovanna Fava - all outspoken against antidepressants - prescribe them in their practice; despite their drawbacks they ARE useful and effective medications. It's the indiscriminate use of them - for anxiety disorders, chronic pain or menopausal symptoms that should be avoided.

 

Looking back over Strawberry's thread, she has been unwell since November - that's going on for 6 months now - I am not sure that something else other than withdrawal is going on here - she has had tapered super, super slow and has up dosed a couple of times to a dose that she was well and truly stable on 12 months ago. It IS possible that Strawberry has entered into a new depressive episode, one that is not being relieved by 8mg Prozac. I think we need to be careful that we don't keep our blinders on to possibilities other than withdrawal.

[strawberry17]

Thank you all for your really thoughtful insightful responses, I've been thinking a lot as you can imagine and talking to people about it. My main reason for not wanting to jump back to full dose is the impact on libido, but depression/anxiety sure as hell aren't helping that either. At this point I'm so undecided about which direction to go.

[Rhiannon]

Strawberry, I too would encourage you to hold on, if you can. The thing is, it looks like you did a lot of bouncing up and down on doses since last summer through the end of 2012, and it doesn't look like that really works well for you. Remember what Alto says--our brains aren't made of rubber.

 

All the chaos we induce by putting our nervous systems through these changes, they don't just bounce back; they're constantly making imperfect adjustments to attempt to stabilize. And each time, more imperfections get added in, I suspect. Growing a new brain is not a fast process and very few of us really give it the time it needs.

 

In my experience, every time we change a dose up or down, after the first couple of times, it's going to take longer and longer to adjust to the new dose, the adjustment is going to be rockier and rockier, and it seems like the results become less predictable and less helpful the more people keep doing that.

 

Of course you have to do what you have to do, but I would encourage you to try to hang in there for a few months at your current dose, and maybe consider trying whatever you can do that's not medical, lifestyle types of things, to cope, and maybe ameliorate your symptoms. I mean, given what I've seen other people go through, and reading your history, and knowing so many people with similar stories, I personally think you really need some time to stabilize, many months, maybe longer.

 

My concern is that if you don't give yourself a chance to really stabilize and then taper very, very slowly, you're going to be stuck on psych drugs for the rest of your life. Because what you've been doing so far doesn't really seem to be getting you off them, you know?

 

I'm so sorry, I know this is horrible for you. I hate it too.

[strawberry17]

A friend at work suggested oestrogen deficiency to me today, I'm 46 this year, my periods are regular still but very heavy and have fibroids, but she was telling me that although she'd never had depression as such, when she got to this stage she felt terrible, and all out of kilter with the world, and was given HRT which helped.

I have no clue if this is a possibility or not but some of the symptoms seem the same as withdrawal/depression symptoms. No idea, just throwing it out there really.

[peggy]

the most common symptom of low oestrogen are hot flushes, followed by sleep problems, brain fog and mood swings. So, i guess it is worth looking into. Personally, my only symptom during perimenopause was hot flushes - i thought they may have been related to withdrawal as they coincidently started once when i had just come off (too quickly) effexor. In the first couple of years they were very intermittent - i would get them for a few months and then they would disappear again so it was hard to tell where they came from. When i finally had enough i went on HRT and they have completely disappeared. I didn't notice any difference with sleep, mood swings or brain fog after I went on HRT. I have a friend who did, but she couldn't handle the weight gain, I didn't have any weight gain at all.

[basildev]

Hi Strawbs,

 

Just checking to see how you're doing?

 

{{{hugs}}}

[strawberry17]

Well fancy that, you just bumped me to the top when I was letting this thread sink to the bottom

 

I up dosed to 8mg Prozac at the beginning of April (I'd actually got down to 3mg last Sep). I'd had a rotten time with anxiety/insomnia/depression from Oct last year, but, the past few weeks I have really begun to settle down and feel a lot lot better. There is just the odd night of no sleep but I've got to a point where I can soldier on if that happens. At one point I was feeling so bloody rotten I was actually considering after 5 years tapering, going back to full dose and being done with it, but I seem to be settling down at this dose now.

 

I have no idea what to do now, I just can't face tapering and going through the misery again, I really thought I might end up losing or giving up my part time job, I'm not prepared to have my whole life go down the pan in my effort to get off Prozac, I want some quality of life. I'm just sick and tired of the whole process of trying to come off.

[flower]

Strawberry, I so know how you feel.. We know this will pass...This will pass...Repeat that ladybug..I've said that out loud so many times my husband probably thinks I am nuts,

[strawberry17]

Thank you Flower, yes it IS passing.