Tony Scott

[Wolfhound]

I was shocked to learn about his death. More shocked when learning that he had no cancer as had been told before and that he had mirtazapine and lunesta in blood in therapeutic level (guess we are talking about mirtazapine). He did not seem depressed, he had a lot of plans and he was thrilled with them, according to his friends.

I wonder, i very much wonder. Mirtazapine gave me enormous overwhelming feelings to cut my throut, to hang myself, urges to kill people using axes, urges to kill whoever using power sew, fantasizing about killing everybody everywhere using a good gun. The bridges were inviting me to jump, unfortunately they still are, it was like come, come, jump and you find peace. The windows were urging me to do tge same. Every knife was smiling at me telling me cut, cut your throut, do this, cut you neighborough, cut this child walking down the street. Every string was inviting me, the bath, the rivers were too...

I know we will never know his motive. But i wonder so much.

[compsports]

Totally understandable Wolfhound.

 

Wow, I feel fortunate that I didn't experience what you did when taking Remeron.   How the heck did you overcome that?

 

I escaped with a mild hearing loss.

[btdt]

I am glad you know it is the drug that is half the battle.  I think making a safety plan is a good idea a safe place to rest or distract yourself when it hits I hope you have flexibility to care for yourself as you need to.  If not it is time to become that flexible.  When it hits saying this is a drug effect thought and having what you know works ready at hand to help is paramount. I know you already have some skills as you still alive to write this.  I found having a plan was important so I did not have to think too much when I was obviously not thinking so well.  

These reactions do settle in time I wish you peace.  It takes as long as it takes.