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Samsara - rebirth


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Samsara - rebirth. Much like the story of the Phoenix.


I have read several books on people that went into the Valley of Death and emerged. My damned psychologist friend said she has had many clients make the journey and some emerge new and other commit suicide. That was frightening as I am backed against a wall almost constantly with no safety net and no place to turn if I fall any further...so I think suicide is the only option to end the suffering.


I have the most wonderful wife I love more each day, I have built a good life and when I feel well I want to live more than anything - this past 51 months I have been so tortured that suicide seems the only remaining option....especially when I see absolutely no improvements.


I have had some profound mystical/spiritual experiences during this time and even years before. What is frustrating is the lack of guides.


When I talk to those friends with scientific minds they explain it as biochemical shifts. Like last week when I was in suicidal torture and writing on the bed crying and screaming - an inner voice brought a message and within 3 minutes I went from terror to bliss - slept 7 hours that night (never do that) and was a bit better the next day. They said it was GABA coming back on line.


I have talked to all sorts of ministers on this inner voice - they report never hearing one - did they just go to school to learn about spirit and never connect with it. My long time devout Buddhist friends say "What Voice". Only my Native American connections say they know the voice.


Like I said in another post I am coming to believe that had I been in congruence with my True Self, in touch with my spirit and more conscious of the true state of my body I would never have needed these drugs (which never brought me one moment of relief).


I also know from my education and career that children who grow up under stress, unsafe or without proper nurturing for their unique spirit develop huge egos to survive. Our egos are a mind construct of thoughts, decisions and determinations on how the world is and what we do to survive. A strong ego says I have to do it on my own - my way is right - don’t look right or left just put your head down and reach the goal at all costs.....even the cost of sanity and health!!


EGO = Edge God Out.


I am not talking about religion which in many cases is man wrapping ego around the great mystery - I am talking about being in our own truth and the possibility of that truth connecting us to a higher truth. Perhaps healing is reaching a state of humility saying I don't know the way home but Source does and I can reconnect with that which I had shunned!!!

Edited by Altostrata
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