Skylarblue75: new and really messed up

[Skylarblue75]

Where do I start, well I've been dealing with constant anxiety,restlessness,insomnia, crying spells and so

called depression for almost 2 years now, since the birth of my 3rd child. I've been placed on so many psyh drugs in the past 23 months it would make your head spin. And none have helped with any of my symptoms, just made everything worse .Went through a horrible detox off benzos last year and suffered a horrible withdrawal and still suffering with some withdrawal issues that no doctor beleives me. I've been told my only chance to be normal is to have ECT,I've never been like this ever in my life. I'm currently 4 weeks off 20 mgs of lexapro, that a psyh doctor basically c/t off of because she wanted me to try an MAOI. I'm a mess,and have been a mess for a long time now. I have know idea if this is all being caused by the c/t of celexa during my 3rd pregnancy, or a combination of that and all the drugs this past 2 years. I was on an ssri for 10 years with no breaks. My life has been turned upside down. I never went on celexa complaining of anxiety or depression. I want my life back, I have 3 childern that need their mom back, a husband who wants his wife back. My husband lost his job because of how sick I've been. It will be 2 years next month that I've been suffering. I can't stand the constant anxiety/restlessness and the crying spells, and the insomnia doesn't help either. I'm done with drugs, but I don't know if I will be able to function normally again. Here is a list of what I've been dealing with:

 

constant anxiety/restlessness

crying spells

insomnia

depression

really irregular menstrual cycles

hair loss

dp/dr

chronic fatigue, but feel wired

sensitivty to light, sound, noise

sensitvity to medications, supplements, coffee and some food

IBS

dizziness

weakness

night sweats/chills

sensitive to heat and cold

tinnitus

CAN"T TOLERATE STRESS

on/off nausea

weigh loss and gain

constant internal tremors/shaking-has been non stop

cog fog

slurring speech

memory issues

aggoraphobia-never had in my life

joint, muscle, and eye pain

blood pressure issues

rapid heartbeat

constant irritability

chronic panic attacks- never had an issue with this,made worse by meds

chronic fear-made worse by meds

racing thoughts, scattered brain, my thoughts don't make sense

on/off fevers

tingling in hands and feet

brain zaps

And much more! Alot of these symptoms get worse with the different phases in my menstrual cycle. Please anyone with insight, i've been to so many doctor's, and yes there has been things coming up but not one doctor knows what to do. I'm so tired, so tired of this anxiety, being scared, I pray every day for the lord to either please help to heal me or to just take me. I want to live life again.

[Skylarblue75]

Ok I guess no one has anything to say to me, I guess my story is just not interesting enough. I joined for some insight and support since i really have none. I'm very scared, I'm not posting just some boowho feel sorry for me story. Please anyone?????!!!!!

[WinningThrough]

Skylarblue75, I've just seen this. I am so, so sorry to hear of what has happened to you. This is just awful and my heart goes out to you. You WILL get support and messages here, it's just that none of the moderators have seen your message yet. I can't advise you of what to do to as I'm not qualified but someone will be along to help. I just wanted to get a message to you to say I'm thinking of you. I'm not surprised you are feeling like this with all the drugs you've been on but others have been where you are and recovered. You are not alone.

[dalsaan]

Hi Skylerblue

 

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you have been struggling so much and are distressed. This site is run by moderators from different places so sometimes it's quite and it takes a little while to get a response.

 

You have a complex history of symptoms and drug use. I will leave it for other more experienced admin staff to comment on your situation.

 

In order to make sure we are all on the same page, could I ask you to fill out your signature so that we can see your drug history very clearly and don't have to re-read your first post. Instructions on how to do that are here.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Thank you

 

Dalsaan

[Skylarblue75]

Winning Through, thank you for your kind words, this entire experience has brought and has kept on my knees begging for mercy. I try to do "normal" things like I used to but it's really difficult. If the anxiety, dp/dr would lift a bit and if I could get some sleep I would be dealing a lot better. My kids need me, they all have medical problems, my husband tries his best with the kids but gets frustrated easily. I continue to hope and pray that this nightmare will come to an end soon.

[WinningThrough]

I really feel for you. It's terrible what these drugs do. I'm so glad you know it's the drugs and can work towards getting your life back. It's so hard to try to do normal things and to want to but not be able to and we tend to beat ourselves up about it when none of this is our fault. We put our trust in the doctors. You are doing the very best you can. You're brave and strong.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Skylarblue.

 

I am so sorry you've been through this.

 

It looks to me like you have prolonged withdrawal syndrome, exacerbated by going on and off drugs, probably always too fast, plus an adverse reaction to too-high a dose of Lexapro.

 

It appears you've been on Celexa the longest. Do you have any Celexa left? Often we find a very low dose of the drug, such as 2mg, can help relieve withdrawal syndrome. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

 

If it works, you'd stay on it for a good while, some months, and then taper off by very small amounts. If you get a bad reaction, you can stop it right away.

 

Celexa comes in a liquid form for titration, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/

 

Any doctor can prescribe this, it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. In fact, if I were you, I'd fire yours. He hasn't helped at all, no need to go on paying him.

[Rhiannon]

Hi Skylarblue--

 

First: WE believe you. Before I came to this board I worked with a couple of benzo withdrawal groups. For people who are taken off benzos too fast and who are sensitive to lower doses of psych meds and to changes in doses (like it sounds like you are) it is not at all unusual to suffer from benzo withdrawal for a long time.

 

Second: It sounds like you are correct, you have been in pretty much a constant drug withdrawal state and a general state of nervous system chemistry chaos for a couple of years now.

 

I agree with Alto--your best bet at this point is a reinstatement on a very small dose of AD, and then waiting it out for a while through the ups and downs as you stabilize. It will probably take a while, given your extremely chaotic history. You'll have our support through it, though, and the suggestions in our Symptoms and Self Care section may give you a bit of relief.

 

Once you stabilize on that small dose, you can decide what you want to do next.

 

I would not recommend ECT. I've never met anyone with these kinds of overdrugging and withdrawal issues who found that ECT helped, and have met many who found it made them worse. 

 

When did you last take Celexa, and at what dose? How did you quit? What other drugs were you given in 2012 and 2013? Did you take any other ADs during that time, or is the only AD you've had since your baby in 2012 the Lexapro that you were given in 2014?

 

Hang in there. You'll get lots of support here. And we believe you, because we've been through the same thing.

[bubble]

Welcome from me too.

 

You shouldn't worry, you will get a lot of support here. We can all relate to what you are going through and I'm so glad you have found this site. 

 

The only thing I can say is to pay close attention to what Alto and Rhi are saying. Over time you will find out yourself that they know more about meds than most doctors having had their own experience, studying pretty much everything under the sun to make sense of those experiences and helping many others. I was in a dreadful state when I first came here and now feel a lot of better. Most of all, I understand what I have been doing wrong (as instructed by my doctor) and know what to do to make things better for me even when I feel bad.

 

Things will take time but we can heal and we heal. When I reinstated I felt the relief immediately although it took 4 months to notice a more significant improvement. But that initial relief was enough to hold on to. It felt as if I was a cart lurching down a slope that has finally been stopped and then slowly started working its way up.

 

The first thing I'd do is study how to take only 2 mgs of Celexa. Alto knows very well what she is saying. 

 

Changing meds that doctos advise is their panicky response and a sign of their ignorance and helplessness. As a last resort they would like to hammer us down with ECT. I can only repeat the sad conclusion one member reached: psychiatrists trying to "fix" the brain resemle monkeys trying to fix a car engine with their stone tools: they have no idea how that intricate miracle of evolution works and in their clumsy attempts cause great havoc. 

 

But human brains have a great ability to recover if spared of further tampering. 

 

I firmly believe you will recover.

 

best,

bubble

[Skylarblue75]

thanks everyone for the responses, I tried to go back on the celexa twice in the past 23 months at a small dose and my body totally

 

rejected it, my body is so sensitive to just about everything I put in it now. If you read my signature the celexa was c/t in November of

 

2011 due to medical problems with the baby during pregnancy, I was on no AD during the pregnancy.  The drugs that were thrown at

 

me from August of 2012-present 2014 are as follows:

 

celexa-tried threee different times between 2012-2013

lexapro-tried two different times -2012 and again 2014

ambien-on for 4 months then rapid c/t in hopsital detox stated August 2012-January 2013

birthcontrol pills-tried to go back on twice, 1st 6 weeks after baby was born, then again in Oct 2013-adverse reaction

ondansetron and prochlorper-for uncontroable vomiting that started in Dec 2012 was on for a few weeks

Lithium

welbutrin

Elavil

Klonopin 0.5 twice day/Ativan started at .5 mg twice a day dose went up to 3 mgs twice a day-were used togerther while I was in the hospital, but not when discharge, but were flipped back and forth for 4 months

Zoloft

Paxil, Trazadone,Buspar and Hydroxyzine all prescribed by hospital that detoxed me off benzo, ambien and zoloft

Lamictal

Propranolol

thyroid meds-made me hyper, thyroid levels all over the place

HRT-was in ovarian failure a few months ago, had reaction to the hormones. been having a rough time with hormones

remeron baby dose to see if would help with sleep

doxepin baby dose to see it help with sleep

 

 I don't have any celexa, i feel that I'm so messed up and too far gone to reinstate any med at this point.

 

I think that covers it, I fired in total 3 doctors in the past 2 years. I really don't think I will ever be the same, my family can't take much

 

more of me being sick.  What's strange is that some of my symptoms improve in the evening. My family is pushing ECT down my throat,

 

my husband and I don't and won't do it. I'm in a constant state of anxiety, fear, crying and restlessness my heart racing,I'm so irritable all

 

the time everyday I want to take my life. I never went to my PCP in 2001 complaining that I was having depression or anxiety, now it

 

seems that I'm left with permanent damage. I'm scared of almost everything, I feel no happiness, joy, I rarely smile or laugh, doing

 

anything is very uncomfortable. I feel like I don't even know my kids or husband. The time that should of been spent the past 2 years

 

bonding with my baby and growing with my family has been robed from me, life has been taken from me, i've lost friends and other

 

family who don't know what to say or do, or think I'm crazy. I can't take being like this for more years to come. What has been done to

 

me is criminal and inhumane. I know that stopping the celexa during my 3rd pregnancy was the right thing to do so my son would have

 

a better chance to beat the odds that were thrown at him, and he did. But no one ever told me the risks of going off AD's cold turkey.

 

What I've been experiencing the past 23 months is something no one should have to go through, doctors are so ignorant to say these

 

drugs aren't addictive and damaging. I just hope my brain and body aren't permenently damaged. I'm so scared, I just wanted to hold a

 

healthy baby in my arms, now i can't enjoy him. I want to feel comfortable in my own body again. is this ever going to end?????

[bubble]

Thank you for providing this additional information and very sorry things are so hard for you and have been like that for so long. (Although I also have many years which passed in a painful anxious and depressed blur). In my opinion detoxing ADs and benzos is a particularly bad idea because we are not talking about expunging physical toxins out of our bodies here but about drugs that leave behind deep structural changes.

 

How small was that dose of Celexa that you tried? Was it 2 mgs small or something else? Sometimes what we think is small is actually too much for our CNS-es sensitized with all those abrupt changes. Sometimes people are in something called protracted withdrawal when no medication actually helps but some people find that reinstating a very small amount of the drug they were on longest helps. You can see this immediately: if it can help, there is a relief and however slight lessening of symptoms. If it doesn't work, it will not cause damage because it's such a small dose and you can stop taking it immediately. 

 

Do I understand it well that your last medication was Lexapro at 20 mgs? Sorry if I failed to understand it, but are you taking any medication at the moment or were those that you listed just attempts?

 

We see a lot of difficult situations getting better over time so I'm sure you will also find a way that is right for you and I really hope we will be able to assist you with that. You already have developed good instincts by refusing doctors to experiment with you. You are a strong person and you will pull through.

[Skylarblue75]

Hi Bubble,

The meds listed were all the ones tried and I mean given the full time to see if any response, and some were given in cocktails.I tried to list them all, I kept a record but the last 23 months has been a blur and my memory is horrible. Yes I tried Celexa at 2.5mgs and it was horrible. Lexapro was the last med I was on recently, I started out with 2.5mgs in January 2014 and work up by very small increases till I reached 20mgs in May 2014.That's when my recent pysh decided to taper me down-10mgs for 2 weeks, then 5 mgs for 3 days then stop, wait 2 weeks then try to push an MAOI on me. The entire time on it was horrible, made all my symptoms worse. I have never had a response like this to celexa or lexapro before or any medication, except certain pain narcotics and Bactrum. My body,CNS and brain are so hyper-sensitive to medications, it's insane and very frustrating.I feel like I have Parkinson's or MS with all the inner vibrations/shaking, tingling/numbness, I'm so anti-meds right now. I have to get 3 partially impacted wisdom teeth out this month and I don't know how the doctor is going to do it because I'm refusing to be knocked out or given and benzos. I'm even concerned of having a reaction to just a local. I guess I'll have to white knuckel it. I'm not on any meds right now, been off Lexapro for a little over 4 weeks. Too scared to try any other meds at this point unless its a life or death situation.

[mammaP]

Hi Skylarblue,  I am so sorry to hear of everything that you have been through.  

You are right it is inhumane the way you have been treated. How did you feel on the lexapro?

Just wondering what your doctor was thinking switching you to an MAOI.

 

You  will get better and we will do all we can to help you. I'm glad you came here, this is the very

best place for help with tapering and withdrawal. 

[Rhiannon]

All I can see that I might be able to offer you is that it is pretty common to feel worse in the morning and better in the evening, because cortisol levels are highest in the morning and then go down and are lowest in the evening.

 

I still think reinstatement of an extremely low dose of med could be helpful to you. Given the history you describe and depending on which med, a very small amount. I'm not familiar enough with lexapro to suggest a dose but for example Lamictal (how long did you take that and at what dose by the way?) maybe 1 mg, or Celexa maybe 0.25 mg max (that's one fourth of 1 mg). It's not going to fix you but it could be the difference between falling off a cliff onto sharp rocks and falling off a cliff onto a grassy meadow. 

 

(If anyone tells you that small of a dose doesn't do anything, show them the charts here:http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6036-why-taper-paper-demonstrates-importance-of-gradual-change-in-plasma-concentration/

 

But I completely understand your reluctance to do that and we will support you through whatever comes no matter what you decide. If you white knuckle it now it's not going to be pretty and no matter what you do it's not going to be quick, you do understand that right? We have no magical solutions for you, only understanding and support.

[Rhiannon]

Oh also to answer your question: yes, it will end. Not fast. Might be years. But you're not permanently damaged. So far everyone I've met, even the most extreme cases (and you're not the most extreme believe it or not) does improve over time. Some people never feel like they get back to 100% but everyone I've met feels like they get back to at least 80% and usually more like 90+. (Personally given the wringer I've been through, 80% sounds like something I can live with, and I think I'm already back to about 75%.)

 

And I totally, totally relate to your frustration and grief about your losses, your family, your kids. I have experienced very similar things, I was started on meds when my baby was 2 and lost pretty much all of her childhood in the 20 years I was going through the polydrug merry-go-round. It's a source of constant grief to me. I've met a lot of other mothers with the same grief. It does get easier to live with though, and you have many years left with your little one, even if it takes a few years to get fully well again.

[Altostrata]

SB, given that you're hypersensitive, let's concentrate on reducing some of the symptoms rather than trying drugs.

 

For light sensitivity, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/304-light-sensitive-try-blocking-out-blue-light/

 

You would be surprised, reducing stimulation from light can make quite a difference in the way your nervous system works overall.

 

For sleep, darken your bedroom with blackout curtains and shades; wear a sleep mask. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/604-important-topics-about-symptoms-including-sleep-problems/

[Skylarblue75]

Alto,

 

Thank you for your replies. I have been doing everything suggested to tackle my sleep issues, blackout curtains, sleep mask, white nosie, set sleep time, no TV or electronics 1 hour before bed. I have everything in my bedroom that could possibly shine any small amount of light is either unpluged or covered at night, cool comfortable environment, right now since its summer we have the central air on and a window unit in the bed room set at 68 and i'm still experiencing horrible night sweats with the constant internal body tremors. Been practicing sleep hygene pretty much since this nightmare started. It stinks because the slightest little noise wakes me up and either I can't fall back asleep or it takes me a while. Can't tolerate ear plugs due to the horrible tinnitus. It's funny I slept great during the pregnancy, could even catch a nap if needed. Boy do i miss my sleep, I'm the type of person who needs aleast 8-10 hours and with that I was always tired, since I was a kid I've been like that. I could pretty much fall asleep anytime/anywhere before all of this. I'm only 38, I'm wondering if I'm starting with early peri-menopause on top of this or did the withdrawal bring it about sooner? Just some food for thought. Thanks for the info about the blue light, very informative. Also I've always been watchful of my diet, but my new family doctor who's a D.O. suggested Paleo diet for me last week so I started right away, I figure there's nothing to lose. Heck if he told me to go stand on my head for 24 hours I might have considered doing it.

[Skylarblue75]

Rhi,

 

Thank you for your suggestions, but based on Alto's suggestions with being so hyper-sensitive, I'm going to try to steer away from any meds if possible. I'm sorry to hear that you went through the same struggles, I don't have anyother mom's that are going through or have went through what I'm experiencing to talk to. I do talk to a women from my bible study, she's currently tapering 3 different benzos, a few different pysh drugs and a few others that she didn't need to be on, she just found out she has Lyme disease and West Nile virus and has had  Lyme disease for many years and it went undiagnosed, she was just treated like she was nuts and polydrugged for 10+ years. So we do have something in common regarding drug withdrawal symptoms. The only other person I talk to is my therapist, but she doesn't know what to say. I started trying to reconnect back to my faith, so my neighbor that lives across the street does a once weekly bible study at his home and invited me to start coming, I've be going for 6 weeks, it's hard to leave the house, but I force myself. The group is small and I recently opened up about what i've been going through, they were all shocked but have been supportive. So I really have limited support, some but limited.

[Skylarblue75]

Hi MammaP,

Felt horrible on Lexapro, made alot of my symptoms worse, the whole entire time I was on it. 5 months of  HORRIBLE!!! My doctor wanted to put me on an MAOI because she stated I hsve treatment resistant depression which in turn is creating my anxiety which inturn is causing all my symptoms. She said she's had great success with people like me going on an MAOI. The med she wanted to try was Nardil. Ok, first of all I'm an asthmatic and have year round allergies, so I wouldn't be able to treat that, second even if you follow the restrictive diet that's not a guarantee that I wouldn't be at risk for a hyper-tensive crisis. Plus it works on all the chemicals of the brain-GABA-b, serotonin, noroepinephrine-like i need more over stimulation!! and dopamine. She felt my entire brain chemistry is all off so she said she wanted to hit everything. No kidding my brain chemistry is off, look at all the drugs that have been thrown at me. I think my adrenals are taxed as well. I'm so done with pysh doctors, I think their the ones who need drugs.

[Muddles]

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. Like many, including myself, these drugs had adverse effects from the start and doctors have failed us.

 

Are you in the UK?

[Skylarblue75]

Hi Muddles, No I'm from the USA

[bubble]

Hi Skylar,

 

after I read everything you wrote and about your attempts to reinstate with really small amounts of the drug, I think we will all agree with Alto and your gut feeling to stay away from medication.

 

I guess we were hoping that reinstating might prevent you from entering protracted withdrawal. This is not nice but it passes. It's just that it can take quite some time. I would say that you know quite a lot about these drugs and doctors and have very good coping strategies. Gently pushing oneself to do things that do us good although we don't feel like it or feel like we can't do it is actually very helpful for healing.

 

I think that what we can offer you is lots of support and exchanging with people dealing with similar situations. We actually have a few mothers with small children struggling with withdrawal (Muddles is one of them).

 

When I was reading your description of symptoms it reminded me a lot of what our member Petu describes, especially inner tremors, hot flashes. I think you have a lot of knowledge to help you heal and the right attitude and what you need now most is hope. Hope that this thing can end and that it can end soon. I think you will find a lot of that kind of hope here. We see people recovering constantly. I myself feel a lot better than when I first came here.

 

It might help you (as it helped me) to know that this recovery is not linear and that it happens in windows and waves pattern. For the first 4 months after my reinstatement I lived off short periods of relief which were gradually getting bigger and bigger and now 9 months after I have even 80:20 ratio of good versus bad periods.

 

A lot of us have found this thread very helpful:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

We also found magnesium and fish oil (omega 3) as supplements which are very gentle and beneficial for most people in the state of withdrawal so you might want to try them out starting low and monitoring how they affect you and then gradually increasing.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

Joining the Bible study group is also a great way of supporting the healing process. I would say again that you have excelelnt tools and that you won't have to wait long to see the fruits of all your efforts (primarily stopping psychiatrists to experiment with you). 

[Muddles]

That's a shame. I have someone from this site I talk to a lot and it helps me so tremendously. I too have children and its so difficult not being able to be the mum I was. It's not our fault - if we had known, we wouldn't have touched the poisons. Keep strong.

[tezza]

Hi SB,

 

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time and became severely sensitized. I know that makes it even harder for those that get so sensitive.

 

I don't have any advice but wanted to say hello and let you know you are not alone.

 

Love,

T

[Skylarblue75]

Hey Muddles, thank you for your kind words and support. I'm sorry that you are going through this nightmare as well. How many children do you have? How old are they? Boys/Girls? I have 3 boys, very active boys, ages 9, 7 and the baby turns 2 on July 20th.  2 years ago even though I was exhausted all the time and dealing with some minor health issues I was coaching my boys soccer and t-ball, cooking, cleaning, working,going out, taking care of my boys.  I miss being able to leave the house when I want to, I miss just going grocery shopping .I have barely left my house in 2 years, I force myself to try to function like i did but it's hard. It has really put a strain on my marriage, friendships and has caused struggles with family. All I can do is pray, pray for healing,grace, wisdom and most of all patience, which is wearing thin. I hope one day that i can return to my career in Veterinary medicine one day and be the mom and wife I once was.

 

Prayers and hugs to you

[Skylarblue75]

Tezza, hello to you as well, thank you for the welcome

[Skylarblue75]

Hi Bubble, If you were to see me everyday, especially in the morning, you would see that I'm lacking in coping skills, but I tend to get better as the day progresses, not everyday of course. I haven't had a window since last year in May, the 16 th to be exact.  Thanks for the info about the supplements, I will look into that. Hope is one thing I'm lacking in right now, I pray everyday for the Lord to fill my heart with his love, hope, grace, patience and to help in my recovery. I think the reason why I'm lacking hope right now is my 7 year old son may have Lupis or Rhumatoid arthritis, we have an appointment with a rhumatologist at the end of the month at the Children's  Hospital Of Philadelphia  it's one of the best  children's hospitals here in the US. He's had a lot of problems since birth. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for the support.

Prayers and hugs

[Muddles]

I have two children - a girl who is 11 and a boy who is 8. I too did all those things and its terrible that we can't because of these drugs that were supposed to 'help'. I can only imagine how hard it is to have three boys...especially a young baby. You are stronger that what you think and believe you will get through this. I'm sending healing hugs and prayers to you.

[thisismyname]

Keep your head up! I hope you find a solution to your problems, and you'll eventually get through this!

[btdt]

Hi Bubble, If you were to see me everyday, especially in the morning, you would see that I'm lacking in coping skills, but I tend to get better as the day progresses, not everyday of course. I haven't had a window since last year in May, the 16 th to be exact.  Thanks for the info about the supplements, I will look into that. Hope is one thing I'm lacking in right now, I pray everyday for the Lord to fill my heart with his love, hope, grace, patience and to help in my recovery. I think the reason why I'm lacking hope right now is my 7 year old son may have Lupis or Rhumatoid arthritis, we have an appointment with a rhumatologist at the end of the month at the Children's  Hospital Of Philadelphia  it's one of the best  children's hospitals here in the US. He's had a lot of problems since birth. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for the support.

Prayers and hugs

Welcome and I believe every word you say. 

I had every one of those symptoms on you list and some not on there.  I know it is all true and awful. A bit of advice on supplements just because everyone else is fine with something does not mean you will be magnesium or fish oil are the more common ones people try.  Please start at one sixth the dose and work you way up.  My experience was I could be fine on a dose for a day or a couple days once it built up I was in trouble and would stay in trouble for wks.. waiting for the reaction to pass. That was magnesium for some reason I can't take it internally.  Fish oil was ok for a time I grew weary of but I had been on it before I stopped taking my antidepressant. 

Whatever you try start low and slow you can always add more in time.  Wish I had done this. 

 

Tho I could not ingest magnesium I could use magnesium in the bath or in a foot soak.  I suggest you soak you feet in magnesium foot bath for a time to see if it has any affect on you.  Feet only to start as that limits you reaction if you have one.  If not try a full body bath if it eases your strain then all bets are off and you have found one tool.  This is one thing that never let me down it was always calming once I found it.  In case you did not know epson salts is magnesium for soaking.  When I first started using it I did not know it added magnesium to the body I was just hoping to ease the painful body parts.  After I started talking to people about it on a withdrawal site I was told it had magnesium...go figure. 

 

Water therapy.  

I could not get my digestion to work properly and this helped a lot I still do it sometimes if I think I need it. 

Everything I am going to say to you will be first do not harm and I hope you think this everytime your deciding to try something or not. 

4 cups of water on waking I find it better if it is warm ... wait 15 minutes brush you teeth really well ...each within an hour of brushing you teeth... 

At this time I could not tolerate much food but started on brain the sticks type often it would be a tablespoon and that would be it. 

 

Morning brain fog.  ugh...

I learned accidentally that advil would ease my brain fog... since you can't have coffee I don't think your ready for it maybe in another year... so skip that. 

 

I had hormone fluctuations in 6 tests in 6 months by 6 different places as I was travelling to get help...only two tests were the same I have every result but being male...even expecting and i had not had sex I was too sick and knew that was crap.

 

Hot flashes fan by the bed ... covers on covers off... a dry nightgown you can change in the dark or with a small flashlight... for me if turned on the light all was lost.

 

I did not know about taurine at the time but since it is one of the only vitamin supplements I have not reacted too I may consider it...just not 100% sure... so if you do go very slow low low low... could help maybe but would certainly be an experiment as I don't think anyone who has been this hyper sensitive has tried it that I know of.  

Soak you feet it may help. 

I wish you peace.

[Skylarblue75]

Hi btdt,

thanks for the advice, I think I will just try the epsom salt soaks first and see how that goes.  I have had so many things come up weird on lab work, I was in menopause 5 months ago,(I'm 38) then my hormones shot up to a level of being pregnant-not even possible, can't tolerate sex, it rev's up my nervous system too much, a bunch of different vitamin and mineral abnormalities,my thyroid is all out of wack, some possible issues with my heart and bp. I'm getting weird skin conditions on certain fingers where the skin is itchy and peeling off and hurts. When I do sleep, i wake up with my heart racing in a total panic, start crying, then the frequent bathroom trips start. I just feel over stimulated by everything! Its driving me insane. I can't listen to music, watch tv, everything is very uncomfortable to me. I feel like I'm in a state of constant fight or flight all the time, this stinks

[btdt]

Yep it sure does stink.  

Had all that but not the skin peeling that I recall. Sore I had a lot of recurring sores.  

I think the foot bath is a good safe place to start I could not stand sounds either the first thing I could tolerate was the sound of the ocean no birds or piano just ocean. 

What my hormone labs looked like... I only had them for 6 months. 

Pregnant had not had sex either

Pre menopausal 

Post menopasal

Normal

Pre pubescent 

One repeated twice I no longer recall which one. 

I was put on a bp med verapamil - because of bp spkies over 200 with this drug it went too low when it went low - as it was constantly fluctuating with this drug too low without it too high

I felt extremely itchy early on so much so that I did a lice bath... not sure what it is really called a product for scabies as I was sure I had something like that. 

When you can't sit still just walk... that must be hard as you don't go out but walking even in the house may help.  I have done that too. 

Since nobody knows how to stop this in it's tracks your at the only game in town... I feel so sorry for you cause I know right where you are.  It is torture pure and simple but that does not help you.  I know.  I can't think of anything else just now... vit D I was low ...taking made me worse a.. B vitamins made me worse...last one I tried was B6 made I got so depressed I could not lift my head... no more of that ever. One thing about reactions they are sound and I was cured quickly of trying things and it left a solid impression. 

I wish you peace 

[Altostrata]

What have you done in investigating the thyroid issue? Have you seen a prominent specialist?

[Skylarblue75]

Hi Alto,

I saw an endochronologist back in 2007, 6 months after I gave birth to my second son, thats when the thyroid enlargement was found on U/S and my thyroid levels were low normal, I've been running low normal for years, and have had all the symptoms of hypothyroidism, nothing has been done. Just told to exercise,lose weight and watch my diet.

I've seen 2 endochronologists in the past year, they both didn't know what to do with me, I've had a radio iodine uptake an scan that showed that my thyroid uptake of iodine is low. The scale was 15-23, I was 16. The most recent U/S of my thyroid shows thyroidmegly with focal cyst, the iodine uptake and scan showed the cysts weren't hot or cold. My Obgyn is recommending i see a repoductive endo at PENN in Philadelphia. My new PCP wants me to have an MRI of my brain focusing on the pituitary gland and also of my adrenals. I'm waiting for the pre-authorization from my insurance company so I can have  both MRI's. I've had high urine cortisol and high normal blood cortisol, but low salivary cortisol. Then we will go from there, I know there is a condition called central hypothyroidism that involves issues being caused by the pituitary itself and it can cause other hormone imbalances as well. I've been dealing with hormone problems since I was 12.  Ugh so frustrating! I've had so much lab work done and strange things come back, but can't find a doctor that can piece the puzzle together.

[Skylarblue75]

btdt,

I walk almost everyday as exhausted and fearful that I am I force myself out, I take my dog, or put the baby in the jogging stroller and go. I do a full lap around my section that I live in, it's almost a mile. I can't power walk like i used to because now I get headaches from exercise, I get out of breath and headaches with tachycardia just going up the stairs in my house. This is nuts, if feel like I'm 90 years old. I had a Vit D deficiency, can't tolerate the supplement, oh boy and b-vits, holy crap! revv me up so bad.

 

prayers and piece to you

Syklar

[Altostrata]

I understand how difficult it is, Skyler. Keep looking for a specialist who gets it.