Givemepeace: So confused, feel like giving up.

[Martina23]

Givemepeace, how are you? SelmaLady somewhere wrote, that she withdrew from Valium and after two years she recovered totally. So, I think, by you there is a big chance that it goes well, as it seems like that valium does not make any irreversible damage.

[Givemepeace]

Hi Martina,

 

I will never touch valium again, that's what got me into all this bother, withdrawal from this has been hellish.

 

Hanging on and sitting tight, symtoms keep changing. Intrusive thoughts at the moment have deteriated also the agitation a little also morning cortisol doesn't seem as intense. Can't seem to stop crying this week, very emotional and depressed which makes me quite embarrassed. Also still stuggling to eat until evening.

 

Still unable to work, managed to get to cbt today which was massive for me and managed to collect kids from school. First time out the house for a while. (Trying to break the cycle)

Sleep has gone very poor even with the mirt.

I'm hoping this might because I haven't been as active.

Quite stressful at home at moment, our son didn't get into secondary school of choice, of which we have to appeal, and also having trouble with my wife's father who is really struggling since the loss of his wife (my wife's mother). Just wish I could be there for him more which upsets me a lot.

 

Hope you are holding on and healing, thank you for thinking of me.

[Martina23]

Givemepeace, do you already have the feeling that your GABA upregulated? By me still nothing changes. There is only a lot of bad chemistry inside and nothing changes. I decided that the next package I will taper down (I am now on 50 percent) and then stay cold turkey and await what comes from this. I think the body does not heal if there is the same drug inside. 

[ten0275]

Martina, hey.

 

I'll definitely be curious how GMP responds to this, but I want to say from the outset that receptor upregulation is a slowish process, and often very subtle. It is percieved by the lessoning of symptoms, the extension of windows, and the shortening of waves. However even this way of quantifying can be faulty as healing is often completely beyond one's perception.

 

As I understand it, healing can occur with the drug in the body and by tapering in a way that supports the nervous system versus traumatizing it, the conditions for healing become that more exponential.

 

Patience. The hardest-won ally, the most assured tool you can have in your toolbox. Endeavor to develop it and use it.

 

GMP, hope all is well!

 

Hang in there!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

My feeling is it would be to much of a gamble to decrease in my current circumstances. I have already jumped from two poisons these last 4 months.

 

Most people here who have succeeded have healed with long holds....which I think comes from extreme patience.

 

This is the road I have chose to travel, long hold, patience and my good friend claire weekes.

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

I think you are doing precisely the right thing.

 

Hang in there, brother!

 

Dave

[Givemepeace]

Omg!!!! What have I done!!!!

 

The last 5 nights I have just realized I was taking 30mg mirtazapine tablets instead of my 15mg.

It must have happened when I finished my last box, I asked my wife to get me a new strip and she has got me the wrong ones.

 

I have only just realized, I am distraught all the hard work I have put in. What the hell do I do now!??

 

Gutted!! Could someone please advise!

[Martina23]

The next day you can take again 15 mg. 5 nights is not so much. You needed a little break.

[Martina23]

Therefore you were so silent. I was already wondering that before you had so much problems and at once everything was ok. Five days no desperate post. Everything fits. Dont worry. Everything will be ok.

[Givemepeace]

I not sure if you can do this???

 

Will I have to taper now?

 

Could a mod please advise, Dave??

 

Really am gutted, all this hard work for nothing. My heart has been racing the last few days, and I have had real bad tremors!

 

Could someone please advise?

[LoveandLight]

I've read other people have done this,.you'll get on track again..they settled again

[Givemepeace]

Can you just drop back down?

[Fresh]

GMP , is what Martina said correct  - that you've felt less overall distressed over the last few days?    

The racing heart and tremors are side effects because the increase was so big.

[Givemepeace]

The only thing I have noticed is that my sleep had improved, and I had a little more energy, but it is like nervous energy. Feel really panicky.

 

Even more panicky since my realising my error!

[ten0275]

GMP, hey.

 

so i want to understand this correctly. last night was your 5th night of accidentally taking 30mg? are you taking tablets? how did the error occur?

 

don't panic. you went up instead of down. i realized just two days ago that i made a similar mistake, but had actually made a 20% cut instead of a 5% cut.

 

please give me a little more info on how this happened.

 

dave

[Fresh]

Dave , see post 151.  His wife got a new strip from the old box.

[ten0275]

Fresh, got it.

 

Thanks!

 

Dave

[dalsaan]

Hey GMP

 

You've gone between 30-15 before, if this was reasonably ok you may well just drop back down. If you've had trouble before going from 30-15 you may want to try half way 22.5 to see how your body reacts

 

I never used to notice the drops between 30-15 to much. Below that was a whole other ball game

 

Your thoughts?

 

D

[ten0275]

GMP, hey.

 

i completely echo dalsaan's intuition. had i befallen the same error, i would drop back down. and like dalsaan, those higher doses of mirt seemed much easier to cut that the smaller doses. its been 5 days, and that isn't particularly long for up or down on mirt.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

Thank you,

 

I will go to 15 tonight and see how I go.

 

Parents and brother are really concerned now, they are pushing me to go private hospital.

 

In a right mess.

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

is your family's concern stemming from the accidental updose? please try your hardest not to catastrophize what you did.

 

let's look at what you reported with the updose. you reported an improvement in sleep, an uptick in energy, and some agitation. were i interpreting this for myself, i would reckon that decreasing my dose after noticing the mistake, may affect sleep, energy, and agitation in the opposite manner. does that make sense? it sounds like with the exception of the sleep, the 30mg of mirt did what 30mg of mirt tends to do - activate. and so returning to the 15mg will hopefully do the reverse.

 

please let us know how it goes for you and remember what dalsaan said. if you feel that the 15 isn't setting with you well, you can try a 22.5. but i have a suspicion that returning to that 15 isn't going to put you through the grinder.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

No I am at my parents now, scared to be on my own.

 

They are very concerned, trying to show them different stuff regarding drugs, but they feel I am sick and need desperate help.

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

love them for their concern. those of us with people who care are fortunate, even if they do not understand. keep trying dialogue.

 

in a way, you are sick - but the desperate help you need is happening day by day via you getting further and further away from that last benzodiazapine dose and smartly tapering from your mirtazapine.

 

i took shelter in a co-worker's home when i couldn't be alone, when it was too terrifying. they took me in, gave me a room, fed me. my brain was mashed potatoes, but i insisted on doing some work for them. i painted the porch of their home. it took forever. you want to have a laugh? get a look at a porch painted by someone in acute benzodiazapine withdrawal!!!

 

anyway, hang in there man. and let us know how that return to your previous dose goes this evening.

 

i'll be thinking of you.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

I'll drop tonight,

 

Wife just got home, she is gutted what she has done. Tried to calm her, but she is distraught she has put me back weeks.

 

Really don't like this mirt, been a jittery, mashed potatoe mess today. Never helped from the day I swollowed it.

 

G

[Rhiannon]

Hi GMP--

 

I completely agree with the advice of Dalsaan and Dave. You can go right back to the 15, or, if you anticipate trouble due to past experience, 22.5 for a few days then 15.

 

You're probably going to have some wobbles as it plays out, maybe a slight uptick in symptoms. Don't worry about it. Keep your life stable, be gentle to your nervous system, and it will pass.

[Givemepeace]

Thank you rhi,

 

Petrified tonight what amount to take, 22.5 or 15. Gutted what has happened absolutely gutted. I had been doing so well not to panic and do anything drastic for 4 months now. It has been so hard and then I have made this rediclous error.

 

Is there anyone before me who has done this and managed to get back on track?

 

Thankyou again for your words of encouragement.

[Fresh]

Hey GMP , I did something similar and lived to tell the tale.

 

When I was on Lexapro 2 x 20mg ,  I accidentally took extra thinking they were paracetamol.   No bloody wonder I felt so sick for a few days!!

 

In the scheme of things , it's a hiccup , that's all.

[ten0275]

GMP, hey.

 

so what's the word after a night of returning to a lower dosage? how low did you end up going and how do you feel?

 

thinking of you and hoping you are well.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

Hello ten,

 

Calmed down late last night and slept well.

 

My anxiety agitation is terrible today, can not calm down or rest. Been like this two days now. Had to get out the house and just drive this morning. gonna go for walk try and burn this horrible akathisa off. Did you get akathisa Dave?

 

Back at 15mg, really starting to think I need less of this drug what I have experienced the last few days.

 

G

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

i'm so glad to hear you were able to calm down before you racked out - and also that you slept well. that is tremendous and will do you well.

 

i did suffer akathisia, but not nearly as extreme as many. it was most vicious for me months 3 to 7 or maybe even 8. i always described it as "if i could unzip myself and jump out of my skin and run down the street screaming, i would do so." that "energy" felt so wrong trapped inside. as it began to burn out from a full body experience, i suffered restless legs. which i still very occasionally get for a day or two as i continue to cut the mirtazapine.

 

walking is a good idea - just don't over-exert, as that can turn back on you too. keep a calm pace.

 

from what you've described, i'd probably be inclined to think that the lower you go on the mirt, the better you will be too - and you will see this as you continue to taper slowly and responsibly. you're doing very well with patience, i hope you know that.

 

you're going to need to give yourself a solid span of time before you consider any dip. while i truly think your 1 week on a higher dose is going to work out ok, your system just went through another "change" and will need some time to just solidify its equilibrium.

 

it's really great to hear from you and i am so happy that last night went well.

 

hang in there, and please continue to update as you are inclined and can.

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

Only thing is I can't eat, even on the mirt.

 

Been like this a good few weeks now.

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

no appetite, nausea, or pain while eating?

 

dave

[Givemepeace]

No appetite, feel too ramped.

[ten0275]

GMP,

 

yeah... sigh... it is completely understandble and explicable. the best advice i can give you is to "fake it 'til you make it" with the food intake. i lost a significant amount of weight in withdrawal. at one point, between the "benzo-belly" pain and the same lack of appetite you describe, i was on a completely liquid diet. i drank whey or hemp protein shakes and these other horrible "nutrition drinks" just to try and get some quality calories in me. i was, at some points, struggling to get in 600 calories per day.

 

it'll turn around. maybe taking the stroll you mentioned will help induce some hunger. i tended to actually develop a slight appetite right before bed, after dosing, and tried to eat an easily digestible anything at that time. it's one of those symptoms you have to sort of take in stride and do your best with. also i wanted to mention that mirtazapine's notrious i've-got-the-muchies-like-i-just-smoked-a-pound-of-marijuana effect was most active for me between approximately 12mg and 5mg. Between 30 and 15, i was not into food.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

[Fresh]

Hi  Givemepeace ,   how are you doing lately?

[tgirl]

G,

How are you?

Thirl