iquit Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Hi Brass!!! I do have a mouth guard, but I pull it out of my mouth and throw it off the bed when I sleep. And, I have no recollection of doing it!!! Can you believe it? How are you doing??? Sorry for all of the typos too for all who read... I was trying that update from my phone. Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted April 23, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 23, 2015 Hi iquit-- tpyos dno't tkla to me abut tpyos. LOL Lately I haven't been able to type two letters in a row and get them correct. There seems to be a real disconnect between my fingers and brain. At least I still have the drugs to blame it on instead of getting old. Is it possible that the mouth guard doesn't fit quite right? I hardly know mine is in when I'm wearing it. I use a really cheap one I got at a sporting goods store and fit it my self, took a couple of tries to get it right, but now it's sorta uncomfortable not to have it in at night. My latest slide is treating me pretty well although these low doses are really upredictable. so far the symptoms have been fairly mild but have been a bit different than the usual. I've been having more gut and sinus issues this round, but nothing that isn't manageable. I do the second drop of the slide on Monday and that usually kicks things up a notch for a few weeks, then they settle back down. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
iquit Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Lol at the typo comment, Brass! I guess I just have age to blame on mine. And elephant fingers. I pulled out the old mouth guard from my dentist, and made it through a couple of nights with it. Then I caught the flu though, and could barely breathe, let alone with the mouth guard in. Now that I'm getting better, I need to try it again. Those lower drops are surely the hardest and most unpredictable. At least they were for me. Some, I would barely notice, and others would hit me like a ton of bricks. And sinuses, yes!!! I am still dealing with sinus issues. It seems the SSRIs really do act as a powerful antihistamine, and when my body didn't have that anymore my nose went nuts. Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
iquit Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I'm still heeeeeere! And, I am on the other side of 1 year off SSRIs! May 20th was my one year off anniversary. WOOT WOOT! I made it!!! Happy dance! It was both the slowest and fastest year of my life, if that makes any sense. One year off meds, one year post car accident, one year through school and serving as PTO president, and one last year in my 30s! Yes... I turn the big four-oh in July! It has been quite a year. I won't sugar coat it, and am still having some cardiac and balance/dizziness issues, but I truly feel that the more distance I can put between taking the meds and being off them, the better these things will get. One year is a big accomplishment for me. I feel like making at through a year SSRI free is proof that I NEVER need to go back! Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
DLB Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Congratulations, nice job!! Paxil start September 2003 due to Fluoroquinolone adverse reaction that I wish doc. knew what it was. 10mg. most of the time with a few short runs of 20mg. FAST tapered 3 times and finally hit poop out or a reaction to nsaid's in Nov.2013. Started a 10% taper Jan. 2014 and have been ok until Sept 14 and went through a short hell. Now plodding through and looking for the light with unrelenting insomnia and pain, fog, loss of interests....<p>12/20/14 - .8mg. 1/01/15 - .75 mg. 1/15/15 - .42 mg. better sleep now, hope it continues... 2/11-15 - .25 mg. doing really good!! 2 weeks feel 85% of old me! 3/17/15 .14 mg. Knee pain bad! 4/07/15 .05 mg. this is so small now that I am estimating and just licking it off palm small as a "." 4/13/15 NOTHING !!!! Took my last little micro dose on 4/12/15. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted May 26, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 26, 2015 Congratulations on making it past the one year mark. I know you were not looking forward to it a year ago, it all seemed very daunting. It is good to hear that thongs are going so well. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
iquit Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 One year, one month! And, this one just passed me by without me even remembering! I'd say that's a good sign! Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Yay! Great 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Congrats iquit! So happy for you. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
iquit Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Still here, and 14 months off meds! This summer has flown by, and we are finally moving a week before school starts, so it is a bit crazy. Okay, not a bit but a lot! I turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. The number really didn't bother me, but I am having a very hard time realizing my 30s were largely wasted and medicated. I'd give anything to get those years back and I can't help feeling like I have been robbed. My PRIME years. It makes me mad and really sad. I need to find a way to deal with this loss, but I'm not sure how. I'm sure the stress of things right now isn't helping either... buying, selling, starting school. Another thing I'm struggling with is figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know this is a general midlife (gah... midlife! When and how did this happen?) issue, but it's hitting me hard. The good news is that I think I am finally starting to feel well enough to realize that there is a second half to my life, and I want to LIVE it to the fullest! Just need to figure out how. Physically I am doing okay. Still suffering with dizziness and vertigo, but it isn't getting worse. I felt a full on vertigo attack coming on the other day and was able to fight through it with extra fluids and some essential oils. I have never been able to fend one off like that before. I am still connecting this to hormones AND the medication. No doubt in my mind that this is a side effect of the Lexapro and it altering my brain chemistry. Although this is is upsetting, it is reassuring in a way because I know it won't always be with me. I feel fairly confident that in time, this too shall pass. It is interesting though... my two SSRIs were Paxil and Lexapro, and I feel that they both had lasting side effects. Cardiac issues were the strongest with Paxil and balance/perception issues were prevalent with Lexapro. Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
iquit Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Thought I'd pop on here for an update! I'm sure no one is still following this thread, but it's good for me to read and review from time to time. I can't believe it has been so long since my last post! Well, I'm still SSRI free! inching close to two years now. It has been the longest, and the shortest two years of my life, if that even makes any sense. Life ticks along with or without us in this process, and I am trying to deal with the grief and anger I now feel over missing so much of my children's young lives. I mean, I was there, but looking back, I don't know how present I was. This really doesn't effect them, as I don't think they knew the difference, but it really effects me. Some of my memories are clouded, and I look back on pictures and only remember a bit of the events, and a lot of how I was feeling at the time. I'd give ANYTHING to get these days back with my kids... to be able to relax and enjoy them, and suck in every moment of their little beings. If only I knew how swiftly those moments would go. Though, I'm sure I'd still feel that way regardless. So, instead of getting caught up in my mourning for what I wish was, I try to make every moment count now, and take a lot of mental "pictures" as I go. And in a way, I think it is a blessing that I went through the thick of SSRI use and withdraw when they were younger, and not as in tune to my feelings. At 12 and 8, they are now very much aware; and in a way, need their mom to be present more than ever, to help support them through their navigation of pre-teen and teenage years. I am thankful that my hardest days will hopefully be blips in their young memories. We did move in August, and it was hands down, the worst decision I have ever made. I take that back; second worse. The worst was putting that first Paxil pill in my mouth. The move was horrible, the house was left in shambles, and we did months and months of renovating. We actually bought the house in May and couldn't move in until August. The week we moved the average temperature was 115 F, and it was also the week before school started. The icing on the cake though was that this "new" (built in 1998) house is on a well, and we were without water for a total of three weeks between August and September, and spent thousands repairing the well. I could go on and on here, but let's just say it was not the "welcome home" I was hoping for. Also, when we bought the house, we knew it was under a flight pattern. So was our old house, which is only three miles away. We thought, how different can it be? HA! That question was answered the first night we slept here. Our house is DIRECTLY under the flight path, which means we can see the underbelly of all the planes flying by, like the are landing and taking off in our back yard. My 12 year old son thinks this is the coolest thing EVER, especially when Air Force One flew over (ok... I admit it, that one was pretty cool). Me on the other hand... I don't think it's that great. I was SIX WEEKS before I got ONE full night of sleep. The planes land and take of anywhere from two an hour, to one plane less than every thirty seconds. Yes, you read that right. The planes stop around 2 a.m. and pick back up around 4 a.m. My favorite are the 747 planes that literally shake and rumble the house. And, if that wasn't enough, in September, we received a certified letter from the health district, telling us that the driveway that was put in in 1998 is a health code violation because it is over the septic tank. We either have to remove the entire driveway, re-landscape, and figure out how the heck to get to the front door (thousands of dollars), and connect to county sewer ($30,000). We are still dealing with this now, and are trying to figure out how in the heck to come up with the money to fix the issue. I'm telling you... I can NOT make this stuff up. This has been such a strain on me, on my husband, on our marriage, etc. And the hard part is that the kids love it here. It's on a half acre, and they have plenty of room to be kids, and actually play outside. Unfortunately, we have very few neighbors, and the ones we have, I think are vampires, because we NEVER see them. It's lonely, It's beautiful, but it's loud, and lonely, and EXPENSIVE! So, we are trying to decide if we should actually put the house back on the market this spring. Sliver lining (because I really do try to be a silver lining kind of person)... if this hasn't put me running back to the doctor for meds, or for an admittance to the looney bin, I doubt anything will. I'm handling it. Am I stressed to the gills? Yes. But I am dealing with it. On MY OWN. No meds needed! Wow... Huge accomplishment. Even my husband said the other day "I am so impressed with how you have been handling everything that is being thrown your way. You aren't letting it break you, and your anxiety has not been outwardly visible at all, even though I'm sure it's still a challenge for you." Yes... it's a challenge every day, but each day is a new day. In fact, my husband who is physically incapable of getting anxiety due to his Addison's disease and low cortisol levels, has been much more physically and mentally stressed than I have been. I never thought I'd see that! Physically, I am doing okay. Not great, but not horrible, My weight is good, and my heart is still acting up, but nothing like it used to. I'm due to go to the cardiologist, but unfortunately still have major medical anxiety. Not looking forward to it. The only news I really HATE to report is that the vertigo and dizziness is still with me. STILL!!!! UGH!!!!! I will say, it is not disabling, but it definitely limits what I feel comfortable doing, and I have that. For example, sitting at the computer right now, I feel like I could tip over to my right and land on the floor at any second. I now I won't but I constantly have that feeling. And although it has improved somewhat, I am still afraid the moms at school think I am a closet drunk because I can't walk a straight line. God forbid I ever get pulled over for DUI suspicion! My only saving grace would be that I haven't touched alcohol in years. feel like I have come so far, yet I still have this one thing really holding me back. I am pretty sure I have vestibular damage from the long term SSRI use, and I have been trying to find information to back this up. We'll see. I am also hoping that this is just another issue that needs that magic yet dreaded word, "time". But I'm wondering this far out, if that can really still be the case. Oh, and my last sliver lining... I'm going to real estate school! I realized thought the process of buying and selling, howe much I knew already, and how much I really enjoyed that process. In fact, our realtor basically did nothing, except our paperwork. It's exciting to have something to look forward to, and I pray every day that I can get through the studying and testing, and feel well enough to pursue this goal. Fingers crossed!!! Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted January 22, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 22, 2016 What a wonderful update iquit! After more than 10 years on ad's , you have a meaningful , productive , drug-free life. Please keep coming back and updating as you continue to flourish. bw , Fresh 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
bromor Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I just read through your thread ~ really enjoyed reading about your journey! I've often wondered myself as to how it will be once I get off of Zoloft as I've always had a tendency to be anxious (though nothing like what I'm dealing with now!!). On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Songbird Posted January 24, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 24, 2016 Great to read your update! Sorry to hear about your house troubles. We have septic/sewerage problems with our place too and it does cause me some stress as years have gone by and we don't have a resolution in sight (i.e. connect to the city sewerage system). The planes sound awful and in your situation I'd probably be looking around for somewhere else! It's great that you are able to cope with everything, I'm full of admiration. 2001–2002 paroxetine 2003 citalopram 2004-2008 paroxetine (various failed tapers) 2008 paroxetine slow taper down to 2016 Aug off paroxetine2016 citalopram May 20mg Oct 15mg … slow taper down2018 citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg 18 Nov 3.8mg 2019 15 Mar 3.6mg 21 May 3.4mg 26 Dec 3.2mg 2020 19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg 2021 29 Aug 2.4mg 15 Nov 2.3mg Link to comment
iquit Posted September 4, 2018 Author Share Posted September 4, 2018 I'm baaaaaaaack! Has it really been two years? It is true what they say about people on boards such as this. You post and read A LOT (at least I know I did) when you're in the thick of things. When you're not, you're out living your life and you don't necessarily need the lifeline that you once did. I had so many dark years though, and this site along with Paxil Progress truly saved me. I don't know what I would have done without knowing I was not alone, and reading success stories from those who battle before me. I needed that hope. That hope was the only thing that kept me going some days. Therefor I vow to always be here, and am hoping to put back into a community such as this that gave me so much when I needed it. It has been over four years now since I took my last SSRI. Four years this past May to be exact. A lot has happened in those four years, and some things have remained the same. Life updates... we did sell our poltergeist house two years ago this month! Yes, that house earned the name of the poltergeist house, and rightfully so. In the little over a year that we lived there, one of us was always sick. I had never been as consistently sick as I was in that house, ever. Bad thing after bad thing kept happening, things continued to go wrong with the house, and all of our demeanors changed. Luckily I learned the lesson that if something doesn't feel right, find a way to change it! Luckily my wonderful husband was on board with this, and we have now been in our current house for almost two years, everyone is happy and healthy, and this will be our home for a long time. And, I now have a child in high school, and a child in middle school! Time really does fly. They keep me very busy at two different schools, each 20-30 minutes away from our house, in opposite directions of each other. In the depths of my withdraw, I couldn't even drive up the street to the drug store. Once I did start driving again, I had my major car accident, and never wanted to drive for the rest of my life. I now spend about three hours a day driving, on average though. I still don't love driving, but will do what I have to do to live my life, and for my family. Mind over matter is a powerful thing. Still don't have that real estate license I mentioned previously, but am continuing to work toward it, and feel more and more each day like I am actually ready for a career again. It's exciting... and terrifying. Health wise... I did finally get an answer on the dizziness and the rapid heart rate. It was and it wasn't due to withdraw. Depends on who you ask! I went to a new cardiologist shortly after my last update and was diagnosed with POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). He was 99% sure I had it before even examining me, and just by reading through my old cardiology records. Sure enough, a quick test sealed the deal. To put it simply, POTS is a syndrome that causes your body to fight against gravity. Our bodies are wired to automatically adjust to gravity changes. Our blood pressure, blood volume, and respiration rates will adjust to make sure enough blood is still flowing up to our brains. With POTS patients though, one or all of these functions fail. It can cause tachycardia, dizziness, vertigo, shortness of breath, stomach issues, fatigue, anxiety, and the list goes on. Many people got years and years without being properly diagnosed. I believe I had it for more than 10 years before proper diagnosis. Here's the kicker.... POTS falls under the dysautonomia umbrella. Many, MANY people who have dysautonomia are diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression, and are placed on SSRIs. I do not think I had dysautonomia before I was prescribed SSRIs. BUT... I DO 100% believe that SSRI discontinuation caused my dysautonomia. Without a doubt. I can actually almost pinpoint the time. I believe it was when I abruptly discontinued Paxil right before getting pregnant with my daughter. Doctors would say that it was my pregnancy with her triggered POTS in my case. It is possible that pregnancy can trigger POTS. Pregnancy, any severe illness, car accident, surgery, genetic diseases, Lyme disease etc. can be a cause. I know my body though, and I have zero doubt that it was by SSRI use and discontinuation that triggered POTS. There have been posts here and elsewhere discussing SSRIs and the autonomic system. How SSRIs affect our autonomic functioning, and how discontinuation affects it as well. I am a member of quite a few POTS online communities, and my story is not unique. There are many, people who have "coincidentally" stated having POTS symptoms during or after SSRI use. Here's the kicker. The medical community usually prescribes SSRIs and benzos as the first line of treatment for POTS!!! I have noticed that the majority of patients are either on them, or have been at some point. The online communities are FLOODED with discussions about these meds, which ones to take, which dosages, what to take when they stop working, etc. It's a travesty. A lot of patients believe that these meds are the only things helping them. If only they knew. Most patients will say, "I tried to wean off or stop taking my SSRIs, and my POTS symptoms came back with a vengeance! I need the meds to help with my POTS... they are the only things that can allow me to have any quality of life." NOOOOOO! The meds are causing and/or exacerbating your POTS symptoms! And, I usually am not quiet about my opinion on SSRIs in these communities. Some will listen and agree; most won't. But if I can even keep one person from starting these drugs, it's worth speaking up. The bad news... I do believe strongly in the link between SSRIs and autonomic dysfunction. I also believe that going cold turkey or even a quick wean can devastate our autonomic system even more. Our autonomic system is responsible for regulating everything in our bodies that "automatically" happens without us having to think about it... breathing, sleeping, our heart rate, our digestion, etc. Think about that, and then think about what we all almost immediately have issues with when we either start or stop SSRIs. Yes...it all falls under our autonomic system. Some people who have POTS do have it from other illnesses such as Lyme disease, EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), etc. Some people get POTS as teens after the Guardasil vaccine, or during a huge growth spurt, or an illness such as mono. Teens thankfully usually grow out of POTS. Those who have POTS as a result of a disease do not. It is said that most people who get POTS as adults do not grow out of it either. It is my hope though that I will recover from POTS someday. The good news... I strongly believe that if indeed SSRIs brought it on, that it can also eventually go away once my body has enough time to heal. We will see. I can say that I am much better off than I was four years ago, and even better off than I was when I was first diagnosed with POTS. I'd say the number one thing that has helped me in my recovery is forcing myself to go on with life. When I am having a bad day with either physical or emotional symptoms, it is very easy for me to retreat to my house, not do much, not go anywhere, etc. And some days, that is ok. We all need a down day every once in a while. However, I started having more down days than active days. I would use withdraw or POTS as an excuse, I wouldn't want to go anywhere or do anything because of the "what ifs". What if I feel horrible once I get there? What if I don't feel good and have to cancel? What if I pass out? What if I feel worse after going than I do now? THIS is how I missed out on SO MUCH of my life during withdraw. Time that I will never get back. I one day turned "what ifs" into " so whats". So what if I feel bad? Id' feel bad at home then too. So what if I pass out or have to go to the hospital for something? That could happen at home too. So what if I have to cancel? I f I do, I do; but in reality, I probably won't have to. We don't have control over what happened in our lives, and I think the what if way of thinking was me trying to have a bit of control. In reality though, I still didn't. What I do have control over is the active role I play in my own life, and choosing to say yes to things that may be uncomfortable or scary. I have learned that I have never once regretted saying yes so far! Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 5, 2018 Moderator Share Posted September 5, 2018 Hi Iquit-- such a wonderful update, I'm so glad you dropped in to tell us about things. Moving on with ones life is such an important part of this process. We all need to learn to push ourselves even when we don't feel like it. It's really the best way to move forward. The POTS thing sounds interesting, thank you for bring it up. I think it bears a lot more research on how it might apply to ADWD and WD usage. Brassmonkey 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted September 5, 2018 Administrator Share Posted September 5, 2018 Thanks, iquit. So good to hear from you! You are absolutely correct about POTS. As you know, gentle exercise is one of the potential treatments. This indeed can help the body learn to re-regulate blood pressure and so forth. As usual, that process will be slow and gradual. Here's hoping you'll feel improvement soon! This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
bhasski Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 23 hours ago, iquit said: I'm baaaaaaaack! Has it really been two years? It is true what they say about people on boards such as this. You post and read A LOT (at least I know I did) when you're in the thick of things. When you're not, you're out living your life and you don't necessarily need the lifeline that you once did. I had so many dark years though, and this site along with Paxil Progress truly saved me. I don't know what I would have done without knowing I was not alone, and reading success stories from those who battle before me. I needed that hope. That hope was the only thing that kept me going some days. Therefor I vow to always be here, and am hoping to put back into a community such as this that gave me so much when I needed it. It has been over four years now since I took my last SSRI. Four years this past May to be exact. A lot has happened in those four years, and some things have remained the same. Life updates... we did sell our poltergeist house two years ago this month! Yes, that house earned the name of the poltergeist house, and rightfully so. In the little over a year that we lived there, one of us was always sick. I had never been as consistently sick as I was in that house, ever. Bad thing after bad thing kept happening, things continued to go wrong with the house, and all of our demeanors changed. Luckily I learned the lesson that if something doesn't feel right, find a way to change it! Luckily my wonderful husband was on board with this, and we have now been in our current house for almost two years, everyone is happy and healthy, and this will be our home for a long time. And, I now have a child in high school, and a child in middle school! Time really does fly. They keep me very busy at two different schools, each 20-30 minutes away from our house, in opposite directions of each other. In the depths of my withdraw, I couldn't even drive up the street to the drug store. Once I did start driving again, I had my major car accident, and never wanted to drive for the rest of my life. I now spend about three hours a day driving, on average though. I still don't love driving, but will do what I have to do to live my life, and for my family. Mind over matter is a powerful thing. Still don't have that real estate license I mentioned previously, but am continuing to work toward it, and feel more and more each day like I am actually ready for a career again. It's exciting... and terrifying. Health wise... I did finally get an answer on the dizziness and the rapid heart rate. It was and it wasn't due to withdraw. Depends on who you ask! I went to a new cardiologist shortly after my last update and was diagnosed with POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). He was 99% sure I had it before even examining me, and just by reading through my old cardiology records. Sure enough, a quick test sealed the deal. To put it simply, POTS is a syndrome that causes your body to fight against gravity. Our bodies are wired to automatically adjust to gravity changes. Our blood pressure, blood volume, and respiration rates will adjust to make sure enough blood is still flowing up to our brains. With POTS patients though, one or all of these functions fail. It can cause tachycardia, dizziness, vertigo, shortness of breath, stomach issues, fatigue, anxiety, and the list goes on. Many people got years and years without being properly diagnosed. I believe I had it for more than 10 years before proper diagnosis. Here's the kicker.... POTS falls under the dysautonomia umbrella. Many, MANY people who have dysautonomia are diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression, and are placed on SSRIs. I do not think I had dysautonomia before I was prescribed SSRIs. BUT... I DO 100% believe that SSRI discontinuation caused my dysautonomia. Without a doubt. I can actually almost pinpoint the time. I believe it was when I abruptly discontinued Paxil right before getting pregnant with my daughter. Doctors would say that it was my pregnancy with her triggered POTS in my case. It is possible that pregnancy can trigger POTS. Pregnancy, any severe illness, car accident, surgery, genetic diseases, Lyme disease etc. can be a cause. I know my body though, and I have zero doubt that it was by SSRI use and discontinuation that triggered POTS. There have been posts here and elsewhere discussing SSRIs and the autonomic system. How SSRIs affect our autonomic functioning, and how discontinuation affects it as well. I am a member of quite a few POTS online communities, and my story is not unique. There are many, people who have "coincidentally" stated having POTS symptoms during or after SSRI use. Here's the kicker. The medical community usually prescribes SSRIs and benzos as the first line of treatment for POTS!!! I have noticed that the majority of patients are either on them, or have been at some point. The online communities are FLOODED with discussions about these meds, which ones to take, which dosages, what to take when they stop working, etc. It's a travesty. A lot of patients believe that these meds are the only things helping them. If only they knew. Most patients will say, "I tried to wean off or stop taking my SSRIs, and my POTS symptoms came back with a vengeance! I need the meds to help with my POTS... they are the only things that can allow me to have any quality of life." NOOOOOO! The meds are causing and/or exacerbating your POTS symptoms! And, I usually am not quiet about my opinion on SSRIs in these communities. Some will listen and agree; most won't. But if I can even keep one person from starting these drugs, it's worth speaking up. The bad news... I do believe strongly in the link between SSRIs and autonomic dysfunction. I also believe that going cold turkey or even a quick wean can devastate our autonomic system even more. Our autonomic system is responsible for regulating everything in our bodies that "automatically" happens without us having to think about it... breathing, sleeping, our heart rate, our digestion, etc. Think about that, and then think about what we all almost immediately have issues with when we either start or stop SSRIs. Yes...it all falls under our autonomic system. Some people who have POTS do have it from other illnesses such as Lyme disease, EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), etc. Some people get POTS as teens after the Guardasil vaccine, or during a huge growth spurt, or an illness such as mono. Teens thankfully usually grow out of POTS. Those who have POTS as a result of a disease do not. It is said that most people who get POTS as adults do not grow out of it either. It is my hope though that I will recover from POTS someday. The good news... I strongly believe that if indeed SSRIs brought it on, that it can also eventually go away once my body has enough time to heal. We will see. I can say that I am much better off than I was four years ago, and even better off than I was when I was first diagnosed with POTS. I'd say the number one thing that has helped me in my recovery is forcing myself to go on with life. When I am having a bad day with either physical or emotional symptoms, it is very easy for me to retreat to my house, not do much, not go anywhere, etc. And some days, that is ok. We all need a down day every once in a while. However, I started having more down days than active days. I would use withdraw or POTS as an excuse, I wouldn't want to go anywhere or do anything because of the "what ifs". What if I feel horrible once I get there? What if I don't feel good and have to cancel? What if I pass out? What if I feel worse after going than I do now? THIS is how I missed out on SO MUCH of my life during withdraw. Time that I will never get back. I one day turned "what ifs" into " so whats". So what if I feel bad? Id' feel bad at home then too. So what if I pass out or have to go to the hospital for something? That could happen at home too. So what if I have to cancel? I f I do, I do; but in reality, I probably won't have to. We don't have control over what happened in our lives, and I think the what if way of thinking was me trying to have a bit of control. In reality though, I still didn't. What I do have control over is the active role I play in my own life, and choosing to say yes to things that may be uncomfortable or scary. I have learned that I have never once regretted saying yes so far! Thanks for such an update after 2+ yrs. I completely agree dysautonomia caused by ssri as I had none of my symptoms before CT. I hope I could get active again soon. 08/13 - 01/14Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem) 02/14 - 05/14Flunil 20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.2510/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)11/14 - 08/15Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T) 03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam. After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda Link to comment
iquit Posted September 7, 2018 Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 Thank you for the comments; it is always so nice to come back and "see" familiar friends! Brass, I love keeping in touch through your social media posts too... it's so amazing to see how far we both have come! Just today in one of my POTS groups, someone started a post asking what the primary cause of POTS was for each of us. Of course, , most of us don't know for sure, but you better believe I popped in with the answer of "SSRIs". I was pleasantly surprised to see a few people post "antidepressants" after my comment. Then there are the larger group who will say, "Well, it could be ______, or _______, or antidepressants. All of these things happened around the same time, but it can't be the antidepressants." I want to scream from the top of my lungs, "YES!!! IT'S THE ANTIDEPRESSANTS, PEOPLE!!!" Alto, I know you are 100% right about gentle exercise, and I need to do much more of it. It is just so hard when you feel so darned exhausted already. But, it is also hard to wean of meds when you feel so darned miserable and exhausted already too. And, I managed to do that, so... no excuses! ;) I plan on sticking around here for a long time, and hopefully not so intermittently. I remember in my dark days, the few stories of the ones who made it through to the "other side" of withdraw was one of the only things that made me feel hopeful. It's hard to believe when you're in the thick of it (especially when you're in that thickness for years!) that there's a light at the end of the tunnel... but, there IS! Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 7, 2018 Moderator Share Posted September 7, 2018 Every time I see one of your on line posts I wonder how you're doing, it's good to hear from you. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
iquit Posted September 24, 2018 Author Share Posted September 24, 2018 Hi Brass!!! Same here! Looks like you're doing well and have been traveling a bit? Started Paxil 10 mg., in 2002 for pre-wedding jitters. Yes, you read that right, but I have always been an anxious person. Paxil on and off until 2006, when I became pregnant with my second child. Quick wean, almost CT. Had severe PP anxiety after she was born, and was put on 10 mg Lexapro. I now recognize that this was actually Paxil w/d. Started weaning off Lexapro in 2011. 10 mg to 5 mg, and held there for about a year. Experienced protracted w/d in 2012, and began to take it nice and slow from there. Last dose of Lexapo: 5/18/2014 Link to comment
Eastcoastgirl Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 How is your POTS doing? I've developed POTS in the past 6 months thanks to benzo/ssri withdrawal. Pregnancy is also a big cause of POTS !! Link to comment
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