Introducing micromonster

[Micromonster]

I survived the day (and so did those around me), although I nearly never. I blew up a docking station I was about to ebay by plugging too many volts into it and fell out the loft! Scared the hell out of me. Broke all fingernails on one hand trying to cling on, badly damaged my wrist (cuts/bruises) and will have an almighty bruise on my bum in the morning. The ladder collapsed under me! I kept saying I've got to stop eating!!!it was my own fault, I was balancing on the top of te ladder which is part of the frame and not a step. Have ordered a proper ladder now.

 

Heard another good saying today. It's "anxiety does not come from thinking about our future, but from wanting to control it". I like that one and have written it in my notes along with the other mantras that keep me going. Off to clean the dogs house tomorrow, yipee!

[pete27]

May i ask what scales you bought ?

[Junior]

Oh MM-  what a time you're having!  I'd get pretty pissed off by many of those things too.

 

A couple of questions:  Why did you go on Paxil in the first place? and Could some of your anger be due to the frustration of w/d, knowing that you want to do IVF?

 

Speaking of IVF, I'm a survivor.  If you would like to talk to someone about it - I'm here.

[Micromonster]

hi folks, thanks for taking the time out to reply. firstly the scales. I bought a few lots before I found my perfect match. I see you in London pete (my family were from Tottenham before moving to herts). I got them from ebay, and it might be easier to give you the item number. its 141 270 713 721. they are called diamond scale and go down to 0.001g. I measure my drugs on the gn mode (no idea what that stands for) but its the smallest weight so is most accurate. they are £10.22 free p&p. I must add, when I purchased them, ebay came up with "things I might also like to buy". these were cannabis bags, pipes and 'herb' grinders!

[pete27]

Yes Micromaster

 

I have been through about 3 gem20 scales. I was getting mad readings , higher readings even when i cut. I'm just thinking of biting the bullet and buying lab scales.

[Micromonster]

I saw on your last post about ivf junior. my questions are always the same when I meet a fellow ivf, how many attempts did it take and do the hormone injections make you go nuts? im dreading that part. had loads of tests done and hopefully get referred next month. they've found a hemmoreging cyst on the ovary and a fibroid in the womb, hopefully they wont get in the way. as for the reason for being on ssris in the first place. I went on them at 17. I had been the the docs before with depression and seen a few counsellors. I spoze the depression was no surprise. my mum and nan suffered from it so its in the genes. also my parents split up when I was 11, I assume I still wanted the waltons type family with mum and dad together. I was the only one in my class with divorced parents. dad was the one you didn't play up in front of, he could be quite short tempered too. mum was no where near as scary as dad so I didn't pay too much attention. she also resented the fact her and dad chose to make 3 kids then he went off with another woman. she was left bringing us up. she must have also felt bad for her us, and let me get away with a lot more than before. she also had a new life to find and threw no ones fault, i felt unwanted. mum and dad couldn't be within shooting distance and I saw dad once a week till I was 18, but never felt part of his new family. then, throwing a teenage strop, I stopped seeing him, hoping it would be like a Hollywood movie and he'd come and find me. he never did and 10 years went by before my sister made contact with him. we see him now every few months for a curry. also at 17, id had an almighty row with my mum and sister (who was my best friend at the time). things got physical and mum in a moment of anger told me to leave. she would have had me back but I had too much pride to go back. I stayed in a hostel until I eventually got my own place. so like I said, its no surprise I was depressed, I had a lot going on, and making a teenager depressed is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. so, on one occasion to the docs, they gave me ssris and never told me to come off them. I probably wouldn't have either, its only because of the ivf. I never thought anything about, the way I saw it, if you cant see, you wear glasses. although if/when I get off them, I wont go back on them. so, that's my life story! although ive missed out nan and grand, they were my heros, I lost them both within 48 hrs two years ago (this Friday), but that's for another day!!!

[Micromonster]

ive found these ones really good, I did look at jewellery scales before getting these ones but they're super expensive! ive seen on this site about making the tablets liquid form in a pestle and mortar then using a syringe. im a bit weary of that one, but people do have success with that method. have you asked for the liquid version of your drug of choice? mine comes in liquid form but my doc said its too expensive (I googled it once, its pence more!). your doc might be more helpful than mine

[Junior]

I saw on your last post about ivf junior. my questions are always the same when I meet a fellow ivf, how many attempts did it take and do the hormone injections make you go nuts? im dreading that part. had loads of tests done and hopefully get referred next month. they've found a hemmoreging cyst on the ovary and a fibroid in the womb, hopefully they wont get in the way. as for the reason for being on ssris in the first place. I went on them at 17. I had been the the docs before with depression and seen a few counsellors. I spoze the depression was no surprise. my mum and nan suffered from it so its in the genes. also my parents split up when I was 11, I assume I still wanted the waltons type family with mum and dad together. I was the only one in my class with divorced parents. dad was the one you didn't play up in front of, he could be quite short tempered too. mum was no where near as scary as dad so I didn't pay too much attention. she also resented the fact her and dad chose to make 3 kids then he went off with another woman. she was left bringing us up. she must have also felt bad for her us, and let me get away with a lot more than before. she also had a new life to find and threw no ones fault, i felt unwanted. mum and dad couldn't be within shooting distance and I saw dad once a week till I was 18, but never felt part of his new family. then, throwing a teenage strop, I stopped seeing him, hoping it would be like a Hollywood movie and he'd come and find me. he never did and 10 years went by before my sister made contact with him. we see him now every few months for a curry. also at 17, id had an almighty row with my mum and sister (who was my best friend at the time). things got physical and mum in a moment of anger told me to leave. she would have had me back but I had too much pride to go back. I stayed in a hostel until I eventually got my own place. so like I said, its no surprise I was depressed, I had a lot going on, and making a teenager depressed is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. so, on one occasion to the docs, they gave me ssris and never told me to come off them. I probably wouldn't have either, its only because of the ivf. I never thought anything about, the way I saw it, if you cant see, you wear glasses. although if/when I get off them, I wont go back on them. so, that's my life story! although ive missed out nan and grand, they were my heros, I lost them both within 48 hrs two years ago (this Friday), but that's for another day!!!

OMG  you've been through a lot.  Depression in the genes (like me), major family issues, leaving home early.  And a stupid doctor who thought SSRIs were 'the answer'. What about care and support? GRRRR!!. Did they help when you first went on them? As for never telling you to come off them, I hate that.  Reducing it all to a 'chemical imbalance' and totally ignoring the obviously difficult life circumstances. I don't suppose anyone ever recommended counselling?

 

Re: IVF - Unfortunately it didn't work for us.  I've actually got an eBook coming out shortly, telling my story.  My son was born before I knew of my infertility problems, although it did take 2 years to conceive him. I would have found it all easier to accept if he'd been ' normal' but when his autism was diagnosed ...  I wanted a child who might one day make me a grandmother, you know?  We did IVF from 1995-1999.  I understand the success rates are a lot higher now.

We had 7 attempts - 3 fully stimulated and 4 frozen-embryo transfers. I didn't suffer too much from PMS before doing IVF so I didn't have any issues with the injections, until I suffered what is known as 'ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome' with our 3rd fully stimulated attempt.  I felt 'under the weather' (many women suffer such bad nausea and vomiting that they need to go into hospital) and my stomach swelled so much it looked like I was 5-6 months pregnant!

[Micromonster]

I'd love to read that story, let me know when it's out. I don't understand all the terms you have used, I'm sure I'll soon be an expert! They say now there is a 1 in 4 chance of it working so 7 attempts seems unfair ????. In England they will only implant two eggs at a time (one if your under 33). Sorry to hear your son suffers from autism. My nephew has it too and my sister can have real down days about it. Ivf has come a long way, I even heard of a girl last year who had a womb transplant! It's truly amazing what can be done.

I did have counselling years ago but I never 'got' it. I saw a few and they made me talk about all the things that pissed me off. I used to leave thinking about all those bad things for a long while after. They never gave me answers. I once asked my doc what the councillors/phsycos had to say. He said they reported back to say I had personality difficulties. Well seeing as we are all made up of personality difficulties, I felt it was a cop out. Thinking back, I should have come off SSRIs at 19. I fell in love at 19 and was the happiest person on the world. I felt like I had some kind of spiritual awakening and could achieve anything. I soon fell out of love and moved on, i grew up and wanted more from life, he was happy to be on handouts and smoke dope all day. It taught me life CAN be fantastic, and for that I'm greatful.

[Ever]

My experience with psychs was similar micro.  It was a long time ago and they are different now, but after the depression first hit, I went to one who kept insisting that I showed all the signs of being molested when I was a child.   It was absolute rubbish, but I didn't know it then and kept asking my mum and brother about things that they just looked blankly at me for.    My mum and dad were actuallly amazing parents but that counselling upset my family relationships for years after that.   

 

I've been to a few counselling sessions since then - my last job you could get 4 sessions for free if something at work or home was worrying you.   Most of them were helpful, but that first one - 25 years ago now - boy oh boy - that was screwed.

[Junior]

Will do Micro.  I just have one change I want them to make then I'll sign off on it. Won't be long now!

 

From what I can gather, counselling has changed a lot over the years. A lot seemed to be based on psychoanalysis in the past, which is not used much at all now. What they call 'person-centred counselling' underpins most modern counselling  although other approaches are used too. Person-centred counselling holds that the client has the answers in them and needs help to explore and process their emotions so they can find them.  It's not about labelling at all.  That is far more the domain of modern psychiatry. 

 

I can't believe your counsellors said you had 'personality difficulties'.  WTF is that?  You went through some very difficult life circumstances and naturally reacted.  I dunno.. even those with training sometimes lack basic common sense.  We are NOT what is written in text books.  Theory can help guide counselling but geez louise.. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you were reacting to your life situation.  Makes me so mad.

[Junior]

Oh and I'm sorry about the IVF jargon.  I've read and re-read my manuscript so many times that I don't even think about the terms anymore!

 

Fully-stimulated  cycle - means.. with all the injections

Frozen-embryo transfer - embryos that were frozen from previous fully-stimulated cycles are thawed and transferred.  It just means tracking our cycle and putting them back at the same time.

 

Hopefully you will have success with your first attempt and will never NEED to learn too many of the terms!

[Micromonster]

Well folks, I'm having a real bad episode. Feel like driving into a brick wall. In one hour I have to face those idiots I had issues with over the parking. For a week I've been winding myself up. I keep imagining scenarios of what going to say/do. It's draining me so much and I've had enough. I just want to cry. It's so stupid, I feel like no one can give me an answer because the answers are stand up to them or ignore them. I can't do either which is making me really depressed. I don't even think there will be an issue today as I should be able to get parked on the drive but that doesn't stop my brain winding me up. I'll be ok, just needed to write it down. The more I think of it, the more painful it is, yet I can't seem to stop

[Junior]

So sorry to hear this. Breathe and tell yourself it will soon be over.  I know it's not easy.  I wish I could be by your side.  I'd give them the what for!!!

 

What about writing down your raw emotions - just on a piece of paper?  Just to get them out?  I did that in my IVF days.  Things like "I am really ANGRY. I am SO INCREDIBLY ANGRY. It's so not fair".  I wound up with reams of stuff. lol

But I always felt better after getting it out of my head.  Just a thought.

 

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[Ever]

I wish I could come with you too micro!   I'd smack em in the teeth for ya!   OOooooo that's a bit inappropriate init!

[mustangwoman]

How is it going micro?  Every thing good with your partner and the IVF?

[Micromonster]

Thanks ever and junior. Absolutely nothing happened, as predicted. Felt better after leaving there. Got to the last job and she made the mistake of asking how I was. I cried. At that point, It wasn't the idiots that were on my mind. I'd just had enough. It's also two years friday since I lost nan and grand, that, coupled with the fact I'm in week two of withdrawing, it's just not a good mix. thanks again for your support. I can't stress enough how much it means x

Hey mustang! Good to see you again. Having a crap day but on the whole things are good. Ivf is in the process (we should get referred next month) and John, well I'm so proud of him (for now!) Hes given up drinking. Only since jan the 1st, unfortunately he got diagnosed with diabetes but it's scRed him and he's stopped alcohol. He didn't drink every day, but it did used to irritate the hell out of me, especially during wd (what doesn't!). Don't know how long it will last, but I'm enjoying while it does.

[brassmonkey]

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

[mustangwoman]

Hang in there!  Good on John for not drinking for 14 days so far!  Quite the accomplishment!  Sounds like you both are working quite hard.

[Micromonster]

So, today was a harsh day but I'm pleased to say it was better than yesterday. this must be a wave I hear people taking about. I'm not sure I can blame greif on yesterday's issues, as today I'm coping. It was purely me winding myself up over idiots. Can't believe how bad it made me feel and how it seemed impossible to stop. Two years ago, I moved. I moved because my neighbours were idiots. Next door was a 20 something who did boxing for the county but who was on disability benefits so never worked. He was also a drug dealer who had 2 dogs that would bark all night until he came home making a racket. I did complain but there was little improvement. Upstairs from me, she had a child which sounded more like an elephant which constantly ran round which seemed like Chinese torture. Again, I complained but there was little improvement. Upstairs opposite was a crack head. She had lots of kids by lots of men and the kids were ferrel. They would wake me up every morning by screaming outside my front door and at holidays and weekends, I used to avoid going home as you couldn't even reason with them. Or, one neighbour asked one kid not to swing from the wash line (as we all had to pay when they broke). The mum unleashed a tirade of abuse effing and blinding. We used to go camping most weekends just to avoid them.

So, my point is, back then I would do the same as I done all last week. Wind myself up over what I should say/do. Once again I never had the guts to follow it through. I would get really angry which would lead me to get depressed. I wish I could let things go over my head instead of getting so wound up. Going through Wd i've noticed that any issues I had before, are grossly exaggerated. I studied CBT (and a few other therapies) at great length over the years, and I think after junior and Evers reaassurence that councellors have improved, I may even give one a go. How lucky to get 10 sessions free from work! I'd of corse have to pay. When I went to the doc trying to come off SSRIs (before I found pp and then sa) I asked for some counselling and she told me to look one up and pay......my docs are great arnt they!

Junior is correct is saying about getting things out the system and written them down. I used to write a lot of poetry, think I'll start it up again.

[Ever]

Micro - you should write a book lol!  

 

I think that counselling will really help you to stop worrying about things a lot - that's one thing I found them really useful for - they will help give you a very different perspective on things.   And Junior's advice to write stuff down is excellent.  Write down the whole story - how you are feeling, what THEY did, how that made you feel, etc etc - write pages and pages and get the whole thing down.   Then read it again and again - out loud.   It's a technique I learnt on a course I went on and I found it to be really effective.   After I'd read my 'story' out a few dozen times, I got to see how dopey I was often being - that most of what I was putting myself through was just making stories up in my head.  

 

Also, doing that (writing down the WHOLE story) is also a great and cost effective thing to do before you go to a counselling session, as then the counsellor can see what's going on in your head and can help you sort it out.

[steeley]

Oh Micro,

 

What a bummer falling off that ladder (I'm just catching up).

 

I did that once when trying to paint strip a picture rail, leaned too far and fell on my hip. I could not walk for over a week, and actually thought I had done some spinal damage as I was getting electric shocks coming from my fingers. It is very dangerous climbing ladders, so please get a good and stable one.

 

I read your family history and it reads a lot like mine. I have managed to forgive and let go, but I can't forget, and that's OK. Something along the lines of not having to shut the door on it (it will leak out somehow), but looking at it, and letting it go with no reason anymore to try and forget, it stops hurting. Still trying to deal with the stuff that had me diagnosed PTSD and led me to both alcohol and anti-depressants. Not a good look. Thank goodness I found this site, and the people therein.

 

I loved your explanation of anxiety, it really struck a chord with me, and I thank you very much.

 

I was (once) living alone in a flat and this di**h**d in a van kept on taking my parking space. I don't have a car, but I had visitors and parking was at a premium because it was close to a hospital.

 

I began by writing polite notes and leaving them under his windscreen, but he took no notice. My polite notes became more stern, but still he took no notice, ad infinitum. It made me cry too, because I knew he was aware that I was 'just' a woman alone, and he could get away with it.

 

My brother came over to visit and I told him. R. (my bro) jumped up, went out to the parking spaces, hammered 2 nails into 2 tires, and then took out the spare, which was attached to the back. It was funny seeing that van half reversed out of the space because the creep had not noticed the tires, and thought he was good. Not. I don't like things like that, but this idiot kept it up for months, and made me feel impotent, so too bad.

 

He never did it again, and didn't hassle me either. Not fair, it's a man's world. lol all men here.

 

It's taking me time to get around this new site and wanted to say hello and now I must be going because I have raved on for too long. Don't forget to get a good ladder Micro.

 

Keep batting.

 

steeley

[Micromonster]

Hi ever, I'm going to try the writing down technique during the next melt down. Steely you will be pleased to know o got a new ladder the next day. Your tyre story made me lol and reminded me of something very naughty I done. It was years ago when the crack head with the ferrel kids had pushed me to the edge. I hated her with a vengeance. (Can't believe in admitting to this!). She went out and I put super glue in her front door lock. You must understand, she drove me to despair, she would 'borrow' things from me and not give them back, her kids would trash my flowers I planted outside, the list goes on. Anyway, she came home and I had a panic attack! My heart was pounding and I panicked so much that I jumped out of my living room window with no shoes on and ran off! I came straight back after telling myself she wouldn't have known it was me and she can't get to me behind walls! Although I have no idea why I was so scared, there was nothing of her, she was tiny so even if things got physical she wouldn't stand a chance! She got in fine, as usual I was panicking over nothing, my plan never even worked!

So, it's wednesday tomorrow and I'm feeling much better than last week. I'm still not sure weather last weeks meltdown was greif/wd/time of the month or the fact the idiot had wound me up the week before. I'm still thinking of it but not as much and it's not as intense. The weekend was full of tears, but that's to be expected. It was 2 years since I lost my best friends and Herod, my nan and grandad. I kept going over what happened two years ago which was painful. There were added complications as their three children saw me as a threat to their inheritance which hurt me a lot. The lines in the Sarah McLaughlin song sum it up well,

"There's vultures and theives at your back". I learnt some painful lessons back then, Maybe I'll divulge more at another time, it's all very boring and quite painful. I've had a good couple of days and had the automatic thought to make another drop and then swiftly told myself NO! I'm sticking to my plan, no drop for at least another week! My diets also going well. Not that I need to loose loads, but need at least 2 months strict disapline. Without it, I'm over the nhs guide in the BMI which means no ivf. Anyway, I'm averaging 2lb a week so shouldn't take long if I keep it up.

[Ever]

micro - you just reminded me of an event about 30 years ago.  I had parked my car, mistakenly, on someone's 'sort of' (not official) parking spot.    They had written all over my front windscreen in lipstick and it took me ages to clean it.   I put fresh dog-poo in their letter-box.   Omg micro - we're CRIMINALS LOLOLOL!

[brassmonkey]

I'm so glad things have calmed down from last week, that was too rough a time.  Now about the Statute of Limitations you two delinquents. LOL

[Micromonster]

these parking stories are making me chuckle! luckily we are kind of anonymous on here or we'd be in trouble! spent most the evening catching up on here, and its made me realise things could be worse. my symptoms are quite tame compared to some peoples. anyway, ive been thoroughly spoilt this weekend as its my birthday next Wednesday (ill be 34). things are good. I did wake up grumpy, for the 2nd sunday in a row when its the only day I don't work so I should be happy! I think that was because I have 1 week to fill in the dreaded tax return form. I done that this morning and felt much better (after the initial stress of filling in 100s of pages!) The worst part of the last week was Wednesday. I had a panic attack. Ive had them before but in WD I seem to get them at the drop of a hat. its how the panic attack made me feel after which I find most depressing. now, it happened when I saw the ***** next door in her car. I was at my Wednesday job. I was at the house cleaning and her car passed the window. I wasn't sure if she was going to park hitting my car. seeing how two weeks before I parked behind her and she came out of her house checking my parking (which REALLY wound me up for days after), I felt I should go out and check her parking if she parked near me. she is a 20 something idiot, who I could easily beat in a physical fight (not that im violent but I cant understand why I had a panic attack). instead, I hid, froze on the spot,  and was having bad heart palpitations. I was struggling to breathe. this made me feel like such a coward. I didn't think I was, but its a bit like with the old neighbour, im too scared to confront anyone when I shouldn't be. im a strong, fit individual. ive really worked this situation up in my head. there is no threat and even if there was, I should have no trouble dealing with it which makes me feel incredibly weak. and the worst part? it wasn't even her! it was another neighbour in a similar car! it reminds me of a ride at Thorpe park called detonator. it slowly goes vertically up, then falls down. it looks very tame and the first time I went on it, I wasn't in the least bit bothered. I love the scariest of roller coasters but this one was something else. when the ride came down, I was shocked at how scary it was. I really wasn't expecting it. I went on it again that day to prove to myself I wasn't scared of it, but this time was petrified as it went up. the next time I visited the park, I had thought of this ride for two days before constantly. I was trying to over familiarise myself with it so I wouldn't be scared. I got on the ride and was petrified. I shut my eyes at the top and just prayed for it to be over. when it got to the bottom, my legs turned to jelly and I couldn't talk. the staff were concerned as I was shaking but I was so embarrassed I just wanted off. I fell out the chair and crawled away sounding like I was talking in tongues. so, how do you control fear? answers on a postcard please!

next Friday is also 4 weeks since my last drop. so im due another. not sure if its wise after Wednesdays panic attack, I was also going to drop .5mg (less than a 10% drop). ill see how this week goes.

[mustangwoman]

Hi. Wouldn't withdrawal be easier if wedidn't have to deal with people.  Panic attackscan stop you in your tracks.  Taxes....enough said.  I hope the next few days are uneventful.  

[Micromonster]

Well I think the uneventful wish worked! I've had no mental health related issues! Obviously the everyday stresses but I can cope with that. In fact, I've had a fantastic week. It was my birthday last week and everyday for the last 9 days I've been out for meals and stuck to my diet. John took me to a hotel last weekend and the pictures, I also lost 3 lbs. so far this year I've lost half a stone and can't have that much more to go (I refuse to look at the scales, a friend weighs me and tells me how much I've lost.) it's been hard work but the pride is a great inventive. I've been calorie counting and exercising loads. So much so that I'm not having any time to worry about life. I also made a cut from last Thursday, now down to 8mg. The wd for me usually kicks in around week two so will enjoy this good streak while it lasts. Feel so fab that I can't imagine feeling down again........famous last words! It's a bit like when you feel down and can't imagine feeling good again. Oh, and by the way, I'm writing this on my new iPad that I got for my birthday.....it's the little things in life

[mustangwoman]

Happy birthday!  So glad that you are havibg good days!

[Micromonster]

Thanks mustang. Looks like I spoke too soon, I'm in a foul mood. Thought I'd blog it incase I get this 4 days after the next drop. I'm not at the depths of despair so I'm aware things could be worse but need a rant. Firstly, this woman I work for is ill. I hate working round ill people, I'm self employed, if I'm ill it's costs me money. Told her I didn't want to work and she said "it's only a cold!" So why the **** is she not at work?!?

[Micromonster]

Stupid phone, hadn't finished my rant! Told her I'll loose money if I'm ill and she didn't care. So instead of clearing her **** up, I'll write my blog. Then I called the doc. I need a test for toxoplasmosis. You contract it through cat poo and as part of my job I clean cat litter trays. They only book 48hrs in advance, all appointments have gone so call 8 am tomorrow. They do this so the people who don't really need to be seen will give up. Well I know through previous experience that it's impossible to get through at 8am and by time you do, the appointments have all gone. I'm still going to need the test so why not book me in for next week or next month? IDIOTS!!!! Approach with caution today..........

[Micromonster]

I should have said, I need the rest as if you catch it 3 months before conceiving, it can cause blindness in the baby, if you've already had it (most cat owners have, without knowing) then you can't catch it again. If you've not had it, you need to stay well away from cat poo/gardening. Maybe I'm being over zealous, but I'm not taking any chances with the money it's going to cost me on IVF.

[mustangwoman]

Oh taxoplasmosis.  I remember how this scared me when I was pregnant.  I didn't know about testing when I was pregnant so I just asked my husband to be on litter patrol.  Best to find out.  I don't like working with sick people either.  It's very difficult and the whole family ends up getting sick.  I certainly understand your frustration.  Hope it gets better soon.  Sometimes it feels good just to vent a little.

[Ever]

Micro - I'm really glad you got that fab week in there.   Even though it's gone, it's good to get that break.  Omg, but your story about trying to book in for the test - that would drive me nuts!   aaarrggh

[Micromonster]

Cheers guys, feel a lot better now the working day is over. But just to top the day off, I lost no weight this week which surprised me, I've sacrificed so much cake this week! But I really should look on the bright side, I didn't put any on, I didn't sacrifice all cake!

[Micromonster]

Still quite stressed today. And so, so worn out. I have no energy in the day which is not good seeing as I do a physical job. I am also dieting so not sure if that has zapped my energy although I'm eating 1200 calories a day so it should be enough energy. Usually I have caffeine when feeling worn out but it's doing nothing the last two days. Still, things could be worse, I don't want to jinx it, but I haven't got the angries (Thinking of old issues and getting pissed off with them). Much rather be stressed than get the angries, they are torture. Sorry to moan but wanted to jot these feelings down to see if there's a pattern for the next drop.