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nigella: try to reset my brain.


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About 6 years ago I finally succumbed to opiates after 20 years of chronic pain, which was dealt with thru surgery and non steroidal anti inflammatory meds for the first twenty years. 

 I ran 2 business and managed a hair salon. Even in massive chronic pain, I operated at 110%. After about a year on Vicodin, I had to close my businesses and leave my job to get joint replacements. 

 At first, I went on anti depressants to cope with the loss of my job and business. 

 After intense therapy, it was discovered that I have complex ptsd. My therapist sent me to a psychiatrist to start me on ADs.  

 I liked the guy, but I wasn't there more than ten minutes.I assumed he had a file on me, sent by my therapist. 

 Mid therapy, my TP  (Therapist) had to retire suddenly and switched me to another woman who was an hour further away and could only see me once a week. When she quit on me a year later, to take a better job, she had no recommendations for another TP, so I had to search on my own. By now my Psychiatrist had me on lexipro, effexor, and risperidol. My GP had me on vicodin, hormone replacement, and crestor. 

 My GP kept giving me guff for gaining weight, but never connected the meds to weight gain. 

 When I found another TP, she tried to contact the previous one for some insight to my treatment, but the woman was gone like a cool breeze. 

 I asked my psychiatrist for records from previous TPs, but it turns out, he had no correspondence from either of the the TPs who had treated me so far. 

 He never once drew my blood. He had no recommendations from my TPs and only spoke to me for 7 minutes. (Once he had his coat on, on his way out the door).

 How did he know what drugs to give me?

Some days, I would ask him if the vicodin was causing my 1000 suicidal daily thoughts. He poohpoohed that idea and discouraged me from going off the vicodin. 

 Then he made a mistake by not ordering one of my meds, and when I called, they insisted that he had taken me off that med. It took several phone calls and arguments to secure another appointment to get the meds he was supposed prescribe for me in the first place. What really got to me was he was just insisting on cutting me off! No tapering!

 I meant to say that many times when I showed up at his office, openly weeping, and he would hand me my script and tell me I was doing fine.

 My new TP wasn't much better and one day declared that I was a Borderline personality. She was so far off the mark I never went back. I was getting tired of spending one day a week in bed crying from her "Therapy".

 One day on instinct, I looked up vicodin and depression, only to discover that mine was a rather classic case, that all my Therapy had missed.

 One day, I was at my psychiatrists, checking out, when I noticed my file was open on the counter. It said I had been seeing this guy for 4 years. And I felt crazier than when I started.

 That night I had a long talk with my pharmacist, and she told me blow by blow how to get off the vicodin, then AD's. 

 When I cut out the vicodin, the suicidal thoughts stopped immediately. 

 It took 13 months to get my body med free.

I stopped sleeping all day but I am uncomfortable with chronic pain, and do not spend most of my time asleep.

 This presents a problem for me, because I get no joy out of life, and have a lot of time on my hands and I feel pretty worthless. But I am guessing my feelings are just my brain chemistry, adjusting to the new circumstances. 

 I would try AD's again, but I don't even trust my GP, which is why I got off of even crestor. 

Sorry if this is rambling, I haven't hit my stride yet.

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Hello and welcome. I think you will find this site comforting and informative. I am six months off of Paxil and in withdrawal.

2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale.
.6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th)
.4mg(April 27th)
.2 (June 27th)

0mg.  done taper at beginning of August.

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Hi, wanted to say hello and assure you that you're not the only one perscribed endless opiates and anti depressants. If anything like me you will get good periods from time to time so hold on to them. I have had to be a lot less harsh on myself as just getting out of the house can be a major issue. I feel that short term pain will be long term gain even if you are not ' right' for some time.

2000 - On seroxat at aged 14 2002-2004 self medication 2004-2008 nothing
2008 - Started on amatriptaline then citalopram 20mg 2009 - dose of citalopram sky rockets
2010 - prescribed valium and zopiclone. 2011 - switched to effexor 300mg 2012 - prescribed 600mg/400mg of pregabalin/effexor
2013 - prescribed 30/500mg co codamol tablets 2014- Jan as above but dosage of pregabalin ended up at over 600mg
March morphine and tramadol (accident) 30 mg codiene tablets  210 mg/day to 1000mg a day.
codeine upped to 60mg/100 tablets by november I was up to 2-3 grams a day. Not good
Late november - advised to cease all medication by a shocked locum gp. Massive withdrawls for two weeks now feeling good on nothing.


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. By now my Psychiatrist had me on lexipro, effexor, and risperidol. My GP had me on vicodin, hormone replacement, and crestor. 


Hi Nigella, welcome to SA. I am sorry to see that you have been treated so badly by what appears to be numerous

'professionals' who had no idea of what they were doing!  


Can you tell us how you tapered the meds? One at a time or all at once? How long have you been drug free? 


I would not recommend starting another Ad right now because as you say in your title your brain needs to reset

and heal itself from the changes that were caused by the drugs. It is trying hard to do this and starting something

new will cause more confusion.  13 months off is good and you seem to be doing quite well considering the fast 

taper of all those meds.  It will take some time to get back to normal but it will happen, there are many topics

in our symptoms and self care forum that have some excellent tips for coping with withdrawal, which is undoubtedly

what you are experiencing. This is not a relapse of 'depression' it is your brain and nervous system doing a great 

job of healing but struggling a little.  We may be able to offer more advice when we have more details. It will help

if you can put details of drugs,  doses, and how you tapered them in your signature strip. You will find a link to 

instructions how to do that in my signature below this post. 


Here are some links to topics you might find helpful. 

What is withdrawal syndrome http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/


Non drug techniques for coping with emotional problems  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/


The symptoms and self care forum http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.



Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014


Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 


My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33


Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible



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