Zztoppin: Feeling like failure-major update

[Zztoppin]

Hi all. I was on 40 mg paxil and 2 mg xanax per day for severe ppd/anxiety. Easily got off xanax after paxil kicked in. I was down to 14 mg Paxil and and occasional Xanax 4 years since initial prescription. I have had some some moderately stressful life events that I catastrophized (per usual) in the past week I was very close to checking myself into the hospital for fear I didn't want to live. Constant panic is unbearable and today my psych upsosed me 30 mg Paxil and 1 mg Xanax per day in panic attacks stop. Feel like a failure but am so eager to get back to my normally very successful life.

[Skyler]

Hello Zz, and welcome to the forum.  You need to open an introductory thread in the main forum... http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/3-introductions-and-updates/ That section gets more traffic and this forum is pretty much for benzo issues.

[Zztoppin]

Thanks!

[Zztoppin]

Hi all. I was on 40 mg paxil and 2 mg xanax per day for severe ppd/anxiety. Easily got off xanax after paxil kicked in. I was down to 14 mg Paxil and and occasional Xanax maybe .25 a month for 4 years since initial prescription. I have had some some moderately stressful life events that I catastrophized (per usual) in the past week I was very close to checking myself into the hospital for fear I didn't want to live. Constant panic and hopelessness is unbearable and today my psych updosed me 30 mg Paxil and 1 mg Xanax per day in panic attacks stop. Feel like a failure but am so eager to get back to my normally very successful and happy life. 

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[Petunia]

Welcome Zztoppin,

 

I'm sorry you've not been feeling well and have had to increase your Paxil dose. Please don't think of it as a failure, sometimes we have to updose a little in order to re-stabilize.  When you are feeling better again, you can continue to taper.  How were you feeling before the stressful events happened? Have these events resolved themselves now?  How had you been tapering the Paxil?

 

Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Once you get back to us with a few more more details, we will be in a better position to offer support and suggestions.

 

Petu.

[mammaP]

Hi Zztoppin, welcome to SA. When did you updose paxil? It seems that you probably tapered too fast and started to 

experience withdrawal.  I would be very careful with the xanax as it is highly addictive and you would end up having to

taper slowly from that too.  I think you will probably feel much better when you have stabilised  and then will be able to 

start a slow taper from paxil.  Here are some links for you to read. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/405-tips-for-tapering-off-paxil-paroxetine/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

[mammaP]

I see Petu posted while I was typing! 

[Zztoppin]

I didn't wean too quickly at all.  i just couldn't seem to handle anything that threw a wrench in my life.  I updated to 30 mg yesterday. I feel like I don't fit with the group because paxil has made my life so much better.  Im just worried about the poop out one day which is why I wanted to get on the lowest dose possible and maintain. 

[Addax]

I was just writing in someone else's thread that our ability to tolerated stress can be greatly demiinished during withdrawal. Dr. Shipko recently wrote that in his clinical experience treating people in withdrawal he has found that crashes into seemingly sudden and sever withdrawal symptoms are often precipitated by a significantly stressful event. It sounds like that may have been the case with you.

 

Do not feel like a failure. Tappering and our bodies and our lives are unpredictable variables and adjustments have to be made and those adjustments are usually not going to be linear. I felt similarly after recently up dosing, but really, what were my options if I wanted to function?

 

You fit in fine. Not everyone has necessarily had a bad experience with their medication. Some people experience benefits but don't want to live with the side effects. Some people simply aren't comfortable being on a medication. Some fear that there will be consequences later on. Some want to do like you: get down to a low does that still holds benefiTs but with less side effects, etc. there is no one size fits all here. Stick around and you'll see!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Zztoppin,

 

I believe you have an error in your signature:

 

Shouldn't the last 2 lines read:

 

   Dec 2014-14mg. Severe crash due to a series of unfortunate events

   Jan  2015-updose to 30 mg paxil and 1mg Xanax per day until stable

 

This definitely makes a difference.

 

You went from 20 mg in March 2013 to 14 mg by Dec 2013, approx 36 weeks. If you dropped every 6 weeks that was 6 drops. At 10 % of the current dose (not a straight 10% of the original each time) you would have been at at around 13 mg and you were at 14 so you were very conservative and followed the suggested reduction carefully. You may experience some symptoms of instability since you went back up quite high in your dose and it will likely take some time for your body to settle down.

 

Not everyone can tolerate the 10% reductions, some have to do micro tapers and extend the time they are on the drugs to maintain quality of life.

 

Please continue to let us know how you are doing with your increase.

[mammaP]

I didn't wean too quickly at all.  i just couldn't seem to handle anything that threw a wrench in my life.  I updated to 30 mg yesterday. I feel like I don't fit with the group because paxil has made my life so much better.  Im just worried about the poop out one day which is why I wanted to get on the lowest dose possible and maintain. 

I'. sorry Zzstoppin, I didn't put that very well. You did taper at a rate that we recommend but had withdrawal which meant that even 10% was too fast for you. Some people have to go very slow and micro taper to 'sneak' the drug away. That can take years but is much better for people who can't tolerate the 10%. I wasn't

criticising you but admit that my post may have looked that way.  I hope that you sare feeling more stable now

[Zztoppin]

I see what you are saying! Maybe after I stabilize I will micro wean. Thanks!

[WatchingTV426]

Hi Zztoppin. I am so sorry to hear this about you feeling like a failure, and I am hurting very badly, too, so this resounds with me. You are not a failure. I just reinstated yesterday with 12.5 mg of Zoloft after 6 miserable weeks off, although the 5.5 month tapering process (from 200mg) was pretty smooth. I, too, HAD to go back on, I could not continue like I was, and am panicking that I will have to go back up higher (even though I had felt fine at 12.5mg) or even to a therapeutic dose of like 150mg or 200mg, or worrying that maybe Zoloft isn't going to work now b/c I was off for 6 weeks and etc. etc. etc. Neuro-emotion catastrophic thinking all over the place here. 

 

Especially interesting to me is that you suffer from OCD with intrusive thoughts--this was the original problem that landed me in the psychiatrist's office in 2006 when I was 24, a problem I've suffered with since 4th grade. It is also what came rearing its ugly head 6 weeks after stopping the Zoloft following a 2-month taper in 2008. Life was unlivable. It's just the worst thing. 

 

The series of unfortunate events you mention--this worries me about life in general off the meds, if I'm ever able to actually stabliize and get off them (which I want to do b/c I am unable to sleep on them). What happens when this sort of thing comes along or any of the major big troubles that everyone goes through in their lives? I'm still no clear what current scientific thinking says is responsible for OCD, depression, and anxiety, though I have been able to gather from this forum that the chemical imbalance theory is out-of-date. Are some of us more predisposed to these problems? In my family, there are a lot of these problems. 

 

I feel for you, ZZ, and please let us know how you're doing on the higher dose. Come over and read my story at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7905-watchingtv426-withdrawing-from-zoloft-miserably/if you want to chat.