WatchingTV426--withdrawing from Zoloft, miserably

[nz11]

While i typed cw posted and what a pleasant surprise.

I think i am liking this site more and more.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Ah, well put, Nz11. "School of sharks", indeed. A nice turn of phrase. I prefer to avoid them and go the easier route. More solitaire here, Garçon!

[nz11]

ok ......Then perhaps you would prefer the phrase 'its like trying to herd a group of cats'

[Ever]

What he said ^^^^^^^^.    Totally.   Absolutely.   All we can do at this point WTV is repeat this stuff for you ad nauseum.   Which is what people did for us.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I said I liked the phrase and prefer to avoid the sharks of wd.

 

Herding cats is just not possible on this plane of existence .

 

And yes, repeating stuff to the 'ad of nausea' - welcome to post watching at SA! It so helps to have 'copy and paste' at the ready.

[Meimeiquest]

1. I think withdrawing is therapy...you learn so much about coping with life going through it. You also learn that the mental symptoms that may have been the reason you ever started drugs for are not you...they are something apart from you that you manage, they are not you. For example...I experience anxiety sometimes (everyone does). That does not mean I am an anxious person. Dr. Shipko, in his book Xanax Withdrawal said he is often asked about relapse after withdrawal. He said it's very rare, that the process of withdrawing is the ultimate behavioral therapy.

 

3. Did you have anything approaching natural childbirth? In transition, did you wonder if that person was "really you?" Same here.

[Ever]

Meimei - yes!   WD IS therapy!    You really do learn that thoughts are just thoughts, they are not you and not what you are going to act on - they're just thoughts.   WTV - use this terrible time as YOUR therapy - then it's not wasted yes?

 

CBT and techniques might help when you have an undamaged brain with good wiring.   YOUR brain's wiring is poked at the moment and it's sending you dopey, inaccurate messages.   Our brains were never designed to be chemically altered this way so they are having to sort this damage out without knowing how to do it.   So it will take time.   You just have to sit and watch those dopey, stupid thoughts and emotions and remember that that's just what they are - dopey, stupid thoughts caused by broken wiring - they're not you.

 

And you seem to be going what I think of as the 'normal' route of this thing - anxiety in the morning, replaced by severe depression, then if you're lucky - towards evening you may start feeling better.   Yes CW - we need cut and paste lol.

 

PS - 'poked' - NZ terminology for stuffed, kaput, broken lol

[WatchingTV426]

Ahh, guys, you just warmed my heart, I feel like a wee SA babe with all your poking fun and jesting . Lol. I'm actually having a window right now, miraculously, so I can make jokes. Got myself up off the couch, talked to the hubby, went for a walk in the lovely gray daylight, started to perk up some. 

 

Meim--no! I did not have natural childbirth, I had a last-minute infection in the placenta (or so they assumed--the placenta got doused with some solution by a nurse before it could be tested, and my blood came up negative, so who *really* knows) and had to get an emergency c-section...good thing about the c-section, too, announced the OB, b/c the baby hadn't even dropped and "it doesn't look like he was ever going to come out the regular way." Oy. 

 

I was reading the brain games thread earlier. Going to have to invest in some serious distractions from here on out. Books, audiobooks, maybe trying Lumosity again or some of the other stuff. I don't know how to play solitaire, but that's probably something I should learn at age 32, eh? Look, I'm even making fun of myself. What a mood improvement. 

 

Herding cats...hmmmm. 

 

Ever, what's the word with the car? 

 

Thanks for all these responses. I'm probably going to be asking these questions a LOT...ad nauseum . I'm a big reinforcement seeker, always have been. For now, though, I can just reread these posts over and over and over and over.... 

[WatchingTV426]

Working on keeping the worrying about sleep anxiety down, as you guys have wisely suggested. What's gonna happen is what's gonna happen, no use in worrying about it now, when I'm feeling pretty decently. So I'm just trying my hardest to embrace the "feeling pretty decently" while it lasts. 

 

Downloaded the f.lux--thanks for that, cw. Am I correct in my impression that it makes the comp okay to use after sundown? Or is it still best to limit it? And should the amber goggles still be used with a comp with f.lux on it, or could those be reserved for the TV or a device without the f.lux program? 

 

Hope others are having a decent night. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I did not use the bb glasses in the house because by the time I found the wear overs, my eyes and system were not so light sensitive. If I had had them in early wd then I would have used them. I kept my shades drawn almost all the time, wore sunglasses religiously when outside. And have been using f.lux for month on months. I had to use the comp for distraction, I am an overly intelligent sort that has to be constantly occupied. So I will go on a limb and say comp use WITH f.lux is better than no comp use if it is the only thing standing between you and crawling the walls. I am only recently weaning myself off daytime use of f.lux and reducing the amt of dimming at night.

 

I turned the backlight (brightness) down on my TV to near zero and kept it that way for months, even during the day. I also set f.lux to a 3200K temp during the day, 2700K at night and if I used my comp or tablet at night I made sure the brightness was all the way down. The reason I am telling you all this is that I have a sneaking suspicion that too much light at ANY time in wd is too stimulating but at night I think it is very bad especially if you are trying to get your body to relax enough to 'rest'. At times if I had to I would sit up and allow myself 15 min of comp time in middle of night then go back to 'resting'.

 

My guess is that using the glasses w/ f.lux is overkill and serves no useful purpose. F.lux makes things so you don't HAVE to wear the glasses, see? Dim the screen brightness instead.

 

PS: 

 

 

Ahh, guys, you just warmed my heart, I feel like a wee SA babe with all your poking fun and jesting

 

Glad you didn't mind us talking, we were trying to give you something non-stimulating to read if you needed it. I'd have had a heck of a clean-up job otherwise for contributing to the delinquency of the other posters ( )  (just kidding)

[Wildflower0214]

Just read some of your thread...hang in there! Im so sorry for all you have been through! And, I'm glad you are here! Welcome!

[Ever]

I'm a delinquent.  sigh.  I am.  So I am.  

[Addax]

I posted an article about the possibility that a prebiotic may be helpful: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7721-schmidt-2014-prebiotic-intake-reduces-the-waking-cortisol-response-and-alters-emotional-bias-in-healthy-volunteers/

 

Petu commented with links on where B-GOS can be purchased. It might be worth trying. I intend to use it when I begin tapering again.

[WatchingTV426]

Thanks for the welcome, JDM. And thanks for such a thorough discussion of all that light stuff, cw. I haven't watched any TV since last Wednesday or Thursday b/c I find it too stimulating/irritating right now, but hopefully that won't last forever (?). 

 

Definitely have what feel like muscle cramps (or it kind of feels like constant tightness?) in my calves since yesterday afternoon, so for about 20 hours now. I'm thinking it may be the mag.? Or is the cramping people talk about only *abdominal* cramps? I'm taking even less than I was before, since my mag. is mixed with inositol, and I know people in w/d can be sensitive to supplements. Yesterday it was 200mg at once, and for about 6 weeks I was taking 400mg. (Interestingly, I remember now that I got the worst leg cramp of my LIFE over Christmas break after doing nothing but flexing my muscle in bed--lasted for like 2 days.) But I've also taken an epsom salt bath the past two nights in a row, so this is upping my intake, though I have no idea how much. I ordered some regular mag. glycinate capsules last night, but I'm just going to back off the whole mag. thing for a few days (except maybe the baths?), and see if the cramps subside, then when I do reintroduce, I will do it slowly, at 50mg from the capsules. 

 

Sleep sucked last night, but I was in a "good" place with it when I laid down. I decided to sleep in the living room, b/c it's not so fraught with anxiety as the bedroom--the whole going to bed routine has become a rather anxiety-provoking thing for me, even at my parents' house, where, just as at home, I've spent many nights over the years not-sleeping when we've visited. Since I was feeling decent anxiety-wise last night, I was able to have a "if I sleep a little, that will be wonderful, but if I just rest, that will be okay," attitude last night, and though I put my book down around 10 or so, it was likely nearer to midnight that I drifted off. I can't "remember" sleeping, but I'm guessing that b/t midnight and 2 a.m.--at which time I was awake for the day--I was in and out of sleep. 

 

Then at 2, I was awake, but the cortisol was not yet, thankfully, pumping. I listened to the guided meditation Tilly posted on my thread the other day (thanks ), then started listening to an audiobook, maybe even started to doze at one point, but then around 3:30, the anxiety started to rise and rise, and it was all I could do to make it to 4:20, then 4:40, then 4:55 so I could go upstairs to climb in bed with my hubby. Talking to him and laying with him helped, though the next hours were grim. I was panicky, and after he got up for work, I was exhausted and anxiety-stricken (such an odd combination), managed to fall asleep for a few minutes (could have been 5? 10? 30?), then woke up in a panic. Tried to lay a little more, heard my mom moving about, and decided that despite the exhaustion, it was just time to get up and get moving. 

 

So, several hours of intense anxiety in the early morning. Then, anxiety mixed with a listless depression for a good while. Is that normal? To somehow experience both states overlapping? I swear I did. Or maybe they were going back and forth, idk. In the moment it's basically impossible for me to analyze what I'm feeling. I'm just on emotional overload, going going going. 

 

While I was feeling pretty low, I forced myself to deal with some things that have been stressing me out and provoking a LOT of anxiety every time I think about them over the last few days. I sent my diss. director an e-mail telling her that I am unwell and will be in touch with her when I'm feeling better, and I e-mailed a guy I work for part-time in the summer and let him know that I'm available for chatting over e-mail in terms of planning our work, but that I'm quite under the weather and won't be able to meet in person in the near future. (Had a meeting with him last Friday that I'd had to cancel; same with my diss. director.) I also canceled a few things I had on my calender in the upcoming two weeks--a big thing and a little thing. 

 

Yesterday I pulled out of a conference I was supposed to present at 6 weeks from now. My fingers are hugely crossed that this reinstatement makes a significant difference, and that I see major improvements within 6 weeks (I get desperate thinking I may not), but just having that on the horizon was a stressor, so it was the best choice to pull out, even though it is a huge money hit, since we have non-refundable plane tickets and only partially refundable lodging (hubby was supposed to come with me) and now my dept. won't cover my ticket and the lodging. At any rate, all these cancellations leave me largely free of responsibility beyond my family and myself for the near future, which is a relief. 

 

So, I did all that early, during the sloggy period, and though now I'm tired/fatigued, my mood is perked up a bit and I'm planning a walk here soon. 

[WatchingTV426]

Hey Addax, thanks. I take a probiotic b/c I've got some gut issues, but I've heard of prebiotics though I admittedly know nothing about that. I'll have to do some research into this.  

 

Have you tried these? 

[nz11]

several hours of intense anxiety in the early morning. Then, anxiety mixed with a listless depression for a good while. Is that normal?

This is classic wdl.!......you forgot to add 'receding somewhat in the evening'

 

I also canceled a few things I had on my calender in the upcoming two weeks--a big thing and a little thing.

I understand one can only do what one can do ....and wdl is totally disabling.

However one member Junior has a lovely saying and its this..."Feel like crap and carry on anyway".

 

Tried to lay a little more, ........... and decided that despite the exhaustion, it was just time to get up and get moving.

Good for you.

 

Wishing you strength and healing wtv

[WatchingTV426]

So I went for that walk amidst the biggest snowflakes I have ever seen--they were quite wild actually. At one point, long after my nose had frozen, I tried to stop my brain from doing its thinking thing, to breathe, and to take in the being-in-the-middle-of-a-snowglobe moment. It didn't really work, lol, but I tried. And I did at least appreciate that there I was, walking in the middle of this crazy snow coming down, feeling not-horrible, which is more than I can say for how I felt three and four days ago. And that's something to be grateful for. 

 

Now it's about 3:00, and the anxiety has come back, the cortisol feeling is in my stomach on a low-to-moderate level. Had a good few hours feeling pretty anxiety-free though, with the occasional spike or surge, no doubt, but was able to bat it back down. Now it's just sort of boiling there in the pit of my stomach, making me not want to eat the food I was game to eat when I started making it a half hour ago. Blah. 

 

Thanks for the good wishes, nz. Wishing the same for you. 

[wantrelief]

I have read your postings and am so sorry for what you have been through.  I too am trying to stabilize - it is so hard to find patience when you are feeling so badly.  You are doing a great job though of working your way through this.  Good for you for taking a walk (and in the snow, no less!).  I am in this right along with you.

[Ever]

Good good good.  You are doing all the right things.   And all you describe is, as nz11 says, classic wd.   I am so proud of you! 

[WatchingTV426]

Hey, wantreflief, thanks for stopping by--I'll catch up on your thread soon. I hope you're having a good day. 

 

Well, Ever, I'm trying, can't say how successful I'm being in batting down the anxiety monster--tried a bunch of distractions, reading a book (that I ended up having to abandon b/c the main character was basically suffering from psychological symptoms! ), talked to hubby on his drive home from work, then chatted with my mom. Also trying to heed your advice, Ever, and keep the sleep anxiety monster in check. It will come when it comes, when it needs to come. 

 

Still waiting for an update on the car, lady! 

 

Hubby will be here soon, and the little guy is at the sitter's today and spending the night there, so we get a bit of a break and get to just hang together, which is nice. 

[Ever]

NOOOOOO - DON'T WATCH PROGRAMS WHERE THE CHARACTER IS #####'D!   Lololol.

 

I STILL, even at the best of times, nowadays never watch anything with a sad ending, or with stuff that disturbs me lol.   I have enough to cope with lol.  

 

WTV - when I was in the middle of icky wd, I watched, on my ipad, entire series of TV programs, and I was so grateful for the site TVFull.com, because there were hundreds and hundreds for me to choose from.   And I would watch the beginning of a series, and it if even started to do my head in, I scrapped and tried another.   Some of them I've gone back to and am enjoying immensely now I'm feeling ok, but at the time, I just couldn't handle either the violence or the action or the conversation or whatever.   TV saved me lol.  Distraction distraction distraction lol  

[Ever]

Oh, and my car is in the mechanic's.   Waiting to hear the verdict.  Meanwhile, yesterday I picked up a rental car as I am pretty helpless without a vehicle - I live on top of a mountain, very little public transport and my horse is 50km away, so it's been a bit stressful.   Had to get someone to feed my horse for a couple of days.  Good job I've got you guys to distract me lol.   But went out to the horse last night and feel better again.   OUCH but renting a vehicle is expensive.  Money is such a #### yes?

 

Still - I keep thinking how amazingly lucky I was.   Smacking into a kerb at 80kph and escaping with no bruises, nothing.   Wow!   Plus it happened so fast that I can't even feel traumatised    How sad is that lol.

[luv2knit]

Watching, thanks for stopping by my thread. Hope you're hanging in there!

[Addax]

I have not tried the prebiotic yet, but the journal article intrigued me and intend to try the B-GOS if the cortisol and anxiety stuff hit hard when I start tapering again. Of course I'm hoping I won't need to try it .

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

 

but at the time, I just couldn't handle either the violence or the action or the conversation or whatever.   TV saved me lol.  Distraction distraction distraction lol

 

which is exactly how it is done. Navigating the sharky shoals of protracted wd.

[Ever]

Thanks CW.   Oh and WTV - watching TV is what I did when I was awake all night.  Stuck the ear plugs into my ipad and watched series after series.   Aaaaaallllll night lol.   And occasionally, after several episodes, I'd get really sleepy and could fall asleep for a while.   Again - helped to stop me panicking about not sleeping.   You really aren't going to die from not sleeping because of this.  

[WatchingTV426]

Just wrote most of a post and did something and somehow lost it. How frustrating, esp. when it's 5:25 in the morning and I'm feeling so bad. 

 

Ever, it's such a good thing you wrote this about not dying from not sleeping, b/c I have been up all night, so sick with akathisia, and not sleeping, and so worried about not sleeping b/c I just can't help worry about it even as I try not to. I have slept for literally probably 1 min. and then woke immediately in a worse panic than I was in before, and I've been miserable all night, so that's saying something. 

 

My window yesterday lasted only from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. or so, whereas the day before it was 12 hours. At 2 I got the cortisol in my stomach, just the vague feeling or nervousness and being unable to eat. I was able to manage though, like to cope, though it's not like I had to *do* anything other than hang around. Things were up and down for most of the evening, and at 7 I was feeling tired so I decided to try to lay down on the couch, low stress, not a lot of pressure to sleep since it was still early and people were still up and about (I hate trying to sleep in a quite house when everyone else is asleep--amps up my stress level to mega high). 

 

Well, no dice there and by 8 p.m. the akathisia had set in. I got up and was able to stave it off a few times over the next four hours with some intense pacing and talking to my husband or my mom, but mostly I have been filled with dread and panic, shaking my legs, feeling ready to freak out and jump out of my skin, for about the past 9 hours. Now I'm in a more just exhausted-anxious state. Cortisol pumping through my body. Will this cortisol ever let up? There are days when it just goes on for 24 hours straight. 

 

This most recent wave is the worst it's been since the horrible period of SI Monday morning. Is that common for things to seem like they're going better for a few days--for even the waves to not seem "as bad"--and then it just hits you even worse? And so much for typical w/d pattern--the day improved yesterday but the night was such total crap. I was so hopeful for a good long window, and that just didn't happen. 

 

I feel so bad for my husband, he's gotten like 2 total hours of sleep tonight. But I have just been so miserable I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm going to post this now before I lose it like I lost the previous one, and continue in another post. 

[WatchingTV426]

I'm definitely still in the process of figuring out what distractions work for me and which don't, and I appreciate everyone's advice. My husband listens to a lot of audiobooks b/c he has such a long drive to/from work, but since we've been at my parents' house, we only have access to a few of them right now, and anyway I'm not sure they're the right kind of thing right now, as they're mostly serious/literary fiction, which is probably too intense for me at present. I tried listening to one the other night, and I found it just got me thinking and thinking and thinking about things I'm worried about in my life, even though they had nothing to do with the story--my ability to extrapolate when I'm feeling lousy is amazing--and I had to stop it. 

 

So then he got a crime/mystery novel last night from YouTube, thinking it would be easy listening, and within the first three minutes, it said something that got my old intrusive thought type stuff going and made me feel panicky. So that had to stop. Then I started listening to another audiobook he had on his iPod, which stressed me out within like 2 min., so I stopped that, and eventually I just ended up with a lecture on the American revolution. But by the time I got to the lecture, I was all strung out and emotionally exhausted--after having been all strung out and emotionally exhausted to begin with. 

 

The whole time I was avoiding getting on the computer, trying to do something more relaxing, more likely to bring rest, and in part trying to stay away from getting on here, b/c I'm in such a fragile state tonight that sometimes when I read certain things it sets me spinning in a really bad direction. It's hard to know in advance what you're going to read/someone is going to say, and then I read something about someone's reinstatement not working or how their suffering has been going on unabated for years, and I find it so impossible to stay positive. When I'm having a bad wave, I can't just take those things as they come. It's just too hard. 

 

We have Netflix, which I can watch on my laptop or on the iPad or the TV if I get those goggles, but I haven't even tried TV since the other day when it made me want to jump out of my skin. I'm gonna need to give it a go, see if I can get into some kind of low-key series. The sleep hypnosis didn't do it for me, or at least hasn't yet, or I haven't found one that calms me down and goes on for long enough. If I know it's going to end in a half hour, all I can think about is, "I'm not going to be asleep in a half hour." 

 

Ever, sorry the car *is* injured and that the rental is pricey, but SO glad you're uninjured. 

[WatchingTV426]

Feeling so bad. Could I please get some relief? 

[Ever]

Omg WTV - you're watching ALL the WRONG THINGS LOL.  

 

Serious fiction?   Literary fiction?   Crime?   Mystery?    The American Revolution?  

 

I'd rather dowse myself with petrol!

 

What are you trying to do to yourself lol!

 

I'm thinking more along the lines of,  oh.... Harry Potter?  

 

I hope others chime in with suggestions for more appropriate things to distract you.  For goodness sake - The American Revolution?   LOLOLOLOL

[luv2knit]

Sorry you're feeling bad, Watching.

 

I am very limited on what I can watch on TV. Our normal TV at night consisted of crime dramas, and I can't even be in the room with those now. Try to tune them out while I knit, but even the music ramps me up. I've been watching a lot of game shows on TV, but starting to get tired of the same old thing day after day. Occasionally I can find a comedy movie, but few and far between. I try to find something my husband can tolerate so we can watch TV together, but occasionally he can't tolerate it any more, and will go watch the crime dramas in our bedroom. I have to be rocking, so I can't lay still to watch TV in there.

 

If I'm feeling really good (rare) or really bad, I avoid the computer, except for brief periods of time. I tend to get on early in the morning, when I am trying to distract myself from the panic when it (normally) sets in. This is when I try to check in and see how everyone is doing on here.

[AmyK]

I just want to say hi, I am also tapering zoloft (if I understand your signature right...I am a bit brainfoggy). And I also have a terrible time right now. Hang in there!

[WatchingTV426]

Ever, as always, this Harry Potter suggestion is a good idea. Concrete suggestions are *really* helpful to me right now, as I struggle to parse things in my fatigue and highly stressed out state. We couldn't even come up with the right kind of stuff to look for--I mean, we're thinking from the way things "were" and trying to find something to accommodate how things "are," and not being able to figure it out last night as we searched and searched for audiobooks. 

 

Luv, it's just awful. I was so so sick all night, wretchedly ill till about a half hour ago when it settled to a sick stomach. It came back full fledged and then some, me having visions of writing a suicide note it was so bad, after I posted earlier that I was in more of an exhausted-anxious state--yeah, I wish. Luv, how do you sleep at all with that feeling in your body at all times? How does your body actually *let* you fall asleep? I fell asleep a total of three times--I estimate for 1 min., 1 min., and 5 min., given the length of the dream or whatever it was--and woke up each time in a worse panic than I'd been feeling before. Simply unbearable. And yet my body is aching with fatigue and the need to rest, so I must lay there and try to rest. 

 

We, too, are big crime drama people, and there's just no way I could even imagine watching something like that now. What game shows do you watch? Any show suggestions of any type from anyone would be really appreciated. 

 

Thanks, AmyK, and sorry you're having a bad time right now. I hope things start improving for us both really soon. This is really cruddy. 

[luv2knit]

Watching--Fortunately for me, MOST of the time, the akathisia seems to ramp down enough by bedtime, I am able to go to sleep. Sometimes when I wake up at night, it is ramped back up, but I guess for the most part, I have been lucky with that. I have spent a few nights sitting rocking in the rocker.

 

I often watch GSN (Game Show Network), which has such shows as Family Fued, Deal or No Deal, and Pyramid. There is a new show on there called Idiotest that literally makes my brain hurt. I guess this has improved somewhat, because sometimes now, I actually get some of the answers right.

[WatchingTV426]

Hoping people can give me some input on this--everyone is saying you're not going to die from not sleeping, but I'm worried about there being a point at which you lose it, as in, like have a mental breakdown or some sort of psychotic break? I'm not saying I'm near that point, but I'm getting freaked out wondering whether my body will eventually just *sleep* an hour or so when it needs to, despite the constant cortisol shooting through it, or if it will continue to do the sleep for a minute then jerk awake in a panic thing endlessly? 

 

Every time I have managed to calm down today, which hasn't been a lot b/c it's been an awful day, this worry has come plunging into my mind--the idea that I'm going to get 5 days into not sleeping and then somehow snap, and just lose it, and then I will have completely broken with reality, and I'll end up institutionalized, drugged, etc. 

 

Petu said the record is 11 days without sleep, but that guy was not compromised by the grave mental and physical stresses of w/d and not going through what we're going through. AND, I've got two things going against me now--withdrawal insomnia, plus I've reinstated the Zoloft, which always made me unable to sleep for anymore than 4 hours at a time anyway. So Zoloft would make it difficult to begin with, now w/d insomnia is making it impossible. 

 

What's the longest anyone remembers going without sleep b/c of w/d? What happened to change it? I'm doing all the right things, trying to be calm, trying guided meditation, deep breathing, distractions, sleep hypnosis, calming music, trying not to think about sleeping just resting (not working when the anxiety/cortisol/akathisia is high), but my body is just not allowing it to come. I'm just in total panic mode right now--the akathisia has hardly relented today, a few times yes, but only barely, and the doctor's appt. was so difficult to get through, I actually had to get up and go into the hall and walk around b/c I couldn't stand sitting there any longer in the midst of such stress and feeling so misery, and we were out ALL day, and then the kid was loud and whiny the whole drive home, and I've had about all I can take. 

 

I keep telling my husband, Don't put me in a mental institution, don't put me in a mental institution, and he just keeps telling me it's going to get better and that this is temporary. But every time thoughts of the night come, I imagine night after night of no sleep piling up, and if it's night after horrible night like last night, followed by day after awful day like today, I think, "The mind can only stand so much without even an hour of sleep." Those three times I slept last night--for 1 min. or 5 min., max--were HORRIBLE, as I woke up completely panicked after, and obviously they were not restlful at all. 

 

I'm scared. Actually, I'm terrified. 

[Ssriwarrior]

Hey there,

 

I can't read through your whole thread on my phone but curious how much you recently reinstated and how long you had been off it before reinstating?

 

Also wanted to commiserate that I too am struggling with insomnia and I truly truly can relate to the fear and terror of just losing your mind from not sleeping. My own version of hell! I too have a fear in going to get locked away and medicated and recently found an advanced directive for mental health for my state and filled it out because I'm that scared of getting medicated beyond belief. It strangely made me feel better.

 

Have you ever tried yoga nidra? That is what I use to actually fall asleep or when I wake up...here are some links:

 

http://www.onetreeyoga.org/YogaNidraMeditation_LFleming.mp3

 

This is really soothing:

 

Sending peace to you and know you aren't alone...