Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 The exhaustion and shortness of breath leaves me bed bound most of the day. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 You inspire me. I smoke. I'm determined to quit. I know I'll feel better. Maybe my cortisol surges and heart palps will subside. I need to do something different. My sympathies! I quit smoking cigarettes in 1996. It was brutal. I have such an addictive biochemistry. I always felt that quitting smoking was nearly impossible to quit. I was saved by the "nearly" part. It's possible, but the first months is so difficult, since it seems every cell in our body is screaming for nicotine, and our mind plays tricks on us to get us to light up. After quitting cigarettes, I eventually fell into the occasional cigar, then daily cigars. I became just as addicted to them. I had to quit them. Only last year, while going through Lexapro WD and forty days of waking up to a sick puppy who woke up most every morning covered in diarrhea, and his crate covered in diarrhea, did I resort to lighting up cigars again. I still didn't know I was going through WD. AS my luck would have it, those forty days were also during my first two months of Lexapro WD. If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all! turns out, the diarrhea was due to his food being too protein rich. It was made specifically for his breed puppy formula. Shoulda stuck with the generic cheap brand of food! sheeeesh..... Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 The exhaustion and shortness of breath leaves me bed bound most of the day. So sorry to hear that! Sounds like a challenge - to quit or not to quit. I don't envy you. Quitting smoking is so tough. It can be done, you just need to REALLY want to do it. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Smoking has been my only distraction from focusing on my WD symptoms. Now what? I really identified with what you said about being grateful that you don't suffer as badly as others on these forums. Compared to their journeys through this WD agony, mine is moderate. Makes me feel like a wimp. I thank God everyday for my blessings. And, of course, pray I don't get worse. That's my "lurking fear." January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Did you fear getting worse? January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 I wish I was much younger... You and me both! I got sick at age 39 and only discovered it was due to SRRIs when I turned 51. I'm getting the feeling that time is running out to salvage what is left before old age sets in. So I stay physically active. I try to go running 3 miles every other day. And I do a quite few other rigorous outdoor activities. While spending time on this blog is very helpful, there is a pitfall that many speak of. The more stories we read, can affect our outlook. We begin to feel that what everyone else is going through will happen to us too. So taking a break from the site often helps to gain perspective and think more positive. Like you said - our minds can affect the way we feel. Being on here too much can affect our outlook. We need balance. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Did you fear getting worse? a little bit. I thought I was out of the woods by last November. Then got hit with this recent wave. So it seems that I really don't know when a wave will hit in the future, and with what symptoms. I just cling to the fact that after four years of Prozac WD, I was done with it. So I hope the same applies to my current Lexapro WD. And overall it is not as bad as the Prozac disaster. I like to think that all these waves are my brain healing. And that's true to some extent. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 All my life I struggled with being hypersensitive, questioning my own responses, being tired, etc. Yes, me too, And other members of my family. A combination of genetics and upbringing. Nature and nurture. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You sound very calm. I like your attitude. Wish I could say the same for me. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Totally agree about the effect these forums have on my anxiety level. I just can't seem to find anything else to distract me when I'm laying in bed from exhaustion. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Totally agree about the effect these forums have on my anxiety level. I just can't seem to find anything else to distract me when I'm laying in bed from exhaustion. It's easy to lose perspective when we are stuck in a hole. It's amazing what being outside and active on a sunny day can do to change our outlook. I can go from thinking life is great and everything will be fine to impending doom and gloom pretty quickly. I have to work to get out of the holes that either I fall in or dig myself into. On a daily basis. BTW I am not calm by nature, I am uptight, obsessive, and quick to temper. Hence why I was suggested to go on Prozac to begin with. After all this SSRI crap, I'm still the same me, just beat up from WD, and now I just have to deal with my natural tendencies in a natural way rather than numbing my nervous system with poisons. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Thank you for sharing your life story here. It is beautifully written without bitterness and resentment. You are also able to reflect and feel joy about the aspects of life that are truly the only things that matter, your child! How wonderful that you know and appreciate what matters most. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
ikam Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I wish I was much younger... You and me both! I got sick at age 39 and only discovered it was due to SRRIs when I turned 51. I'm getting the feeling that time is running out to salvage what is left before old age sets in. So I stay physically active. I try to go running 3 miles every other day. And I do a quite few other rigorous outdoor activities. While spending time on this blog is very helpful, there is a pitfall that many speak of. The more stories we read, can affect our outlook. We begin to feel that what everyone else is going through will happen to us too. So taking a break from the site often helps to gain perspective and think more positive. Like you said - our minds can affect the way we feel. Being on here too much can affect our outlook. We need balance. When I had my pelvic floor problems, I joined a group. It helped me to understand things and feel understood...but at some point it startec to be counter-productive... When I read other people stories I often start worrying I will get the same...i worry so much that I will get late consequences of my faster tapper... But still, I feel it is importnat for me not to forget...like I did last time...so I will keep coming here and read and write... I am 55, started AD at 23...i also had times of selfmedicating with alcohol, started when I was 14... At present I am not too bad, just exhausted, which I understand, my nervous system works hard...hopefully I sleep quite well... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Totally agree about the effect these forums have on my anxiety level. I just can't seem to find anything else to distract me when I'm laying in bed from exhaustion. It's easy to lose perspective when we are stuck in a hole. It's amazing what being outside and active on a sunny day can do to change our outlook. I can go from thinking life is great and everything will be fine to impending doom and gloom pretty quickly. I have to work to get out of the holes that either I fall in or dig myself into. On a daily basis. BTW I am not calm by nature, I am uptight, obsessive, and quick to temper. Hence why I was suggested to go on Prozac to begin with. After all this SSRI crap, I'm still the same me, just beat up from WD, and now I just have to deal with my natural tendencies in a natural way rather than numbing my nervous system with poisons. I see I have the same task, to deal with my natural tendences, pains in a natural way... I am so quick in looking fir meds...this is a big task for me now... During the Xmas, I put a little xmas three on my table...i am leaving it as a symbol of what happened, so I will never forget... I was more concerned about pills than xmas...xmas day I was at A&E...then I was so scared I would die... I am alive, I survived again...there is no way back for me... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Thank you for sharing your life story here. It is beautifully written without bitterness and resentment. You are also able to reflect and feel joy about the aspects of life that are truly the only things that matter, your child! How wonderful that you know and appreciate what matters most. Thank you for that - it means alot. I read through your story. Sorry to hear you are in such a bad place. Anyone of us could wind up there very quickly. For years now, EVERY day, the moment I wake up, I have a general feeling of disgust about having to live another day. I hate myself and my life. But I know my task is to drag myself through the day and find some meaning, interest, and happiness. Activity usually gets me out of the daily morning funk. I decide to squeeze every bit of pleasure I can out of life, and I have to push myself often. The feeling of self hatred I wake up with is irrational and comes from my general depressive nature, it's how I am, I was born with it. Intellectually, I know I am so blessed, but like with all depressive symptoms, the self hatred springs from a well of negativity within me. I bet if I worked harder on it, with talk therapy, I could develop a better outlook. I let myself get dragged down by these bad feelings, and don't try hard enough to minimize them. I don't ask God to take me yet. During my worst WD, years ago, a friend of mine was dying of cancer. At that time, I wished that I could have her cancer so that she could live, because she was a good person, not damaged for years by psych meds. I thought I was "finished", so why not let me die, and let her live. I thought about ways of exiting this world. But instead, I chose to go on one hell of an alcoholic binge which lasted two years. Thank God no one got killed by my alcoholism. Alcoholism can be described as a slow death - as living death. So I chose a middle ground; I wasn't dead, but I wasn't really alive either. But I wasn't "finished". Not by a long shot. I got sober and dragged my ass through life. I found enjoyment and meaning again. I have great days, and life for me is definitely worth living. I hope you find the strength to push yourself and enjoy what is left for you. 1 Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 I am alive, I survived again...there is no way back for me... You sound good - I wish you best of luck on your new job - don't worry! Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
ikam Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I am alive, I survived again...there is no way back for me... You sound good - I wish you best of luck on your new job - don't worry! THANK YOU - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 When I had my pelvic floor problems, I joined a group. It helped me to understand things and feel understood...but at some point it startec to be counter-productive... When I read other people stories I often start worrying I will get the same...i worry so much that I will get late consequences of my faster tapper... I am 55, started AD at 23...i also had times of selfmedicating with alcohol, started when I was 14... At present I am not too bad, just exhausted, which I understand, my nervous system works hard...hopefully I sleep quite well... I too began drinking and smoking at age 13 and partook in most every recreational substance in subsequent years. Combine all those substances together, they have done FAR less damage than the SSRIs. When you hear of what others have gone through during WD, just make a mental note of it so that if you are hit with something a month or so from now, you know it is probably the WD, and that it is a wave that will pass, and that it is your body healing.....don't get discouraged! Some weird feelings may come up during final weaning and later, so remember, it is the WD, don't be alarmed, it will pass. Come back here and ask for advice about it and get support. You'll get through it. Just deal with each day and never lose hope. Deal with it as it comes. Remember, if you have good days - then there's every reason to hope that you will have more good days in the future. You're still on the 2.5 mg, so you are still married to the drug. I have divorced it for a year now, and it still comes back to bite me, but overall I am getting better. I have every reason to hope that sooner or later I will hear no more from my ex-SSRI. My Prozac WD is long over. So I hope the same for this Lexapro crap. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Clear, Your positive attitude and your genuine joy for life will carry you where you want to go. This is all just a speed bump in the road for you. (Sticking out my thumb for a ride.) January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm so much like you in attitude, a positive Outlook helps so much! Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Clear, Your positive attitude and your genuine joy for life will carry you where you want to go. This is all just a speed bump in the road for you. (Sticking out my thumb for a ride.) I hope so - thanks for the pep talk - thanks for being here! You also inspire me. Just by being a great listener. And by fighting for your own survival in rough circumstances, keeping a sense of humor - During my roughest years, I got by using the mantra from Tom Hanks' "Castaway" movie - "keep breathing". Every day I told myself that my main priority was to keep breathing, because sometimes I wished that I would stop breathing. As long as I was breathing, I was still alive, and there was the possibility for hope. Just keep hanging on, come what may. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm so much like you in attitude, a positive Outlook helps so much! Hey, CTmamma - How is your Dad, and how are you today? Ok, I checked your thread - things went well. Glad to hear it - Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
ikam Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 When I had my pelvic floor problems, I joined a group. It helped me to understand things and feel understood...but at some point it startec to be counter-productive... When I read other people stories I often start worrying I will get the same...i worry so much that I will get late consequences of my faster tapper... I am 55, started AD at 23...i also had times of selfmedicating with alcohol, started when I was 14... At present I am not too bad, just exhausted, which I understand, my nervous system works hard...hopefully I sleep quite well... I too began drinking and smoking at age 13 and partook in most every recreational substance in subsequent years. Combine all those substances together, they have done FAR less damage than the SSRIs. When you hear of what others have gone through during WD, just make a mental note of it so that if you are hit with something a month or so from now, you know it is probably the WD, and that it is a wave that will pass, and that it is your body healing.....don't get discouraged! Some weird feelings may come up during final weaning and later, so remember, it is the WD, don't be alarmed, it will pass. Come back here and ask for advice about it and get support. You'll get through it. Just deal with each day and never lose hope. Deal with it as it comes. Remember, if you have good days - then there's every reason to hope that you will have more good days in the future. You're still on the 2.5 mg, so you are still married to the drug. I have divorced it for a year now, and it still comes back to bite me, but overall I am getting better. I have every reason to hope that sooner or later I will hear no more from my ex-SSRI. My Prozac WD is long over. So I hope the same for this Lexapro crap. I don't want to be married to this drug...but I think it is still too early for next tapper... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Absolutely. Stick with a long, slow taper. I guess what I meant, was that whether we like it or not, we become married to the drug. Unbeknown to us, our nervous systems become so dependent on it that when we try to get off (divorce it) it is a long, drawn out, bitter process. We can't just walk away from it. It is surely best to do a long, slow taper to let our nervous systems adjust to life without it. I would never recommend cold turkey; I just didn't know any better. that's why I CT'd... I like to use the marriage analogy. I THOUGHT I divorced Lexapro one year ago, and I may have walked away - but it STILL comes back to haunt me - just like a failed marriage! lol Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Your analogy is perfect, Clear. Maybe it resonates because I'm divorced. Waking up and experiencing the same groundhog day is exhausting and disheartening. Wish I could just break the cycle, but am grateful I'm not feeling worse. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Are your days pretty much the same ole symptoms? Or are they different? January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Are your days pretty much the same ole symptoms? Or are they different? Pretty much the same now for two months. Head pressure and ear ringing. Although slight improvement over time. I now have an hour or two here and there of no ringing. But always when I lay down for bed and wake up, the ringing is there. Right now my head feels a little inflamed and my ears are ringing. I just got back from a 3 mile run. Exercise doesn't affect the ringing at all, for better or worse. The ringing comes and goes when IT wants. It seems entrenched. But since it literally came out of nowhere two months ago, it can also leave out of nowhere too. I assume it is my nervous system just being active and irritated as it readjusts to life without Lexapro. Slight improvement over two months = major improvement over the next year or so - fingers crossed!! For now, it is my ONLY WD symptom. Otherwise I am doing good. Who knows, I might wake up tomorrow and my ass will fall off. Whatever! If you cold turkeyed within the last year, my guess is you can expect to feel quite lousy for awhile. But you know my story; CT followed by major WD fatigue, but I got slowly better over a few years. No doubt about it, cold turkey WD can put you on the ground drooling for a long time. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I have to disagree with you there for my own survival. The one problem I have with this site is that I feel like a leper amongst people who are tapering like I have really do myself. I watch peoples journeys who are tapering and they seem just as miserable if not more than I am at times. I don't want to feel doomed anymore. Sorry. I'm very depressed right now. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 *doomed myself* January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
ikam Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Absolutely. Stick with a long, slow taper. I guess what I meant, was that whether we like it or not, we become married to the drug. Unbeknown to us, our nervous systems become so dependent on it that when we try to get off (divorce it) it is a long, drawn out, bitter process. We can't just walk away from it. It is surely best to do a long, slow taper to let our nervous systems adjust to life without it. I would never recommend cold turkey; I just didn't know any better. that's why I CT'd... I like to use the marriage analogy. I THOUGHT I divorced Lexapro one year ago, and I may have walked away - but it STILL comes back to haunt me - just like a failed marriage! lol I tappered quite fast from 10mg and then from 5mg...i have been on 2.5mg for over one month. Still up and down, mostly exhausted... I still want to get rid of this drug as fast as possible...but stop myself... I am on doxepin as well... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I tappered quite fast from 10mg and then from 5mg...i have been on 2.5mg for over one month. Still up and down, mostly exhausted... I still want to get rid of this drug as fast as possible...but stop myself... I am on doxepin as well... Sounds like you are doing well, or as expected, all things considered... When I went from 10 mg Lexapro down to 5 mg, I felt two weeks of fatigue, then stabilized. I was on 5 mg for a couple years then went cold turkey off that because I didn't know any better. I had brain storms and zaps for a week, and bad fatigue for two months after going from 5 mg to zero. Then Ok, but a little hazy for a few months, then at 7 months out very scary insomnia wave, lasted three months. Followed by a great one month window And then at 10 months ear ringing and head pressure wave, lasting for two months so far, getting slightly better. If I could do it over, I would have done a long slow taper down from 5 mg. Hopefully, since you are sticking to a slow taper, you will avoid such jolting waves as I have experienced. It's probably just better on your nervous system to wean off. Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I have to disagree with you there for my own survival. The one problem I have with this site is that I feel like a leper amongst people who are tapering like I have really do myself. I watch peoples journeys who are tapering and they seem just as miserable if not more than I am at times. I don't want to feel doomed anymore. Sorry. I'm very depressed right now. No, you fit right in. No worries, Pug! You certainly have the right to quit cold turkey for whatever reason. The great thing about being here is that we have the power to choose the course of our own recovery. There is no easy solution. The collective experience of those on here reveals that a long slow taper is the best way to go to avoid catastrophic withdrawal symptoms, and to hopefully minimize those WD symptoms. Yes, those in long slow taper experience often experience misery but hopefully they are spared massive jolts that can send their nervous systems into very dangerous territory. Long slow taper is the best and safest advice to give to the mass of SSRI survivors that wash up on these shores daily. The tapers that doctors currently advise their patients to follow are WAY too fast. It is here that patients can get the best advice on tapering. If their doctors were giving them good advice, they would not need to come here to get good advice. But their doctors have clearly failed, their patients are obviously suffering from poor drug management, and it is here that patients can finally get the real story of how dangerous these SSRIs really are. IMO, my story is a good example of how NOT to handle getting off of SSRIs. I just didn't know any better. My doctor basically denied that this brutal withdrawal existed. My story can help those make decisions about whether or not they want to go cold turkey (go through what I did,or worse) or do long slow taper, by reading the stories of those who did long slow taper. They now have information that I never had, to make an informed decision about getting off these dreadful poisons. My story is also a message that says, even with cold turkey and catastrophic WD, there is hope for recovery. I survived Prozac cold turkey WD, largely recovered, and am now surviving Lexapro cold turkey WD, and doing well. I am surviving antidepressants, and so are you - we both belong here equally. But the cold turkey was not a nice thing to do to my brain after feeding it those drugs for so long. It would have been better to wean off slowly rather than pull the rug out from under it. Oh well, can't turn back time. Moving forward! Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
ikam Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I tappered quite fast from 10mg and then from 5mg...i have been on 2.5mg for over one month. Still up and down, mostly exhausted...I still want to get rid of this drug as fast as possible...but stop myself...I am on doxepin as well... Sounds like you are doing well, or as expected, all things considered... When I went from 10 mg Lexapro down to 5 mg, I felt two weeks of fatigue, then stabilized. I was on 5 mg for a couple years then went cold turkey off that because I didn't know any better. I had brain storms and zaps for a week, and bad fatigue for two months after going from 5 mg to zero. Then Ok, but a little hazy for a few months, then at 7 months out very scary insomnia wave, lasted three months. Followed by a great one month window And then at 10 months ear ringing and head pressure wave, lasting for two months so far, getting slightly better. If I could do it over, I would have done a long slow taper down from 5 mg. Hopefully, since you are sticking to a slow taper, you will avoid such jolting waves as I have experienced. It's probably just better on your nervous system to wean off. I wonder what protocol to choose? when I was decreasing effexor, I did 10% at a time... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
clearday Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I wonder what protocol to choose? when I was decreasing effexor, I did 10% at a time... With my cold turkey history, I am the LAST person to ask taper advice about! I have no experience with slow taper, although I wish I did! I have heard the 10% method often, but maybe your situation and history may call for a little tweaking - Check out the Tapering Forum - so much good info on there - and I'm certain a taper pro here can help you also - check this out: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/ Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Pugknows Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Thanks, Clear. Your response made me feel better. Although I combed the internet for answers for about a year, I never found any forums like SA. Just a bunch of horror stories about gabapentin written by people who were using it to get high, or were polydrugged, or were still in the throes of side effects and still taking the drug. My pain doctors said there were no WD symptoms from gabapentin, so just stop taking it if I didn't feel well on it. Plus my family kept reminding me that I felt sick taking it and not taking it, so just stop taking it. I obviously had become destabilized a year earlier and didn't know it because everyone blamed the Norco. Maybe I would have stabilized on a very small dose. I don't know. What I DO know is that I haven't had the poison in my system for 95 days and I would have been second-guessing myself every single day if I were still on the drug and tapering AND still feeling sh***y. Also, I only passed chemistry class because I cheated off the girl in front of me and tapering with all these solutions, and a muddled brain to boot, would have probably left me wearing a tinfoil hat, talking to aliens and pushing a shopping cart around town. (Maybe that would have been preferable than my current state!) Anyway, thanks for the reply. Didn't mean to hijack your thread talking about me. I think you are terrific! January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
clearday Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Pugknows, on 11 Feb 2015 - 5:44 PM, said: What I DO know is that I haven't had the poison in my system for 95 days and I would have been second-guessing myself every single day if I were still on the drug and tapering AND still feeling sh***y. No problem at all - so you had your reason to cold turkey - your choice! So I took a quick look at Gabapentin, aka Neurontin. I know nothing about it! And I bet you wish you never heard of it either! Would you consider creating a signature for yourself? Showing your drug history etc? I didn't know what you were withdrawing from and for how long until now, and I still am fuzzy on the details. If you want, you can click on your profile name on the top of this page , click on My Settings, and in the left hand column click on Signature and fill it out, it's pretty easy - I doubt that you're "doomed".....although it might seem like it - But regarding SSRIs, which most people on here are dealing with, there's good reason that slow taper is best advice. If you want you can take a quick look over the following link, I just read it today and learned alot - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/14-tapering/ Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
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