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OnaRage - Here's my story. You've probably heard it all before...

OnaRage

By OnaRage
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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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Had another big window that has lasted since at least last Thursday!  Went to a dog show and, though some of the trip was highly stressful, I took it all in stride and was completely myself again!  It was amazing!  I took the window and decided to drop another bead so I'm officially at 9 beads today with my fingers crossed that all goes well!

 

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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Hurray! How often are you decreasing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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I had reinstated at 10 beads in March then tried to drop a bead weeks ago but went back up.  It's now been a good month since I reinstated and I feel fairly stable so I figured I could try to go down by one and see how it goes.  .  

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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Fresh Newbie

Fresh

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Happy things are going well for you OnaRage   :) .

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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lundeliz Newbie

lundeliz

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Good luck OnaRage.  I'm happy for you and hope the window stays open.

 

You're doing great! 

2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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So, apparently, it doesn't take much to set me back.  I was feeling fine this morning when my loving father decided to "poke me" with comments about me being lazy because I can't work and saying that I shouldn't talk to my mom unless I had only positive things to say.  Nothing like the good old family support to shoot someone right in the ass!  I HATE my family!

 

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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It's funny how you can feel rejected and abandoned even on a forum like this.  I dropped to 9 beads and am now, once again, completely suicidal.  I ******* give up!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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Don't give up one..it will pass. I'm sorry about the comments from your family. Hang in there with us xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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lundeliz Newbie

lundeliz

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Posted

So sorry to hear that OnaRage. Wish I had advice but I made a mess

 

with my taper. Hopefully someone with more knowledge can offer some

 

help. Please keep hanging in there. You will eventually beat that Cymbalta.

2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep.

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  • 3 weeks later...
westcoast Newbie

westcoast

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Hi OnaRage, how are you? I just saw your post on my thread. I stopped looking at it when it turned into a free-for-all of advice! Anyway--same, better, or worse?

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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  • 3 months later...
OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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Hello to all!  I want to thank everyone who was here for me many months ago when I had no where else to turn.  I had received so much help but there were so many times that I didn't have a response for days.  It was just agony.  It felt like the worst kind of rejection.  You know how it is when you're so sensitive to everything during withdrawals.  Today I know how hard it is to help manage a group of struggling strangers in a faceless forum.  My hat is off to everyone who works so hard on this site to help their fellow sufferers.

 

Since my departure, I found many groups on Facebook which is where I have "lived" since.  One is Cymbalta Hurts Worse.  That group has been an amazing amount of support and advice.  I'm now a fanatic about doing a slow taper.  I had not found you nor them before I got off my many AD's, including Cymbalta.  I wish I had and could have spared myself all the pain and agony.  It's now been 4 months since my last dose of 9 beads of Cymbalta and I do feel so much better.  I'm no longer suicidal 24/7.  My windows are usually HUGE.  My waves are still long but they're smaller and easier to ride.  

 

I am sending much love to WestCoast, JanCarol, Fresh, Altostrata, Lundeliz, LoveandLight and anyone else who took the time to help me in my time of need.   THANK YOU SO MUCH!  Your kind assistance helped me to survive.  And those 10 beads saved me from the abyss.  

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

Posted
Posted

So you off all meds..I'm confused :/ but happy your doing well very good xxx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Fresh Newbie

Fresh

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  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Sending love back at you OnaRage.  Please keep posting so we can watch your journey to a "Success Story".

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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lundeliz Newbie

lundeliz

Posted
Posted

It's so good to hear from you OnaRage and to hear how well you are doing! That is such

 

good news. I appreciate so much all the support you have given me in the past. It has

 

been so much appreciated. It sounds like you are well on your way to recovery. Congrats

 

and please do let us know how it is going.

2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep.

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