shelby Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 This is it guys. I'm literally forgetting who I am. I can look at my wife and kids and recite their names but that's it. Like a robot. I feel like I am slowing going comatose like someone after a head injury with amnesia. I can't remember anything. I try to feed myself but forget how to make food. I keep forgetting to take my supplements or even drink water. I'm 6 months off Effexor. My therapist (not a doctor) says reinstating is up to me. My wife absolutely does NOT support reinstating or bridging. I don't feel safe making decisions anymore. I'm gonna die very soon or slip into a coma. I can feel it...love you guys! Love my wife! Love my kids! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 20, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 20, 2015 shelby, I have a feeling you're not reading the responses to your posts. Please re-read this topic and others in the Introductions forum. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted April 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 21, 2015 Shelby this is a horrendous position to be in for you and I can relate to everything you are feeling and this WILL pass. It is hard for you to believe right now but it really will pass. Symptoms will change with time, one will get a little better and another will appear, one will get worse and another disappear as your brain and nervous system heals. Acceptance is a major part of healing, accepting that this is happening and will get better. If you had an accident and had severe injuries you might be a long time in recovery while the body heals. Maybe a spinal injury that takes a lot of time and physiotherapy to get better. This is similar in that it is injury to your nervous system and you are in recovery, Panicking and fear will not make it better any faster but will slow down the recovery. It is hard, really hard but you can do this, you have no choice and you have your loving and supportive wife to help you through it. You have to believe that you will get better, and that healing is taking place right now. I've just read that a member is now better after a horrendous time, it is Sorrowexpert, take a look at his thread and you will see that recovery does happen. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad and if I could I would take it away for you. Hang in there and take each day as it comes, each minute and try to distract from the symptoms even if it is just playing solitaire on the computer. It will pass, read everything you can on healing, and how to deal with symptoms, the more you understand it the less frightening it is. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 MammaL, thank you! Alto, I'm just really scared right now. My memory and cognition are so bad right now, I forget the reminders. I don't even remember who I was before all of this and that really scares me. I'm completely irrational right now. I say things and 5-10 seconds later (literally) I can't remember if I was even talking. It's like I wake up from sleep walking every 10-30 minutes and don't know what is going on or how I got there... it's like I need constant reminders it going to be okay. Does the memory and cog fog ever get better? I just don't want to forget who I am or my family through all of this....Did it get better for you? 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Shelby read my thread over and over. I had the identical symptoms, I lost all sense of who I was, my husband was unrecognizable and I had no sense of time or space. My brain felt like it had been tossed in molasses and rolled in sawdust. It has gotten 1000x better for me. You've got this, just keep going. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks Justwanna! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks everyone... I did have a moment this afternoon where my dizziness and constant blurred vision went away for about 20 seconds. I guess that's good... 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Just logging... hung a thick piece of fabric my wife had with floral patterns over my window last night. I guess it helped my morning anxiety a little but when the sun hit it this morning I saw scary faces in the pattern that scared the Heck out of me... Thankfully my sleep mask comes in tomorrow... Massive shoulder and neck pain and fatigue in my legs this morning. Tried to do stuff... but pain is too much. Just laying down starring at my ceiling in pain and scared to death to fall asleep. My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. No concept of time. morning afternoon? Can't tell. At least I'm sleeping through the night but mornings suck! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Sleep is the healer. Be grateful you have that. Many people don't and their journey is made a lot more difficult, as a result. Can you eat? Can you drink water? Can you walk slowly and gently? Can you use your hands? Can you read? Can you type? Can you hear? Can you see, even if a bit blurred? Can you smell? Do you have your family around? I'm completely alone with my pug. Many people on this forum can't do the things you still can and have no or little support from loved ones. I know it doesn't make you feel better while you are suffering so much, but turn to God for strength and signs that He is healing you. At the end of the day, God is the one thing we can count on. He never gives up on us. I know it's hard, Shelby, but try to think of other things you are grateful for. This is truly hell on earth you're in now, but there is a positive side to every negative, especially if you look at your current impairments as your brain's way of protecting you while it's healing. You're going to be okay soon. Read success stories. They will remind you that you will be back on your feet someday. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks Pug. I do have much to be grateful for, it's just this w/d takes away the joy :-( 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Absolutely, Shelby. I fight this mental battle all day every day. I talk a good game, but have a hard time remembering it myself. Love you. Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks Pug... we'll get there! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I hope soon, Shelby. It's so hard. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 My wife says to lay down and rest... LOL I want to but can't stop moving. I'm exhausted, but can't stop... just logging 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 My family always tells me that too! What a joke that is! January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 They say go take a nap mom. Like that's an option. I wish. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 22, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 22, 2015 Shelby, almost everyone who comes to this site with withdrawal syndrome is very frightened, some as frightened as you are. It can take a while to realize others have gone down the very same path. Please look around you and see how others are healing. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 I know alto. I know. This just so hard. Hardest thing I've ever been through. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 22, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 22, 2015 You might find turning your focus from yourself to others helps you get some perspective. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 How are you feeling Shelby? Thinking of you Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Not doing well. Seems to be getting worse. Sorry I can't think or type very well. Feeling subhuman. Achy pain all over and crazy thoughts I cannot control like my mind is being controlled remotely. They're not bad thoughts just random and make no sense and I can't make them stop. No energy and I don't want to eat, drink, or even get out of this bed. I'm scared to even go to the bathroom or take a shower. I'm starting to think the worst, that this something more dire and I will never see a window. I'm not even sure I'll be able to recognize a window if is does happen because my mind is so messed up. I've had them before for a few seconds to a few minutes, but I can't remember how they felt just that I had them because they are in my journal. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Oceanrat Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hang in there buddy! I'm in the fight of my life mentally, I won't list all the symptoms. But thank god you do get sleep!! Sending prayers from Cali. 17 years on Zoloft, 47 years old now 3 years on Ativan for sleep cold turkeyed in 2014 Reinstated after 1 week, cold turkey again 1 month later with phenobarbital. Dp/dr, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, depression, still able to work, exercise heavily, be a parent After 4 months went to doc, wanted off of Zoloft, didn’t know risks, starting dose 100mg Rapid taper, got down to 35mg in 6 weeks. hit real real trouble, akathesia, terror, awake for 6 weeks, hospitalization, put me in 15 temazapam to put me asleep, transfered to some swanky ocean front place in Malibu Ca. Massive polydrugged, got sicker and sicker 10mg zyprexa for 5 months, then tapered 1000mg depakote for 8 months, 10 month taper Still on 15mg temazapam Start SSRI taper in jan. current dose 40mg Zoloft 15mg temazapam Link to comment
shelby Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Can't do this anymore. I feel like a little child who can't do anything for myself. My brain is just not working. Getting lost in my own house and its all I can do to stay conscious like I'm going to pass out or loose it any moment. Oh what I would do for 5 minutes peace or window right now. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
btdt Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I know what that is like... it is why I always say I wish you peace I now value it like never before. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
shelby Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Thanks b. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 27, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 27, 2015 Please give some thought as to whether you're amplifying your symptoms by being afraid of losing control. See Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms and other topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum about meditation. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
btdt Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 the more you use it the better it works WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 My second choice if you find the first one too stimulating cause of light and sound WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Praying for you Shelby Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
shelby Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Thanks Skylar! It's really bad today. Over did it yesterday. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Shelby, it's difficult to be gentle with ourselves and walk on eggshells. If we don't, we pay for it. You are healing and our bodies are resetting to live a life without drugs. We are living as pure a life as we can right now. It's all we can do to help our brains at this moment. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Thanks Pug! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 I'm going out of my mind! So dizzy I can't stand up. Even dizzy while lying down. Memory gone. Cognition gone. Hearing comes and goes. Vision blurry. Can't make food. Lost dazed and confused. It was not this way until last month. Can't do this anymore. I'm 7 months off tomorrow and its just getting worse. Worried I might go catatonic or go into a coma. I don't see how this is going to get better. Last fraction of a window was a month ago. Dizziness has been a constant now for 2 years since I came of Klonopin. Wife tells me it's going to get better... when... when! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Could you reinstate 1mg amount of Effexor? Not a mod so I don't know if it's too far out for you to do it.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
shelby Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Reinstatement is not an option. Wife will not support it and I can't even drive to the Dr if I wanted and its true I may be to far out now... 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Sorry you are suffering so badly. I have some of those symptoms that come and go. Right now the mental ninjas are torturing me and I have terrible pain in my back and legs. You are fortunate to have a partner to help you. I am alone. I wonder if my life would be easier if I had a partner to help me through. I hope you find some peace soon! 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
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