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Fiction with psych meds features, book movie music?


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Publication Date: June 6, 2005
What would you do if the solid walls and floors of humdrum life disappeared, leaving you balancing above a nightmare landscape of corporate greed, medical malpractice and contract killings? Become a slave to prescription anxiety suppressants? Pursue a torrid love affair? Suffer a complete schizophrenic breakdown? Welcome to the world of Jackson Ellis as he struggles to maintain his sanity and understand what happened to his life. Jackson Ellis is an insurance investigator combating corporate life and chronic insomnia through illicit pharmaceuticals and cocktails as well as an unusual talent for forensic investigation. However, a fateful afternoon encounter in an alley draws him into a web of contract killings and medical malpractice. Jackson struggles to save himself and the woman with whom he's fallen in love from the stylistic killings of a man known only as Janus. In the process, he comes to the frightening realization that he himself may be at the source of the violence.


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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