rarecargo: Overwhelmed

[rarecargo]

Depression and "rebellion" as an adolescent. Lead to my first experience with anti depressants at 14! I have been on and off different psychiatric meds since. Except for the 7 years. When I was either pregnant or nursing. Which were honestly the best years of my life.

Psychotropic medication was normal in my household. Mom was bipolar but very high functioning. As a matter of fact, I believe she "managed" her disease with work through her 40's. Yes, I was rebellious and my Mom was mentally ill. We had an awesome family. And we loved and supported one another.

Two months before Mom's 50th birthday. She had a sudden severe heart attack which required quadruple bypass. After several years trying to go back to "normal". In 2003 she had to go on disability. Things went down from there. Visits to our local mental health facility for med changes became necessary. Becoming more frequent as time went on. At one point she was taking as many as 32 different meds a day. Depressions got worse and mania's more pronounced. During this time, I developed an addiction to prescription pain meds. In Sept. 2006 I got clean with the help of my Mom. As I got better, she seemed to get worse. On Oct. 9th 2007 after getting off work and picking up the kids from school. Mom wouldn't answer the phone. I knew something wasn't right! She'd only been home a week from the "hospital". Where they had changed her meds, again. As I drove I explained to the kids. I was only running in for a minute and it would be best for them to stay in the car.... "We needed to get home". Normally this would be the point where I would hear a bunch of but Mommmm..... They said, nothing they were obviously aware of my energy. And were quiet instead of the protest I'd normally hear.

As I opened the front door, she was laying there..... I slammed the door back. HOPING she was...... playing a joke...knowing she wasn't. She'd taken a massive overdose between 450-500 pills.... Opening the door.....I knew my life was changing FOREVER. Right in front of my eyes. Paramedic's came and went......the neighbor was there...the police... The village was apparently alerted by my screaming and wailing and came to see what was going on. Finally Daddy arrived... Even though it had only been 10 minutes it seemed like forever. By that point the majority of the village had come to see. The next few days are a blur. Bits and pieces of the days and the months following are there and I remember them at dIfferent times. Not always the best timing.......

I've been able to enjoy moments of happiness here and there, since. Never feeling ALIVE AND EXCITED. I still grieve daily and some weeks are worse than other. Having at least one disturbing nightmare a week. I've isolated myself big time and have no idea how to change that? Along with a change in marital status..... so much more has occurred. I've been in a state of adrenal exhaustion for years. And currently have a b12 deficiency with an undiagnosed auto-immune disorder. Being self-employed and I guess being too successful puts me and my husband in the proverbial donut hole. As far as obtaining healthcare. It's a complete crap-shoot knowing if it will be beneficial or not.

I am currently on a cocktail of Cymbalta, Adder-all XR, Klonopin and Subutex. I want to be free of these meds and feel clear again. My sequential thought is gone. I can't focus on anything. My PC is an Osteopath and completely supportive of being med-free.

WHERE DO I START THOUGH???? With the traumatic grief/PTSD.... I'm afraid coming off meds will bring up more, than I can handle. Who can help me??? I feel so lost and alone????????????????????

ANY suggestions are WELCOME and APPRECIATED. I feel like I can't handle things much longer!!!

PLEASE your support means a lot

[Frustrated]

I also have past trauma, low b12 and some kind of auto immune disorder going on. I am presently seeing a naturopath to try to dicipher what exactly is going on with me and causing alot of horrid symptoms. I am so sorry you have been through all that you have. I would just like to tell you that you can be med free. The mods will be around to give you more specific advice on how to go about it but it can be done. The very best of luck to you.

[rarecargo]

Thank you, I need the support and assurance. That there is a way out...... Please let's keep in touch!!!!

[Frustrated]

Will do. Visit my thread any time. Wishing you peace and wellness.

[Petunia]

Welcome to the forum rarecargo,

I'm sorry to hear about everything you have been through. Thank you for sharing your story. Its good you found us before trying to come off your medications, you will find a lot of good information here to help you do that safely.

 

Probably the best way I can help at this point is to list links to the information you need to read.

 

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

Tips for tapering off Adderall - Surviving Antidepressants

Tips for tapering off Cymbalta (duloxetine)

 

Klonopin and Subutex will also need to be carefully tapered one at a time.

 

Please put ALL the drugs you take in the drugs.com Drug Interactions Checker at:

 

Drug Interactions Checker

 

You may post the results here in your thread.

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

Take your time, there is a lot of information here. You can get off all these drugs if you do it the right way and we will be here to support you.

 

Petunia.

[Fresh]

Hi rarecargo ,   welcome to the site.   Alot has gone on , but you'll find help here to get you through the medication tapering.

 

Perhaps you can start by filling in your signature as best you can , with the meds and dosages you are currently taking.

 

This site recommends tapering one drug at a time , with 10% reductions , so this is a lengthy undertaking.  

Try reading the following topics:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

(just realized I was typing while Petunia posted   )

[rarecargo]

I will fill in my med history tomorrow. Should I list ALL meds or just current meds. This is the first time that coming off meds (besides opiates of course') was a true issue. In the past I just tapered off Prozac. Easy.....

I went through an anesthesia assisted detox from Methadone. Stupidly thinking a clinic was trying to help me. When I went through the assisted detox. My Mom was my "care taker". I was honestly unaware of Subutex and it's reputation till I'd been taking it for over a year. I'd tapered down to just 2mg Subutex and 5mg Adderall XR, whenMom took her life. Since I've gone on Cymbalta, Klonopin and raised my Adderall XR recently I've been able to lower very easy (little to no side effects)

If anyone knows of any clinics, treatment centers/wellness centers, that offer trauma care along with medication alternatives. I would love to hear of some alternatives. My body mind and spirit all need healing!!!!!

[Petunia]

When filling out your signature what is most helpful is a brief summary of all medications ever taken, including approximate years, but a more detailed history, including dates and dosages of all current drugs, including any recent or present tapering attempts.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, rarecargo.

 

To save on space in your signature, the last few years would be fine.

 

The drug cocktail you're taking could very well be contributing to your emotional anesthesia.