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dalsaan

On healing and removing blocks to recovery

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dalsaan

Everyone wants to make progress and have healing occur.   That is the most significant thing we share and why we are here.  However, we are all capable of blocking our own healing particularly when the process and what we have to do challenges us. 

 

There are a number of reasons why we put up road-blocks to our recovery even though that’s what we desperately desire.  In reality, healing often entails:

 

·      Facing things that we have been avoiding or suppressing for a long time (for me, that was childhood sexual abuse and trauma);

·      Facing our fears and taking action in the context of uncertainty (even though you are terrified);

·      Holding ourselves accountable for how our actions impact our life (before and during withdrawal);

·      Believing healing is possible and trusting your body/mind;

·      Letting go of often long held stories about who and how we are in the world and being willing to find a new me in the process;

·      Being determined to cautiously identify the suite of unique conditions that best manifest our healing capacity;

·      Being patient and disciplined.

 

 

I think the people that have progressed down the road to recovery have been able to get out of their own way and carefully identify and create conditions that are conducive to recovery.   They are also conscious of and willing to address conditions that aren’t conducive to recovery, including those that they generate themselves.

 

None of this is easy and I am inspired by lots of people on this site and determined to keep myself accountable for my own continued healing.

 

Good healing to you all

 

Dalsaan

 

 

 

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freespirit

Very well said Dalsaan. Causes and conditions for healing for each of us have both some common as well as unique features....in addition, those causes and conditions are always changing. It can be easy to get into traps of thinking, "I tried that and it didn't work" or "I know this works"...and not realize that we are always evolving, and we need to keep updating how we respond to the evolution. Really listening requires a moment to moment presence and willingness to not know the answer.

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dalsaan

All good points freespirit.  I think sometimes our greatest challenge is to have a moment by moment focus on the present so that we can listen.   I think its easy to get stuck in the past (what has happened to me, how long have I been in pain etc) or very orientated to the future (when will my taper finish/recovery be done)

 

The present is the gap between past and future.   It is real time so if we listen we can hear what is happening for us now.  it is also the only point in time that we can take action.

 

D

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Hopeinahpwr

Dalsaan,

I like your point regarding being terrified, but taking action to change in spite of the fear. When I had come off the Zoloft and then the depression hit like a boulder...I feared the unknown, and rightly so, but now that I returned to zoloft to stabilize...I now fear the fear itself of reducing the meds again, which could be a roadblock to a successful end. I must not fear and fight thru the hell of post-AD effects.

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Persephone

Dalsaan,

 

Thank you for addressing what for me is the elephant in the room.

 

I am prone to "forgetting" big, important issues that I need to address, or at least hold in my conscience - like depression, like childhood sexual abuse.

 

So often I measure how I am doing in terms of tangible work and home busyness, perhaps as a means to avoid these hard issues. 

 

Not sure where to go from here. As many of you have already said, being present in the moment is key. And facing fears.

 

I am glad to have this issue out in the open.

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Mort81

I think fear of the future is a big one for all of us. And no matter what capacity you are functioning in, you are always wondering when it will normalize. If we could all relax and flow and not put pressure on when will it come. Than I think it becomes easier. Being okay In the present with whatever your dealing with. How do you do that. I think by telling yourself its going to keep getting better no matter what. And after you tell yourself go back to focusing in on the present moment. Do it 100 times a day if you have to.

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Junglechicken

The emotional state of fear has held me in its grips for too long now as I live with continual pain of one form or another.

 

I have not succeeded in moving through the paralysing fear and into acceptance of what's happening to my body and my mind.

 

To be able to let go of my fear and actually LIVE again would be the biggest achievement of my life. This is a continual struggle.

 

The above is what I hope and strive for.

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elbee

Good stuff, thanks!

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abbykoch

It's really important that people know what they are eating, a lot of depression can be because of food.

Edited by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

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Buffy

This is a great topic and just when I needed to hear it. Once again - thankyou SA. I cant post much- but do read and gain insight, relief and 'support'. This is one of those time.

 

My body is changing, and as it does, my needs do. I will try not to feel ashamed of what I now need (ie help taking the rubbish out, or help to purchase clothes and food) as I know my needs will again change and as I heal from this experience I will continue to learn self care in its essence. Listening to my evolving body with no judgement, moving at the pace I need.

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Happy2Heal

great post, worth re reading several times

 

thank you

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Lawyerliz

Living in the moment is hard when you are shivering and sweating. But reading lots of these comments makes me realize that I am not alone, and that others have come back from being worse off.

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Lawyerliz

Lovely, simply lovely. I think that a lot of people who seem to be perfectly all right are actually a total mess. So if you know you are a mess, you are actually a step ahead of them. You don't come with mess or not mess paintend on your forehead.

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Lawyerliz

More chopping, now I am legitimately exhausted, not fatigued.

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pinkfairy

Fantastic post,I will be re-reading all this....fear is by far my biggest obstacle!so much childhood traumas...I wouldn't even no where to start to begin to pick up the pieces from this mess!!brillant post

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Bcdrugfree

I agree the present moment is the only way to move through withdrawal process. I do find myself wondering what life will be like ssri free. At this point it's important to take it day by day and believe that things will change. The big difficulties of withdrawal is the ups and downs and the good days bad days struggle. Finally feel things are getting better then you go two steps back. Staying present is very important at this point of our struggle together:)

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gigi63

Amen. I could not agree more!!!

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pinkfairy

Am defiantly standing in my own way of recover...

am terrified to leave my comfort zone!my wheels are just spinning...I no what am doing but I can't seem to let myself stand aside..the fear is off the scales.

i don't trust life :( 

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powerback

I've suffered way to much still taking this disgusting mind/soul altering poison ,taper  started again and I'm not going back never .easy to say in this window but my toolkit has improved .I've come so far in understanding my resilience .

peace to everyone .

PB

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powerback

if your going through hell ,just keep going .this is a quote from Winston  Churchill  I like .

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Mjau

Very well said dalsaan. 

As the the tapering is progressing and the concentration of the drug is getting lower and lower - feelings will re-emerge, we will have to learn how to feel again, be present with what is, face our fears, examine our fears.

 

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Justcope
On 5/10/2017 at 8:52 AM, Bcdrugfree said:

I agree the present moment is the only way to move through withdrawal process. I do find myself wondering what life will be like ssri free. At this point it's important to take it day by day and believe that things will change. The big difficulties of withdrawal is the ups and downs and the good days bad days struggle. Finally feel things are getting better then you go two steps back. Staying present is very important at this point of our struggle together:)

I agree with you 100%. I’m trying mindfulness everyday, but while in a wave, it’s so hard and my biggest issue is anxiety, and the face that while in a wave, enjoying simple things- even just a walk and listening to the birds - doesn’t work. I feel.. nothing. This in turn makes me so feerful of the future. That I won’t feel properly again. How do you manage to stay present when in a wave? 

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Hurtmost

I just experience the wave horror and cry. There isn’t much more I can do.

 

I hear you though, Justcope. I think some of my anxiety has lessened lately, but I feel like I have no idea who I am now. I am afraid of life and I am afraid of death. Much feels confusing and unpleasant. My humor, curiosity, and spirit are so far away. It takes an enormous amount of strength and faith to believe they’ll be back. I want them to come back though, so I keep breathing- attempting to make it into the world. That intense persistent anxiety makes it HARD though. Hang on. One day at a time.

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servadei
1 hour ago, Hurtmost said:

I just experience the wave horror and cry. There isn’t much more I can do.

 

I hear you though, Justcope. I think some of my anxiety has lessened lately, but I feel like I have no idea who I am now. I am afraid of life and I am afraid of death. Much feels confusing and unpleasant. My humor, curiosity, and spirit are so far away. It takes an enormous amount of strength and faith to believe they’ll be back. I want them to come back though, so I keep breathing- attempting to make it into the world. That intense persistent anxiety makes it HARD though. Hang on. One day at a time.

I have felt exactly like this. Hang on, it does get better. I've got it all back, and I am still getting it..piece by piece. There is not much to do but to wait, just like you said - one day at a time.

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Walking
On 7/15/2017 at 4:47 PM, powerback said:

if your going through hell ,just keep going .this is a quote from Winston  Churchill  I like .

Thanks, powerback, I needed to hear that right now b/c I am indeed going through hell, and am determined to keep walking the path as well as I possibly can, no matter what.

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xyz

 a powerful video about panic attack. i wish i saw that before getting on benzo

 

 

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cathnz

Titled:  Unwiring old beliefs

 

I'm finding myself at a difficult junction. After 17 years, the meds have turned on me and are no longer 'making me feel good'. I'm not going to lie...they pulled me out of a very deep dark depression and utter panic and anxiety more than once. So despite my reluctance to ever start on them, I became to trust in them and thank them. Until last year, when my AD pooped out (2nd time that's happened in 17 years), and this time a med switch didn't rescue me. I found this site, and have learned things I never knew. And now I'm having to unlearn and unwire what I've spent 17 years believing... that the only way I can survive my depression and anxiety is with meds. I'm now facing acceptance that they're not going to work for me anymore, and that I need to face the ugly depths of depression without them. I'm going to need to live through some huge life events that will bring grief...on my own and no meds. I've had much cbt over the years but that alone wasn't enough. Are there any of you that doubted you'd survive off the antidepressants, but due to side effects or poop out you had to taper, and were pleasantly surprised that you could actually survive off them better than you ever believed possible? So your hardwired beliefs were unwired?

I've read much about tapering, and that it's important to feel ready to come off and that's the key to success. If I'm entirely honest, I'm not ready. I still have this stupid ingrained belief that I can't survive off them. But I'm being forced off them due to side effects (and not wanting to ever hit tolerance again and be forced off them in crisis... been there, done that, not fun). So am I ready, no. Do I have to, yes. Does this set me up to fail? 

 

I hope this makes sense. My brains not what it used to be. 

Edited by manymoretodays
added title, moved to similar topic from Tapering forum

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manymoretodays

Hi cathnz, @cathnz

I took your recent topic from the Tapering forum and moved it here, as it seems to fit.  We have so many great topics and discussions here.  Some get hidden away after awhile.  Feel free, to search, when wanting to put something out here.  I just usually do the simple search, from my main browser:  survivingantidepressants.org and then the subject or topic.  So if you do find a place you might want to put your post, other than here, just PM me.

Do explore though, that's encouraged.  Lot's of cool stuff in Off Topic too.  However, as it's for members only, it won't come up on a general search for topic or subject.

 

Yes, I have been pleasantly surprised as to what I have learned along the way now.  As well as how things unfolded for me......as to what kind of things were available, that I had not previously even considered.  Things that now really help me thrive.

 

Good topic.  And I know, that each of our cases are a bit unique, and I did not really touch on some of your concerns.

 

I think you might get some inspiration reading some of the posts in this thread, in regards to your question:  "Does this set me up to fail?"

And sometimes, something else just comes on in and determines our readiness, I suppose...... kind of like it or not scenarios.......yet, later.....hopefully, we understand and are happy about it somehow??

 

I don't know really.  About much.  Which often, in itself, keeps me wide open to some positive possibilities. 

 

Wish you well, and healing and recovery,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays

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