OutOfLove: Fallen Out Of Love

[OutOfLove]

I have been on an SSRI for the past 22 years. Back in September my doctor had me stop them cold turkey as they didn't seem to be working anymore (150mg Zoloft and 300mg Welbutrin XL) and after 2 weeks of hell I was feeling okay except I felt that I was no longer in love with my husband and things between us have become difficult. Now my doctor has put me back on the Zoloft and Welbutrin because he thought I was depressed again. I think anybody would feel depressed if they lost the love they had for their husband and felt their marriage was over. In fact, I seem to have lost all feelings.....I'm numb and I don't seem to really care about anything. My doctor put me back on the Zoloft and Welbutrin at the beginning of November and I'm starting to wean myself off them but slowly this time. I'm wondering in anybody else has experienced suddenly falling out of love and if the feelings ever came back after the drugs were out of your system. I'm torn between staying at home with my husbsnd or leaving to live on my own. Thank you.

[ChessieCat]

I Out of Love,

 

Welcome to SA.  I'm sorry to hear that you have been messed around by your doctor.  Please don't give up on your marriage.  The cold turkey and reinstatement are what are causing the problems.  It has messed with your brain (stupid doctor!!!)  My suggestion would be to include him in this so he understands what is happening.  If you both read this it may help Brain Remodelling.  Things will improve once you stabilise and taper very slowly (10% of previous dose suggested here). 

 

Member/s will be along shortly who will be better able to make suggestions with regards to your medication/s.  To start with could you put your history in your signature (please include doses, dates and how you went off them).  This will make it easier for members to help you.

 

You have come to place with lots of excellent information and very supportive members.

 

Good luck and please don't lose hope.

 

CC

[Fresh]

Hi OutOfLove , welcome to the site.    

Sounds like you've had a rough few months , and have found this site at an opportune time.

 

We recommend tapering  by no more than a 10% decrease at a time.  In this way , your brain can readjust as you

go down , and withdrawal symptoms are m inimized.

By going from 150mg to 100mg of zoloft you're asking for trouble. It's pretty much the same as cold turkey to

your brain , which is just beginning to recover since you reinstated at the beginning of November.

Try reading   

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

and

 

Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

 

I'd hold off making any big decisions about your relationship for the moment . . . lots of people experience

a type of emotional anesthesia which resolves as they stabilize.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Outoflove,

 

QUOTE:  It has messed with your brain (stupid doctor!!!)  My suggestion would be to include him in this so he understands what is happening.

 

Just re-read my post and realised that it sounds like I am saying to include the doctor.  I am suggesting you include your husband.

 

CC

[KarenB]

Hello out of love,

 

I'm pretty sure the love will still be in there, but the meds are messing things up and masking it all.  You might have to go on faith for a while.  It's also unlikely you were 'depressed again' as your doc thought.  Depression is a very common w/d symptom.   

 

Since you've only had one dose at 100mg Zoloft, I think it would be worth it to just step back to the 150mg you were on.  Read Fresh's links about tapering by 10%, and then think about when to start a gentle taper.  That's the best way to avoid/reduce w/d symptoms.  

 

How are you feeling right now?  It would be a good idea to get stable at that 150mg dose before you begin tapering.  Our central-nervous-systems don't like bouncing round very much, and it's worth spending a few months to get stable.  You might like to read http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6632-the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable/  and http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/ to better understand what is happening to you.

 

You can then come back to this thread to ask any questions.  This will be your journal to record your tapering progress.

 

Well, I didn't have the 'falling out of love' symptom, but I did get the 'lose your faith in God' symptom.  I do recall others on this forum from time to time writing of their vanished love for their boyfriend etc.  These meds are vicious the way they can alter us so much and trick us with their masking of our feelings.  The way I see it, we have to hold on to what we 'know' to be ourselves till we start to feel it again.    

 

Welcome to s/a,

KarenB

[brassmonkey]

Hi OutOfLove--  Welcome to the group. We have a huge amount of help and support we can offer you.  I know exactly what you're feeling, or rather not feeling.  When I hit the 18 year mark of being on Paxil I felt no emotions what so ever.   I had been married to the love of my life for just over 30 years and outwardly felt absolutely nothing for her.  This lead to a series of "late night discussions" to sort things out. I came to understand that the feelings were still there I just was unable to access them because the drugs had buried them so deep.  This was one of my key motivations for starting my taper.  Very slowly, over a lot of time the feelings started to reemerge until today I am more in love with her than ever before.  It took a lot of mutual trust and communications but we made it through that rough patch and it has been so worth it.

 

These drugs will play holy h*** with your emotions and relationships while you're on them and while trying to get off of them.  You have to trust in yourself, in your love and in your partner and it will get better. 

[OutOfLove]

Hello out of love,

 

I'm pretty sure the love will still be in there, but the meds are messing things up and masking it all.  You might have to go on faith for a while.  It's also unlikely you were 'depressed again' as your doc thought.  Depression is a very common w/d symptom.   

 

Since you've only had one dose at 100mg Zoloft, I think it would be worth it to just step back to the 150mg you were on.  Read Fresh's links about tapering by 10%, and then think about when to start a gentle taper.  That's the best way to avoid/reduce w/d symptoms.  

 

How are you feeling right now?  It would be a good idea to get stable at that 150mg dose before you begin tapering.  Our central-nervous-systems don't like bouncing round very much, and it's worth spending a few months to get stable.  You might like to read http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6632-the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable/  and http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness/ to better understand what is happening to you.

 

You can then come back to this thread to ask any questions.  This will be your journal to record your tapering progress.

 

Well, I didn't have the 'falling out of love' symptom, but I did get the 'lose your faith in God' symptom.  I do recall others on this forum from time to time writing of their vanished love for their boyfriend etc.  These meds are vicious the way they can alter us so much and trick us with their masking of our feelings.  The way I see it, we have to hold on to what we 'know' to be ourselves till we start to feel it again.    

 

Welcome to s/a,

KarenB

Hi Karen B,

Thank you for your reply and the informative links.  I am feeling not too bad at the moment so I'm just going to continue with 100mg of zoloft for the next few weeks at which point I will start tapering by 10%.  I want so badly to feel normal again and the sooner I get off this drug the better.  I want to feel real feelings.  Any encouragement I can get is very helpful.

Thank you

[OutOfLove]

Hi OutOfLove--  Welcome to the group. We have a huge amount of help and support we can offer you.  I know exactly what you're feeling, or rather not feeling.  When I hit the 18 year mark of being on Paxil I felt no emotions what so ever.   I had been married to the love of my life for just over 30 years and outwardly felt absolutely nothing for her.  This lead to a series of "late night discussions" to sort things out. I came to understand that the feelings were still there I just was unable to access them because the drugs had buried them so deep.  This was one of my key motivations for starting my taper.  Very slowly, over a lot of time the feelings started to reemerge until today I am more in love with her than ever before.  It took a lot of mutual trust and communications but we made it through that rough patch and it has been so worth it.

 

These drugs will play holy h*** with your emotions and relationships while you're on them and while trying to get off of them.  You have to trust in yourself, in your love and in your partner and it will get better. 

Hi brassmonkey,

Since I have been on these various antidepressants, including Paxil and Prozac I find myself running from my problems rather than facing them head on.  I have a fight or flight response.  How long did it take to get the love back fro your wife?  I think it might be easier to leave the relationship because this is killing us both....I've become a different person.  I'm not the same person he married and he doesn't trust me anymore.  I seem to hurt him over and over and don't seem to care.  I feel like I'm a horrible person and that he can and should do better.  I appreciate you taking the time to post your experience and it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

Thank you

[OutOfLove]

I Out of Love,

 

Welcome to SA.  I'm sorry to hear that you have been messed around by your doctor.  Please don't give up on your marriage.  The cold turkey and reinstatement are what are causing the problems.  It has messed with your brain (stupid doctor!!!)  My suggestion would be to include him in this so he understands what is happening.  If you both read this it may help Brain Remodelling.  Things will improve once you stabilise and taper very slowly (10% of previous dose suggested here). 

 

Member/s will be along shortly who will be better able to make suggestions with regards to your medication/s.  To start with could you put your history in your signature (please include doses, dates and how you went off them).  This will make it easier for members to help you.

 

You have come to place with lots of excellent information and very supportive members.

 

Good luck and please don't lose hope.

 

CC

Hello ChessieCat,

Fortunately, my husband has been very supportive and I hope I don't damage our relationship beyond repair.  I am really happy to have found this site and appreciate all the help and support I have received so far. 

Thank you

[ChessieCat]

Hi OOL,

 

Edit:  You're welcome - it is a support site (OOL posted whilst I was typing)

 

Just found this video in the Marriages Destroyed by SSNR SNRI Topic.  I hope it helps.

 

CC

[OutOfLove]

Hi OutOfLove , welcome to the site.    

Sounds like you've had a rough few months , and have found this site at an opportune time.

 

We recommend tapering  by no more than a 10% decrease at a time.  In this way , your brain can readjust as you

go down , and withdrawal symptoms are m inimized.

By going from 150mg to 100mg of zoloft you're asking for trouble. It's pretty much the same as cold turkey to

your brain , which is just beginning to recover since you reinstated at the beginning of November.

Try reading   

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

and

 

Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

 

I'd hold off making any big decisions about your relationship for the moment . . . lots of people experience

a type of emotional anesthesia which resolves as they stabilize.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

 

Hi Fresh,

I have been trying to find a site like this for a while and finally found it just in time.  I was ready to just stop cold turkey again and deal with the 2 weeks of hell knowing that it wouldn't last.  I just need to know how I truly feel about my husband because he deserves to move on with his life and have someone who reciprocates that love.  He has been so supportive and I just feel like I'm being selfish dragging him down with me.  Any idea how long it will take to have my true feelings return?  Thank you for the support and encouragement.

[brassmonkey]

Hi OutOfLove-- A very important thing to remember is that everyones' WD experience is different, so you can only use other people for reference.  It took about a year before things started to surface and then another year before they were more there than not.  By the beginning of the forth year things were getting pretty good.  I know it sounds like a long time, but if the relationship is worth fighting for the time doesn't count.

 

During WD is not a good time to be making life changing decisions.  You mustn't forget that you deserve the same love back and it sounds like you're getting it.  Over a life time relationship there will be times when each partner thinks that they aren't worthy and should pull out for the sake of the other. But if the other partner is fully committed just think of how devastated they will by the rejection.  I know we aren't taught to be this way, but during WD one has to be selfish, and in a long term relationship there will be plenty of time to "pay it forward".  Until then we need to be thankful for having someone we can cling to.  There are a number of members here who were in similar positions to yours and made the drastic decision and to a person they regret it. 

[Fresh]

" I was ready to just stop cold turkey again and deal with the 2 weeks of hell knowing that it wouldn't last."

 

Here's the thing OutOfLove , it doesn't finish after 2 weeks (the hell , that is).

For people like us who've been taking ssri's for more than 20 years , it can go on and on.

I tapered too fast in 2013 , and was okay'ish for a few months after stopping. Then the w/d

symptoms started to kick in with a vengeance. But I was tough , I could see it out , or so

I thought.

At 11 months after stopping I requested my first ever hospital admission because I was getting

worse , not better. This is what I was like 7 months after stopping.

 

Please , please , consider going back to 150mg for a few weeks , and making your first decrease

to 135mg.

(Btw, I am very well now , but it took an extra 18/24 months out of my life to get back to this point)

 

[KarenB]

Hello again out of love,

 

Just wanted to reiterate that even though you feel fine now, symptoms from a too-big drop can show up weeks or months afterwards.  This is your chance to do things slow and gentle.  It's your choice, and I don't want to harp on at you, but just wanted to be sure I had been clear.  I really want things to go well for you .  And now I'll leave it to you...

 

I also really feel for you in your overall situation.  Hopefully now you know some of the 'why's' behind it all, it will be easier for you to work through. 

 

Hugs,

KarenB

[Altostrata]

Welcome, OOL.

 

Antidepressants tend to have a anesthetic effect on emotions. That is how they "work," you might say.

 

Quite frequently, when people go off them, they also feel emotional anesthesia to an even greater degree (along with other exaggerated negative feelings, such as deep dread or "depression," see Neuro emotions ).

 

While you had perhaps 2 weeks of acute withdrawal symptoms, it is this withdrawal-related emotional anesthesia that your doctor misdiagnosed as "depression." This misdiagnosis is very common.

 

How do you feel now that you're back on Zoloft and Wellbutrin? Why was Wellbutrin added to Zoloft in the first place?

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi OutOfLove, 

 

I just wanted to reiterate that what you are experiencing is called anhedonia, inability to feel pleasure, and included in that is the feeling that you have fallen out of love.  And as others have said before, this is not the time to make decisions about your relationship!  If you husband is supportive, share with him what you have learned here so that he can keep an even keel through the knowledge about withdrawal even if you aren't able to!  In essence, it is the withdrawal talking.  Anhedonia is very distressing to those suffering from it.  

 

There was a fellow on here, have to dig him up and see how he's doing, but he was here very distressed about the anhedonia after an Effexor coming off Effexor,  I PMd him and he was starting to have windows of "feeling," and that was not long after he came here.  It can all change so quickly, so please hang in there and give it some time.

 

I would support the advice of reinstating and doing a slow taper rather than toughing it out.  I did a too fast taper off Effexor last year and had 10 months of hell before ending up back on.  Unfortunately, I didn't know what what was happening to me all those months, otherwise I probably would have reinstated sooner and at a smaller amount!

 

I'm glad you are here and I hope you are feeling more encouraged!

 

SG

[SquirrellyGirl]

OutOfLove, 

 

I just bumped Offeverything's intro because he was the one I was talking about, having anhedonia.  He hasn't updated in awhile, but I hope he does.  What he writes about in his last post is soooo true.

 

We often talk about neuro emotions not responding to self talk, but I think anhedonia might be one area where following self help such as meditation and learning to be present could help lead the way back, because they are about connection with self.  I love talking about Eckhart Tolle who is a spiritual teacher.  There are lots of youtube videos of Eckhart speaking, so you can get a sampling.  His teachings fit right in with this.

 

I had a private conversation with Offeverything, and he told me that his uncle brought to his attention meditation, and that his thoughts were causing stress, etc.  He was also starting up Tai Chi again.

 

Tara Brach has guided meditations, but you can do a web search for anything along the lines of self-compassion mindfulness meditation.  I also like Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping), which use acupressure points.  All of this is about getting connected with yourself.

 

I hope you are doing better today and that we get an update soon :-)

 

SG

[OutOfLove]

Welcome, OOL.

 

Antidepressants tend to have a anesthetic effect on emotions. That is how they "work," you might say.

 

Quite frequently, when people go off them, they also feel emotional anesthesia to an even greater degree (along with other exaggerated negative feelings, such as deep dread or "depression," see Neuro emotions ).

 

While you had perhaps 2 weeks of acute withdrawal symptoms, it is this withdrawal-related emotional anesthesia that your doctor misdiagnosed as "depression." This misdiagnosis is very common.

 

How do you feel now that you're back on Zoloft and Wellbutrin? Why was Wellbutrin added to Zoloft in the first place?

No change in how I feel.  Still emotionless, although when my husband talks to me about ending our relationship I'm either really sad or relieved, it's weird.  My doctor put me on Welbutrin because of the lack of sex drive....didn't work.  I sometimes feel that things would be better and I would get my feelings of love back if I moved on with someone else.  I did have an emotional affair with my husbands best friend and felt emotions then....so why not with my husband?  I feel a lot of guilt and sometimes think I've caused too much hurt.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi OOL, 

 

How are you doing today post X-Mas holiday?

 

SG

[OutOfLove]

UPDATE

 

I moved out of the house I share with my husband on January 1st of this year....not quite sure what my future holds at this point in time and I'm not sure if I have made the right decision (probably not).  I couldn't stand to see how this was affecting him and the guilt and torment I constantly felt in my head.  I have become a sneaky, lying, manipulative person who I don't even recognize. I am paranoid and worried that people are talking about me behind my back, I have actually heard rumors going around.  I feel like there has been too much damage done by me to our relationship that it's beyond repair.  I feel like the worst person in the world right now and I hate myself.  I feel like I've lost all control and I don't trust anyone, not even myself.  I don't know what to do at this point.  Although my husband has been very supportive of me, he makes me feel very guilty when I talk to him so I have been trying to limit my contact with him.  The stress has been unbearable.  I felt that if I had stayed in the situation I was only going to get worse.  I don't have the best memory at the moment and we would end up arguing over what I had or hadn't said to him.  So here I sit feeling very alone with the only people who can truly understand me are behind a computer screen.  

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi OutofLove,

 

You only have this moment forward; the past is now just a story.   So, time to stop beating yourself up!  You take the past mistakes and learn from them, vowing to live as clean a life as possible from here on out, yes?  That's really all anyone can do.  Nothing good can come from reliving the past and convincing yourself you are horrible!

 

We can't predict the future, so worrying about it is also unproductive and only serves to prolong our suffering.  We only have this moment, and the next, and then the next.  

 

I can think back on a time when I was on a higher dosage of Effexor and really lost my integrity. I actually stole.  Never would I have done such a thing in my right mind.  It was the drug.  You have been drugged for 22 years, and you have got to forgive yourself, that you were likely in a drug-induced frame of mind that took away your judgement and numbed you out so much that you couldn't feel anymore.  With time, you will get down to a place in your taper where your vitality will rise up again. 

 

I see my 20 years on drugs as a wiping out of who I really was, that I have lived as a mere shadow of the real me. I think I've forgotten who that person was!  I'm looking forward to being clean and seeing who emerges.

 

Hugs to you!  You will get there eventually, just gotta hang in there!

 

SG