ProjectAscension: Post withdrawal (Deep Perspective)

[ProjectAscension]

Hi, well I don't even know how to begin this but I can only sympathize with everyone going through post withdrawal, it's so painful. I use terms based only from my experience and perspective. I’m on the low scale of the time I've been effected but my life was already non-existent, the drug has further prolonged that. I know for sure I've incurred brain damage. I've been on and off SSRIs and SNRIs over the years but have never experienced anything like this. You think back on the events in life that you thought was hell prior to taking the drug and we now know what hell truly feels like. 

 

It's interesting that anti-depressants stopped working for me after years of being off them. When I trialed the last one, the one that had given me a positive benefit all those years ago, I was hoping for something better than the the 3 anti-depressants I had recently trialed. That was the first warning sign that medication would no longer work for me but after struggling for so long to be happy, I chose to try Paxil as the final drug. It is the worst choice I have made in my entire life.

 

It started with all the usual side effects, except towards the end of the trial I experienced something I don't really have the words for. Almost like I felt this energy move from my upper body to my brain and all muscle movement stuttered. In the days that followed there was the feeling of something inside the front of my brain. I realise now this was the beginning of damage to the brain. The withdrawal process began:

 

·         sleep regulation (sleep cycles and body clock completely thrown out of balance)

·         sleep seizures 

·         heart palpitations

·         brain zaps

·         extreme brain pressure (like a elastic wrapped around the top of head or that it was going to explode. Also unable to run because the impact would tense the brain)   

·         sharp pains in left side of brain

·         Further into withdrawal use of computer or tv screens had to be minimal otherwise brain pressure would be aggravated

·         Periods of insanity, unable to maintain your composure

·         Neck pains

·         Low energy, weakness

·         Unable to run sometimes because the impact would tense the brain

·         All levels of awareness affected (entire brain function)

 

 

physical awareness (significant decrease of co-ordination and reflexes)

 

non-physical awareness (distorted reality perception)

-       Phase 1: feeling like your normal consciousness is broken

-       Phase 2: Dulling of depth perception ( dulling your perception of reality to point where you are no                               longer experiencing reality, you are watching it, as if it was a movie)     

 

deeper awareness

-       Time travel (waking up and feeling like you are reliving certain events of the past or that you are perceiving the world as you did when you were a child

 

-       Loss of connection with yourself, unable to feel you anymore (awareness only comprehendible to the individual)

 

-       Loss of connection with your soul, the awareness that is an innate and integral part of you. Unable to experience the present moment, trapped in a void of future and past (awareness only comprehendible to the individual when they feel the present moment again)

  

One day I woke up and my reality perception wasn’t distorted like before. That’s when I realised phase 2 - depth perception. As I gradually began to experience reality like I was actually living it, life became more vivid. This caused bouts of insanity as it had been so long since I had this awareness. Each day a new level of depth would become apparent.

 

To this day fluctuations of phase 1 have been occurring but each time it is less intense. When phase 1 was first experienced, brain zaps were in their prime. With each fluctuation, the brain zaps returned but also becoming more subtle each time. Physical awareness fluctuations have been also occurring, some days unable to drive because my reflexes are so delayed.

 

Now fluctuations of my soul connection are occurring. I have spontaneous memories of my normal consciousness and I can feel them unlike before they were just a black and white memory. I have all these feelings of what I once was before the drug, randomly coming through me and it’s making me insane. I’ve realised I have not been in this time space, I have not been experiencing the present moment, I feel like I’m waking up. My head pressure has also became localised to the left side of my brain and today, it felt like it wasn’t going to pop at some points. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just don’t care anymore but things seem to be getting better I think, I hope. Well that’s my story, I hope we can all heal, all the best.     

[Fresh]

Hi ProjectAscension , welcome to the site.

As you read around different topics , you'll see that your experiences are mirrored by many others.

It takes many months after stopping these meds. for the brain to return to normal functioning , but

this does happen , and the damage you describe is not permanent.

 

The point of filling in your signature with your drug history is so that readers can see your history

at a glance each time you post (it comes up under your comments). It's helpful to know what year you

started taking ad's , did that continue for 5 years or 25 years? What year / month did you stop?

How did you come off your last medications?

The better we understand your personal situation , the better position we're in to offer suggestions or advice.

Instructions are here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

The "fluctuations" are called windows (when things are clearer) and waves (when symptoms are more aggressive / intrusive). Please

read our topic on "The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization" here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

There are a bunch of Aussies here , and a meet-up near Brisbane if you're interested. Check out the

Australia room in the Relationships section.

 

You're in good company here PA.

 

Welcome aboard , Fresh

[nz11]

On ‎4‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 12:17 AM, ProjectAscension said:

You think back on the events in life that you thought was hell prior to taking the drug and we now know what hell truly feels like. 

This is s true.

 

PA how are you going?