Katch

[Katch]

It’s been a while since I wrote any update.

 

When up I upped my dose quite dramatically to 10mg I have to say I was hoping the waves will disappear. I was wrong. Since leaving hospital at the very beginning of February, I was still feeling pretty rough for 4-5 weeks. But since then, things have been considerably better. Bad days are better and sometimes they are not even days – sometimes it’s just hours and good days are better too.  My symptoms tend re-appear anytime there is a major hormonal shift – usually around ovulation and just after period.

 

I was planning to start tapering again around now but I think I’m going to give it another month and see how it goes. Even if I start I will go mega slowly.  I don’t care how long it’s going to take me to get rid of this last 10mg as long as I can get rid of it living normal life.

 

I have to say I was extremely disappointed having to up the dose and really felt like a failure but looking back at it now I know it was the right thing to do. I wish I have done it sooner. But then we all hope that ‘this wave might be the last one’.

 

What I have learned is that in this case going faster does not get you to the finish line sooner.  I have spent the last 3 – 4 months getting my body ready. Gently detoxing, slowly upping the supplements and will continue to do so until I really feel ready. My next step is to start exercising again as I have not done for almost 2 years and I really feel very unfit.  Since increasing the dose I also started to put on quite a bit of weight so I’m hoping exercising will help with that too.

 

My thyroid cancer diagnosis has been ‘downgraded’ too even though they are not 100% sure what my lump is. The last biopsy came back as ‘unclear sample’ so I have to go back again in few months but it’s still massive load off my shoulders.

 

Thinking of you all,

 

Kat

[KarenB]

Katch, preparing yourself like this and giving yourself time by waiting to feel properly stabilised really will pay off in the end.  You are right that speed isn't the answer!  I am like you - wanting to get off the drugs, but with w/d minimised as much as possible.  Otherwise it's too hard to shoulder. 

[Katch]

Thanks Karen, 

 

I agree. I think I was so focused on the road ahead and how far I still have to go that I forgot to look back and appreciate how long a road I have already travelled. Understanding this helped me immensely to stop beating myself up for the dramatic increase in dose. And the fact that despite that increase I'm still not feeling the way I'd like to feel just clearly showed me just how fast I was going.

I hate the weight gain but I'll live with that for now rather than the endless, debilitating symptoms I had.

 

We will get there. Sooner or later I truly believe, we we all get there.

 

Hugs to all

Kat

[Katch]

Just a quick update,

I’m 100% convinced that all the remaining symptoms are related to my cycle. I don’t know if it’s hormones messing up my brain or my brain messing up my hormones but any slight hormonal shift and my body starts doing weird things.

Lately it’s been worse. I guess the last two cycles. Well, to be honest, the bad days are not that bad as they used to be – but they still suck. And somehow the good days are not particularly amazing. Even though I have to confess – just over two weeks ago I accidently took quite a large dose of iodine. What followed wasn’t pretty. Horrendous fatigue, depression and anxiety the most severe in months. Then it calmed down again but then ovulation came………in my next life I want to be a man!

I haven’t touched my dose since January and the way things are going I probably won’t touch it for a while.

Love to you all,

Kat

[Katch]

Hi all,

It’s been a while since I last touched in so I thought it might a good time for a quick update.

Things have been improving even though slowly. I still have not touch my dose so I have been on 10mg for 18 months now. There’s part of me that wants to start tapering and the parts of me that is not ready. But I’m starting to feel that the rest of my issues are very much related to the AD. So I’m thinking 0.5 mg every month until I reach 5mg and then I will have a break. Well, that’s the plan but it’s not written in stone. I definitely will not go faster but might go even slower.

As I mentioned in my last post, a lot of the difficulties I still have a hormone related. I was tested for vit D last year and the result was really quite bad. So even though, like many of you, I reacted to vit D badly, I had to start supplementing. It was not pleasant and it took me 6 months to get to 1000 iu every day but I have to say it was worth it. I feel much better.

I also started to have chiropractic adjustments to my spine and even though I react quite strongly to every single one of them, overall I think it is helping hugely.

My main symptoms now are mainly physical. Any anxiety and depression are usually around hormonal shifts and very rarely last longer than few minutes.  I still do not have a lot of motivation to do things but I know that is the side effect of Lexapro so I have to be patient with that one.

Sending healing vibes to all,

 

Katxx

[Altostrata]

Hello, Katch. Maybe over time, the increased vitamin D will do its work and help balance your hormones. It's not really a vitamin, it's called a prohormone, it provides raw material for synthesis of other hormones.

 

Are you taking vitamin D3? This is the best form of supplement to take. Some people find the liquid form to be more tolerable, it's absorbed in your mouth and gets right into your system; a tablet has to go through your stomach. I l prefer vitamin D3 liquid made with olive oil, for the taste.

 

Good to hear you're stabilizing on 10mg. Your plan to reduce by 0.5mg until you reach 5mg is reasonable.

 

Have you tried osteopathic manual therapy for the somatic issues? I wish we could find it in the US. I'd get it all the time if I could, it's gentle and effective.

[Katch]

So I started to taper again and It’s not going too well.

I did 0.5mg drop in May and felt great. Did another 0.5 mg in June and it’s been gradually getting worse.  I cannot believe such a tiny drop would could this much damage.  Quite gutted about prospects of ever getting rid of this poison. . . . and obviously I'm on the 'what-if' boat. AAAARRRRRGGGGG

[Carmie]

Hi Katch, 

 

How are you doing?💚

[Katch]

I cannot believe it's been a year since my last update. 

Well, I never went any further with tapering that 9.25 mg and the withdrawal though milder than before has been still pretty bad. So couple of month back i just got fed up and went back to 10mg and I'm planning to stay on this dose as long as it takes for my nervous system to 'heal'. I guess what I mean by heal is to stop being so sensitive to, well.....everything. If it takes 1 year  or 5 years or 10 years, at this stage i don't care. I have not lived for the last few years so I need to let my body calm down before i hit it again.

At the moment my symptoms vary and come and go depending on where I am in my cycle.  It tends to start after my period finishes and the worst last until around ovulation time.

For the last few day it has been constant headache and nausea. It was so bad on Monday I actually passed out on the undegrround train on my way to work. 

Not happy, frustrated beyond belief, angry with myself and the entire world....

[jozeff]

Wow katch, good to hear from you and to meet you 😉.

 

I think you did a great job in holding your taper. A year is a pretty long time I'm butt for your nervous system this doesn't seem to be the case. I did too fast a taper and tried to stabilise for 10 monthsat exactly the same dose. Started a very slow taper anyways. Never really stabilized as far as I'm concerned.

 

You say your withdrawal symptoms are a bit better? That is good to hear but it's probably slower than you wish. Did the 0.75 mg updose do anything good or bad for you? I have noticed that our bodies don't like fluctuations in these medications.

You are probably best of staying at 10 milligrams exactly for at least a few months I think. I know, time just passes and we are dependant of this trash.

 

  I also feel like I lost  two precious years already.... anxiety, anhedonia, derealization..... Worse symptoms than before taking citalopram!!

 

Are you seeing a doctor for your nausea and passing out or is it pure wd?

 

I wish you all the best!!

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

[Katch]

Hello jozeff,

Nice to meet you too.

Yes, it has been long and frustrating journey and I just know if I keep  going with the tapering, I will be suffering for years. So I am going to do a different strategy – completely stabilise first with the hope that after that the taper might be either faster or easier or ideally both. 😊

I have no intention to touch the current dose for at least 2-3 years. With the experience from the last years/months I really don’t believe I will stabilise any sooner.

There is so much I want to do in my life and right now I feel I’m stuck in this never ending circle of ups and downs that are actually getting harder and harder to deal with.

I’m not seeing any doctors about the passing out and the nausea for now. I will give it another week or so. Plus, as most of us know just too well, doctors are not of much help

I hope you symptoms are getting better and wishing you full recovery soon

 

Kat