Noncompliant94

[Noncompliant94]

Hi everyone! 

 

I just joined this forum and I wanted to introduce myself. I 21 years old, I am a psychiatric survivor, and I am very involved in the mad pride movement. 

 

I'm an extremely sensitive person. I cry very, very easily. That has been my main issue in my life that has gotten me entangled with the mental health system - during my childhood and in my teenage years, I was frequently punished by my parents and teachers for crying loudly and in public. I was always bullied in school and I guess that was my way of handling it. 

 

The crying lessened in the first couple years of college when things got better for me (I was bullied by some, but I found a group of friends that I fit in with and was happy), but it got really awful and intense during my senior year. The stress of figuring out post-grad plans, being in my first serious relationship - and being terrified of screwing it up, deciding whether to base my post-grad plans on my partner, on top of the stress of classes, student leadership positions, and completing a senior thesis, really got to me. I was constantly crying. My boyfriend and I would get into fights over the simplest things, and it would end in me crying and shaking hysterically for 2 hours.

 

My boyfriend didn't know how to handle my intense emotions. He strongly encouraged me to try Zoloft, so I did. The second semester of my senior year of college (January 2015), I started with 25 mg of Zoloft.

 

I graduated college and my boyfriend and I moved to Los Angeles in May 2015. I started seeing a new psychiatrist, and she increased by dose of Zoloft to 200 mg over the course of 6 weeks or so. She also prescribed me Xanax and Gabapentin. I quickly developed a tolerance to the Xanax and began taking a dose of 1.5 mg - 2 mg.

 

Over the summer of 2015, I started experiencing suicidal thoughts. I felt completely bored with life and just absolutely tired of everything. I felt like I had experienced all I wanted to experience in life and I was ready to die. I was in grad school, I didn't fit in with my classmates, and I thought it would be easier for everyone and me if I just slipped out. I also completely lost any romantic or sexual attraction to my boyfriend, which made me feel guilty. 

 

On July 28th, 2015, I took 3 mg of Xanax and 3 shots of vodka. I don't remember what happened after that. I woke up in the emergency room with 3 bottles of Unisom. My search history on my phone showed Google searches for "tired of life," "fatal dose of Unisom," and "24-hour pharmacy." I don't remember searching any of that, of course, but I guess that's what I did. I was hospitalized for my suicide attempt at Las Encinas Hospital in Pasadena. I still have traumatic memories and nightmares from the hospitalization (as I'm sure many of you do too).

 

After my hospitalization, I switched psychiatrists. I was put on 50 mg of Pristiq in August 2015, and in September 2015 my dose was increased to 100 mg. This was largely because my school was requiring a letter from my psychiatrist for me to stay enrolled as a student, so I felt compelled to take whatever meds the psychiatrist suggested.

 

Recently, I have decided not to go back to grad school, so I am no longer beholden to my psychiatrist for that letter. I told him he could either help me taper down from the meds or I would do it myself, so he is helping me taper down. (Yay for harm reduction.) I am going to be tapering down 25 mg at a time. I'm currently on 75 mg, and soon I'll be at 50 mg.

 

I don't notice any real difference, but I'm scared that I'm going to have withdrawal effects and not even realize what they are. So I really want help educating myself on what this process will be like and how to recognize signs of withdrawal.

 

I am also really scared that the intense crying spells will come back. On Friday I found myself crying at work (not hysterically or shaking or anything, but a couple people noticed). Crying publicly has gotten me in so much trouble in the past, and I'm scared that the Pristiq withdrawal is going to do just that, or that I actually need Pristiq to not have these crying spells.

 

But also, the crying at work could just as easily have been attributed to lack of sleep, being on my period, being overwhelmed with work, etc. I was also very upset because my boyfriend is on vacation this week and I am terrified of sleeping alone or doing something stupid that will land me in a psych hospital without my boyfriend to visit.

 

If you guys have any resources on Pristiq withdrawal or SNRIs in general, that would be amazing. Is anyone else tapering down 25 mg at a time? If so what is it like?

 

I am really excited to be a part of this community and get support from people who have lived experience as opposed to a psychiatrist who just recites what the textbook says in a one-size-fits-all fashion. 

 

Also, if anyone is in LA, i would absolutely love to meet up!!

 

Huge huge apologies for such a long post. Thank you so so much if you've read this far - I really appreciate it!

 

One final note: I know my boyfriend kinda pressured me into taking meds, but he has since apologized profusely and realized that meds aren't always the perfect solution to everything. He is now part of the mad pride movement and advocates for people to have choice in recovery. 

 

Okay that's it for now. Can't wait to hear back.

 

Emily

[scallywag]

Hi Emily -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)!
 
I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums enlightening and helpful for your taper.  I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us. You've been through the psychiatric mill in the last 18 months.

 

Thanks for completing a detailed signature. Remember to keep it current; please update it when you make changes in doses .
 
Increased crying and emotions are common during withdrawal from SSRI/SNRIs and other psychoactive pharma products. Friday's crying was probably a sign that you're in withdrawal. Now would be a good time to slow down your dose cuts.
 
What is withdrawal syndrome
 

 

We recommend that people reduce their dose by 10% or less per month (or longer) to minimize the risk, occurrence and intensity of withdrawal symptoms.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

 

You'll see crying spells listed first on the checklist from the book The Antidepressant Solution . You can download the checklist from the first post in this topic:
 

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list
 

The topic I've linked next provides links to a research paper that shows a likely reason why you are experiencing symptoms now and didn't earlier. Reducing from higher doses has minimal effect on the occupancy of key serotonin transporter cells (5HTT). At lower doses, the occupancy drops are significant. Although Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) wasn't covered in the study, its parent drug Effexor (venlafaxine) is.

Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves
 

 

For information specifically about Pristiq, please read Tips for tapering off Pristiq (desvenlafaxine)
 

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Again, welcome to the site. Please post any questions you have about your situation here in your introduction.

[Noncompliant94]

Thank you SO much for these incredible resources!!! I will be sure to check them out.

[KarenB]

Hello noncompliant,

 

Hope you are going okay today, and getting some useful things from the links SG gave you.  I too think slowing down would be a good idea - that way you increase your changes of a safe landing .

 

Welcome to sa,

Karen

[Noncompliant94]

Thank you, KarenB!

[RoxanneS]

Hi Emily and welcome to this forum.

 

I am a person who cries easily too! I didn't know they put people on antidepressants for this. Wow, is it now forbidden to show emotion?

 

If it makes you feel better I also cry almost every day.( even more now since I'm in withdrawal). I have cried at work, on the street, in the bus, in front of my kids, haha, everywhere. I don't have a problem with this actually, maybe because I live in a country where it is ok to show emotion.

 

 

I wish you good luck with tapering the meds.

[Noncompliant94]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm currently tapering down from Pristiq. Over the last couple months I've been experiencing some degree of lack of motivation. I've noticed that my work performance is suffering and I'm having a hard time bringing myself to do the tedious administrative/office type tasks that used to come a lot easier to me.

 

I think part of it is that I've now been at my office for just over seven months, so they "honeymoon stage" part of the new job is over. I've also gotten frustrated with a lot of aspects of my job - I feel that I am micro-managed a lot (I noticed that before my motivation started going down) and that my office does some things I'm not 100% sure I agree with, like advocating for involuntary psychiatry as an alternative to incarceration (I work at a criminal justice nonprofit).

 

I got another job offer and I'm considering taking it. I'm scared that I'm just "pulling a geographic" though and not trying to solve the real issue which is that maybe my anti-depressant withdrawal is causing my lack of motivation.

 

I'm scared that this means I actually need to be on anti-depressants :/

 

Does anyone have any experience with this symptom? I would love some advice!

[scallywag]

NC: I've moved your question about motivation to your introduction and update thread because it relates to your situation.

 

Lack of motivation is not only an effect of the post-hiring-honeymoon period, some people have reported it as a withdrawal symptom. It kind of makes sense -- when accompanied by enough other symptoms this is often considered a symptom of "depression." Many withdrawal symptoms resemble those of diagnoses.

 

Here's something Altostrata wrote about the difference between withdrawal and relapse:  Post #8 in Before you Begin

 

Here are some threads where people discuss work/job situations:

 

Dealing with work while in withdrawal

Working (as in getting a pay cheque) through withdrawal

How do you hold a job during withdrawal?

[Noncompliant94]

Hey guys! I am in the process of tapering down from being on Pristiq. I just tapered down from 25 mg to 0 mg. I didn't expect for it to feel like anything since 25 mg is literally nothing (it actually isn't used as a dose, just for tapering down purposes), but I think it's affecting me. I'm tired and experiencing tiny brain zaps every now and then. This is my second day on 0 mg and I didn't experience that all yesterday. Has anyone else had this experience? Is this normal? It's kinda freaking me out!

[ChessieCat]

25mg is the smallest prescription dose available of Pristiq in some countries (in Australia we only have 100mg & 50mg).  However, it is not a small dose.

 

What you are suffering are withdrawal symptoms.  There is a possibility that they could get even worse.  Because you have only been off the Pristiq for 2 days, as long as you go back on it straight away, it will be okay to take the last dose you were taking.  Please read the information in Post #1 of the Reinstatement topic (link below).  Once you stablise, possibly holding for 2 months on this dose, you could then taper as per SA's suggested tapering method.

 

SA recommends a harm reduction method of tapering no more than 10% of the previous dose followed by a holding period of 3-4 weeks to allow the brain to adapt to not getting as much of the drug (in your case, because you have been off the drug for a couple of days it would be better to hold for longer to begin with).  These helped me to understand SA's taper method:

 

Brain Remodelling

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Please read the following topics:

 

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off Pristiq (desvenlafaxine)