Ndanges: My story until now (already months in withdrawal)

[Ndanges]

Hello all... Let me introduce my story with antidepressants..

 

I always was very anxious all my life and I used to have kind of panic attacks (mainly vomiting) when confronted with stressful situations ( Planes, tests in school, dentist etc) but I had a very normal and happy life as the threat always passed, I never took medication. But after a very big change in my life, marrying a foreigner and coming to live in USA I got really sick. All the symptoms you can imagine someone with anxiety has, I had. And all the same story like yours guys, going to doctors and emergency rooms etc. When I first got a prescription for paxil and when I realized it was a antidepressant I got so scared and I did not want to take it. But as the symptoms would come back later and with the suggestions of my doctors friends I started. But something happened. I felt a weird feeling I think it was depression and I was sure it was due the medicine so I stopped. But as you guys know the symptoms always come back and when we are suffering you do anything to get a relief. So, started from January 2013, paxil 20mg for about 9 months and also around 2 first months of xanax 0.5 mg. The paxil did not help me much, the only thing I was better was the panic and my doctor increased for 30 mg. As I saw it was not helping so much, I decided to stop in the conventional way. Although I had some withdrawal like brain zaps etc I thought I was fine. The only thing that bothered me was the headache getting worse. But after like 2 or 3 months I felt really bad. My panic and all suffering came back and in january 2014 I stated lexapro 10 mg and again xanax 1 mg. Lexapro helped me more, the only symptoms I had was muscle pain and vertigo but I was living normal.

 

My husband learned, I think through this site, how to taper xanax with help of diazepam. So I am free of benzos for about 2 years now and I am very convinced that I will never have them again. We did the same with Lexapro. Very very slow tapering and my main issues was muscle pain and vertigo. But even  feeling that I was ok. In march 2016 I was totally FREE and until end of august 2016 the withdrawal was not that bad. July and August was very normal for me, but the end of august the hell started again.

 

Since than, the anxiety got high as panic and all the physical symptoms.. I did not wanted take any medicine or come back to doctors. I even dont know how  I got here as I did not take any kind medicine during this last 2 months I have being in this big battle. Listening to songs, praying, relaxation youtube videos, learning to meditate, magnesium baths etc. I learned a lot of ways to accept the pain and not get desperation when I am having panic. I even went to gym having panic because I wanted so bad overcome that! 

 

I confess that sometimes I want to come back to medicines, that I am not doing right, I get so tired of fighting, sometimes I ask myself what is the point of all that. But at the same time I feel so hopeful and sure I will overcome all this as I have great normal moments. 

 

Right now, after 8 months with no medicine and after 2 months of a very bad wave with all the symptoms, what is really making me try to give up the fight is in the HEAD. The big head pressure gets more and more strong like I am having a stroke, all my head and face squeezing as hell and also some visual disturbance. This is very scary. I am thinking in going to neurologist but afraid.  

 

Well, I think I already wrote too much. I am here to help and get help, please share or say something. Thank you so much guys! We all are warriors!

[scallywag]

Ndanges -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)
 
Great work in tapering off Xanax by crossing to diazepam, and then off Lexapro in a way that you didn't have symptoms for about 5 months. It's possible that you may not have tapered as slowly as your brain and the rest of your CNS (central nervous system) needed.
 
If you can remember, please tell us a little more about the timings of when you started the taper, what was your starting dose, and when you finished.

A request: Would you summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-18 months particularly?

• Any drugs prior to 18 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
• You don't need to include symptoms or diagnoses other than the initial condition that led to prescribing the first drug.
• We ask for this information in your signature so that we can see it at a glance. A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
• You can find instructions in this topic: Please put your withdrawal history in signature

Are you open to the idea of testing whether a reinstatement of Lexapro at a very small dose alleviates your symptoms, or testing a very small dose of another SSRI for the same purpose? Please read the discussion at this link to understand the risks and benefits of reinstating:
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

The reason I ask about another SSRI is that Lexapro is a real bear to taper and discontinue, if you chose to taper off the reinstated dose.
 
For reference, here are our Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

[Ndanges]

Thank you! I have been reading the topics you suggested!

[LexAnger]

Hi Ndanges,

 

I just found your intro by searching the key word head pressure.

I'm sorry you got hit after a rather successful and smooth taper!

 

I'm still on Lexapro, tapered super slow down to 12mg but the huge head pressure on the left makes my brain total dead so is my body. I always had it during my taper but never as bad as now since 1.2mg.

 

Is yours constant? Do you have any other symptoms?

 

I hope you are feeling better this moment and the WD is short lived.

 

Lex

[Ndanges]

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply. I am off of this forum for some time. I am still suffering from head symptoms. Mine is getting worse everyday, I mean the pain. It comes for some period and goes away. I also feel so much headache/migraine in my period time. It is awful. I am considering to go to a neurologist, but the medicines they use it is antidepressants, anticonvulsants etc. But to live with this pain every day is making me nuts.

 

What helps me and I hope it can help you too is to listen to bineural beats. This has been my salvation. You can find at youtube lots of videos!

 

Hugs!