Introducing LadyD

[LadyD]

I was on Citalopram (Celexa) from April 2010 to July 2011. I was on 10 mg for day, then 20 mg. for a few months, then back down to 10 mg. for a few months, then 5 mg. for a couple of months. My psychiatrists(2) all agreed that I was sensitive to this drug.

 

No one ever told me anything other than "this drug is safe" and even when I was taken off of it, the withdrawal symptoms were minimized. I did do my research, however, and found out about the symptoms before I came off the drug. Horrific is a nice term used to describe them. I didn't have the worst of the symptoms, but they were pretty bad.

 

I think I've turned the corner in withdrawal and have gone onto phase two, which is equally scary. But, I don't know what to expect and can't always tell what is real and what is chemical. I feel like I am mad.

 

For the last two months, I have been struggling with major crying spells for weeks on end, anxiety that makes me think suicidally, and irritability. I do not feel like myself at all. And, other than the week I went into the hospital (1 wk.) where they gave me the first pills, I don't ever remember being like this, even with my anxiety and suicidal ideation prior to hospitalization.

 

My pdoc says that it may be that she took me off too soon. Or, that I am just getting used to feeling my emotions again. I am scared!!! I don't want to hurt myself. And, I did experience that homocidal impulse (UNacted upon) some have talked about when I first came off. It was pure evil! I do not think that way at all!!! I cried in my pdoc's chair...how horrible this drug was that I wanted off NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I have a hard time going to work, and I need money for rent. I fear I will be living in a shelter soon. (It is having the impact of a disability.)

 

I have one friend who has been there all along, but nobody understands. He understands a lot because we talk almost every day now. I am hoping to find some support on this forum, esp. in times when I feel crazy.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, LadyD. If you've looked around, you know many of us have had very similar experiences to yours.

 

We have several people here who have had great difficulty getting off Celexa and its cousin Lexapro.

 

Did you just stop taking it at 5mg?

 

What were your earlier withdrawal symptoms? Which have gone away?

 

When you say you are in phase 2, what do you mean?

 

Do you have any pills left?

 

If you care to educate your psychiatrist -- many do not even know the basic signs of antidepressant withdrawal -- you might print this out for her:

 

Potential adverse effects of discontinuing psychotropic drugs: part 2: antidepressant drugs.

[LadyD]

Welcome, LadyD. If you've looked around, you know many of us have had very similar experiences to yours.

 

We have several people here who have had great difficulty getting off Celexa and its cousin Lexapro.

 

Thank you. I am glad to have found this forum.

 

 

I am grateful for their sharing and support.

 

Did you just stop taking it at 5mg?

 

 

Officially, yes. But, prior to asking my pdoc about coming off it, I tried my own tapering:

 

I bit off the corner of the 1/2 tablet (5 mg.) I was taking and took the rest of the dose. I did that for about a month. I missed my pdoc appt. and decided to try tapering by breaking off a little more. So, I did that for a few days until the guilt hit me and went back to the original corner off. I ended up piecing together the pieces after those pills were exhausted, and had about 2.5 mg doses from that for a few days. Then, I thought I'd better get my prescription refilled while I was waiting for my appointment, lest I be caught having gone ahead without permission (I've since confessed...lol.). So, if I recall correctly, I ended up skipping a day or two, sending myself into a weepy withdrawal before I took 5 mg. again. I think I took that for 2 days and then got off it for good, with my pdoc's permission. (I was shocked and overjoyed that she agreed!)

 

Technically, I was to go down from 5 mg to 2.5 mg then off, but she chose not to do that (so I didn't think I needed to either). Had I let her know what I was doing earlier, I think she would have made me taper for another two months at 2.5 mg. But, she seems to think I am doing alright. I have Klonopin for backup. (I rarely take it, but have taken several pills since I got off the Celexa.)

 

What were your earlier withdrawal symptoms? Which have gone away?

 

It's hard to remember now that they've past. I think I remember most though. I'm going to borrow the list from here and edit it as needed: This is my fave blog post on withdrawal from Celexa (the comments are really helpful!): http://zenpizza.blog...nd-getting.html

 

An asterisk is placed next to those symptoms which are ongoing. If they seem to have worsened, I will make note. Otherwise, assume they are diminishing. I apologize for not making myself clearer. I am pretty sick this week from other ailments. So, I am summoning energy and focus to do this for you:

 

· Dizziness* -- at times; more on Celexa

· Fatigue/Lethargy/Weakness * -- at times; more on Celexa

 

· Headache -- During withdrawal I had headaches that I had tofollow through with the motion of my head so that I could find relief. Theyaccompanied very vivid dreams and odd impulses (not brain zaps, more likeimpulsive thinking).

 

· Vivid dreams* VIVID, yes. Less so now, but I had a dream lastnight that scared me. I was in a shallow sleep, so it seems so real. I usuallyonly remember my dreams when I am stressed out, but now I awake to many dreamsor in REM stage.

 

· Tremors – in withdrawal and when getting on Celexa (serotoninsyndrome caused by interaction with tramadol)

 

· Visual hallucinations (kindof)-- inwithdrawal; thought I noticed something, only to do a double take and realize Iwasn't seeing that -- but it didn't seem like a true hallucination to me

 

· Abdominal Discomfort/Nausea/Vomiting* -- Somediscomfort during withdrawal. No vomiting during withdrawal. This past week, Iseem to be more sensitive to pain and feelings of dis-ease and have thrown uptwice. It is rare for me to throw up at all. It can be years between episodes.I've thrown up three times since being off Celexa. I also note feeling morenausea as of late.

 

· Blurred vision -- I’ve noticed times when my eyes areblurry with my glasses. Iam not sure when I first noticed.

 

· Tingling sensations -- occasionally, don't remember this inwithdrawal

 

· Flu symptoms and General Malaise/Chills & HotFlashes/Sweating --felt feverish, without the fever, and had night sweats during withdrawal

 

· Agitation/Irritability* -- during withdrawal I was moody, stilleasily agitated but improving. During withdrawal, my body would easilyrage (even if I was perfectly calm on the outside) and then settle down. Othertimes, I would get depressed. I learned to wait it through, in the same way onecould do with a panic attack. Now, I get stuck in a mood for a long time, andsometimes have mini bouts of mood swings like this.

 

· Aggression -- No, but I hid myself from my roommatesand family when I felt very agressive, like I might hurt someone if they set meoff, because my emotions were haywire at first.

 

· Anxiety* -- at first, it was just a little bit, whenexperiencing emotions again for the first time; a lot now. It is debilitatingat times. And, I will start to think of suicide as a way to deal with it andthe pain of life's stress. My pdoc knows of my anxiety issues. She thinks itmay be part of my body readjusting.

 

· Gait disturbances -- I was definitely tripping over myselfduring withdrawal

 

· Confusion/Brain Fog* -- a lot during withdrawal, less so now,but still too often

 

· Memory and concentration difficulties* -- yes, even on thedrug; memory seems to be improving, but slowly

 

· Crying spells -- not so much during withdrawal (Iremember feeling depressed.) More crying lately. Note: 9/11 triggered somethingin me, and I cried for about 2-3 weeks after that, with little break. I stillwant to bawl from time to time. I end up crying when something has upset me.(Think of the menopausal woman. I feel like her! I'm too young yet.)

 

· Suicidal thoughts -- more now as the anxiety has increased

 

· Insomnia -- no, but I do have trouble sleeping a full nightconsistently

 

· Restlessness -- especially when sleeping; I findmyself pacing the room when I am awake and feel anxious or too energetic. (Ican feel tired at the same time, too. It's weird.) I often feel like I am crawlingout of my skin.

 

When you say you are in phase 2, what do you mean?

 

The period after the drug has left your system. And, that point where I felt my symptoms shifted from more bodily discomfort to more mental discomfort. So, probably about the last two months for me. The mood swings are not as drastic, but they stick around longer and are more intolerant of going away.

 

Do you have any pills left?

 

No. I tossed them all. I didn't want to go through that again!

 

If you care to educate your psychiatrist -- many do not even know the basic signs of antidepressant withdrawal -- you might print this out for her:

 

Potential adverse effects of discontinuing psychotropic drugs: part 2: antidepressant drugs.

 

Thanks. I will look into it!

[Altostrata]

That's a good post on zenpizza.

 

Looks like you had classic withdrawal symptoms at first. It's a good sign the more severe symptoms lasted only a couple of months.

 

Well, you have a choice. You can experiment with a small dose of Celexa and re-do the last part of your taper, or you can cope with the withdrawal symptoms.

 

We can't predict how long it will take for rest of the withdrawal symptoms to go away. Some people describe the mini-mood swings as waves of anxiety or melancholia. They will eventually fade and become less frequent.

 

One thing to do is take care of your sleep. We have suggestions here: Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Also very important: Stay calm and do not let your symptoms scare you. Worrying about when it will all be over can make your waves of anxiety and depression worse. Learning meditation techniques seems to help a lot of people with this. We have more suggestions for coping with the emotional symptoms in the Symptoms and what helps forum and, if you're spiritually inclined, the Finding meaning forum.

[LadyD]

Also very important: Stay calm and do not let your symptoms scare you. Worrying about when it will all be over can make your waves of anxiety and depression worse.

 

So, even though they are more intense right now, just wade through them instead of trying to figure them out or getting worried about them? Ok.

 

I feel terribly dumbed down right now. It's like thinking hurts my brain. My connections are all screwed up or not firing. It's like knowing where the info is in your brain and not being able to access it. Will that ever go away?

[Shanti]

Hi LadyD. Welcome to the forum. It's rough, huh. I know, I didn't get the homicidal, but the suicidal. A girl I know on my spiritual forums told me when she was on Effexor that one night she took the whole bottle and went to bed. She said she thought nothing of it. She wasn't feeling suicidal or depressed, she just downed all the pills like it was nothing. She woke up in the hospital and luckily survived. These drugs are indeed evil. I like to use the word sinister because I can't think of a worse word.

 

I hope you find comfort here, and maybe some good tips to get through. All these guys are nice and supportive. I'm glad I was shown this place.

Edited October 21, 2011 by Shanti

[Shanti]

 

Also very important: Stay calm and do not let your symptoms scare you. Worrying about when it will all be over can make your waves of anxiety and depression worse.

 

So, even though they are more intense right now, just wade through them instead of trying to figure them out or getting worried about them? Ok.

 

I feel terribly dumbed down right now. It's like thinking hurts my brain. My connections are all screwed up or not firing. It's like knowing where the info is in your brain and not being able to access it. Will that ever go away?

 

Yes! My Guide told me do not make any decisions for a while. I can not come to any sane conclusions about anything and that includes my warped and wounded egos opinion of myself and others. I have to accept that I'm in a sickness and not in a right mind right now. I feel these feelings and I have to see them as false, a veil over the truth of what life is like and how life feels. It's a lie. Don't believe it. Just keep trying to focus on positive or something to keep your mind busy. I posted some affirmations that help me. Maybe it could help you, idk. But yes, don't cling onto these emotions and thoughts, let them flow by and know that it's not real, and it will get better. You'll be well and over this in time.

 

Maybe it will help you to see quotes of success stories I've collected. It will be over.

Edited October 21, 2011 by Shanti

[Altostrata]

 

Also very important: Stay calm and do not let your symptoms scare you. Worrying about when it will all be over can make your waves of anxiety and depression worse.

 

So, even though they are more intense right now, just wade through them instead of trying to figure them out or getting worried about them? Ok.

 

I feel terribly dumbed down right now. It's like thinking hurts my brain. My connections are all screwed up or not firing. It's like knowing where the info is in your brain and not being able to access it. Will that ever go away?

 

Yes, that's exactly it. They will go away after a while. Do what you can in the brain fog and don't over-reach yourself. At work, don't let your doubts show -- you'll find they don't expect as much from you as you expect of yourself.

 

If necessary, take time off.

 

Accept your limits for now and don't freak out over the symptoms.

 

I know the next question will be "How long does it take?" I can't tell you that. It may be several months for the brain fog to clear up. As I said, it's a good sign your more acute symptoms went away in a matter of weeks.

 

LadyD, you're at the stage where a lot of people get diagnosed with relapse and re-medicated. They then believe they need medication for the rest of their lives. This is untrue, your nervous system will gradually recover from withdrawal syndrome.

[Crocus]

Welcome Lady D;

 

We do understand just how horrid it can be to have all of the symptoms you list. I have been weaning since February from a different drug, and actually had to slow way down as the withdrawal took me to my knees.

 

You do have options and people here who care and will listen, plus a lot of good ideas on how to lessen the symptoms.

 

I understand the panic about the future - I am in my 50's and wonder if I will ever work again at times, plus my husband was laid off yesterday from a job he only had for 3 months and the company ran out of work so it is tough out here.

 

When I felt as you describe I needed to take one day, and more often just one hour at a time in order not to get overwhelmed. My best to you and I am glad you are posting here. Crocus

[LadyD]

It has been a long time since I introduced myself on the forum. Withdrawal was awful! (It finally ended with a good bout of bronchitis, complete with an IV in the ER.) I never want to be on SSRI's again! They truly scare me!

 

I am very grateful for everyone's help in getting through the withdrawal phase and do not know how I would have done it without people who were willing to candidly share their own stories.   THANK YOU!!!!

 

I want to leave you with my story, which includes things that happened after withdrawal:

 

I first got on SSRI's because of anxiety that led to depression, which caused me to have suicidal thoughts. One night, I could not push the thoughts out of my head and was quite scared. I did not know what was happening to me. I thought I'd lost my mind. So, the next morning, I had a friend drive me to the ER and begged them not to let me go. They ran blood tests for thyroid, etc. (was told thyroid results were normal). The next morning, they put me on Celexa. I was on it for 1.5 years. Granted, it did help by numbing me -- i.e., not able to feel highs and lows. Celexa never cleared up my anxiety, though the pdoc said it should.

 

After about 6 mos - 1 year (memory is fuzzy on exact time, but this is a good ballpark), I went to my PCP complaining about tiredness and palpitations when climbing stairs at work and achy knees. He drew blood and tested me for thyroid disease (all tests normal), Lyme (positive), and D 25 Hydroxy (low). I was given antibiotics for the Lyme and 50,000 IU of D2. I noticed that my anxiety cleared up completely with Vitamin D2. I told my pdoc about this. We agreed my problem was low D. She took me off Celexa. I love that she worked with me!

 

My D level was monitored by my PCP for two years. He was able to get D up to normal range only once in that time. After two years, my calcium levels went high. Over two more years, Ca increased from 10.6 to 11.1 while D remained low. After two years of high Ca, parathyroid hormone (PTH) was checked. PTH was high. My phosphorus levels were low. I was given a diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism (pHPT) and referred for surgery. After surgery, all my anxiety and brain fog cleared up completely. I was sharp as a tack again!

 

I have since learned that many endocrine diseases first present themselves with anxiety and depression, and have heard of many others with pHPT who had been on SSRI's before they learned they had a vitamin D deficiency or parathyroid disease. I am certain I was deficient in the hospital, but am thinking it was overlooked as a cause of my anxiety. I was never give my blood test results from that visit. (Always request yours!)

 

So, I beg all of you to be tested for endocine diseases . . . it is a great relief to know that there is a reason for the way you feel and it's not just stress.

 

For more information about parathyroid disease, please visit: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/parathyroiddisorders.html

 

If you discover you have parathyroid disease, there are support groups online. For example, Parathyroid Disease Support and Awareness https://www.facebook.com/groups/Parathyroidconnections/

 

This research article may also be of interest:

Parathyroidectomy, Elevated Depression Scores, and Suicidal Ideation in Patients With Primary Hyperparathyroidism: Results of a Prospective Multicenter Study

http://archsurg.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=1379764

[mammaP]

Hi LadyD, thank you for coming back to tell us how things have been for you. I am so glad that you are ding well

and that you finally discovered what was wrong. Another case of pstchotropic drugs being given instead of 

looking for the real reason behind the symptoms!  

 

It is lovely to read that you are feeling good and living your life again, I hope you continue to stay well and happy. 

[LadyD]

Thank you!

 

I have heard so many stories like mine -- people with parathyroid disease who thought they had a mental illness. pHPT is a relatively rare disease, so many doctors do not know to check for it. (Some even say it is underdiagnosed.)

[mammaP]

If they don't check for it then how do they know it is rare? I reckon there must be many people treated

for depression because doctors haven't checked everything! My niece was very ill at 16, she was losing weight rapidly

and so so tired she could barely lift her head from the pillow. My sister took her to the doctor again and again until

she was eventually referred to the hospital. They did lots of scans and tests and were going to refer her to psychiatrist

because they couldn't find anything wrong.  She was so ill at that appointment and almost fainted in the consulting room.

The doctor sighed and shook his head then said there was 1 last test but he knew it would be negative, it was just to say

that he had covered everything.  By the time the result came back she was very ill and he called her straight into hospital

because she had Addisons disease!  We hear it over and over that people were given psych drugs for physical conditions 

and it is not acceptable  . That's me off my soap box, sorry for using your thread to vent! Glad that you found what was

wrong and got the treatment you needed. 

[Altostrata]

Very interesting, LadyD.

 

So how long did your withdrawal symptoms last? Did they completely clear up with hyperparathyroid treatment?