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brassmonkey

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

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iamsosmall

And another piece of the puzzle falls into place.  "Love" is listed as one of the things we can spiral around.  I feel so much better reading that as I have for the most part felt like I have a crush on an authority figure in my life that there is no way it could ever go the way my mind keeps trying to portray it to me.  I understand I don't feel towards him in a romantic way yet love the guy intensely.  It has made no sense to me so I keep thinking about it and questioning it.  I see him on an almost daily basis so that makes it hard but keep telling myself that I am not, nor will I ever be on his radar.  I thank God for that but it hasn't made the feelings go away either so I just do my best at my work and try to enjoy the fact that I am feeling the emotion of love at all.  I just would like it to be a little less intense.  

 

I will keep plugging away here as I am learning so much!

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Pandemonium713

I looked up anger spirals to see if there was anything in the forums about controlling them because I'm living in a halfway house at the moment and one of the women in my unit keeps stealing my food and I was again trying so hard not to go psycho hulk at her tonight because that will lead to violence and lead to me losing a place to live right now so it is so important that I manage my anger and this forum was soooo helpful. I can't believe how accurate just everything you explained was. It's soooo amazing to have someone able to explain this symptom (and others) of ADWD and tell me exactly how I can manage and defuse it. THANK YOU

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iamsosmall

Add on to the emotional spiral on "love".  The intense feelings I was having for this person in my life have finally abated.  Thank God!  Still not totally normal but getting closer.  I can finally believe it will be okay.

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Help777

Hi Brassmonkey et al,

as i withdraw from the last of the lithium i am reminded of how i felt at the worst of effexor withdrawal.  I have these rage attacks and get so upset amd angry about things that don’t normally bother me.  It’s almost like i am looking for a reason to hsve one of these episodes.  I hate them amd they take so long to recover after my flight or fight response is activated so I don’t know why i let myself chase after something that could be upsetting.  So frustrating.  Any advice?

with thanks,

help

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jeremy1069

2 years into this nightmare and I just blew another fuse as I’ll call this. In front of some really “special” visitors. Basically more family. It’s always a warning: I make any kind of “Commotion” in front of these people, my immediate family gets extremely angry at me even if it’s so much as a minor complaint or even an annoyance. So I keep quiet when they are around. Never had any problem with that. 

 

This time around, I tried but I couldn’t help it. The visitors (Basically inlaws)  were saying things about me that really pissed me off. Not nice things. Overheard it from the other room as I was trying to stay out of the way. I was angry about what they were saying but I kept to myself and blew it off successfully. 

 

Unfortunately, I then went and found one of them took something special of mine (A bottle of water that they don’t make anymore, go figure) and I exploded and screamed at the top of my lungs in anguish right out in front of these very special people that I’m not allowed to offend. My skin was on fire. I was flushing everywhere. The light in the room became extremely bright. My perception of the room got disoriented. My mother told me repeatedly to “GET OUT OF HERE!” in a way nobody ever told be before. 

 

I was doing so well. So well. Now I have to deal with everybody not wanting me around all over again. I guess I need to now figure out how to deal with two triggers in a row. It’s usually been just one. Also need to remember not to let my guard down. Just because I think this has gone away because it’s been a long time doesn’t mean it has. 

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Lzieb

@brassmonkey, can you explain more about this

 

One common form of Emotional Spiral experienced during ADWD is often referred to as the “Doom Cloud” Starting with some neuroemotions of fear that escalate through The Spiral ending not in an explosion, but rather in a deep black depression or dread, that is very difficult to break out of.  This can be a hard one to work with because of the neuroemotional trigger, but it can be minimized with the same techniques.

 

I havent experienced yet. Is it common? How does someone work through this

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brassmonkey

This is not reported all that much, but we have had several members go through it.  I did to an extent, but mine wasn't as dark as some people experience. It is pretty much described by it's name.  It is an intense, in some cases all consuming dread that the world is totally negative, everything is bad/wrong, there is nothing I can do about it and I'm being sucked into the abyss. The thing is there is nothing real about it, it is all controlled by neuroemotions.  There may be some outside influences, such as the current world situation, but they get so over blown and all consuming that a person can't see a way out. One interesting thing is that frequently there is little suicidal ideation involved, but there can be very unsettling violent thoughts that come up.

 

Getting through it can be very tough.  It requires a lot faith in one's underlying beliefs in their personal worth and a lot of AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float). I found it required a lot of interspection and self analysis to make sense of the thoughts. It ended up with the statement "where did that thought come from, I'd never do anything like that". In this manner it is possible to slowly work through things and allow the spiral to run it's course.  Like the rest of ADWD, it will demenish (spell checker is acting up again) and  resolve over time.

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Lzieb

@brassmonkey, if I may be honest, the neuroemotions seem to freak me out more than anything else. I am a mom of 5 kids. I don't want to frighten them or do something to hurt their heart or mind

Like the suicidal ideation. I have never had thoughts of suicide..the fact that it comes with this is hard for me. Dark depression...all of that. Your thread was very helpful. Is there anyway someone can feel it coming on? Any other techniques or habits that help? Like exercise or distraction. I know it passes when it comes but it's probably the most troubling aspect that I might have to face. 

 

So this isn't something that being patient when angry can help? 

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Lzieb

@brassmonkey, I have been working with @Altostrata and she has been great and has handled so many of my questions. I do have one for you though, I am mostly getting mild to moderate symptoms overall... With moments I would say would characterize as severe... Does that get worse or do things naturally move up slowly... like is regression possible? Also what characterizes something as severe? Thanks 

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Lzieb

@brassmonkey i think i had neuto anger/rage for the first time today. It literally came out of nowhere...I got angry for no reason, my face even flushed. I had to change the channel and go on with life. but it was a battle and it came on so quickly. Is it always that quick? I saw that you said "dont go there", breathed and walk away. I reminded myself it was a neuro emotion...it was weird because I got this headache at the same time. how long does it take to really kinda master that one? I am hoping I wont feel that often...does it also come in waves?

 

any other ways you can think that would help me with this? thanks. I am still feeling like it...like it hasnt completely gone. is that normal?

 

 

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brassmonkey

Hi Lz-- scary stuff when it happens out of the blue.  It use to really freak me out until i figured out that most of the time I could see it coming and was able to take action to make it easier. The neuroanger is caused by a build up of tension in the body (hence the headache) and a chemical component similar to crying. I would start to notice a change in my body a couple of days before things exploded.  The changes were quite subtle but after a while were fairly easy to spot. It was a combination of a slight headache, brain fog, irritability and muscle tension.  This would start a spiral of small unsettling thoughts that would build over several hours or days until some minor, unrelated thing would set off the explosion.

 

When I would sense the build up starting I would do everything possible to disarm it, changing thought patterns, confronting the thoughts as they appeared and being super careful around situations that could trigger things. That's where the "just walk away" really came into play. Some times the explosion had to happen to relieve the tension, so I would try to do it in a "safe" manner such as "alone yelling and screaming at the moon". It reminds me of the scene under the train bridge from "Cabaret".  Other times I could let it dissipate over several hours.  Either way there would be "hangover" that lasted doe a couple of days.  It is a very intense thing to go through and the o'l bod needed time to recover.

 

I found that the outbursts happened on a fairly regular schedule of about two and a half to three months. Sometimes there were small events mixed in along the way. However, I always ended up feeling better once it was over, so I really believe that it is related to healing.  Sort of a cathartic release of unneeded tension.

 

So carefully watch for build up and triggers, don't OCD it, but rather pay attention to things. Pre-plan how to handle different situations and when you see them developing put those plans into action. I always found it was much easier to apologize for being rude than having to do damage control for being angry. Also remember that in the eyes of society the angry/violent person is always viewed as being in the wrong, no matter how right it seems to them at the time.

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Lzieb

H

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Lzieb

@brassmonkey, it's interesting that you said it's cathartic... I have the best cathartic crying right now

 

Do you think mine will always present with a headache. The headache was piercing and my skin turned hot. I had to go outside and do something to get the energy out. I want to be able to stay ahead of the neuroanger so I don't do something stupid. It was really fierce. 

 

Do you think working out would help lessen the tension?

 

Btw, I've had the awful panic attacks you mention all day long. Driving me crazy. I did deep breathing. They just keep on coming. Anyway to stop them. How would I use your trigger program with this? I don't understand that one exactly. And the insomnia spirals. Both issues I am dealing with

 

This has been so helpful already. Thx

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brassmonkey

The headache and hot skin sound more like an offshoot of the panic attacks then from the anger. There is a huge amount of bodily tension involved with those that can affect a person in ways that they don't expect.  Now that you've been through several of the panic attacks you should be realizing that they do end at some point and because you've made it through these you should know that you will make it through any others that come along.  When you start to feel one building stop everything, close your eyes and force yourself to relax, take some deep breaths and say something like "here we go again, let's just get it over with" with practice I was able to stop them with "I don't have time for this now". Be sure to use the same phrase each time, don't fight it, but rather accept that it is happening, let the symptoms flow over you and off into space. Let yourself feel the relief when ever they drop in intensity. What you are doing is training your body to react to the panic with relaxation instead of with more panic and the phrase will help trigger that response with practice.  One interesting note is that the bodily feelings of panic are identical to those of excitement which can be used to your advantage.

 

I would be careful with using exercise to blow off the tension.  Getting outside, taking a walk, gardening, enjoying nature are all good, any form of grounding. Cardio, power lifting and the like can trigger other symptoms during ADWD so we don't recommend them. It can work well one or two times, but almost every member who has tried always ends up with more problems, insomnia and disrupted sleep being a major ones.

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getofflex
On 5/2/2020 at 12:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

I would be careful with using exercise to blow off the tension.  Getting outside, taking a walk, gardening, enjoying nature are all good, any form of grounding. Cardio, power lifting and the like can trigger other symptoms during ADWD so we don't recommend them. It can work well one or two times, but almost every member who has tried always ends up with more problems, insomnia and disrupted sleep being a major ones.

I had no idea.  I'm really glad to hear this.  I was wondering why at times the day after exercising more than usual I felt so bad.  Thank you!  Jennifer

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baquejohn
On 5/2/2020 at 1:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

 

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persistente
On 4/26/2020 at 9:51 PM, brassmonkey said:

This is not reported all that much, but we have had several members go through it.  I did to an extent, but mine wasn't as dark as some people experience. It is pretty much described by it's name.  It is an intense, in some cases all consuming dread that the world is totally negative, everything is bad/wrong, there is nothing I can do about it and I'm being sucked into the abyss. The thing is there is nothing real about it, it is all controlled by neuroemotions.  There may be some outside influences, such as the current world situation, but they get so over blown and all consuming that a person can't see a way out. One interesting thing is that frequently there is little suicidal ideation involved, but there can be very unsettling violent thoughts that come up.

 

Getting through it can be very tough.  It requires a lot faith in one's underlying beliefs in their personal worth and a lot of AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float). I found it required a lot of interspection and self analysis to make sense of the thoughts. It ended up with the statement "where did that thought come from, I'd never do anything like that". In this manner it is possible to slowly work through things and allow the spiral to run it's course.  Like the rest of ADWD, it will demenish (spell checker is acting up again) and  resolve over time.

i do not know is this something what happens to me in my waves. it describes very well what i feel at those horrible days or weeks but it is more about how i perceive myself and not the world.

my fear that i will not be able to take care of myself if something happens to my parents has its reasons. i have physical disability (problems with balance and coordination). however, i could probably continue life on my own with some adjustments even if there were no my parents and my disability would not stop me from living and fighting to recover as much as possible. adwd on the other hand probably would stop me since in my waves i can not eat, think, move...

 

reading about neuroemotions and triggers it ocured to me that my fear of future causes the waves of complete depression, adhedonia and no motivation to do absolutely anything. it completly takes over me and i only sit and wait in agony while my parent keep me alive. of course, since they keep me alive in those days, my fear that i could not live without them looks so realistic and my circle of negative spirals starts.

 

am i getting this right?

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brassmonkey

Your descriptions sound just like what I was talking about, both the doom cloud and spiral thinking. Now that you have identified that thinking about certain things can trigger the spiral of thoughts you can learn to control it. Work on breaking out of the spiral when you notice it starting to happen. Carefully start making plans on how to take back control of your life and become less dependent on others. Work on the plans rationally and in small bits so as to not trip off the spiral. If you notice some subject that will trip off a spiral, carefully explore it and try to work out some solutions.

 

Qi Gong exercises can really help with balance and coordination problems, there are many good videos on line.

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persistente

thank you for all your suggestions. there is so much work to be done and not so much strength left to me but i hope to be able to work on this. you are full of wisdom and although it is sometimes very hard to accept all you say, work and the help you have done here at SA is amazing.

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